Desperately Seeking Landlord

by Smeltzer, Micalea

I knew something had to be up with her. She’s been too desperate to get money from me, almost rabid. So, I had Chase start digging and he didn’t have to dig far before the image became clear.

  “You’re never getting custody of Tobias. It’s a real shame, Shannon, that you’re willing to use your son this way. He’s a brilliant, funny, amazing kid.”

  “I … I…” She stutters, no words forming. I’m sure her brain has shut down at the sight of the photos and evidence in front of her.

  Shannon might not be the typical picture of a drug addict, but that’s the thing, it’s not one size fits all. Anyone can be an addict.

  Laying my hands flat on the table, I propose my offer. “I’m willing to offer to pay for a five star rehab center if you’ll agree to stay there for a full year. If, at the end of the year, you’re clean and a therapist thinks you’re on the right path I’ll pay off your debt and give you one-hundred thousand dollars to start over. That’s it. No more. You’ll have to sign an agreement to never contact me again for money. But if you leave this room without agreeing or signing the paperwork, this proposal is null and void.” Clearing my throat, I lower my voice. “I don’t like who and what you’ve become. But I loved you once and you’re the mother of my son. I don’t want to see you fail, or God forbid hear you’ve overdosed. Because I loved you I’m giving you this chance to make something better of yourself.”

  Beneath the table Miranda squeezes my knee.

  Perhaps it’s crazy of me to give her this chance when I’ve been adamant on not giving her a penny more, but I hate seeing her life spiral down this deep dark hole.

  “You have a moment to think this over.” I wave my hands and sit back.

  Miranda looks at me with tears shimmering in her brown orbs. I take her hand, entwining our fingers together beneath the table.

  Exhaling a breath, I add to a stunned Shannon, “Everyone deserves a second chance. Even villains.”

  Miranda and I make eye contact. Her lips tip into a small smile.

  Once upon a time she saw me as nothing but a villain. Now I’m the hero of our story.

  Shannon whispers something to her lawyer and he clears his throat.

  “My client would like to know where she needs to sign?”

  36

  Miranda

  Jamie’s house is the perfect idyllic Christmas scene. Greenery and twinkle lights twine around the banisters. Stockings hang from the fireplace hearth—one for Jamie, Toby, Mama Jo, and even one for Fettuccine and me.

  The tree is the tallest I’ve ever seen, decked with homemade ornaments that the three of them have made over the years, including ones from Jamie’s childhood. Some new ones have been added this year that I made and even a mold of Fettuccine’s paw.

  The whole house smells of pine and cinnamon. I’ve decided it’s my favorite scent in the entire world. Mama Jo is constantly baking some sort of pie or other holiday treat.

  I spend more time here than I do at my apartment anymore. This is where I’m happiest.

  Curled up on the couch, tucked against Jamie, I can’t stop smiling as I watch Toby tear through his presents with that contagious joy only children seem to possess. The magic of the holiday spirit fills the air.

  Tanner came over and I think Mama Jo wants to adopt him. The two of them have snuck off to the kitchen to bake more things, as if the kitchen isn’t already fully stocked with every holiday treat imaginable.

  “Ah, yes! I wanted these so bad, Dad!” Toby holds up a set of dinosaur toys.

  Despite his excitement he tosses the box to the side, tearing into another one.

  Jamie brushes his fingers delicately over my bare shoulder where my loose sweatshirt has dipped, exposing the skin there. “What do you want for Christmas?”

  I turn to him, my hands wrapped around a mug of peppermint hot chocolate. “Not a thing. I have everything I’ve ever dreamed of right here.”

  “Not a thing? Not one?” His smile is playful and I feel like he’s messing with me.

  “I mean, if you’re hiding a cat somewhere to feed my new-found cat lady life, that’d be great.” His lips twitch. “Jamie?”

  He holds up a finger and gets off the couch, heading out of the family room.

  Toby is oblivious to his departure, now looking intently at the art kit I got him.

  “This is amazing. Thank you, Miranda!”

  “You’re welcome.”

  Fettuccine snoozes on my lap and I scratch him behind his ears.

  A moment later Jamie returns with a box and holds it out to me with a smile he can barely contain.

  I trade him my mug of hot chocolate for the box.

  It moves.

  Like something literally wiggles inside of it.

  “You didn’t?”

  He just smiles, nodding for me to open the box.

  I do. A squeal erupts out of me, scaring Fettuccine who runs off my lap to hide under the chair in the corner.

  “Jamie,” I shriek, “you got me a kitten!” I pull out the fluffy white kitten wearing a green collar with milkshakes on it.

  “Yeah, well, I’m learning I’m quite the sucker. Every time I asked you what you wanted most you always said a cat. I thought about being a smart ass and giving you a stuffed animal, but that was too mean.”

  I kiss the kitten on top of the head. “Boy or girl?”

  “Boy. The last thing I need is more animals around this place. I couldn’t have them procreating.”

  “Don’t worry, you’ll always be the head alpha in charge.” I wink at him.

  “Is that a cat?” Toby exclaims, finally noticing the fluff ball in my arms.

  “It is.” I hold the kitten out for him to take.

  He cuddles up to it. “What are you going to name it?”

  “Yeah, what can possibly top Fettuccine?” Jamie scoffs playfully.

  “Alfredo, duh.”

  “You’re naming the cat Alfredo?” Jamie raises a brow. “Fettuccine and…” He lowers his head. “Alfredo. I got it.”

  “I’m brilliant, I know.” I shrug.

  “You’re something, that’s for sure.” He pulls me in for a kiss.

  “Thank you for the kitten. He’s going to be spoiled silly.”

  “Mhmm,” he hums, kissing me again.

  “And thank you for something else.”

  He tugs away a bit. “What?”

  “Giving me the key to your heart.” I grab the necklace he gave me for my birthday, letting the charms dangle where the light reflects off of them.

  He chuckles. “Yeah, well you kind of forced your way in there. You’re impossible not to love.”

  Dropping the necklace, I grab the collar of his shirt and pull him into a deep kiss.

  This is only the beginning for us. I know it.

  37

  Jamie

  Five Months Later

  Miranda and Lou pose in front of a backdrop that says: The One Where They Graduate. Miranda explained to me about their love for the show FRIENDS and they based their entire graduation party around that shared bond. Watching her smile and laugh with her friend, excited by this next step in her life, makes me happy.

  They pose for another photo, holding their decorated caps in front of them.

  Miranda, ever a smart ass, wrote JUST GOT HOTTER BY ONE DEGREE on hers then surrounded it with flames made of tissue paper.

  She might be crazy, but she’s mine.

  “Dad, that man has a monkey. Can I have a pet monkey?”

  “No, Toby, I draw the line at two cats, a guinea pig, and a Miranda.”

  He looks at me in surprise. “Uh … Dad, you called me Toby.” He says it as if I’ve made some grievous mistake, his hazel eyes speculative.

  “Well, you’re eight now. I figure if you want to be called Toby I should respect your wishes.”

  He wrinkles his nose. “I think you should call me Tobias. It’s weird when you say Toby.”

  I choke on a laugh. “Okay, son.”

  “I’m going
to see if I can pet the monkey.”

  He runs off and Miranda stalks toward me. She twirls her arm in the air and pretends to lasso me. Off to the side Lou hugs Abel, resting her chin on his chest as she looks up at him. Her eyes meet mine briefly and I feel her approval for what’s about to come. We had a heart to heart a couple of months ago and smoothed things out. Abel still hates my guts, but that’s fine.

  I meet Miranda halfway, taking her face in my hands. “Look at you college graduate.”

  “I can’t believe I did it.”

  “I can.” I rub my thumb over her bottom lip. “You can do anything.”

  She laughs. “Yeah, I am pretty brilliant.”

  I kiss her and she smiles against my lips.

  “Having fun?” I nod to indicate the entire party.

  “It’s perfect. You didn’t have to do all of this for us.”

  “I wanted to. When it comes to you there are lots of things I want to do.”

  “Naughty things?” Her eyes sparkle.

  “Yeah, those too, but there’s something else I really want.”

  “And what’s that?”

  I drop to one knee and her mouth drops.

  Pulling the small black box from my pocket, I open it to show her the purple sapphire ring. “I really want to call you my wife. So, Miranda, will you marry me?”

  She presses her hands to her face, tears streaming. Behind me I hear my mom and her parents all crying.

  “Yes! Oh my God! A thousand times, yes!” She dives for me and I nearly lose the ring.

  I hug her back, kissing her deeply.

  Still crying, she finally allows me to slide the ring on her finger.

  “It’s beautiful, Jamie. I love you.”

  “I love you,” I murmur, kissing her again. We’re both still kneeling on the ground and seem to have no plans to move.

  “I get to call you my husband.”

  I groan. “God, that sounds fucking amazing when you say it.”

  She grins mischievously. “You know what sounds even better?”

  “What?” Curiosity fills me.

  She leans in and I hold my breath as her lips press to my ear.

  “Baby Daddy.”

  Epilogue #1

  Jamie

  Eight Months Later

  “I hate you! You are never ever coming near me with your Devil dick ever again!” Miranda screams at me, squeezing all feeling from my hand.

  She can do whatever she wants to me. I don’t care. She’s bringing our son into the world and I’m happy to be her verbal and physical punching bag.

  “It hurts,” she begins to cry, and I wipe away her tears with a damp cloth.

  “You’re doing amazing. You’re so strong, sweetheart.”

  Miranda wanted to do a home water birth, with absolutely no drugs. I was adamantly against it, but she’s the one who has to go through this part, so at the end of the day I wanted her to do what’s best for her.

  “I want him out,” she whimpers.

  “You’re almost there,” the midwife tells her. “A couple more pushes.”

  “Lies,” Miranda shrieks at her. “You said that twelve pushes ago.”

  “Hey,” I gently take her face in my hands, “you can do this. You’re so fucking strong and powerful. You’re so close to bringing our son into the world. You can do this. Don’t underestimate yourself.”

  She begins to cry, wrapping her damp arms around my shoulders. “I l-l-love you.”

  Before I can respond she cries out with another contraction.

  “Push, baby, push.”

  She squeezes my hand again, her screams filling the room.

  “Almost there, come on,” her midwife encourages.

  And then, in a single moment, our baby enters the world with a cry.

  He’s placed on Miranda’s chest and her cries turn into sobs as she cradles him, his hair as dark as hers.

  Shock and awe fills me just like when I watched Tobias be born.

  Tears warm my cheeks and Miranda turns her body into mine where I lean over the birthing tub.

  “You did it, sweetheart,” I murmur, kissing her. She kisses me back, face wet with tears. “He’s beautiful.”

  My hand swallows his tiny head whole. His cries quiet but his full lower lip trembles.

  “Hi, Caleb,” I whisper to him, “I’m your daddy.”

  Miranda touches the back of her finger to his cheek. “And I’m your mommy.”

  I kiss the side of her forehead, gazing down at our tiny and perfect baby boy.

  “Thank you,” I murmur against her ear.

  “For what?” She glances at me with surprised eyes before she can’t help but look at our newborn again.

  “For giving me a chance I probably didn’t deserve. For showing me I can love again. For becoming my wife. For loving Tobias. For giving me another child. For everything.”

  “Don’t worry,” she laughs, tracing her finger around Caleb’s tiny ear, “I’m charging you interest.”

  I laugh too, kissing her again because I just can’t seem to stop.

  Miranda took my black and white life, splattering it with all of her colors. There’s no erasing the mark she’s left on me and I would never want to. She’s everything I never knew I wanted, needed, or deserved.

  Hours later, once everything is cleaned up, a tired Miranda lays in bed holding the baby and Tobias finally arrives home since we had him go to a friend’s house during the birth.

  “Where’s my brother?” he exclaims, bursting into the room.

  Ever since we told him we were having a baby he’s been ecstatic to be a big brother. I never thought I’d give him a sibling, so I’m thrilled he’s getting this opportunity.

  Miranda holds out one arm to him and he runs to hug her, completely passing by me at the door.

  “What am I? Chopped liver?” I grumble, walking over to join them.

  My breath catches looking at my wife and two boys.

  This is the life I always pictured for myself but thought I wouldn’t have.

  The world works in mysterious ways, I guess.

  “I missed you.” Miranda hugs Tobias.

  “Missed you, too. Can I hold him?” Tobias points at the baby who yawns. “Aw, look, he’s sleepy.”

  “Sure, go sit in the chair.” She points to the chair in the corner of the room. “Dad will give him to you.” She extends the baby to me and he gives a little squawk, not pleased at being disturbed. I mean, if I was cuddled up next to Miranda’s boobs I wouldn’t want to move either.

  I carry Caleb over to Tobias. “Curl your arms like this.” I show him how I’m holding the baby. “And you have to be careful to support his head.”

  “Okay, Dad, I’ve got this.”

  I chuckle. I’m sure he does. He’s wanted to be involved and learn things about taking care of a baby. It’s been a pleasure to watch him be excited about the whole process. I don’t have to worry about any resentment from him—after all, he’s the one who asked about a sibling this time last year.

  “Hi, little baby, I’m your brother.”

  Caleb wiggles his tiny body, but Tobias doesn’t freak out and worry about dropping him. Besides, I’m right there.

  Miranda watches us from the bed, looking at me with tears in her eyes. “My three boys,” she mouths.

  I smile back at her.

  “He’s very cute.” Tobias rubs his hand over Caleb’s downy soft hair. “We have the same nose, but he has Miranda’s lips.” He looks at me and then over at her in the bed. “Miranda?”

  “Yeah?” She wiggles, wincing a bit from the pain.

  “I’ve been thinking…” he hesitates, looking down at his brother. “Can I call you, Mom?” My breath whooshes from me in surprise. Miranda starts to cry and wipes her tears away hastily. Still looking at Caleb, he adds, “It’s just … he’s going to call you Mom, so I think I should too. I ... so … um … is that okay?” He bites his lip and finally looks at both of us.

  Mi
randa sniffles. “Toby, that’s more than okay. Can I have a hug?”

  “Um … sure but I’m not done holding my brother.”

  She laughs around her tears. “That’s okay. You can give me a hug when you’re done.”

  “How about this, let me take the baby, and you hop in the bed beside Miranda then you can hold him up there. Sound good?”

  “Okay.”

  I take Caleb and Tobias runs over to the bed, jumping up and next to Miranda. He gives her a hug and she helps him pile up the pillows so he’ll be sitting up straight.

  I hand him back the baby once he’s situated and lay down beside him.

  Stretching out my arm, I grab Miranda’s hand twining our fingers together.

  My wife. My boys.

  It doesn’t get more perfect than this.

  Epilogue #2

  Miranda

  Approximately Five Years After That

  Who decided it would be a smashing good idea to ask me to be Maid of Honor at eight and a half months pregnant?

  Lou. My so-called best friend. That’s who.

  “I’m dying.” I fan myself with a magazine.

  Lou gasps as her mom tightens the corset on her wedding gown—because of course Lou would decide to get married in an explosion of princess ball gown tulle in a pale pink color.

  “Please, just make it through the ceremony,” she begs, holding her hands beneath her chin. “That’s all I ask.”

  “God, it’s hot as Satan’s balls sack today. Did you have to get married today of all days?”

  “We’re in air conditioning right now, Miranda. You can’t possibly be that hot.”

  “Until you’re practically nine months pregnant at the end of July I don’t want to hear a word out of your mouth.”

  “I can’t believe you’re having your third and fourth kid.”

  Twins. That’s right.

  Jamie Fucking Miller impregnated me with twins.

  Actually, they’re identical twin girls so technically my own eggs revolted against me and brought this upon me. Traitors.