A Staten Island Love Letter 5

by Jahquel J

  “I thought you hadn’t got here yet. It doesn’t help that the whole house is dark, and you always park in the garage,” she laughed as she hugged me. “I had to check on a few things before coming over here.”

  “You’re good. Satin had my ass knocked out.”

  “Hard, huh?”

  “Hell yeah. I don’t know how I’m going to juggle two,” I walked into the kitchen. My back was turned, but I heard her gasps.

  “You didn’t have to do this, Staten.” When I turned around, her hands were to her mouth and she had a shocked expression on her face. “You’re about to make me cry,” her voice cracked.

  “Don’t get all emotional on me,” I laughed.

  “I can’t help it. You didn’t have to do this, but you did and it means a lot to me. I’m really lucky that I have you to go through this with.”

  “Like I told you, I got you and our son,” I rubbed her stomach. Maliah had a damn six pack at one time, and now it was more like a pudge.

  “I’m really excited to have this baby. I can’t wait until he comes because then I can stop being so damn emotional.”

  “Don’t rush him. He’s coming,” I hugged her again and then went to cut her a piece of cake. The way she eyeing the cake, I knew she would want a piece.

  “I want a big piece too.”

  “How’s your mother been? You spoke to her?”

  “When it comes to business, yeah. Other than that, I don’t hear from her. She doesn’t want to know anything about the baby.”

  “She’ll come around.”

  “You know my mom. She’s not going to come around. Honestly, I don’t care because it feels good doing something that I want to do.”

  “I need to go holla at her sometime soon.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t want my son being rejected by his grandmother. As much as she doesn’t like the situation, she can’t control the shit and need to just accept it like everyone else.”

  “Have you told your mother?”

  “Nah. I told Priest and Ghost.”

  She sat down at the counter and dug into the cake. “And what did they have to say?”

  “Shit, they were shocked and told me I was crazy as fuck.”

  “For fucking one of Messiah’s daughters, right?”

  “Yeah. Everyone knows your mother doesn’t play when it comes to the both of you. I didn’t plan for any of this to happen, but it did. What does she want me to do? Act like a deadbeat and not acknowledge that the baby is mine?”

  “My mom is weird. As much as I want her support, I don’t need it. Long as I keep up with the business side of things, she’s good.”

  “Business is business when it comes to your mother,” I sighed.

  My mother needed to know what was going on and about Maliah having my baby. I couldn’t keep this a secret anymore. Shit, I needed to tell Chanel. That would be a whole other problem. My mother loved her grandchildren, so she would be excited for the new baby. Chanel on the other hand, she would be pissed because she was ready to work on baby two and I had been ignoring her ass about it. It wasn’t like I did this shit on purpose. After my son was born, I needed to start wrapping my shit up. I couldn’t be having all these damn kids, and it didn’t matter if I could afford them either.

  Since Chanel gave me enough time with Satin, I spent two days in the crib with her. We watched movies, ate and I had to change her diapers a shit load of times. She had a big blow out and got shit all over my damn bed. The time was needed. I had Liberty on my mind, and I needed to distance myself from everyone for a minute. Although two days wasn’t enough time to deal with everything, money was calling, and I had to get to making it. When Ghost stepped down, it left everything up to me, so two days away was like a month off. I carried Satin into my mother’s house. It never failed, she always had something cooking when I entered her door. I spent a lot of time at my mom’s crib eating because I didn’t know how to cook. The busier I got, the less time I had to just sit and chill with her while grubbing on her good ass food.

  “Hey baby, you look tired,” she observed, then her eyes landed onto Satin, and suddenly I didn’t matter as much anymore. “Look at this angel. You know I haven’t seen her since she was in the hospital?”

  “I’m sorry about that, mama. I really be on her ass, but she does what she wants.”

  She nodded her head as she looked into Satin’s face. “Yeah, I know. You and your brother sure know how to pick them.”

  “Yeah, in Chanel’s defense, she wasn’t always like this.”

  “Just because you never saw it, doesn’t mean she was never like this,” she pointed her finger at me. “Go in that bathroom and brush your teeth. Man, your breath is killing me,” she laughed.

  “Do you know how long it takes to get a baby together?”

  “Yep, I got three of them together.”

  I went into her linen closet and grabbed a fresh toothbrush. While she had Satin, I brushed my teeth and washed my face before going back into the kitchen where she was holding Satin. “Mama, I got another baby on the way,” I blurted. There was no way to get around it. I had to just tell her.

  “Dammit, Staten. I had the talk about protection with both you and your brother. Don’t tell me it’s by Chanel?”

  “Maliah.”

  “Messiah’s daughter?”

  I nodded my head. “It just happened.”

  “And how does her mother feel about this?”

  “She not happy. She’ll live.”

  “Or maybe you won’t live. What is wrong with you? That is reckless, Staten. That girl is too damn young to be a mother.”

  “Mama, she’s twenty-one.”

  “And you’re in your thirties. What do you have in common with a damn twenty-one-year-old?”

  “A lot. I don’t think about the age. She acts older than what she is. Ma, you know I hate those young acting chicks. It’s something about Maliah that had me open and one thing led to another and now she’s having my baby.”

  “How do you know the baby is yours?” she narrowed her eyes at me.

  “Because I took her virginity.”

  “Good Jesus, Shaliq. Do you know what happens when you take a woman’s virginity? You’ll never get rid of her now,” I knew that to be true. It was different when it came to Maliah. She wasn’t clingy and she let me do my thing. When we would link together, she knew that was our time. When it was time to go our separate ways, she didn’t give me an issue.

  “She’s not like that.”

  “Yeah, not yet… where do you see this going? Is this another baby mama, or do you see yourself being with this girl?”

  I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know, mama.”

  “You were so sure about Liberty, why is it so hard for you to know? Are you stringing this girl along?”

  “I was wrong about Liberty, so now I’m being cautious about who I’m going to jump into a relationship with.”

  “Bullshit. Tell me right now do you see yourself being with Maliah and raising your child with her?”

  I couldn’t tell her that because I didn’t. I loved Maliah, but I couldn’t see myself being with her. I hated that I even got us this deep, but I couldn’t be with her. The fact that Messiah would never approve didn’t bother me, it was the fact that Maliah would go hard to avoid her mother to make our relationship work and I couldn’t be the cause of that. Despite Messiah’s fucked up parenting views, Maliah needed her mother. Maliah was very wise and mature for her age, which was why we connected on such a deep level. Still, she had so much life to experience and I couldn’t take that from her. Right now, all she did was work and handle business for her mother, but what about when she woke up at thirty and realized she never got a chance to live and settled down with me? I didn’t want her to resent me. Our son would always be good, and we would always co-parent, but I didn’t see myself settling down and being with her. Especially when Liberty still had my heart.

  “Nah,” I admitted.


  “Don’t you think she should know? Stringing her along, and she’s pregnant with your child creates problems.”

  “I hear you.”

  She sighed. “I hope so. I really hope you get your shit together. Having all these babies and not committing to these women is going to get you in a world of trouble. Especially, when you have to have those conversations with your kids.”

  I got up from the table and bent down to kiss Satin. “I definitely hear you, mama. Thank you for taking care of her for me.”

  “You know I love these kids. Go and handle your business, and please be safe.”

  “Always,” I said and left out the door.

  Everything my mother said was the truth. Eventually, I would have to explain to my kids why I never married their mamas. I had to shake back and get control of my life. Lately, it seemed like shit was going crazy. Even if my mama didn’t think I was listening, I heard what she said and I had planned to make some changes with my life.

  10

  Justice

  My life had been a shit show and I was trying hard to push through. However, when Yasmine came home two weeks ago, I felt like my life was finally trying to brighten up. She was able to come home and go straight into her own room in my apartment. This wasn’t the vision I had for my life, yet I had to deal with it and take the cards life had dealt me. Priest was there to welcome Yasmine home. I didn’t want him to know where I lived and tried hard to avoid it, but I couldn’t take this moment away from him. As much as I couldn’t stand him, my heart went out to him. He was dealing with Kiki suicide attempt, and then Love was staying out all times of night. His daughter coming home was the brightest thing to happen in his life, so I didn’t want to deny him of that. As much as I loved the girls, I couldn’t be there the way I wanted for them. They knew my number and knew if they needed me that I would come running. Right now, Yasmine and trying to get my life back in order was main priority.

  This week the grand opening of my center was set to open. I had a whole bunch of parents that wanted to enroll their teens into our SAT prep programs. I even had parents of younger students who wanted them to be enrolled in tutoring, which was six days a week. My center and Yasmine were the only two things that I was excited about. Everything else in my life went straight to hell and I tried my best to ignore it all. Even with Yasmine being home, she still had a bunch of appointments and I made sure to take an Uber there to avoid having to sit in Priest’s car and hear him apologize over and over again. His little bitch must have gotten my number and now she wouldn’t stop calling me from different numbers. If that wasn’t enough, she would send text messages with pictures of Priest sleeping beside her. He claimed it was old, but I didn’t know what to believe. If he was still fucking around with her, then he needed to stop trying to get back with me. It was obvious that this bitch wanted him and wouldn’t stop until he was hers – again.

  “Are you ever going to make it right with Liberty?” Free asked, as she fed Samoor. She had come over to visit me and Yasmine. If I wasn’t at the center, I was home with my daughter. I didn’t even leave the house to food shop, I had that delivered to me.

  “When she’s clean for more than two months. I’m tired of getting my hopes up for her to fall back into the same pattern. I’m sick of it.”

  “She’s due to get out of the rehab soon. Her fiancé had movers move things out of her apartment, she’s giving it up.” Free wanted me to care and I didn’t. Whatever Liberty chose to do with her life, was her choice to make. If she truly found love, I was happy for her and prayed she didn’t fuck it up.

  “Didn’t you say he had money?”

  “Yeah. He’s a cool dude. I could tell he’s into Liberty more than she is into him,” she put Samoor over her shoulder and gently burped him.

  “How do you know?”

  “I know her, and I know that he cares a great deal for her. I’m not saying Liberty doesn’t care for him, but It’s not as much as he cares for her.”

  “So, why do you think she wants to marry him? If Liberty doesn’t want to do something, she doesn’t do it, so why did she agree to marry him?”

  Free shrugged her shoulders. “I have no clue. She’s planning a whole wedding and has met his family.”

  “Met his family? This is serious.”

  “Uh huh. So, we need to support her. She seems to be happy and I don’t want her to feel like we’re not supporting her.”

  “Well, I don’t support this. She needs to focus on herself before trying to get married.”

  “Yeah, well… it’s not our place to say anything.”

  “What you mean? I found her damn near dead, I think I have a right to not support her,” I rolled my eyes.

  Finding my sister laid out on the couch and not knowing that she was alive or dead had me scared. It was something I couldn’t stop thinking about. Liberty felt like that I should forget it and move on. It was hard to un-see something like that. Especially when it was your own sister. I couldn’t stop thinking about how this could have gone wrong. Instead of visiting her in rehab, I could have been visiting her in the morgue. I wasn’t ready to forgive her or have a conversation with her.

  “I’m not saying you need to forget, but you do need to forgive her. Talk to her and see where her head is. I feel like she may get it right this time,” Free tried to convince me.

  “On my time. I’m not working on Liberty’s time, just mine.”

  “That’s fair.”

  “When do you and Ghost leave for vacation?”

  She smiled. Free was so in love with Ghost. I knew with him having cancer it was hard, but she was managing to be there for him through it all. “Well, it turned out to be a family vacation. The kids are out for break, so we decided to bring them along with the nanny.”

  “I’m excited for you. You guys need this vacation more than anything,” I smiled at her. With all that was going on, they needed some sun and quality time with their kids. “Did you guys decide where you’re going?”

  “We’re going to Belize.”

  “What? I’m jealous. How do you think the kids will behave on a plane?”

  She smiled. “We’re taking the private jet. The kids will be able to have room and sleep when they want. I’m excited to just be getting out of the country and doing it with Gyson and the kids.”

  “Hopefully you get some dick too.”

  “Girl, I plan to. Gyson got some work done to his villa over the winter, so I’m excited to see what was done. He showed me pictures of the infinity pool he put in, and the kids can’t wait to swim.”

  “I’m glad that everyone is excited. Me and Yasmine will be here watching re-runs and pumping milk.”

  “Did you doctor say you couldn’t travel with her?”

  “He says I can, I’m just not there yet. I still cry when I change her diaper because I don’t want to hurt her. We’ll eventually travel, just not yet.”

  “Do everything on your timing, mama,” she offered me a smile. “The good thing is that she’s home and not in the hospital anymore.”

  “That part.”

  “What’s going on with you and Priest? I heard about Kiki, how is he doing with that?”

  “Good. He got her into therapy, and she’s being homeschooled. He handled it the best way he knew how. His problem is Love and her fast ass. She is following right after Kiss and he can’t control her.”

  “Wow. And what about you and him?”

  “What about us?”

  “Do you think you’ll ever forgive him and be with him again?”

  “Do pigs fly?”

  She giggled. “Seriously, Justice.”

  “I’m tired of niggas doing what they want, and I’m supposed to be alright with it, and accept it. Priest made his bed and now he has to lie in it. I don’t know what the future holds, but he got a lot of ass kissing before I’ll even consider it.”

  “I hear you… I know he does love you.”

  “He sure has a funny way of showing it
. Right now, he needs to focus on his nieces and daughter. If we’re gonna be together, only time will tell,” I sighed. “On another note, I spoke to mommy.”

  “Oh yeah? I’m surprised.”

  “Me too. She called me and congratulated me on bringing Yasmine home. Told me she can’t wait to come home so she can see her.”

  “Don’t hold your breath. She hasn’t even met Samoor.”

  “Do you think she’s going through a midlife crisis or something?”

  Free shook her head. “No, I think after daddy died that she had to be the strong parent and raise us. She had a job to do and to her, she feels like she has completed that job and is free to do what she wants.”

  “She kinda is.”

  “Yeah, but when does it become alright to forget about your kids? My man is dying, and her grandson has a heart condition. You had your baby months early and she still hasn’t come, shit, Liberty nearly died and all she did was call and tell her to get her shit together. Just because your kids are grown doesn’t mean you stop being a parent.”

  “I agree with you,” I could tell that this was something that bothered Freedom the most. My mother should have been here for us and she wasn’t. Did it make me love her any less? No, having my sisters there for me was what mattered the most to me. My mom stopped talking to me after I chose to take my ex back after he nearly tried to kill us. I needed her the most then and she wasn’t there because she allowed her personal feelings to get in the way of being there for me.

  “Mom will come around when she wants. In the meantime, I’m excited to spending time with my family and actually enjoying ourselves. These past few months have been crazy and I think this trip is well needed.”

  “You definitely deserve this trip more than anyone.”

  “Wish you were going.”

  “Me too. We’ll have another one real soon,” I promised her.