Devolose

by Alana Khan

  She laughs. “Devolose was not a perfect gentleman?” She arches an eyebrow, but I can tell she’s joking.

  “He needs to be ridden more,” Dev tells her.

  “I know. Maybe you’ll stay here, keep your old aunt company, and ride him more often.”

  We all grow silent.

  “Sorry, perhaps you’ve noticed I can be a bit pushy.” She pauses for effect. “Oh, by the way, I thought the hovercraft would be overcrowded with all of us in it. I’ll go with the females and T.T., why don’t you take the zipcar and show Tawny around? You haven’t driven in annums, it will be fun. Meet us at the factory in two hoaras, you remember how to get there, right?”

  She’s already halfway out the door when she pivots toward us. “I’ll have T.T. give you a refresher on how to pilot. They’ve invented para-drive since you’ve been away, it links to your nervous system.”

  She’s a woman on a mission today,” Dev chuckles. “She’s determined to push us together. You can stay here alone while I explore if you don’t want to come with me. I’ll pick you up and get you to the factory in time for the tour.”

  “I’m considering staying on Primus. I’d like to look around.” I don’t want to admit, even to myself, that being alone with him in a zipcar, whatever that might be, sounds great right about now.

  I follow him and Thantose to what on Earth would be a six-car garage. They approach a small version of the hovercraft the others are in. Kind of like a very sleek, very tiny Mini Cooper that flys.

  “Is this safe?”

  “Only as safe as the driver,” he tosses me a killer smile as he and his cousin climb in. I watch them engage in a serious discussion as it appears Thantose is acclimating him to the dashboard. Two minutes later, they fly away, Dev at the controls. I watch as they zoom above the trees, circling the property a few times.

  After they land smoothly, Dev bursts out of his door, grinning wildly. “Ahh, so much fun! I’d forgotten.” He rubs his hands together like a Batman villain having a gleeful moment. “You ready? It all came back to me. I’ll be very safe.”

  “He’s a great driver,” Thantose vouches, then hurries off to the larger hovercraft.

  Dev helps me into the passenger side of the zipcar and we take off, flying low over trees and houses. I notice that many of the trees are the same as the one depicted in the foyer. The yellow buds are gorgeous and smell divine. I wonder if I could be happy here on Primus.

  “This property used to be far out of town. Now it’s surrounded by other houses. There’s been a lot of growth in ninety annums. I can’t give you a great tour; so much of this wasn’t here before.”

  He points out landmarks, schools, and temples. I notice the variety of vegetation. Some trees are ablaze with red leaves, some orange, and some yellow.

  I’m struck by how clean and orderly everything appears. Every yard is neatly groomed. Most have a riot of multi-colored flowers in the yards.

  I ask to see where the poor people live. He flashes me a questioning look, one eyebrow lifted.

  “Poverty? Shacks? Homeless? People who sleep on the streets? Where are they?”

  “Homeless? Seriously Tawny, I don’t understand. Why wouldn’t someone have a home?”

  After I pepper him with questions, I realize he’s not joking. They really don’t have homelessness on Primus. I’ll have to ask more later to understand how they do that. This planet really is as nice as the males on the ship promised.

  I’m only half aware of what he’s pointing out down below because I can’t take my eyes off him; he looks fabulous. We both took quick showers after our ride; I have on a casual yellow dress and pretty, strappy shoes. He has on slacks and a shirt that fit him perfectly. But it’s the smile he’s wearing more frequently lately that makes him look good enough to eat. Oh, did I really think that? My thoughts are going in the wrong direction.

  Just being in this tiny craft with him, our elbows rubbing between us, is lighting my nerve endings on fire. I should be looking out the windows at the sights below, but half the time I’m staring at him. He’s so handsome. I think if I was presented with the whole Chippendales Dance troupe, I’d find their faces boring. Dev’s coloring and markings are so much more interesting than plain beige or brown. I could stare at his face for hours.

  My core clenches in arousal. Tucking my hands between my thighs and the seat, I use the pressure to control myself from touching his skin. This is ridiculous. We have five more days on this planet and then we’ve got to go in two different directions. If he stays here, I go on the Tranquility; I could be happy there. If he goes with Thantose, I’ll stay here and make a life for myself. I can’t be in close quarters with him for more than the next five days. I’ll spontaneously combust.

  And Valeria—she’s merciless! She keeps shoving us together, and she’s not even sly about it. That’s not helping. I’m going to have to say no if she pulls one more of her stunts.

  “There’s my university,” he announces. “Mind if we look around?”

  “No.”

  He touches down and we stroll around campus. Some things are similar to what I’d see on Earth: well-trodden paths between buildings, architecture that seemed to change from one generation to the next, crowded parking areas. And some things are so alien: hover boards instead of bikes, red-and-black students everywhere, signs in Primian squiggles that look nothing like any language on Earth.

  We wind up on the far side of a small pond with gorgeous orange-and-black duck-like creatures either paddling serenely on the water, or on the shore squawking like crazy when someone walks too close to their nests.

  We sit silently on a bench that looks like stone, but is cushy like a sofa. Well done planet Primus! That’s a technological advancement we could have used on Earth.

  It would be the most natural thing in the world for me to reach over and grab Dev’s warm hand. Which is the opposite of what I should be thinking. I fold my hands on my lap and try not to think about how much I want to touch him.

  When I glance up at him it’s obvious he’s not really here with me right now. His eyes are looking off into the distance, a muscle in his jaw is leaping, and his thoughts are far away.

  “Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if...things had been different?” he asks.

  I’m not sure he wants to hear my answer, so I just sit and watch the duck-things.

  “I’d only been in school a year when I was taken. I can’t help but sit here and play out the last ninety years, picturing what could have been if things had gone according to plan.”

  He looks so sad. Maybe what I have to say might be helpful.

  “Yeah, Devi, I’ve wondered what my life would be like. I did that for the first month or so of my captivity. But that was sad and maudlin and did me absolutely no good. In fact, it made things worse.

  “So I don’t go there. I didn’t allow it all those years in the dungeon, and you know what? I don’t need it now. I have the here and now, Dev, and that’s all there is. Right here, right now. And the sun is shining and the animals are squawking and my best friend is sitting at my side and I don’t want to spend one more second thinking about what I’ve lost. I want to focus on what I have. That’s how I want to live my life.”

  I shut up and watch the birds. It’s not my place to lecture. I just shared my philosophy, my coping skills. I know if I allowed it I could go down a very dark rabbit hole of my thoughts and never find the light of day. I won’t allow it.

  Dev’s red-and-black hand holds mine gently. I can’t help but think how beautiful our hands are together, how they belong together.

  “You’re so smart, Tawny. No good can come of dreaming of things that might have been. We’re out of that dungeon and we have the future.” He releases my hand and stands. “We should head out.”

  Devolose

  We arrive at the factory and join the group just as they set off on the tour. The machinery is completely different than when I left. It stands to reason, technology ma
rches forward. Tawny seems bored and disinterested. I don’t blame her; I wouldn’t want to do this type of work either—supervising machinery all day. If she chooses to stay here, I’m sure Valeria can find different employment that will interest her more.

  I notice my aunt getting a message through her ear comm; her face changes expression as she tilts her head and thoughtfully looks at the floor, then me.

  “Sorry, the tour’s over, we have to return to the house,” she announces. She slips next to me and says, “It’s your ahma, Devi. The doctor stopped by, then called me. He thinks she’s in her final hoaras. Are you okay to drive?”

  I nod, grab Tawny’s hand, and hurry to the zipcar.

  “Your Ahma?”

  I nod.

  “Did she…”

  “No, but it’s close.”

  We’re silent the rest of the drive. My chest feels full and heavy. I focus on piloting the craft and not on my ahma or what awaits me at the house.

  As I’m about to pull into the garage I blurt, “I know I shouldn’t ask, but will you come into her room with me? It will give me strength.” I don’t even give her a moment to respond before I add, “Never mind. That’s presumptuous.”

  “Of course I will, Dev. Whatever you ask. Want me to sit next to you? Sit in the corner? Whatever you think will be helpful. If in the middle of things you decide you’d like me to leave, just ask. I want to support you.”

  I just nod and return to my piloting. I feel old and tired, and sad. I’d weep if I were alone. But I’m not, so I clamp my teeth together and try to keep my mind busy on anything other than what awaits me at the house.

  ~.~

  The room is dark, the curtains are pulled. There’s a soft light glowing on her bedside table. If she does open her eyes and experience a moment of lucidity, I don’t want her distracted by the presence of a strange offworlder she’s never met, so I ask Tawny to sit in the back corner.

  I feel guilty about putting her out of sight until she whispers, “Just remember I’m right here. I’m here for you.” Good, I can focus on my Ahma.

  I hold her hand, noticing how cool and motionless it is. Her breathing is shallow and labored. The doctor told me this is one of the signs things are near the end. I scoot close to her ear and whisper all the things I wanted to tell her those long annums in the dungeon and since my return home.

  “I love you, Ahma. You were a great mother. I hope you never felt guilty about my abduction. It was no one’s fault. The world isn’t a safe place, although you always tried to make it so for me. You gave me a great childhood.”

  I consider my recent desire to take my own life. I vow to myself not to do that. I’ll join my parents across that great divide when my time comes. I will not hasten it just because my life has been hard and the female I love can’t return that feeling.

  My head is bowed, my shoulders sagged, and my eyes are so full of tears I can’t see Ahma, just a blob of black, red, and white. I sense a change in her and wipe my tears off with a knuckle until my vision returns. Ahma’s eyes flicker open. It takes a moment, but she focuses on the wall, and then me.

  “Is it really you, Devi?”

  “It’s me, ahma, here with you on Primus. I’ll prove it’s me. My first mronck’s name was Altus, she was a docile mare, but willing to jump anything I was foolish enough to point her at.”

  “I remember her, the color of hishra. Sweet girl.”

  “You and papa spent money you might not have had for her. You were always wonderful parents.” My heart is cracking; I’m going to miss her.

  “How long have you been gone, my son?”

  “Eighty-eight annums, Ahma.”

  “Oh,” she squeezes my hand, her face pinched in sorrow. “Were any of those annums kind to you?”

  “No, Ahma.” I shake my head slowly.

  “I’ve lived a long time without you. I missed you every day.” She pauses and sucks in a long, shallow breath. “I prayed to the Gods for your safety.” Her eyes glaze over and she looks at the corner of the ceiling.

  “I didn’t get to finish my job.” Another deep breath, more like a gasp. “I didn’t get to teach you all the things a mother wants to…” She falls silent. I wonder if she’s nodded off. The muscles in my face slacken, sagging downward in sadness.

  “No more time. Only one secret worth sharing, my Devi.” She fades off again. Now I’m silently willing her to hang on. There’s something she seems desperate to tell me, I’m equally desperate to hear it.

  “One thing you should know.” Another long, slow, agonized breath as she struggles to maintain her hold on consciousness. “Love, Devi. The only thing worth anything in this world. Love.” Her words have slowed and aren’t as loud as a whisper.

  “Promise me, Devi. Promise me you’ll find love. You deserve it.”

  How can I promise to pursue the one thing I seem destined to be denied?

  I gather her small, still hand in both of mine and bend my head close to her ear.

  “I promise, Ahma.”

  “Promise.” No noise escapes her vocal cords, just breath.

  “I promise, Ahma. I’ll go to the ends of the universe to find love.”

  “Love.” She sighs on her final agonal breath.

  There is complete silence in the room. I don’t hear her breathing anymore, but her breaths have been so shallow she could still be alive. I lift my head and put my ear to her lips as I watch her chest, which is no longer rising and falling. I know she has passed.

  I slump forward with my head on her frail shoulder. My head is spinning with memories and emotions. I don’t know whether to be angry at the Gods for bringing me home in time to see her take her last breath or if they were kind, to give me this short moment of reconnection. I admit, getting to touch her, to hold her, to hear her voice, to be privy to her final advice—that was a blessing.

  I sit in the hushed room for a long time, maybe hours. I told Tawny she could leave shortly after Ahma passed over, but she silently remained where she was. She’ll go if she wants. I swallow hard. I just want to stay a few minutes more.

  Daylight quit peeking in through the curtains hoaras ago. I know it’s time to leave this room, call Valeria, and remove the body. The body shouldn’t mean anything to me—it’s just an empty husk. It means nothing. Ahma’s on the other side, hopefully young and whole and reunited with my papa.

  I’d like to believe that. I’m not certain I do.

  I turn and find Tawny sitting quietly in the dark corner. Her eyes turn to mine with concern.

  “You okay, Dev?” she whispers, “Is there anything I can do? Anything I can say?

  I shake my head. “I’m going to tell Valeria that Ahma has passed and help her take care of any necessary business. You’ve missed a couple meals, why don’t you grab something to eat? Your muscles must be screaming from sitting in one position for so long.”

  “I’ll stick with you if it’s okay. I’ll get us both something to eat when the time is right.”

  She slips her hand into mine and we leave the room. It’s the last place I saw my Ahma alive.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Tawny

  I pull my hand out of Dev’s when we approach his aunt; I don’t need to complicate his life by prompting more questions.

  He’s all business as he and Valeria make arrangements. Both of them are staying strong; it was her sister, after all. Dev and I wordlessly scarf down sandwiches alone in the kitchen, then retire to our rooms.

  Brin’s already asleep by the time I slip in. My nighttime bathroom ritual is completed in minutes, and I fall into bed. I don’t think I’ll be getting to sleep any time soon.

  Poor Dev. My God, he’s been through so much. His pain today was palpable; I could feel it across the room. Just because I can’t be with him long term, just because the Stockholm Syndrome makes me confused about my feelings, doesn’t negate the reality that we have a history together. It doesn’t mean I can’t offer comfort when he needs me most.


  I pad out of the room and down the hall, then knock faintly on his door. I don’t even use my knuckles, I scratch with my nails. Everyone’s in bed, it’s quiet in the house. I know he’ll hear me.

  I keep scratching until he opens the door. He’s wearing comfy-looking p.j. bottoms and a sad expression.

  “What do you need, Tawny?” His muscles are tight; he’s not exactly welcoming.

  I try to slip through the doorway, but he’s blocking it with his large body.

  “I thought you might want company.”

  He closes his eyes, a pained expression on his face. “Of course I want company, but this won’t be good for either of us. We’re too connected. We need to disentangle.”