by C. R. Jane
Taking a chance, I slid my hand to the door handle. Caiden was still screaming, out of his mind, and wasn’t watching me. Taking a deep breath to try and recover from the backhand I’d just taken to my cheekbone, I threw open the door.
Caiden swerved as I tried to unbuckle my seatbelt and jump out. He cursed as he grabbed my shirt, trying to keep the Jeep on the road.
I managed to get my seatbelt undone, but Caiden was holding on to my shirt too tightly for me to be able to get away. I tried to beat at his hand, but he had managed to stop the Jeep, and his full attention was on me.
“You bitch,” he screamed, and then everything went black as his fist crashed into my face one last time.
I woke up so out of it that it took me a second to figure out where I was and to remember what happened.
My door was closed again, and we were parked. Caiden was in the seat next to me, rocking back and forth and muttering to himself while smoking a cigarette.
I didn’t even know that he smoked.
I failed to stifle my groan when the full force of my headache sprang to my attention. I shakily lifted a hand to my face and flinched when it was wet. Pulling my hand back, I grimaced. Blood covered it. He’d made a mess of me.
Caiden finally realized that I was awake. He reached out a hand towards me, his face written with regret. “I’m so fucking sorry, Everly—”
“Get away from me,” I cried as I tried to move beyond his reach, not able to be touched by him.
What had I done to this beautiful boy? Had he always been like this, and I somehow had missed it? Or had I broken his heart so badly that all that was left inside of him was pain and ruin? As much as the outside of my body hurt, my heart hurt even worse.
There was no coming back from this. There was no way that I could stay in this town, stay by Caiden. There was no future for Jackson and me. Jackson would never forgive me for this. I would never forgive me for this.
Caiden suddenly pulled his hand away from me, a look of calm settling over his face that was somehow even more terrifying than his anger had been. What was he going to do? How could I get away from him?
He rubbed a hand over his eyes and then pushed his wet hair out of his face. He must have gotten out of the Jeep while I was unconscious. “I can fix this. It’s going to be alright,” he mumbled to himself. He clearly had lost his mind if he thought we could ever come back from this.
He had locked the doors, so there was no way that I could try and open the door again. So I was stuck when he began to drive. At least this time, he was going slower since the storm was still raging around us.
My phone began to buzz in my jeans. It had to be Jackson. I didn’t really talk to anyone else besides the two of them. He must have woken up and seen that I was gone.
The sound caught Caiden’s attention, and a dark look crossed his face. “Give me that,” he ordered in a cool, deadly voice that sent chills spiraling across my body.
My hands shook as I fished the phone out of my pocket. There was a second where I debated answering it and begging for help. As the look on his face grew even more menacing, I foolishly decided to go for it, desperate to survive this night.
“Jackson,” I cried out the second I hit the answer button. But Caiden was too quick. He ripped the phone out of my hand and opened his window, throwing my phone out into the storm.
“No,” I cried out.
“You think you can get away from me? You think Jackson is going to save you? Jackson doesn’t love you like I do. It’s impossible for him to. You’re not leaving this car until you forgive me or we’re both dead,” he spit at me.
I began to sob again. “This isn’t you, Caiden. It’s not you,” I told him.
“I have no other choice, LyLy. I’ve loved you since the day I met you. I can’t exist without you. And you keep pushing me. You keep acting like it doesn’t matter. And I can’t let you do that. I can’t breathe without you,” he said in a choked voice.
I buried my face into my hands, wincing at how bad it hurt.
“Just tell me you love me. Tell me you’ll stay. I can forgive you for what happened with Jackson tonight. I can forgive you for anything but leaving me. Just say it,” he begged me, beginning to speed up again as his emotions ramped up.
All of a sudden, the siren of a cop car started up behind us. A cop had obviously noticed that Caiden was driving close to ninety miles an hour on a forty miles per hour road.
I breathed a sigh of relief. This nightmare was about to be over.
But Caiden didn’t stop. Instead, he started to push the Jeep even faster, and we were slipping all over the road as we raced along.
“Caiden, STOP,” I screeched. I looked back and saw that the cop was trying to keep up but was having a hard time in these conditions against Caiden’s suped-up engine.
“It’s just going to be you and me, baby,” he told me as he glanced at me, a wild look in his eyes and a wicked smile on his face. “Forever and ever,” he said in a sing-song voice.
Suddenly, we slipped off the road, and this time, Caiden couldn’t right the vehicle. It was as if time stood still as the car began to flip. Pieces of glass exploded on to us from the windshield, embedding into my skin as the car hit the ground before rolling again. My head smacked against the side of the car from the force of our movements and the airbags deployed as we continued to roll. Everything started to spin as we flipped a few more times before finally hitting some kind of pole and coming to a stop.
Blood was pouring down my face, and I was in so much pain that I couldn’t move to look at Caiden. Smoke was coming through the broken windows.
I tried to cough, but my lungs made a funny gurgling sound when I attempted it. My chin fell forward as the muscles in my neck gave out, and I saw a jagged piece of glass sticking out from the middle of my chest.
I was dying. I had to be.
“No, no, no,” came a cry from beside me, and my eyes closed briefly in relief that Caiden was still alive.
“I’ll get us out of here. It’s all going to be okay,” he chanted as he moved next to me and tried to unbuckle my seatbelt.
“Stay with me,” he begged, but I didn’t even have the strength to look at him, let alone respond.
Everything started to fade from view, and all I could think was that I deserved this.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
NOW
Jackson
Her beautiful eyes looked at me like I’d torn her world in two.
It occurred to me that my heart was still beating and I took breaths regularly as if on cue. But I wasn’t sure how this was all working. I didn’t feel anything. It was like my whole body had gone numb, and in my head, a refrain beat away.
Everly. Everly.
I’d lost her. There would be no coming back from today, this I knew. Everly and I were over, in a way so complete, it was almost as if we never existed together in the first place. The damage I had inflicted was so extensive, it sickened me, yet there was an underlying relief.
At last, I had finally gotten what I deserved—pain, rejection, self-loathing so intense that I couldn’t imagine ever looking at myself in a mirror again—all of it washed over me, cleansing me, scouring me until I was raw and bloody and punished as I should have been the instant it all happened. These thoughts skittered through my mind, like pieces of glass in a shattered mirror.
The black was closing in now. I’d fought it until I was almost to my house. As soon as I crossed the threshold into my room, I gave in and felt my body being swept into the dark. I was alone here, and no one could save me in this place. The demons could come calling, and for now, they would win. All I could see was darkness. I was everything and I was nothing at the same time. I was a natural disaster and a ravaging force, yet somehow, I could not apologize.
She was gone.
It was my last thought for a very long while.
I wasn’t sure if it’d been weeks or days as I slowly came out of what probably amounted to the worst depr
essive episode I’d ever experienced in my days since being diagnosed bipolar. My roommates had contemplated calling for an ambulance, but they must have changed their minds, since I was still laying here in my bed, surrounded by trash and dirty clothes. I hadn’t showered in who knew how long, and the stink wafting from my body made my eyes water.
Shower. I should do that. Sooner rather than later.
Moving stiffly, I got up from my bed, looking around for my phone so I could find out what fucking day it actually was. It was dead of course. That was what happened when you lose all interest in life and everything that went with it.
I plugged it in. After a minute, it powered on and I saw that I had over twenty missed calls from my parents.
My heart was in my throat as I frantically pressed their number to call them back.
“Jackson?” My mom picked up on the first ring. She sounded...happy.
“Mom, is everything alright?” I asked in a voice hoarse from disuse.
“Baby, the most wonderful thing has happened…”
My mom never called me baby.
“What is it? You’re freaking me out.”
She took a trembling breath, and then uttered words that I never imagined I would ever hear.
“Caiden’s awake.”
HEARTBREAK LOVER
THE HEARTBREAK PRINCE DUET BOOK TWO
HEARTBREAK LOVER
BLURB
"I'll ruin us," Jackson whispered to me in the dark.
No one wants to believe in monsters, but I’ve seen firsthand that they exist.
I’d said goodbye to Jackson Parker, desperate to save myself once and for all, but old habits die hard.
When a monster from the past comes back, I will have no choice but to reveal our secrets.
I need Jackson to be my hero, but he has his own scars.
Can we conquer the past once and for all? Heartbreak Prince or lover…there’s a fine line that separates the two.
I once said I would love him forever, but at what price does forever cost?
Dear lord, when I get to heaven
Please let me bring my man
When he comes tell me that you’ll let him in
Father tell me if you can
-Lana del Rey
HEARTBREAK LOVER SOUNDTRACK
You Broke Me First - Tate McRae
July - Noah Cyrus
Sparks - Coldplay
All Too Well - Ruston Kelly
Impossible - James Arthur
Jar of Hearts - Christina Perri
Clean - Taylor Swift
Scumbag - Goody Grace
Hold On - Chord Overstreet
Young And Beautiful - Lana Del Rey
Heart Beat Here - Dashboard Confessional
Wild Horses - The Rolling Stones
Sad Beautiful Tragic - Taylor Swift
Iris - The Goo Goo Dolls
Two - Sleeping at Last
Wildflower - 5 Seconds of Summer
Listen to the full soundtrack here.
PROLOGUE
Jackson
Have you ever sat in the dark and made friends with your sins?
I do it all the time.
There’s only one real sin that I need atonement for though.
And I gave up trying to gain my penitence for her a long time ago.
Everly
I still miss you.
You probably wouldn’t believe that after everything that has happened between us. But when I close my eyes, it’s only your blue gaze that I see.
It’s only your hands that I imagine tracing my skin. It’s only your body that I crave when I wake up in the middle of the night, tangled in my sheets, as my body tries to torture me with memories of what you felt like moving inside of me.
I miss your voice. I miss your laugh.
I even miss your anger.
Am I sick? You would say no, but only someone that was broken could ever want the person who did the breaking as much as I want you.
My mother’s been an addict her whole life. Whether it was my father, popularity, money, or alcohol.
And I used to think she was weak.
But then I got a taste of you, and now I think I understand her a little bit more than before.
I look for you in crowds. Your name is the only prayer on my lips. The only altar I worship on is yours.
I’m sick. But you made me this way.
But even knowing that you’re inside of me, wreaking havoc with my vital organs, I still can’t get enough.
I still miss you.
But I’ll never tell you that.
CHAPTER ONE
THEN
Jackson
I knew she was gone before I even opened my eyes. The loss of her presence was tangible in the room. It was like she’d taken something with her and now my bedroom felt lacking, despite the magic that we’d created together just a few hours ago.
It wasn’t just her absence that had me feeling off, there was a foreboding sensation settling onto my skin. And it wasn’t going away.
Grabbing my phone, I looked to see if she had sent me a text explaining why she’d fled. A flash of lightning lit up my room just then.
She’d fled in a storm no less.
My heart started skipping in my chest when I saw that I had ten missed calls.
None were from her though. Instead, they were from my father.
Odd that they just didn’t come knocking on the pool house door if whatever they needed was so pressing.
Getting out of bed, I slipped on a pair of basketball shorts as I called my dad back.
“I’ve been trying to call you for a fucking hour. What have you been doing?” my dad barked.
“I’ve been asleep. It’s two in the morning,” I responded snottily as anxiety punched me in the gut.
My dad broke down just then. My whole life, the man had been a pillar of stoicism, hardly ever showing emotion. But he was sobbing into the phone like he’d just found out he was terminal or something.
“Dad—”
“It’s Caiden. He was in an accident. He’s in the hospital.”
His voice cut off as his sobs worsened. My heart clenched in my chest. I ran to my dresser and was throwing a shirt on before my dad continued.
“We’re at Southridge Presbyterian. Just get here quick,” he finally said before hanging up the phone.
Once inside my truck, I tried to dial Everly. Maybe she had gotten freaked out that she’d given me her virginity and needed to get away?
I shook my head as soon as I had that thought. What we’d shared tonight was fucking magic. The stuff that sonnets and songs were written about. I wasn’t going to let her regret me…regret us. We would figure everything out.
Everly’s phone went to voicemail.
“Everly,” I began, my voice breaking. “I’m not sure where you went, but something has happened to Caiden and I’m headed to the hospital right now. If you could come whenever you get this message… It’s really bad.” I took a deep breath. “And just in case we don’t get to talk about it right away, tonight was the best night of my life and I’ll never regret it. I love you more than life itself. Call me.”
I blew out a sigh, my gut clenched with worry, and I drove like a maniac towards the hospital. A storm was raging, and the roads were slick. I had trouble seeing through the sheets of rain, but somehow, I made it without crashing.
I parked and ran through the rain to the hospital entrance.
“Caiden Parker?” I barked at the front desk.
The tired looking woman seemed unimpressed with the urgency in my voice. “Are you a family member?”
“I’m his fucking brother,” I hissed, exhausted myself. I glanced around towards the waiting room, half expecting Everly to be there waiting. But she was nowhere to be seen.
“Identification?” she asked, and I pulled out my duct tape wallet that Everly and I made together and handed her the ID.
She finally handed it back to me after typing on
her keyboard for what felt like fifteen hours. “He’s in room three-oh-five. The elevators are to your left.”
“Thanks,” I answered insincerely before racing to the elevator. I took a quick look into the mirrored walls to check the color of my eyes. I breathed an inward sigh of relief when they looked as blue as ever. I couldn’t really tell when I was going to get speedy. I didn’t recognize that I was acting different. But my eyes could usually tell me. Now was not the time for me to descend into one of my cycles.
The elevator doors finally opened, and I felt like I’d been to war and back by the time I got to Caiden’s room. I came to a screeching halt when I saw Caiden, lying there on the hospital bed, his body covered in blood, bruises, and bandages.
Phantom pain crawled all over my body, as if the twin connection was real and I experienced a portion of what he had to be feeling.
He was lying there, as still as a statue, and my heart felt like someone had reached inside my chest and grabbed it in a stranglehold.
My parents were holding each other in an armchair by the bed. When my mother looked up from my dad’s shoulder and saw me, she burst into fresh tears and jumped up from the chair. She rushed at me, throwing herself in my arms, her sobs filling up the whole room.
“Mom, tell me he’s okay,” I choked out. I didn’t know what I would do if something was majorly wrong with him. Caiden was my twin, half of my soul. I couldn’t imagine a world where he wasn’t by my side.
I pushed away the feeling of guilt that was battering at my skin over Everly. Caiden would understand when I told him how I felt. He would understand that I needed Everly to breathe. It had never been like that for him.
