“Time for my blockers?” she asked, her voice heavy with sarcasm.
She hated that she was on these blockers, especially when she was nursing a newborn. It was affecting him, she knew. The wings he’d had when he was first born had disappeared and the scales that had occasionally rippled across his skin no longer appeared. Even though it wasn’t likely that he’d end up with lasting effects over it, they weren’t sure just how much of the blockers were getting into his system.
He was still growing, though, and the bruises that had formed when he had his shots had faded in an hour, so it wasn’t hurting him too badly. It was the only reason she was still letting them give her the blockers.
She adjusted her hold on the baby and held out the arm chained to the bed. “You know, it would be nice if you could just forget for an extra half hour or so. Just so I can get my mountain lion back for a little bit, help heal me up faster.”
Erica gave her a sympathetic grimace as she prepped the needle. “I’m sorry. If it was up to me, you wouldn’t have any of this. I know you’re not going to leave your newborn and you’re not going to risk running away with him, not when it was such a traumatic birth.”
“But you’re not in charge.”
“I have submitted my recommendation to stop the blockers to Maura,” Erica said, gently sliding the needle into Clementine’s arm. She flinched at the sting, but it wasn’t so bad. “I am hopeful that Maura will understand. She and the heads of the teams are meeting to discuss your case today. I think there might be some more evidence that Cooper uncovered.”
Clementine’s stomach clenched. Evidence for or against her?
Erica withdrew the needle and put a Band-Aid over the injection site, then sighed. “And for the record, I’m sorry I thought you were the traitor. I didn’t want to believe it. There was just so much evidence against you…”
“No, I understand. When there was so much against me, you had to go with what you saw. Gut instinct only goes so far.”
Erica grimaced as she nodded. “I am sorry, though.”
“I know. I just want this to be over. I want to stop waiting and wondering and fearing.” Clementine sighed as she gazed down at her baby again. She and Eugene had only talked about naming him a few times, even though she thought that was the first thing they’d have talked about. Instead, it seemed like they talked about everything except the baby. “Is Eugene back yet?”
“I’m not sure. I’ll send Evan to go find out.” Erica patted Clementine’s shoulder. “I’m glad you’re back.”
Clementine smiled back at her, but her face felt stiff.
After Erica was gone, Clementine leaned back in her bed, feeling the weight of her son in her arms. What would happen to him if she was sent to jail? Would Eugene raise him here, at the Academy? Or would he retire from his position on the Blaze Ops and return to his parents’ farm, so that the baby would grow up like he did, with all that open space?
She didn’t even know what Eugene wanted. The situation was so confusing! They’d barely gotten back together, and they hadn’t even really officially gotten back together. Yes, they’d told each other they loved one another and called each other their mates but… that was it. They hadn’t said that they actually wanted to be together… and it was something Clementine needed to hear. Needed to say.
But… a smile slowly spread over her face. When he thought the baby wasn’t his, he had thrown himself into the role of father. That had to mean something, right?
Clementine wasn’t sure when her thoughts turned to dreams, but she was woken suddenly by a hand on her shoulder. She jerked, her arms tightening instinctively around her baby. He stirred but didn’t wake.
Maura stood over her. Her expression was gentler than the last time Clementine had seen her, but she still didn’t look too friendly. “Sorry to wake you. But you need to fill out the baby’s birth certificate. You haven’t done it yet.”
“Eugene and I haven’t decided on a name yet.”
Maura sighed. “I understand that. But you need to move quickly, Clementine. I don’t want any complications arising in getting Eugene full custody if you are incarcerated again.”
“If?” Clementine repeated sarcastically as she glanced at the chain on her wrist.
“If,” Maura repeated. “Because I am fighting my ass off to keep you here rather than handing you over to D.C. again. I know it sucks. I know that you don’t need to be on the blockers or to be chained up. But those are the only precautions that the people I report to will accept, especially with our history of escapes.”
“What history?” Clementine snorted. “Utopia and Karey? Those are the only two in the whole history of the Academy.”
Maura smirked bitterly. “And you. It doesn’t matter that you were being transported when you escaped, they are saying you have a history of escaping and they don’t want to take any chances. Now, I can keep you here for as long as it takes for you to heal but… but after that, I’m not so sure.”
So, Maura was trying to help her? Trying to protect her? Clementine eyed her, uncertain how to respond to that. She certainly seemed genuine. And honestly, she always had so much going on, it was difficult to read her. She was professional to the extreme, never letting her emotions show.
Clementine nodded once to show she accepted what Maura was saying and looked back at the baby. “I’ll fill out his certificate when I can talk to Eugene again and we can decide on a name.”
“Good. Thank you. I mean, I hope it doesn’t come to that,” Maura continued. “But I don’t want to take any chances.”
Clementine knew what she meant. When it came to her baby, she didn’t want to take any chances, either. “Erica mentioned that you were getting some new evidence. She didn’t say if it was for or against me, though.”
Maura hesitated, then shrugged. “I probably shouldn’t tell you, but I can’t see that it makes much of a difference. Cooper managed to unearth some phone calls that were recorded. I asked him how,” she continued, seeing the question in Clementine’s eyes, “but he told me it was better if I didn’t know. I’m guessing it was an off-the-books kind of deal that he made.”
“Yeah.” Even though they as an organization operated out of the chain of command, away from legality to give the government plausible deniability, there was something in the way Maura said that that made her think Cooper had done something very, very illegal. She braced herself. “And?”
“And, it’s Mark talking about how he set you up. Explains what he did and everything. It’s let us open more investigations.” Maura smiled briefly. “We’re hopeful.”
Hopeful didn’t even begin to cover it. Clementine’s heart lightened. She could have jumped up and down, screaming for joy. Even though Maura’s tone warned caution, she didn’t care. Certainly, with everything piling up, they’d see that she was innocent of the crimes that she stood accused of. She gazed down at her son as he stirred, tears coming to her eyes. Could it really be that easy, after everything they had gone through?
Maura sat in a chair next to the bed. She laced her fingers together, a troubled furrow coming to her brow. “If you are acquitted and I sincerely hope you are, what will you do?”
“I… guess I hadn’t thought about it.”
“Would you want to come back to work for the Academy? I know after everything that happened, you might not feel comfortable here anymore. But…” Maura trailed off. Her cheeks flushed pink and she shrugged. “Well. I mean, I shouldn’t really offer you a job until we’re certain that the charges will be dropped.”
Clementine breathed out lightly. Would she want to come back to work here? She had worked her ass off for years in order to be a chief physician, and she had actually achieved that goal before she was thirty. Working at the Academy had been so fulfilling. It was filled with challenges, it stretched her abilities, it made her work to be something better. She loved the job, loved the people she worked with, loved making such a difference in the world.
But it was
busy. It consumed everything, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to give her all to that again. And as she gazed at her son, her little boy that was such a surprise and then caused her so much worry, she knew.
“I was hurt and betrayed when people thought I was the traitor,” she said slowly, “but I understand where they were coming from. I’m not angry about that anymore.”
Maura smiled.
“But I don’t want to work here anymore, either. It takes to much of my life. I can’t in good conscience take a job like this that demands my all when my all needs to go to my son now. I can’t remember when I wasn’t working toward something.” Clementine leaned back and nodded. “Right now, I need to concentrate on living in the now. Enjoying the time I have with my son and my mate. I can figure out what sort of work I want to do later.”
Maura’s smile grew sad for a moment, but she nodded. “I understand that. If I had a family… well. I suppose there isn’t much point in making too many plans, anyway.”
Clementine grimaced. “Right. Because we don’t know…”
“Yeah.”
“But my helping the Blaze Ops with their mission to go undercover in the Pack helps, right? And that I turned myself in?” Clementine looked at Maura anxiously. She was so tired of waiting to see what was going to happen next! “I mean… I understand caution, but it’s not a witch hunt, is it?”
Maura shook her head. “I can’t tell you more than what I’ve said already. I’m sorry. You’ll just have to wait.”
Clementine nodded, though she grimaced. She ought to have expected that. The baby was getting rather heavy, though, and when she snuck another glance at Maura, she saw the director looking at the baby with a peculiar expression on her face. If she had already said everything that she had come to say, she’d have left already.
“Would you like to hold him?”
Maura turned beet red but nodded. She took the baby, smiling down at him. “He’s beautiful.”
“Thank you.”
“Clementine?”
“Yeah?”
Maura sighed as she adjusted her hold on the baby. “I’m sorry. For not believing you when you said that you weren’t the traitor. I’m sorry that I didn’t fight harder for you. I’m sorry that I didn’t look into other possibilities.”
Clementine shrugged, feeling uncomfortable. Yeah, she had been angry with Maura about all that, but what was she supposed to do? She had a job to do, and part of that job was being impartial. She couldn’t let someone off the hook just because they were friends and didn’t want to believe that they were a traitor. Her responsibility was too great. “You did what you had to.”
“No. I should never have agreed to that second transportation. I should have insisted that you be kept here. Those men are dead because of me. You almost died because of me.”
“Mark would have come after me here if I’d been allowed to stay.”
“Maybe.” Maura sighed as she handed the baby back. “That doesn’t mean their blood isn’t on my hands. But I am going to do everything I can to make sure this baby doesn’t have to grow up without his mother. I promise.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
For the next few days, Eugene never got an opportunity to talk with Clementine alone like he wanted. Someone was always there, and if they weren’t, she was too tired to talk. He helped with the baby, changing diapers and giving baths, but when he suggested that they be allowed to go back to his apartment, Maura said that it’d be best if they stayed in the hospital, even though Clementine wasn’t chained anymore.
He was just helping her get some exercise by walking her from one end of the hall to the other when Patrick and Fiona came to see them with smiles so wide they nearly broke their faces.
“The charges against Clementine have been officially dropped,” Fiona announced, embracing Clementine. “And we are here to issue an informal apology, but a formal one is coming. Congratulations. We’re here to help you move back to your apartment if you want. I’m afraid everything has been packed up but—”
“But,” Clementine interrupted, “I think I’ll be going to Eugene’s apartment anyway.”
Eugene smiled at her, showing her that he agreed with her assessment. His heart soared and his fires burned hot inside of him. He wanted to jump up and down and sing praises to the Lord for this. After all their time waiting and waiting and wondering what was going to happen, finally they were here. Finally, Clementine was free of this shadow hanging over her, and they could start really moving forward with their lives.
He carried the baby to the apartment, Clementine walking slowly beside him. Her being cleared meant the blockers were finally going to be stopped. Eugene couldn’t wait until she had her mountain lion back. He knew she’d be a lot more comfortable and relaxed once she had it purring in her chest again.
Once they were at the apartment, Eugene put the baby down in the bassinet he’d bought and then sat on the couch with Clementine, holding her in his arms. She leaned against him with a sigh.
“Is this for real?” she asked him. “Is it over?”
“Yeah.” He kissed the back of her neck. “Yeah, it’s really over. Now… now we can talk.”
“Oh, Eugene.” Clementine sighed as she shook her head. “Can’t we just take a moment to drink in this moment of freedom?”
Eugene chuckled. “I’d love to, darling, but I’ve been needing to talk to you about this for quite a while. I’m afraid I can’t relax until we have this all sorted out. We need to talk. Even if it’s just about naming the baby.”
“Oh, yes. Yes, we need to do that. I guess I have been reluctant because it meant… you know. The birth certificate and then… I don’t know. Maybe I was just feeling too much pressure. Anyway.” She turned to him and smiled brightly. “What names do you have?”
“I was thinking maybe Jameson.” It was the only name he liked that he hadn’t suggested already. “Did you have any ideas?”
Clementine shook her head. “Jameson. I like it. That’s the name of the main character in my favorite book. Only we have to make sure he knows he wasn’t named after a book; it was just coincidence.”
Eugene laughed. “Alright. So… there is something I need to tell you. I, uh… back when you were first arrested, I told Liam and Utopia about our story. Only I lied.” Her brow pinched and Eugene flinched. “I know it was stupid. I just need to confess. I’m sorry. It was really stupid, but I was trying to stop myself from hurting so bad… I told them that when I proposed, you were already trying to break up with me.”
Clementine snorted. “Oh, is that it? That’s hardly worth mentioning.”
“Well… it is… because I need to apologize.”
“I forgive you.” She kissed him gently, and the smile faded from her face. He could see in her eyes a nervousness. “Thank you. For doing everything you have to help me. With getting the charges dropped and helping with Jameson. I don’t know what I’d be doing right now if it wasn’t for you… Well. Probably decaying.”
“You’re welcome.” Eugene took a deep breath. He didn’t know how to say this. “Now… We need to talk about something. And I just want you to know that I love you, and I never stopped loving you. But… Fifteen years is a long time.”
Clementine visibly braced herself.
Eugene’s stomach twisted and cramped. He found that he was unable to look her in the eye and instead, stared at the coffee table. Part of him thought he needed to just put this in the past, but if he was silent now, he didn’t know when he would be able to bring it up again. And the guilt was just too much for him to deal with.
“I had flings,” he admitted, hanging his head. “I wasn’t faithful to your memory. I picked up women at bars… I… I never felt with them the way I feel with you. I always felt guilty about it. But I did it anyway.”
Clementine let out a shaky breath. “I didn’t expect you to… not. I mean, we weren’t together. Things happened between us, and I know that the sex drive is a powerful thing. So, I’m not ang
ry at you for sleeping with other women, Eugene.”
“But you are hurt.”
She shrugged. “I have no right to be.”
“That’s not true. If I had—”
“Eugene.” She held up her hand. “It’s not like I’ve been celibate these last fifteen years, either. I had my own flings. I wasn’t a virgin when we slept together.”
It felt like a punch to his stomach, but Eugene understood. He wasn’t angry that Clementine had slept with other men while they were apart. He didn’t feel the need to forgive her because she hadn’t done anything wrong. It still hurt, though. Because they were mates. What hurt most of all, though, was the fact that none of this would have happened if he hadn’t run away from her when she turned down his proposal.
“I never really… enjoyed it. At least, not emotionally.” Her cheeks turned pink as she hung her head. “And I always wondered what I was thinking. I always felt so terrible afterward…but I didn’t know what else to do. Maybe if I had bothered to track you down…”
“Maybe if I had bothered to track you down.”
Clementine met his gaze as she clutched at his hand. “I want to be your mate, Eugene. I want to more than I’ve wanted anything else. But I’m also… I’m afraid. I don’t know if I’m good enough for you. I mean, just look at everything that happened. I don’t know if I can be selfless enough to put you first. Especially now that we have Jameson, I don’t know if I can—”
He cut her off with a gentle kiss. “Clementine. I never expected that you would put me before everything else in the world all the time. That’s just not possible. And honestly, yes. Jameson comes first. For me, too. The trick, I’ve been told, is to switch out top priorities. Sometimes we’ll have to prioritize other things. But as long as we can make time to prioritize each other, it will work.”
“I… just…” Clementine sighed. “I always thought that being mates would be so easy. And it’s not. It wasn’t easy fifteen years ago; we just didn’t understand what we were doing. And now—”
Dragon's Pride (Dragon Blaze Ops Book 3) Page 17
