by Nella Tyler
Dad read his first, pledging unending love to Alice, whom he’d known for most of his adult life as the mother of his son’s best friend, and now he had the pleasure of getting to know her more fully as a woman, friend, and lover.
I couldn’t help the way my eyes drifted to Sophia at those words. I’d known her well as a friend, but had never really been able to become acquainted with the woman she’d become. I cut my eyes away, focusing on the words Dad was reading carefully from the index card he’d drawn from the pocket on the inside of his tuxedo jacket.
Watching Dad, who looked so much like an older version of me, I couldn’t help but picture myself at the altar, about to get married to a woman who was looking at me with as much honest affection as I saw in Alice’s eyes. But no matter when or where I pictured that future wedding, the face of the woman was the same. It was Sophia standing beside me, smiling the way she used to when we were friends, her dark eyes shining with love for me.
I looked at Sophia again, briefly catching her eye before she looked quickly away again, focusing intently on her mother, who was beginning to recite her own vows, which she appeared to have memorized. I watched Sophia, taking note of every inch of her face, how lovely she looked in the bridesmaid dress, the sparkles that drew my eyes to her waist and ample bust, the fabric draping over her full hips and flowing all the way to the floor. I couldn’t stop following that long, curvy line of her body from shoulder to foot, until I forced myself to look away. People were literally watching, not really us, but we were standing right next to the main attraction.
I refocused on Alice’s face as she promised to love my father for the rest of her life. She talked about how fortunate she was to run into him again at just the right time, when she was actually prepared to start thinking about her own happiness again. Lacey and Sophia were wiping at their eyes as Alice spoke about her deep love for their father, but her new love for Dad, a man she’d known for decades as a friend and father.
They’d both lived separate yet interconnected lives thanks to their children, but now they were finally going to be able to focus on each other and the love they watched go from a spark to an inferno in the months since they’d started dating.
By the end of her vows, I was blinking back tears, too. It was so heartfelt, so beautiful, and I was just incredibly happy for Dad and for Alice, that they had each other. It was all anyone wanted for themselves, and it was what we all deserved to find.
They exchanged rings one at a time, me handing one ring over for Dad to put on Alice’s finger and Sophia handing over the other for Alice to put on Dad’s. At the end of their exchanged vows and promises to love one another until death did them part, the minister boomed, “You may now kiss your bride!”
Dad and Alice kissed passionately, which was heartwarming to see and not as disgusting as I’d worried it might be. And then the music started up again and they walked out of the room arm and arm to the audience’s raucous applause. Lacey and Sophia left next, their curvy hips swaying in their dresses. There wasn’t enough room for me to walk with them, so I followed along behind, deciding as I watched Sophia walking away from me that I needed to get something to drink to calm my frayed nerves and just stay away from her for the entire reception so I avoided making a total ass out of myself the way I had at Lisa’s party.
The photographer was yelling at us to join Dad and Alice in the front area for pictures before the reception officially began. I sucked in a deep breath, shoving down any unhappy feelings so that, by the time I rejoined my newly married father, I was all smiles and ready for the camera.
Sophia
The Wedding Reception
I really couldn’t believe how much the ceremony itself got to me. I was nearly bawling when Mom and John exchanged the vows they’d each written. I was so happy for them both. I couldn’t stop watching them during the ceremony and during the reception, which had been going on for a few hours, with music playing and drinks flowing from the open bar.
I’d already had a little to drink, but decided I needed a little more, considering the tall, lean shape of Carter lurking at the edges of my vision. I couldn’t stop staring at him, looking away only when I realized what I was doing and that someone was bound to notice me staring down my new stepbrother with a hungry look on my face.
I walked to the open bar to find Lacey already standing there, a glass of white wine in her hand. I gave her a look as I ordered a whiskey sour because she was only twenty years old. But I didn’t rat her out to the bartender. We walked back to the head table together, sitting down to sip our drinks while we chatted for the first time since we’d gained a new stepfather.
“Mom seems so happy,” Lacey said, staring out at the dancefloor where Mom and John appeared to be having the time of their lives.
“Yeah,” I agreed, smiling as I watched them, too. “But doesn’t this day feel surreal to you? I mean, this morning, it was just the three of us at home, the way we’ve been for years. Now we have a stepdad. I’d never have imagined this even a month ago.”
Lacey laughed as she turned to meet my eyes. “Yeah, it’s been a wild ride over the last few weeks. When I stop to think about it, I can’t believe it, either. This time last month, we didn’t even know Mom was dating. Now she’s married. It’s mind blowing.”
“It’s good, though. Mom is radiant out there. Now that all the wedding craziness is over, I think she’ll be even happier to just settle into a new life with John.”
“I think so, too,” Lacey said with a nod. “I’m really glad she has someone. And even though this seemed like it happened so quickly, it’s good that it happened with someone she already knew so well. I can’t see her letting this happen with some guy she literally just met. Mom’s not like that.”
I nodded my agreement, even though I hadn’t thought Mom was the kind of person who would ever remarry. It was selfish of me, I guess. I had spent my entire life wrapped up in my own head to some degree, always just taking Mom’s presence in my life for granted despite, or perhaps because of, having lost my father at such a young age.
Lacey put her wine glass down, now empty. “I think I’m going to refresh my drink since the booze is free.”
I gave her a look, the one that used to make her just shut up and do what I wanted when we were kids. It must’ve lost its efficacy, because now she only grinned at me.
“You aren’t even legal,” I remarked.
She shrugged. “The dude’s not checking IDs. I’m taking full advantage of that.”
I sighed and shook my head. “Whatever. Just don’t get plastered or anything.”
Now it was Lacey’s turn to give me a look. “You’ve been to college before, right? This isn’t my first time having a drink.” She got up before I could reply, making a beeline to the open bar as I watched her go.
I shook my head again, but stayed at the table, nursing my drink, just letting the music hit me without moving a muscle. A song came on that I used to listen to all the time in high school — maybe Mom had requested it after hearing it coming from my room so often — and it sent me right back to those days, the way a good song always does. I sat back in my chair, musing, going over my entire life as the party continued around and without me.
At the center of all those thoughts was the offer Willem had called me about last night. He knew that the British Museum was one of my favorites. I’d talked often about my plan of visiting there as soon as I could pull together the necessary funds, even joking about just casually dropping my resume in a few random places while walking around. It was a longshot, which is why I only joked about during my conversations with Willem.
But now, as if by magic, I had the shot I thought would take years to be in range of, if ever. Could I really turn it down just because it meant completely uprooting my life in order to start from scratch in another country?
I found Mom still on the dance floor with John, both of them unable to stop smiling for even a few seconds. Lacey was out there, too, a drink in
one hand, and the other resting on the shoulder of one of Dad’s brothers, who’d insisted on driving out to see Mom on her special day.
It warmed my heart to see the people I loved most enjoying themselves. Mom truly had her own life again for the first time since losing Dad. Lacey was just getting comfortable in her own skin as a grown woman. Neither of them needed me around much anymore, not that we didn’t love being together. If I wanted to apply for the positon at the British Museum, I’d miss Lacey and Mom, but I wouldn’t worry about them.
And maybe that was where I needed to focus my attention from now on, at getting some satisfaction in my professional life since my private life was so unsatisfying. My work was important to me. I had goals that I wanted to achieve, and that position would put me a good ten years ahead of the schedule I’d put together in my head, which had been farfetched, but doable with hard work and a little luck.
I let my eyes wander over the rest of the reception as I continued to sip my whiskey sour. My gaze was drawn to Carter, as though by force, the way it had been forever. I could never stop looking at his face and staring deep into his eyes. He had a magnetism about him that had only gotten stronger during our years of no communication.
And, he looked damned good in his tuxedo. I hadn’t seen him that dressed up since prom. I couldn’t get enough of his broad shoulders filling out that jacket and long, muscular legs in pants that fit him like a glove. He’d swept his blond hair back away from his forehead for the ceremony, and was clean shaven, his skin full of healthy color from all the sunshine he must’ve been getting out in California. I could honestly look at him all night without getting tired of the view, that warmth tingling in the needy place between my legs.
Carter had steered well clear of me all night, never making eye contact or being within a few feet of me. I could understand that, but, suddenly, I decided to put a stop to it. Maybe it was another old song coming on, one I could remember us listening to in his dad’s car as we drove around Madison together, laughing and singing along.
I knocked back the rest of my drink — I had a good buzz going at this point — stood, and crossed the room to where he was standing on the other side of the dancefloor, a nearly empty glass of beer in his hand, so occupied with the spectacle in front of him that he didn’t even notice me until I was right on top of him. He looked alarmed and ready to flee as he set the glass down on a nearby table, but there was nowhere to go. He fixed me with his hazel eyes, but I spoke before he got the chance.
“Are you ever going to dance with me?” I asked, raising my voice to be heard over the music without stepping closer and lifting my lips to his ear, the way Lisa had done all damned night at her party.
His light eyebrows tugged together in a way that could mean he was feeling slight anger or pain, and I fully expected him to say no. So, I kept speaking to keep him from doing that.
“We should dance.” I hooked a thumb over my shoulder in the direction of the dancefloor. “This is our song.”
That melted a bit of the ice in his expression and his shoulders dropped a little as he relaxed. He still looked somewhat annoyed, but he tossed a hand in the direction of the dancefloor, meaning he’d follow me. I counted that as a win.
Once we got out there, we stood in front of each other, dancing without touching to the upbeat music until it ended, other couples moving around us as well, pinning us in so we had to step a little closer. That song was immediately followed by another, this one much slower.
I didn’t even think about what I was doing. I just did it, stepping closer to Carter and taking him by his broad, muscular shoulders, not really giving him any option but to rest his hands on my waist, his skin warm through the thin fabric of my dress. I wanted to just close my eyes and lean into the sweet smell of him, but that wasn’t appropriate. I just swayed with him, our bodies only inches apart, while my heart ached for him.
I wanted to enjoy this, because it would probably be the last time we’d ever be this close. Things had never aligned the way they needed to in order for us to be together in high school, and now there were even more barriers between us, ensuring we would never have a relationship. I’d treated him so badly in the past, hurting him deeply though I’d meant to do the opposite, breaking my own heart in the process in my wrongheaded attempt to keep it from breaking. But the newest barrier was the fact that now our parents were married, legally making us siblings.
I wanted to tell him exactly what I was thinking about. I wanted to lift onto my toes and press my lips to his, to hell with who might be watching — our parents included. But I didn’t do any of that. I couldn’t.
When it came to happiness in my personal life, I was a complete coward. I’d never been able to stand against the currents the universe sent my way, always choosing to just go with the flow because that was easiest. It had cost me the most important friendship in my life. It had hurt me in ways I didn’t think would ever heal. And that didn’t even count what it might have done to Carter.
I looked up at him when the song ended, and drew in a sharp breath at the way he was staring down at me, his hazel eyes shaded.
“I need to talk to you,” he said, low words fitting into the brief quiet between one song and the next. Another slow song, so I was able to hear the last part of what he had to say. “Alone.”
Carter
The Evening of the Wedding Reception
The reception featured an open bar, and since my nerves were already raw and firing whenever they damned well pleased and had been for days — years, if I was being honest — I went straight there, making sure to visit it often as the festivities went on.
But now here I was standing in the middle of the dancefloor in the low light with Sophia in my arms. A storm of emotions was raging inside me, fighting to see which one would power my actions next. I’d spent too much time with my head fucked up over this girl. I needed to do something about it once and for all, and it needed to happen right now.
She seemed shocked when I asked her to talk, so I didn’t give her the chance to respond. I just took her by the hand and dragged her off the dancefloor, across the reception space, and out into the hall, not stopping until we were at the other end of the building and safely inside the tiny dressing room I’d used with Dad earlier, the door closed and locked behind us.
She hadn’t said a word as we hustled over here and was still silent, staring at me with her wide, glassy eyes, the look in them so foreign to me, I couldn’t even begin to imagine what she was thinking. But I really didn’t need to. I had things to say, and she was going to listen to them and give me answers to all the questions that had been swirling in my head for years. It helped that I was tipsy. I didn’t think I’d be able to do this sober.
“I just need to tell you that the way you treated me was fucked up, Sophia. You did the same thing Mom did — focused on your own life without giving a shit about what I was doing or going through. That really messed me up, so much that I’ve never been able to have a decent relationship.” I paused for a second, just needing the time to collect myself after spitting out that mouthful. Sophia just watched me with her dark eyes, not even opening her mouth to speak. That just pissed me off even more than I already was.
“Why?” I demanded. “Why did you just rip me out of your life like that? What did I ever do to you?”
She shook her head, her dark eyebrows coming together only slightly. “That’s not what happened, Carter. We just grew apart the way childhood friends do. It’s normal. And, I’m nothing like your mother. She was thoughtless and cruel to you and your dad. I’m not that way. I cared about you. I still do. But we were just living different lives. That’s it.”
“That’s bullshit.” She flinched at the strength of my words, but I knew her well enough, even now, to see that she wasn’t coming clean with me. There was something she was holding back. “I don’t buy that for a second. You did exactly the same thing my mother did. You went out of your way to cut me out of your life. You stopped
answering my calls and emails. You changed all your social media accounts. You even changed your phone number to keep me from reaching out to you.”
“That wasn’t why I changed-” She started, but I didn’t even want to hear it. The more she spoke, the angrier I was becoming. All the hurt I’d harbored for the last three years had turned to fury. And, I wanted her to feel the heat of it, to truly understand how badly she’d hurt me.
“Stop lying!” I shouted. “Tell me why you did this. I loved you from the moment we met, Sophia. And, okay, you didn’t feel the same way, but I thought we were at least friends. Did I have that wrong all those years? Did you really just never give a shit about me?”
Now she was crying as she shook her head. “It wasn’t like that, Carter.”
“Tell me what it was about. Because from where I’m standing, it looks like I was some dumbass kid that cared about you, and you just used me until you didn’t need me anymore.”
She wiped her eyes, but the tears kept coming. “No!”
“Then what happened?”
She dropped her head in her hands instead of answering.
“You owe me an explanation, Sophia. If you never cared about me, just say it! I need to get out of this, to stop giving a shit about you because you don’t deserve it!”
“I love you!” she shouted, her elevated voice putting an end to my rant. Now that she had my stunned silence, she went on in a quieter tone.
“I’ve always loved you, but we never found our moment, the catalyst that would finally lead us to end up together the way I wanted us to. And then we went away to different colleges, and I was sure you’d find someone who was perfect for you and shatter my heart. I was sick over it all freshman year. I didn’t want that to happen, but I didn’t want to try to force you into a relationship with me when that didn’t seem to be what you wanted. But I couldn’t watch you with anyone else. It was too hard.”
