Sated in Ink

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  She wiped her eyes with whatever part of her skin wasn’t covered in cleaning solution and went back to scrubbing the baseboards. Her knees ached, and she knew she probably should have put knee pads on or something, but that would have put her look over the top.

  When the doorbell rang, she blew her hair from her eyes and looked through her fogged-up glasses, trying to think who might be visiting her.

  No one. That’s who.

  Because…pity party, table for one.

  She put the rag back into the bucket and stood up, trying not to slip on the puddle she had made. Then she took the dry rag, wiped up her puddle, and then made her way to the front of the house right as someone rang the doorbell again. Sighing, she opened it without looking and froze.

  There they were. The men of her dreams, and of her waking nightmares. Of her past. Because they had to be firmly in her past.

  She couldn’t have them.

  She really couldn’t.

  But, there they were. Lincoln looked tired. Ethan looked a little worse for wear. But they were here. Honestly, she really wanted to close the door and never see them again.

  What was she supposed to do? Say?

  “Oh.”

  Good, that was good. Great way to start it. Gah, why didn’t she just say something like, “Hello, how are you guys doing? You’re back together again? Oh, good. I’m so glad for you. Goodbye.”

  But…no, she couldn’t say any of that.

  “Did we catch you at a bad time?” Ethan asked, rocking back on his heels.

  She shook her head, then remembered exactly what she was wearing and figured…why not? “Well, I was just cleaning the house, and I know I look ridiculous. Anyway, what can I do for you guys?” She knew she sounded like she was losing her mind, but that was fine. Because…she was fine.

  “Can we come in?” Lincoln asked. She just stood there, her rubber-gloved hand gripping the edge of the door.

  “Why?”

  “We need to talk, babe,” Ethan said.

  She looked over at him, frowning.

  “No, we don’t. It looks like the two of you guys are together again, and that’s great. I should go.” She tried to close the door, but Lincoln put his hand in the way, stopping her. He was so big, so strong that she knew she wouldn’t be able to close the door on him. But she also knew that if she asked again, he would leave. He would do as she asked because he wasn’t the type of man to force things.

  Neither was Ethan.

  If she requested it, they would go, and she would never see them again. Why that hurt even more than when she had left in the first place, she didn’t know. But she wasn’t crying. She was done doing that. But her knees still shook.

  “Please,” Lincoln whispered. “If only for me to apologize for being a dick. Please, let us come in and talk to you.”

  The word dick got to her, and not for the usual reason. Because Lincoln really did look apologetic. She took a few steps back and gestured them in with her rubber-gloved hand.

  The guys walked past her, their shoulders a little hunched. She didn’t know what they were about to say. Maybe they were here to say goodbye and thank you for all the sex.

  Dear God, she really wanted this to be over. That way, she could just cry again. Even if she told herself she was done doing that.

  She hated that she just wanted to weep. That’s not who she was. She was stronger than this. But she sure as hell didn’t feel like it right then.

  “I need to apologize,” Lincoln said, his hands in his pockets.

  “Okay.”

  See? She was fine. But she’d hurt Ethan with her words before, she knew that. Somehow, she had to make things right, but she wasn’t sure what to say.

  Lincoln took a breath. “I shouldn’t have left like that. I blamed myself for what Damien did, and I left because, in my mind, you were going to get hurt.”

  “How? It wasn’t your fault. That was all Damien.”

  “You’re right. It was. And I’m still trying to get that through my head. It’s probably going to take a little bit of time, and a lot of both of you—hopefully—for me to figure that out.”

  Both of them. No, that couldn’t be right. Because it was over between the three of them. It had to be.

  “I need to apologize for what happened. With Damien. With you. With everything. I shouldn’t have walked out like I did, but I was so afraid, felt so guilty about what happened with Damien, that I just reacted. I’m never going to forgive myself for that.”

  “What Damien did is not your fault.”

  “It feels like it. I introduced him to you guys. You know he threatened you, right?”

  She froze and shook her head. She hadn’t heard about everything that had happened when Damien confronted Lincoln. It seemed like a concerted effort that they’d shielded her.

  “He threatened you and was going to do something worse to you than what happened with Ethan. He was determined to kill you. I could see it in his eyes. And I couldn’t let that happen.”

  Fear clawed at her, but she pushed it away. Damien was behind bars. She was safe.

  “It’s still not your fault.”

  “I introduced him to you at that art event. It’s damn well my fault that he was in our lives.”

  “Fuck that noise,” Ethan said, and she looked over at him, giving him a nod.

  “Exactly. Fuck that noise.”

  Lincoln just shook his head.

  “I’m going to work through that, I swear. Ethan’s going to make sure that happens.”

  “Damn straight.”

  She looked over and smiled at him. When he smiled back with heat in his eyes, she turned away. She was afraid to want more. Because she couldn’t.

  Not when she knew that they were meant for each other, not her. She was only there to love them from afar.

  She couldn’t have anything more.

  “And I’ll never forgive myself for the way that I hurt you guys. For leaving the way I did.”

  “Lincoln,” Ethan growled.

  “No, let me say this. I left because I thought I was doing the right thing. I was wrong. So fucking wrong. And I’m going to try to make up for that.” He let out a breath.

  “Because I love the man at your side.”

  Her eyes widened, and she nodded, even though she was breaking inside. Of course, he loved Ethan. She had known it from the start. It was always going to be the two of them. And that was fine. Just like she’d said before. She was fine. She wasn’t breaking inside.

  “He’s been my best friend for as long as I can remember. And I think I’ve loved him for just as long.”

  Ethan moved closer to her and slowly slid off her rubber glove so he could grip her hand. And because she was so numb, she let him.

  “Look, the thing is, I know who I am. I know I have the power to love more than one person within me. And hell, baby, I love you, too. It’s not just Ethan. It’s you, Holland. You’re a part of this. Maybe the most important part. I hope you know that.”

  She shook her head, wanting the words to be true but too afraid to hope.

  “You are what makes us whole. You’re the glue. You let us open up and figure out what’s beneath the surface. I never would have had the courage to tell Ethan anything. I never would have opened up. And that’s because of you. You make me a better person, Holland. And I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure you understand that.”

  “But it’s you two. It’s always been you two.”

  Her voice was steady, even though she felt like crying.

  Ethan slid off her other glove and then cupped her face in his hands, forcing her to turn to him.

  “It might have started out that way, but in reality, we never would have had that without you.”

  “Don’t think of me, then. At least, not in the future. I can be the person who brought you together, but I’ll always be on that sideline.” Now, she was crying, and she hated it.

  Ethan slid his thumbs across her cheeks, wiping
away her tears.

  “And that makes me a fucking asshole for making you feel that way. Because it’s not just me and Lincoln. It never was. You make us smile. You make us explore parts of ourselves we never thought of. You make us stop and look around and realize how we’re living and what we need to be. You are our future. And I’m going to spend the rest of my life making sure you know that.”

  “And I’ll be right by his side, making sure you know that, too.” She looked over at Lincoln as he slid his hand down her back.

  “You’re our future, Holland. And if you let us, we’ll spend the rest of our lives making sure you understand that. We want to ensure that you know that you’re cherished, cared for, and seen.”

  She swallowed hard. “But I ran,” she whispered. “I ran.”

  “We know. But run to us now,” Ethan said. “Because I fucking love you, Holland.”

  “And I love you, too. I hope to hell that you can find something within you for both of us. Because while Ethan and I could work by ourselves, we wouldn’t be who we need to be without you. I want to spend the rest of my days waking up in both of your arms, realizing that I can be a better person because of you. And because of him. But it won’t work without you. It’ll never work without you.”

  Her hands shook as she clasped them in front of herself, and then she pulled away. Both men looked a little dejected, but she needed to think.

  “I wasn’t expecting this. I was just going to clean.”

  “The first thing we need to hear though is how you feel about us,” Lincoln said, his voice smooth. “You don’t have to say anything. Maybe just give us a nod that you’re open to it. We all moved a little fast, though not fast enough in some cases.”

  “But know this,” Lincoln continued, “I’m going to fight for you. I’m never going to run again. And I hope to hell that you trust us enough to believe that.” Holland’s hands shook again, and she turned away, trying to compose herself. She took in deep breaths, filling her lungs. She almost coughed at the lemon scent in the air. Her house smelled so clean, and her place of business was spotless and organized, as well. Everything was wonderful in her life. Except for this.

  This part, the part she’d been running from, was a mess.

  “Holland?” Ethan asked, a little bit of fear in his voice.

  She had done that. She had put that there. And she kept doing things like this. Kept hurting them. She didn’t know what to do. She turned.

  “I have so much baggage,” she said with a laugh. Lincoln’s brows rose.

  “Ah, hello?”

  “We’re sort of all baggage. It’s what we do. But, fuck it. You’re ours,” Ethan said.

  “It’s the three of us, not just the two. This is how it works. We’re going to fight, we’re going to get annoyed with each other, and we’re going to talk it out. Do you remember what we first said when we started this?” Ethan asked, and she nodded. “We said we’d communicate. And we’re not doing that. We’re going to have to do better. Because as much as I love kissing you, as much as the sex is the best thing that’s ever happened in my life, that’s not really the important part.”

  She frowned.

  “Are you saying the sex isn’t great?” Lincoln asked, and Ethan flipped him off.

  “Shut up. I’m not great at words.”

  “You’re doing just fine,” she whispered.

  Ethan let out a breath. “Oh, well, what I meant to say was that being with you two, knowing that I get to see you guys nearly every day and work at what we have, that’s the best thing. I want to work this out. I want to figure it out. I want to love you until the end of my days. Just one day at a time. No running. Not anymore.”

  “You met me while I was running,” she reminded them.

  “And you found us,” Lincoln said. “Or maybe we found you. Whatever. We found each other, that’s what matters. Tell us you want this. Tell us you want a future. You don’t have to love us yet. But I’m going to spend the rest of my days making sure you do.”

  As the tears fell, she took a step forward, then another, and put her hands on both of their chests, feeling their heartbeats beneath her palms.

  “I’m afraid,” she whispered, her hands curling into fists.

  “And we’ll be here to assuage those,” Lincoln said, taking her wrist in his hand and gently squeezing.

  Ethan reached out and caressed her face, and she leaned into his touch.

  “Trust us. Please.”

  “Please let us show you that we deserve this. And then maybe, one day, you can love us, too.”

  She shook her head, and the expression on both of their faces fell.

  “You don’t have to wait. Even though I told myself I needed to run, that I needed to have a way out because you guys are so perfect for each other, I fell for you both. I love you, both of you, and I know I told myself I shouldn’t. But I do. Though I don’t know what to do next. I just know I want to do it with you. Both of you.”

  The men’s eyes widened, and they grinned before leaning in. Lincoln took her lips first, and then Ethan kissed her. This was home. This was the next phase of who she was meant to be.

  She didn’t know what would happen next. She didn’t know if she was going to be able to fix everything in her life. But she knew she wouldn’t be doing it alone.

  Because, all along, they had been right here. She’d been the one taking two steps back.

  She didn’t want to do it anymore. As she leaned into Lincoln’s hold, and Ethan held her from behind, she breathed in their scents and knew this was home. She could do this. She really was fine. More than.

  She had fallen in love with a Montgomery and his best friend, and she never wanted to let go. And as they held her, she knew she didn’t have to.

  Finally.

  Epilogue

  Lincoln slid his hands down the front of his shirt, making sure it was at least somewhat straight, while Holland did the same to her dress. Ethan, holding a stack of gifts and a specially made canvas bag filled with three bottles of wine, just rolled his eyes at the two of them.

  “You guys have met these people before, right? I mean, it’s my family, but we’re standing in front of the house. Lincoln practically lived here. And, Holland, you know them.”

  Holland looked over at Lincoln, who just snorted and shook his head.

  “We’re nervous,” Lincoln said, and Holland nodded before sliding her hand into his.

  She looked up at the house and then leaned into Lincoln a bit. “I mean, this is sort of a meet-the-parents thing.”

  “You know my parents. And the rest of the family.”

  “Yes, but this is our first birthday event as a throuple.”

  “I really hate that word,” Holland said, and Lincoln nodded.

  “I do, too. I don’t know why I even said it. And I don’t like the word threesome because that just makes me think of sex, and then I get a hard-on while in front of people, and it gets weird.”

  Lincoln looked down at his crotch and winced.

  “Well, think of baseball.”

  “Thinking of baseball just makes me think of those men in those pants of theirs with their very fine asses,” Lincoln said, looking over at Holland, who snorted.

  “Okay, think of the person that you hate the most playing baseball. Or…rotten fish. Or candy getting stuck to your teeth where you can’t pick it out, and then you need to get a cavity filled, and they have to do a root—”

  “Okay, okay, okay.” Lincoln shuddered. “I hate teeth. You know I hate teeth.”

  “And? Did I help?” Holland asked, grinning.

  “Yes, and I hate you a little bit right now. But thank you. And I love you.” He leaned down and kissed her on the lips. She just grinned at him.

  “You’re so sweet.”

  “Are you two done yet? Because these things are really heavy.”

  Lincoln winced and took the larger of the items from Ethan, while Holland took the bag of wine as Ethan held up the other three gi
fts in his hands.

  “I don’t know why we got so much stuff for my mom,” Ethan mumbled. And then he froze and looked over his shoulder. “Don’t tell her I said that.”

  “You’re fine. Nobody’s looking,” Holland said. “And we got so much for your mom because she’s amazing. And when she last came into the store, she looked at some of these pieces, and they made her smile. But she didn’t get them for herself because, as you said, she never gets anything for herself.”

  “Well, my mom is pretty amazing.”

  “Yes, she is,” Holland said, grinning.

  Lincoln just looked down at the two of them and held back a sigh. The Montgomerys had been his family for long enough that it didn’t seem weird to think of them that way. Holland was just getting used to it. He had never met her parents or her sister and didn’t think he ever would. Wasn’t sure he wanted to. And while she didn’t hate them anymore, she never talked about them and didn’t want them in her life. And he was just fine with that. Cutting toxic people out of your life was good. Maybe if he had done that with Damien long before everything changed, the man wouldn’t be locked in a cell, facing years in prison for attempted murder.

  Lincoln’s parents were actually coming to town in the next couple of weeks, something that had shocked him. He didn’t mind going to visit them, but his dad was actually thinking about retiring, and that meant he wanted to come and visit his son and the two loves of Lincoln’s life. There had been no judgment, just absolute glee in his mother’s voice at the thought of him settling down. Not only with Ethan, a boy that they both loved, but also with Holland—in his mother’s words, the woman who put a smile on his face and a twinkle in his eyes.

  Apparently his parents were on board.

  However, today was not about his family. Or Holland’s. It was about the Montgomerys.

  And it was Francine’s birthday.

  “Why are you guys standing out there?” Bristol asked, coming out to help, taking a package from Ethan’s hands. “Plus, with all this stuff, you’re going to make us look bad,” she said, laughing.