by KM Lowe
Jasper sits me down on the couch and I’m relieved when he sits beside me, never releasing me from his grip.
“Here. What else can I do?” asks Kevin as he places the blanket around me.
“I-I’m s-sorry.” I sob.
“You have nothing to apologise for. It’s going to take time, that’s all,” says Jasper.
Kevin bends down in front of me and wipes tears from the side of my cheek. “I’m sorry I left you. I should have said no.”
“You can’t be shut in here with me every minute of every day.”
“You could have come with me.”
“No!” I panic at the thought. I can’t be a wolf at the moment. The one thing I thought would protect me let me down. I don’t trust being in my wolf form.
“Ssh!” Jasper runs his hand through my hair, soothing my panic slightly. “Listen, I was planning on going home for a few days this weekend. Would you both like to come with me? It’s only going to be me and Stracey.”
I look at Kevin. He’s clearly letting me make the calls, but I don’t want to keep dictating his life to him.
“I can’t keep running.” I sigh.
I feel defeated already. It doesn’t matter what I do or say, something always crops up and knocks me back several spaces. I’m never going to get a break.
“You’re not running. Call it a break. A holiday. I’m sure your wolf would like to have a run,” says Jasper. “My house is big enough for us all to be in it and not even know the other couple is there. Maybe having another woman for some company will help as well. Stracey’s a good listener.”
I let Jasper’s words sink into my head and think them over carefully.
“A few days won’t hurt, babe. What do you say?” Kevin asks.
I like how he gives me the option, because I don’t think I’d like to be told what to do. I’ve seen that a lot with alpha male shifters and I always told myself that would never happen to me. I want a relationship like the one my parents had. They were equal in everything.
“Okay.” I nod.
“Good. Why don’t we leave on Thursday morning? That gives us two days in the pack,” says Jasper.
“Sounds perfect. Thank you,” says Kevin.
“Right, I’d better get back to see what Stracey and Lisa are doing, before one of them kills the other.” He shakes his head.
“Practising magic is going well then.” Kevin smirks.
“I swear I’ve aged thirty years this week.” He stands and pats my head softly. “If you need me, you know where I am.”
“Thank you, Jasper.” I smile softly.
When the cabin is empty, I sit back on the couch and rest my head back to look up at the light fitting. I feel terrible for causing a scene. My body is still trembling. My heart is still erratic. I feel like I’ve been run over by a bus, and I bet I look like it as well.
“You look tired, babe.”
“I feel it. Look, Kevin, I’m sorry, okay? I don’t know what happened. I was standing there one moment rinsing my cup, and the next, there was a guy in here. I didn’t think. I just reacted.” Tears slide down my cheeks.
Kevin sits beside me. His arm rests over my shoulders and my head relaxes onto his shoulder. His hand runs through my hair, just like Jasper’s did a few moments ago. My tension eases, and I sink into his embrace and close my eyes.
“You never have to apologise to me. I know how hard it is to move on when you get a fresh start. In fact, everyone in this pack will understand. Just relax. Let me hold you while you sleep. I promise I won’t be going anywhere again.”
I pull the blanket tighter around myself and let the effects of the adrenaline wear off. If only I could stay stuck in this little bubble forever, nothing would ever hurt or affect me again.
Chapter 24
Kevin
For two days, I did everything I could to make Karina relax while we were preparing for our trip to Jasper’s house. The morning has finally arrived, and I see how nervous she is. She fumbles with her hands, her sleeves, anything that she can twirl around. On one hand, it’s cute, but on the other, I hate to see her suffering like this. I’m way out of my depth here, and I don’t know what to do for the best. It’s okay everyone telling me to take it a day at a time, but when you feel like you’re stuck in a rut, those days feel like an eternity.
I’ve left Karina with Stracey while Jasper and I pack the Jeep. I know Karina will be safe with Stracey, and maybe some female company will be good for her. Maybe she can open up to Stracey a bit. God, what do I know? Women are hard to understand at times. They’re certainly not black or white. There are fifty shades of grey in between.
“How’s things going, buddy?” asks Jasper as he bangs down the boot of his Jeep.
I sigh. “Honestly, I have no idea. I’m hoping this trip will do us both some good. When it’s just the two of us, I feel like I make progress. She relaxes and opens up some, but then the moment a stranger stop by, something jogs a memory, or she has a nightmare, then we go right back to square one. Can you remember in Canada when I said I wasn’t strong enough for this?” Jasper nods. “Well, I’m the worst person for this role. I’m nothing like you.”
“You’re taking care of your responsibilities. I’m proud of you, son.”
“I wish I was proud of myself, Jasper. I’m out of my depth and struggling to stay afloat. This could either be a good few days or a terrible few days.”
“And we’ll deal with it accordingly. Don’t worry about anything. Just go with it. I wanted you both to come on this trip so Stracey and I could help you without interfering in the camp.”
“I just wish I knew what was going to happen.”
“Take it a day at a time.”
I want to scream from the top of my lungs because I’m so tired of people telling me to ‘take it a day at a time,’ or ‘go with the flow.’ I just need a solution to our problems, but nothing seems to work.
“Okay. Let’s get this show on the road,” says Jasper.
It’s hard to think positive when every hurdle we need to jump gets higher and higher. I can’t help but think of all the negative things that could happen out at Jasper’s house. This could just put off the inevitable. It could set us back even further, and I don’t know if Karina or I can take any more setbacks.
***
A few hours later, we pull up outside Jasper’s house. The drive down was okay. Karina spoke to Jasper and Stracey, and she even smiled and laughed with me. Maybe after this trip I’ll be able to eat my words and say I was wrong. I hope that’s the case.
I open my door and get out. Before I can reach Karina’s side, she’s standing looking out into the forest. I can see why she’s distracted, because it’s magnificent. It’s the first time I’ve been out here in the daylight, but now I know why Markus was reluctant to join the pack full time.
“It truly is beautiful out here. Is it safe to run freely?” asks Karina.
I clear my throat and look over the car for Jasper’s help. I can’t believe Karina is asking about shifting, because she hasn’t wanted to shift before. She found any excuse not to go out with me, or anyone. Just two days ago, she was about to have a panic attack thinking about shifting.
“It sure is. No one can see in or enter the property without me being alerted. You can shift out here no problem. It was one of the reasons I bought this property, so Markus and I didn’t need to worry about the outside world. Stracey and I can take care of the bags if you want to go out and explore with Kevin.”
Karina turns around to look at me. She looks petrified. The colour has drained from her face and her arms cling tightly across her chest. “I…” She looks at Jasper and Stracey then back to me. “I haven’t shifted since before…”
Jasper walks around the car as I step in closer to the woman I love. I hate seeing her so troubled and upset. It’s killing me.
“What are you afraid of, sweetheart?” I ask softly.
“Before I was taken, I was in my wolf form all the t
ime. I thought I would be safe. I guess I trusted my wolf to be the protector I didn’t have.”
“It wasn’t your fault, or your wolf’s fault, that you were taken. Those evil bastards had the power to tackle the council. You had no hope in hell of fighting them off. Not without them killing you,” says Jasper.
I think that’s why we all love Jasper, because he doesn’t hold back with his words. He’s straight to the point, and if he can’t answer your question, he’ll get someone who can.
“Is something else worrying you, babe?” I ask.
She blushes a bright shade of pink and her head falls to look down at her feet. I tilt my head to the side to study her. This is a moment when I wish I could read her mind, because whatever is stopping her from shifting is really taking its toll on her.
“You haven’t seen me…”
Jasper lifts his hand and places it on my shoulder. I lift my head to look at him, but I’m not getting what the issue is. Everyone here clearly does.
“What about if I come out with you for your first shift, until you’ve shifted? Kevin can stay here until you’re ready,” says Stracey.
It finally hits me square in the face that Karina is afraid of me seeing her naked. I nod in understanding, but it’s just another fucking hurdle we have to get over because those rogue bastards couldn’t keep their hands or paws to themselves.
I clear my throat. “I can turn around while you shift. I don’t need to see you, just like you don’t need to see me. This is the same as I said to you about everything else. There’s no rush. We take this as slow or as fast as you want. No pressure.”
Her beautiful eyes look up from the ground to meet mine. A soft smile creeps over her face and my heart stutters in my chest. I step forward to take her in my arms, but I stop, because I don’t want to frighten her away any more. When she steps into my embrace and wraps her arms around my waist, I’m shocked. I wrap my arms around her and take in this moment. Jasper pats my back and I watch him and Stracey walk into the house. I rest my chin on Karina’s head. The smell of her shampoo will be forever imprinted in my mind.
Karina pulls back slightly, her arms still wrapped around my back. Her eyes are hypnotizing. “I’m sorry for being so difficult. I feel our connection, Kevin. This, right here.” She looks at my chest and smiles. “It feels right. Sometimes I just get stuck in the past.”
I place my finger under her chin and bring her eyes up to look at me. “You don’t need to apologise.”
She reaches up on her tiptoes and stops a few centimetres away from my lips. I stand as still as I can, feeling her warm breath tickle my lips. She moves in slowly, taking my mouth with hers. I give her a few seconds to pull away, but when she doesn’t, I tighten my arms around her, feeling her relax into my touch. When she pulls back again, our foreheads rest against one another, our breathing erratic, hearts pounding.
“Thank you,” she whispers. “For letting me take this at my own pace. You’re an amazing man, Kevin.”
“And you’re an amazing woman.”
“Maybe we should get this shift out of the way.”
I nod slowly. This momentous moment is one I didn’t expect so soon, but now it’s happened, it gives me more hope that we will be okay. I chance my luck and hold my hand out for her to take. I know holding hands is such a mundane task when we just had our tongues down each other’s throat, but I have no idea what can set off a memory and I hate being the one to cause her any pain.
When she hesitates to hold my hand, I go to drop it and walk on beside her, but she takes my hand and links our fingers. I immediately feel sparks shooting up my arm.
“It’s so peaceful out here. When I was growing up, I always imagined coming to a place like this.” Karina rests her head on my arm and we walk slowly through the damp grass.
“What was it like growing up?” I ask, because I’ve divulged my childhood with her, and I really want to know her inside and out.
“Honestly, I had a good childhood. My mother was the perfect shifter’s wife. She loved to cook, clean, take care of the kids, and attend pack gatherings. She was always turning her hand at something. My mother and father had a perfect life together. They had a love so strong that everyone was jealous. Then they were taken from me.” She shakes her head at the memory.
“What happened?” I run my thumb over the back of her hand softly.
“I have no idea. One day we were happy, the next, they were killed. I was the one that got away, only to run right into another set of mutts. Worst luck ever, huh?”
I smile sadly at my mate, because she’s been through so much in her young life. If I hadn’t met Lisa and Jasper when I did, I would have thought us wolves are destined to live in a mixed-up world where violence and abuse is normal. Now, I know it isn’t the case. I know power and money makes people greedy for more. It’s sad.
“Where are you originally from?” I ask.
“Have you heard of the Boreal Forest in Canada?” She looks up at me when I shake my head. “North America's Boreal Forest, which spans the northern portion of the continent from Alaska all the way to Newfoundland, covers 1.5 billion acres. It’s huge. It’s beautiful. It’s a bit like Scotland. It has amazing scenery. Lots of wildlife…” She pauses. I study her face carefully, because she looks beautiful when she reminisces. It’s like she’s picturing herself there. “It’s a place where pack life is easy to keep under the radar, you know? A bit like here; peaceful, tranquil, at one with nature.”
I stop suddenly and bring Karina to face me. I lift my hand and place it gently on her cheek. “Do you miss it?”
She shrugs and studies my face. “I guess. I have a lot of happy memories there. But, it also holds a lot of bad memories that I wish to erase.”
“Will being here at Jasper’s house cause you pain in any way?”
She shakes her head. “I actually feel the most content I’ve felt since I woke up in Meadow Springs. Thank you for agreeing to come out here.”
“Again, you don’t need to thank me. I’d go to the ends of the Earth if it meant you were happy.”
“I’m beginning to see that, Mr…” She pauses. “What is your second name?”
“My full name is Kevin Witlock. I use my mother’s maiden name because I don’t want anything to do with my father.”
“I like this. Getting to know one another.”
“Me too.” I look over my shoulder. We can’t see the house or driveway from here. “How do you want to do this?”
She shrugs and looks around us. “The trees are big enough. Why don’t we both go behind a tree and shift there.”
“Okay. Just let me know when you’re ready.” I back away from her and pick a tree to hide my vision from her shifting.
This feels like torture. I know she’s only a few feet away from me, and I crave to hold her naked skin against my body. Breathe. I strip out of my clothes in record time. I could have quite easily shredded them from my body, but I know I’ll need them after. Thankfully, my brain is thinking clearer than my dick.
I hear a stick breaking in front of me and I initiate the shift. Bones breaking, fur sprouting, nose elongated, I stand on my large paws.
“I’m ready.” I look around to see how I heard that voice, but there’s nothing. I step away from my tree and see a beautiful, chestnut-coloured wolf. She’s beautiful. Her blue eyes hook me in. I walk closer to her, nudging the side of her nose with mine. She surprises me when her tongue shoots out and licks my nose.
“Your wolf isn’t shy,” I say to myself.
“She’s the complete opposite of me.” I quickly look at the wolf standing beside me.
“How can I hear you? How can you hear me?”
“I’m not sure. I guess it’s true that we are mates.” She nuzzles her nose into the side of my shoulder.
“Did you ever doubt that we were?”
“I never doubted we were meant to be together, but I think I always expected to work for that kind of love. I never expected my knight
in shining armour to ride in and save me. It’s like something out of a fairy-tale.”
I guess I understand what she means. Some of our shifters never find the one. They spend their life living in a pack, sleeping around from one person to the next, never experiencing true love. I never imagined I would find my mate, because I was never looking. Now it’s happened, I can’t imagine my life without her. We’re going through hell at the moment, but I know I’d die for her. I’d do anything to make her happy, love her, care for her. That I know for sure.
“What do you say we put our wolves to the test? Do you fancy a run?”
“You promise not to go too far in front?”
“I’m going to stay beside you. You set the pace.” I lick her nose this time and her wolf whines playfully.
She takes a few steps forward and looks over her shoulder at me. I let her take off slowly, keeping back, giving her space to get used to her surroundings. Her wolf hasn’t been free for so long. It will be good for her to set the pace. I know I always feel alive when I run as my wolf.
Her howl makes me howl back. I find it funny, because in her human form, she’s petite, shy, quiet, reserved. Yet, in her wolf form, she isn’t any of the above. Her wolf is above average for a female shifter. I’d even go as far as saying she’s bigger than Lisa. From the small conversation I’ve had with her in wolf, she’s confident and open. Maybe this is what I have to do daily to get through to her closed-off human self.
Chapter 25
Kevin
I woke up five minutes ago to an empty bed. I’ve never felt as terrified in my life. I jump out of bed, leaving my shorts and t-shirt on, to search for Karina. No one is in the living room or kitchen. My heart is pounding frantically until I hear a soft laugh coming from down the hall. I walk towards the sound, but when I reach the door, I lean against the frame. Sitting in the middle of what looks to be a library, are Karina and Jasper. She looks at peace. She doesn’t look like the scared, timid young woman that woke up in Canada. My beast settles down and my heart starts to slow. Just watching her laughing with Jasper is amazing.
