For Emery

by J. Nathan

  Jordan stood there with a ball cap on backward. Just looking at him sent goosebumps scrambling up my arms. “Ready?” he asked.

  I glanced down at my skinny jeans and Alabama T-shirt. “I overslept and am kind of a mess.”

  “You’re beautiful,” he said.

  My eyes flew up at the same time Raquel sighed.

  “Can I have you?” she asked him, her head suddenly out from under her blankets. “Unless you’re already taken, of course.”

  He gazed at me. The look in his eyes held questions—lots of unspoken questions. “Nope. It’d take a special girl to handle this much man.”

  I grabbed a sweatshirt from my closet before glancing to Raquel. “Still want him?”

  “I don’t mind a little cheese with my muscles,” she said.

  I pegged her with my eyes. “Take good notes.”

  She rolled her eyes.

  Jordan and I walked outside and toward the cars parked in front of my dorm.

  I looked for his old red truck, so the souped-up black one that beeped when he pushed the button caught me off guard. “New truck?” I asked, reaching for the handle.

  Jordan bumped me out of the way and opened the door for me. “My parents got it for me. They thought it’d be a lot safer than the old one. I think they thought it would get me to come home more often, too.”

  “You don’t visit them?”

  “Usually just holidays.” He rounded the front of the truck and jumped inside.

  “Why just holidays?” I asked as I closed my door and buckled in.

  He shrugged. “I talk to them all the time.”

  “Have you told them about me?”

  “Was I supposed to?” he asked, as he switched his truck on, the loud engine roaring to life.

  I shrugged, though disappointment twisted my insides.

  He laughed. “Of course I told them.”

  I looked to him, the twisting ceasing. “You did?”

  He nodded as he pulled away from the curb.

  “And?”

  “They were happy to know you and your mom were all right.”

  I lowered my head and nodded, feeling uncomfortable with the fear I instilled in them by disappearing.

  “They were happy for me too,” he added as he pulled out onto the main road.

  My eyes cut to his. “For you?”

  “Yeah. That I got my favorite girl back.”

  My belly rippled at the sweet words he uttered.

  He stayed focused on the road in front of us. “It was hard for me after you left.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t do that.” His eyes moved between me and the road. “Don’t apologize for something out of your control. It just sucked that my biggest fan was no longer at my games. My partner in crime wasn’t around to hang out. And my bedmate was no longer there for me to snuggle with.”

  I nodded, having felt the exact same way.

  “But you’re back,” he said, reaching across the center console and placing his hand over mine in my lap. “And I’m not losing you again.”

  I fought back the tears blurring my vision. He was saying everything I’d dreamt he’d say.

  Jordan cleared his throat. “Now that that’s been said…” He opened our windows then reached for the radio and cranked up some good ole country music.

  I threw back my head and laughed as we hit the highway. The wind whooshed through the open windows and blew my hair around my head. Being with Jordan again, away from the huge college campus filled with unfamiliar faces that held no memories of us, felt so natural. So easy. Like being home. Did he feel it too? “I missed this,” I shouted over to him.

  He reached forward and lowered the music. “What?”

  “I missed this. You and me.”

  “What do you think I’ve been trying to tell you?” he asked incredulously.

  Before long, we were pulling down the same familiar roads where we’d spent our childhood. The hair on my arms stood on end as we turned onto the road and neared my old house. The new owners had fixed it up. The broken porch boards had been replaced, so had the screen door. Window boxes filled with colorful flowers sat on the top railing. It looked like such a nice warm place to live…now.

  Jordan turned into his parents’ driveway. The sight of his house flooded me with welcome nostalgia. I glanced to the window on the side of the house. Jordan’s room. The night I approached that window, so sad and forlorn, I’d met the best friend a girl could ever ask for. Sometimes it felt like a lifetime ago. Sometimes it felt like just yesterday.

  Sensing my range of emotions, Jordan reached over and linked our fingers. “You okay?”

  I nodded.

  He switched off the engine and looked to me. “You sure? I don’t want you feeling uneasy.”

  I tilted my head to the side and stared into his concerned eyes. “You’re here. I’ll be fine.”

  His lips pulled up in the corners, and while I knew he easily could have inserted a cocky comment right there, he didn’t. “Come on. Let’s surprise them.”

  “They don’t know we’re coming?”

  He shook his head. “They don’t know you’re coming.”

  I pushed open the door and hopped out, suddenly feeling even more anxious.

  Jordan met me at my side and smiled down at me. “This is so crazy.”

  “What?”

  “Having you here again.”

  My insides rippled something fierce. The way he looked at me. The way he made me feel. They had to equate to more than just friendship. They just had to.

  “Emery?” Jordan’s mother called from their open front door.

  Jordan and I turned to her, not realizing she’d been standing there.

  She hurried down the steps and wrapped her arms around me, holding me tightly to her. “Oh, honey. You’re here,” she gushed. “We’re so happy you’re okay.” She pulled back, her hands still gripping my arms tightly so she could look at me. “Look at you. You’re even more beautiful than when you left.”

  My face pulsed with heat.

  “Mom, leave her alone. You’re embarrassing her,” Jordan said.

  “Well, don’t you think she’s more beautiful?” she asked him.

  I glanced to Jordan with my brows raised in question.

  “She already knows I think she is,” he said.

  I stifled a smile as I stepped back from his mom. “Happy birthday.”

  “Thank you,” she said. “This is such a wonderful gift.”

  Jordan moved to her and wrapped his arms around her, lifting her right off her feet. “Happy birthday, Mom.”

  She squealed with laughter.

  I wished—like I always had—I was part of their family. Part of the bond they shared. I loved my mom more than anything in this world, but being part of a family—with a happy mom and dad—was what I’d always wanted. Sure, I knew a perfect life was not necessarily attainable, but I still hoped one day I’d have it.

  “I hope you’re hungry,” Mrs. Grady said as Jordan released her.

  The three of us walked inside their house. The smell of her comfort food cooking hadn’t changed one bit.

  Mr. Grady stood inside the kitchen, greeting Jordan with a hug. “Good to have you home, son.” He released Jordan and turned to me, pulling me into a hug. “You too, Emery. We missed you.”

  It felt odd to be hugged by Mr. Grady. By any man, really. My stepdad never hugged me. And I never met my real dad. But as soon as Mr. Grady released me, I felt bereft. I hadn’t realized how comforting it was to have people care so much about me and my well-being. Had they been sad when I left? Had they been just as angry as Jordan? Or did they realize the hell we’d been through and the urgency for us to leave?

  We ate at the kitchen table, laughing—usually at Jordan’s expense—and listening to Jordan’s stories about everything football. His parents had been at his first game, but I hadn’t seen them. I p
romised to sit with them next time. Mrs. Grady also told us about her first year being retired. She’d been an elementary school teacher, and Mr. Grady claimed she was bored out of her mind and in desperate need of a hobby. According to him, her latest pastime was asking him repeatedly if he washed his hands. “Old habits die hard,” she claimed.

  Once we’d finished lunch, she stood from the table and gathered our empty dishes. I stood to help her. “Sit down, honey. I’ve got them,” she said.

  “Nope.” I grabbed a couple serving dishes. “It’s your birthday and I’m here to help.”

  She laughed as we placed the dishes down on the counter.

  Jordan and his dad talked about football, and I could tell she wanted to give them time to catch up.

  “So, you and your mom have been good?” she asked, obviously treading lightly.

  “Yeah. She misses me now, but she’s been busy with her job.” I pulled open the dishwasher and placed the dishes in as she rinsed them. “She got back into real estate. Selling houses and stuff.”

  “Oh, that’s great. She deserves a happy ending. So do you…” She paused and looked me in the eyes. “And Jordan.”

  The way she added Jordan made me wonder if she thought we were destined to be more than friends like I always had. Or if she just wanted us both to find happiness.

  Once we’d cleaned everything, Jordan stepped up behind me. My entire body stilled as the warmth and solidity of him called to every cell inside me. Without warning, he wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me playfully into his chest. He had no idea how the gesture sent my body buzzing. “She done helping here?” he asked his mom.

  “Yup. She’s all yours.” Mrs. Grady looked to me. “Thank you for helping, Emery. It’s been some time since I had any help in the kitchen.” She purposely pegged Jordan with her eyes.

  He laughed as he released me and leaned over to his mom, kissing her cheek.

  Her smile beamed at the love shown by her only son.

  I followed Jordan from the kitchen down the hallway to his room. He stepped inside, but I stopped in the doorway, gazing around at the room where I’d spent most of my sleeping hours. It looked different. He’d painted the white walls blue. The pictures of the two of us at different stages he once tucked into the corner of his mirror were no longer there. Had he torn them up? Thrown them out?

  My gaze wandered to his bed. He’d replaced his football themed comforter with a plain red one, but the oak headboard was still the same. Being in his arms in that bed had been the only place I felt at ease. Untouchable. Protected.

  “Whatcha thinking?” Jordan asked as he sat down on the edge of his bed.

  I shook my head slightly, chasing away the thoughts. “Just remembering.”

  He glanced down at his bed. “It felt empty without you.”

  I nodded, hating the constant reminders of what I’d done to him. To us.

  “Come sit.” He patted the empty spot beside him. “I won’t bite.”

  “I’m not convinced,” I said as I walked over and sat beside him.

  “See. No teeth.”

  I snickered as I observed the room from the angle I used to sleep at. “Thank you for everything you did for me.”

  “You don’t have to thank me.”

  I nodded. “Yes, I do.”

  “I’ll always have your back.”

  I had no doubt about that.

  He bumped me with his shoulder. “Guess what?” he whispered.

  “What?”

  “I haven’t told anyone yet, not even my parents, so you can’t say anything.”

  My eyes widened. “What is it?”

  “Coach thinks there’s a possibility I’ll get drafted.”

  My mouth dropped open. “Oh my God. That’s amazing.”

  He nodded, clearly still unable to believe it himself. “Yeah.”

  “I’m so happy for you.”

  “I don’t want to jinx it, but I needed to tell someone.”

  “Will you get me tickets?”

  “To every game,” he assured me. “If it happens.”

  “It will. You’re Jordan Grady. You can do anything.”

  He stared at me long and hard. I couldn’t miss the appreciation in his eyes. “Let’s go out back.”

  “Why?”

  “Because being in here with you again is making me want to cuddle.”

  A laugh burst out of me. “You’re so stupid.”

  “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

  I stood. “You shouldn’t.”

  He laughed as he stood, leading us out into the backyard.

  “Why do I feel like you’re purposely taking me on a walk down memory lane?”

  He shrugged. “Can’t help it if we share all the same memories.”

  I followed him into the backyard, the smell of freshly cut grass I’d grown accustomed to thanks to our daily games of catch came rushing back. I walked over to the big tree and ran my hand over the rough bark. The memories flooded my brain. I spun toward him. “I’ll never forget you dancing with me that night.”

  He smiled.

  “You really should have taken me.” I laughed. “I was so jealous.”

  He nodded. “That’s why I danced with you out here. I never wanted you to feel like second best. Because you weren’t. You were always my number one.”

  Tears snuck out of the corner of my eyes. I quickly swiped them away, but they persisted.

  “Em. Don’t cry.”

  I shook my head. “I hate that it’s always hanging over us. What I did. I can’t erase it. I just wish we could go back to being…us.”

  He took the two steps necessary to close the space between us and slipped his arms around me, pulling me against his chest. I breathed him in. I embraced the feel of his arms, how much stronger they were than before. I wanted to lose myself in him. “It’s gonna take time, but I think we’re doing a damn good job. Just know, I want it, too.”

  I wanted that and more. But how did I say that?

  “Hey, look at me.”

  I tipped my head back and looked up at him with tears staining my cheeks.

  “We got this.”

  I nodded, smiling through my tears.

  “Why are you crying?”

  Could I just tell him I’d loved him since I was eight?

  Could it be that easy?

  I shook my head, too scared to ruin everything now that I was just getting it all back.

  Jordan’s lips turned up into a sad smile. “Let’s go sing ‘Happy Birthday’ and eat some cake before we need to head back to campus.”

  * * *

  Jordan dropped me off just after nine. As I climbed the stairs to my floor, I couldn’t help but think about the time spent with the Gradys. It was like being in a time warp, and I was ten-years-old again. The easy laughter filling their kitchen hadn’t disappeared. The happiness they exuded in every breath hadn’t changed. The love they had for their only son hadn’t wavered. They were a real family. And I would’ve given anything to be part of it.

  I walked into my dorm room. Raquel was painting her toenails, feet up on top of her desk. She looked to me with raised brows. “How was your day?”

  “As expected.” I fell back onto my bed with a sigh.

  “What’s that mean?”

  “It couldn’t have been more perfect.”

  She shook her head. “Why is it that you two aren’t screwing like bunnies somewhere right now? Get together already.”

  I laughed, wishing it were that easy. But with Jordan and me, it’s never been that easy.

  There was a knock on the door. I sat up as Raquel abandoned her polish and hobbled with wet toenails to the door and opened it.

  Flip stood there. “Hey.” His eyes searched over her shoulder, and he smiled when he saw me. “You girls up for hanging out? Half the floor’s in my room right now. We’ve got food and beer. And of course soda for you, Emery.�
�

  Raquel looked over her shoulder at me with raised brows. “I’m in.”

  “Me, too,” I said, knowing I wouldn’t have been able to fall asleep after such a wonderful day with Jordan.

  By midnight, lots of alcohol had been consumed by my hall mates and we’d moved on to drinking games.

  “Never have I ever…” Flip’s roommate Carlos announced from his chair. “…had a threesome.”

  A few people, including Raquel, lifted their red cups to their lips and drank their beer.

  The rest of us laughed, knowing it meant they had indeed been part of a threesome. I apparently had a lot to learn about my roommate.

  “Never have I ever…” Sue, a girl from down the hall, said from her spot on the floor. “…been to a strip club.”

  Most of the guys in the room drank. None of the girls, except Raquel drank. I laughed to myself. She was definitely full of surprises.

  Charlie, a goofy guy from down the hall, jumped in next. “Never have I ever…had sex.”

  The room went silent, before everyone burst out laughing. It was very obvious Charlie didn’t have any game and hadn’t slept with a girl yet. Every one of my hall mates lifted their cups to their mouths and drank…all except Charlie and me.

  Most didn’t notice I didn’t take a sip, but Flip did. I watched his eyes widen with wonder as the information registered.

  “My turn,” Raquel quickly interjected, glancing briefly to me. “Never have I ever…been in love with one of my friends.”

  Flip watched me closely as I lifted my cup and sipped my soda. Then he drank his beer, all the while his eyes stayed locked on mine.

  Shit.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  Grady

  I jogged onto the field in Tennessee with my helmet in my hand for our pregame warmup. The Tennessee fans had yet to be let into the massive stadium, and even though they despised us, I needed them there. Their hatred for us gave me a rush. One that made sticking it to them all I wanted to do. I loved coming onto their turf and crushing them. I loved the push it gave me to play like a star. Loved the determination it gave me to pummel anyone in my way.

  The grass cushioned each of my steps as I moved out to the fifty-yard line.

  “She’s a virgin.”