by C. R. Jane
"Hi," he said quietly.
My hands were shaking as I stood there in front of him. "Were you behind the snake, and the cellar, and the haunted house on Halloween?" I blurted out.
He just stared at me woodenly. There was no way to read his face. And maybe that should have been answer enough, but you never could tell with Jackson.
I grabbed the front of his flannel, a flannel I suddenly recognized was the one that had been in my room, and that I'd worn, just a few weeks ago. The sight infuriated me...even if it was originally his.
"Answer me, you asshole," I seethed as I pulled at him. "I know you hate me. I know that I'm the worst person in the world to you. But I can't take it anymore. You've won. I give up," I gasped brokenly, all of my anger fading into abject loneliness and despair.
He shook his head a fraction and said, “Everly.” That one word lived within me as a shiver. This pull, the draw I felt toward him, it killed me.
It had never happened before with anyone else. I couldn't figure out why it was still there, why it was always him.
Then it hit me. I wasn't alone, everyone had this reaction. Few people possessed the type of magnetism that cast a spell, yet he had it in spades. I didn't stand a chance to fight off his magic.
But I wanted to so fucking bad.
"Tell me what you want from me," I begged. "I just want this thing, this awful thing between us, to be over."
"What I want is to stop missing you," he groaned, his eyes filled with confused anguish.
"What does that mean? I'm right here. I've always been right here," I told him, even as tears streamed down my face.
Before I knew it, he grabbed me around my waist and slammed my ass down hard against the study table we'd been standing by and positioned his body between my legs. I quickly leaned back to get away from him, and with the momentum of my movements, we both fell against the table, his body crashing on top of mine.
“Get off of me! I hate you,” I screamed, throwing out my arms, trying to find purchase.
Slowly, he leaned up on both his arms, his chest rising and falling fast as he hovered over me. I was trapped between both his arms and weighed down by the heaviness of his body that had fallen perfectly between my thighs. I tried to wrench my body and twist my way free, wiggling between the hard length of him and the cold, wooden table.
“Stop. Stop…just stop fucking wiggling like that under me, Everly,” he whispered as he locked his gaze to mine. A strange burn spread across my chest and heated my cheeks as our eyes, less than an inch away from each other, stared into one another’s. Both of our bodies turned stiff and rigid.
“Everly,” he whispered my name again. The way it fell from his lips sounded like a prayer or a wish.
My head spun, and my heart fluttered with the ache of pressure that was building against his body between my legs. He searched my face, my eyes, my lips, my cheeks—like he was looking for me, but couldn’t quite find me. “You don’t hate me.”
“Yes. I. Do.” I insisted.
He slid his body against mine, and I tried not to move, but the feel of him made me throb and tingle everywhere I had skin—which was of course, all over. My heartbeat pounded in my ears, and the warm heat from his mouth as it landed against my skin made me want to move my body along his.
This wouldn't happen again. I'd been caught in this never-ending cycle that only led to me hating myself. I wouldn't do it anymore.
"Jackson," I whispered. "I'm done. I'm so fucking done."
"Don't say that," he ordered.
"Get off me. Now!"
He gazed at me for a long moment before he finally slid off me. He seemed confused, conflicted even.
The resolution I'd been desperate for was growing. Suddenly, the determination to make this break once and for all flooded me. He had punished me enough, how I felt about myself was plenty of torture by itself. But I wouldn't let him do this to me anymore.
I couldn't.
"Everly," he said again, like I was being unreasonable.
"We are done," I told him calmly. "If you see me, I want you to go the other way. I never want to have to talk to you again."
He stared at me like I was talking crazy, like he couldn't believe the words that were actually coming out of my mouth. And why should he? I'd been running after him for years. It was always me taking the steps towards him that we should have been taking together.
Well, not anymore.
"I'm going to leave this room, and I don't want you to follow me. Do you understand?"
He looked lost standing there, almost like a little kid.
"Goodbye, Jackson," I whispered.
I left the room, leaving my heart behind. I couldn't take it with me, it would always belong to him.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
THEN
It was raining.
And I was the stupid girl who’d biked through the rain to the house of the brother of the guy I’d just broken up with. I sat in the driveway, the rain beating on my shoulders as I wondered what in the hell I was doing.
But this yearning inside of me, this need to see him. I couldn’t get rid of it.
I didn’t want to get rid of it.
Caiden had told me Jackson had moved into the pool house this summer, so I didn’t even have to worry about seeing Caiden as I passed through the gate into the backyard.
I took a deep breath, and then I knocked. When he didn’t immediately open the door, my mind began to run wild. Was he on a date? Was there a girl inside there with him right then? Was I too late?
My thoughts flew away when he finally opened the door to me standing there, looking like a drowned rat.
“Everly?” he asked, looking confused to see me there. His confusion turned to worry. “Is everything okay?”
“I broke up with him,” I whispered.
There was only silence as he stared at me.
Then his lips were suddenly on mine, and it was like the entire fabric of the universe had been torn asunder. Stars were shooting, clouds were billowing, wind was swirling, water was falling, the planets were aligning and realigning.
He kissed my top lip gently, then my bottom one, and finally his tongue slipped along them both. My own tongue slid out to meet his. He pressed his lips more firmly against mine, and he entered my mouth, all dark velvet. My heart was wrenched from its moorings, and the pain was so intense, I nearly cried out. But instead, I grabbed his shoulders in a futile effort to ground myself somehow, because I was pretty sure I had just launched into the stratosphere and I was terrified.
I didn’t know how I’d ever live in the normal world again.
He pulled away from me slowly and then led me inside and shut the door behind us. Immediately, we were encased in silence. “Why don’t you take a shower and get warm? You look like you’re freezing to death,” he commented in a hoarse voice.
Right. I was standing here dripping wet. And we needed to slow down. What were we even doing?
I nodded, and walked to the bathroom, closed the door and started the shower. Steam started to fill the room as the water heated up. Nerves crept in while I showered. He wanted me right? That kiss was a good sign, wasn’t it?
I got out of the shower, realizing that I hadn’t brought in any of Jackson’s sweats to change into. My clothes were soaked, and I didn’t relish the thought of putting them back on. I wrapped one of his big, fluffy white towels around me and cracked open the door. Jackson was sitting on the edge of his bed, staring at the floor.
I took a deep breath and walked out. He immediately looked up at me. His eyes were hot and heavy on my skin.
And then I found myself letting the towel wrapped around me fall heavily in a damp heap around my feet. My heart thudded wildly in my chest as he looked everywhere at me, devouring me, and I shuddered with the need for him to touch me.
My eyes squeezed shut tightly, too scared and too terrified that he wouldn’t like what he saw. I’d never been naked in front of a guy before. And this was Jackso
n.
A few seconds later, I felt something in the room shift—it was like the air became thicker and hotter. Blinking my eyes open, Jackson was standing next to me, so close, the warmth of his body made my cool skin prickle up with goosebumps. I stopped breathing. I forgot my own name. I didn’t know how to move. My cheeks flooded with warmth, and my scalp tingled with heat, and a throb began building between my legs, pounding like it was my heartbeat.
I was still too frightened to look into his eyes, so I stared at his neck and watched it hammer with the pulse of his heart. I watched the rise and fall of his chest as it quickened. Rise and fall. Faster and Faster.
What was I supposed to do now? I’d never felt this much. The emotions, the need, the want—it was overwhelming. The rise and fall of his chest became even faster. Then he stepped closer, lifting my chin to look at him. Taking one more step closer, he backed me up against his dresser. Sliding his hands up over my neck and grabbing a handful of my wet hair, he leaned down and opened his mouth over mine. When our lips touched, my body went liquid. I thought my bones and muscles were going to melt into a thick, hot mass on the floor.
“Everly,” he whispered against my lips. “Do you want me to stop?” he asked, slowly skating his fingertips over my shoulders and collarbone.
“No,” I whispered back hoarsely. “Don’t stop. Don’t ever stop.”
“I’ve wanted you forever,” he whispered as the heat of his warm breath brushed over my lips. There were no more words. When our lips touched again, there was more urgency, an uncontrollable need. His breath hitched as our tongues tangled together, and my hands were grasping at his shirt, clumsily lifting it over his head. I slid my hands to his waist, unbuttoned his jeans, lowered his zipper, and let everything that was keeping us apart fall to the floor. He kicked at his jeans, sending them flying across the room to land in a crumpled heap on his bed. His fingers hesitantly curled around the weight of my breasts, caressing the rough pads of his fingers over my sensitive skin, touching, then tasting, licking, sucking.
My pulse crashed in waves. I’d known nothing in my life with such certainty as the fact that what happened right now was all I was capable of wanting, that nothing in the world mattered more to me.
He hissed when I reached down and took him in my hand. Gripping him firmly, I marveled as the smooth, taut skin throbbed and pulsed under my touch. Slowly, I moved my fist, sliding it up and down. Wrapping his hands around the back of my neck and kissing me deeper, he thrust himself against the palm of my hand, moaning into my mouth. Still wrapped around each other, we stumbled awkwardly to his bed, falling over the covers, laughing into each other. I was positive he had to feel the hammering of my heart as his hands and lips roamed my entire body. My head spun in circles.
Jackson was so utterly beautiful, it nearly broke my heart, my very own golden prince in living color. I gripped the blankets that surrounded us as I watched him run his lips over me. When he reached the insides of my thighs, his light, silky hair brushed along my skin, sending shock waves through my body.
A low moan escaped my lips, and his mouth was on me, fingers inside me, as I frantically pressed myself against him, unable to control my hunger. “Jackson,” I whimpered, pulling him up. His eyes were glazed over, a delirious smile on his face, lips glistening from me.
“I’m never going to get enough of you, Everly,” he said, looking into my eyes. “Even when we’re old and gray and the entirety of our lives are nothing but memories, I will never get enough of you.”
He captured my lips with his as I wrapped my legs around him. He lifted his lips from mine; his cheeks turned red with the question in his eyes. I nodded and smiled, my cheeks burning to probably match the color of his. He wildly grabbed at his pants that were on the covers next to us and pulled a foiled wrapper out of one of the pockets. I yanked it out of his hand and ripped it open. “Let me,” I whispered.
And as he held himself over me, I slowly rolled it over the length of him with shaky fingers. When I was done, he leaned his forehead against mine, gently laid himself over me, and grasped both my hands with his.
Pulling them over my head, he entwined our fingers together, “Tell me what you want, Everly.”
“All I ever wanted was you, Jackson,” I whispered, lifting my hips to meet his.
“Then, I’m yours,” he breathed, sliding slowly inside me. I gasped as he pushed past my barrier and sharp pain struck me. His forehead lifted off mine, our eyes locked, and the way he looked at me completely stole the air from my lungs. I would never feel this way about anyone else in my life.
His mouth claimed mine as we moved together. No, it was more than my mouth he claimed. He claimed my body, my soul, my mind—he claimed all of me. I knew without a single doubt in my heart, I would never love another person as completely as I loved Jackson Parker. We slowly healed from the tragedy of the summer, wrapped in each other’s arms. Nothing else mattered, nothing but this.
The heat from his body up against mine, the smell of the shampoo he used, the press of his lips against mine, and there was nothing and no one else in the world, but us.
The words of Lewis Carroll murmured in my mind, “In another moment, down went Alice after it, never once considering how in the world she was to get out again.”
We lost ourselves together—our hearts were crashing and pounding together like a thunderstorm beneath our chests.
It was only after, when we were wrapped in each other’s arms, that reality hit.
"I'll ruin us," Jackson whispered to me in the dark, his voice a confession like I was the redemption for his rotten soul.
"I won't let you," I swore fiercely, even as my mind drifted to Caiden and the promises I’d made to him.
"Promise me." Jackson's voice was urgent, his voice fierce.
I couldn’t shake the apprehension I felt. It was littered through my body like rotten leaves on the cold ground.
"I promise."
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
THEN
I was awake, stuck in that blissful place between consciousness and deep sleep, still coming down from the high of what we’d just done. Jackson slept peacefully next to me, his face buried in the crook of my neck. I savored the feel of his breath against my skin.
Perfection. Even with Jackson’s foreboding words before he fell asleep.
A buzzing noise grabbed my attention. It took me a second to realize that it was my phone. I carefully extricated myself from Jackson so that I could grab it from my jeans pocket.
It was Caiden.
We need to talk.
I felt sick reading the message. Especially considering the fact that not a day after breaking up with him, I had slept with his brother.
Despite the little voice inside of me that said it was better that I wait a few days for everyone’s emotions to calm down, I decided to text him back. I loved Caiden, after all. Just not the way he wanted. There had to be a way that we could all move on from this. Caiden had always known that I loved Jackson. If I could just explain it to him, he had to understand.
Where do you want to meet?
His response was instant. I’ll pick you up.
Panicking, I quickly told him to meet me in twenty minutes outside of my house, and I raced to quietly get dressed, figuring that I would be back before Jackson woke up.
I was five minutes late getting back to my house because the rain was so intense. After parking my bike in the driveway, I hurried to Caiden’s Jeep.
“Hi,” I said breathlessly as I got into the car and slammed the door. I was soaking wet once again.
I immediately started second-guessing my decision to meet him as soon as I saw Caiden.
His eyes looked even darker than usual, haunted. His skin looked ghastly under the dim lighting in the Jeep and his usually perfect hair was a mess.
“Caiden,” I sighed softly, hating this situation, hating myself for what I had done, hating everything about this moment.
“Let’s go for a drive,�
� he said, taking off before I could respond.
I quickly put on my seatbelt and tried to be patient, even though I was itching to get away from him as my unease grew.
He was going a little too fast for my liking. Especially because the rain seemed to be getting even worse.
“Slow down,” I yelped when we took a turn so fast that the tires slid out for a moment.
“You fucked him, didn’t you?” he seethed in a voice so broken, it made my stomach clench.
“Caiden,” I began.
“Answer me,” he roared, pressing on the gas more.
“Please slow down,” I answered as I began to sob, both from fear of the situation and sorrow for him and what I had done.
Not taking his eyes off the road, he grabbed my hair with one of his hands. I yelped and tried to move away from him, begging him to let go and stop.
“Do you know how much I fucking love you? I’m not letting you do this to us,” he screamed, shaking my head viciously with his hold on my hair.
All I could do was cry. He was driving much too fast for me to try and jump out of the car, and his grip on my head was too strong for me to get away anyway.
I gave a small, hiccupped sigh of relief when he let go of my hair finally, but it was short lived. He backhanded me across the face and blood spurted onto the console in front of me.
He made a sound like a wounded animal. “You made me do this. This is your fault. You knew I wouldn’t let you break up with me. You knew it.” He continued to rage at me, his threats growing wilder and louder, punctuated by bashes to my face and the side of my head.
It was hard to think. I was close to losing consciousness, and I wasn’t sure that I would survive tonight if I stayed in this car any longer.
