Moments of Trust

by Kat Bammer

  He’d always been alone with his struggles as well as with his successes. That’s how he wanted it. That’s how it’d always been. That’s how it was supposed to be. But maybe it was time to change it up a little… Maybe it was time to let this person be in charge… Maybe he could try this honesty thing with her.

  Kevin looked into Julie’s eyes. They were kind. Open. And honesty shone through them. He swallowed then he looked at her outstretched hand. She wanted to shake on it. Kevin shook his head, but then he grabbed her hand and shook it. “Okay, we can try this, but I have a few points of my own.”

  Her spine turned stiff. “And those would be?”

  Kevin had to think about this stuff. What were the important points?

  “We need to have a joker. If one of us doesn’t want to be honest, he can take the joker. Not lie but also have a way out.”

  Julie nodded. “Fair is fair, but we only have five. So you can’t cop out every time you don’t feel like it. You have to use them wisely.”

  Kevin nodded. Yeah, that was probably wise because he would use them a lot if he could.

  “Why are you still on crutches? Your procedure was long ago. You shouldn’t need those anymore.”

  There it was. The moment of truth. Honesty, what a shady concept. Kevin regretted immediately that he had agreed to this.

  “I have another caveat to the honesty thing.”

  Julie raised her eyebrows. “Okay, shoot.”

  “This honesty thing. This is between us. You can’t tell everything I say to you to the team. You can tell them all the medical stuff and all the facts about the therapy, but you can’t tell them any personal things. You can’t tell them anything besides the therapy.”

  Julie slowly nodded. Her eyes widened and then she turned away. He didn’t know what she was thinking, but it looked like she was thinking hard.

  “Okay. How about this. You can read every report I’ll send to the team and you have a veto. But you can’t edit my professional opinion regarding your health.”

  Kevin nodded. They shook hands again.

  “So, the crutches?”

  Kevin swallowed. “I blew my knees out during a game. It was the kind of fucked-up chain of events where I first got a blow from the one side than from the other side and it kinda knocked me out.”

  Julie held her hand up to stop him. “I know that part. I’ve seen it on TV. The game that took you out. Plus, I’ve read all the medical documents and the documentation of your past therapists. So, I need to know the things that are not in there. All the things that caused you to be still on crutches and why you aren’t further along in your rehab. That stuff that’s not in there.”

  “You know about the surgeries, you know about the infection in my left knee that occurred after the surgery. They had to reopen the sutures and flush it out again, but it has been acting up ever since. Every little bump. Every little movement. It still swells up. Even the stairs are enough for this to happen and I don’t feel…I don’t know…stable. It feels very loose. Like it will give out any second.”

  Julie nodded and tapped her finger against her bottom lip, all the while staring at him as if she was trying to figure him out.

  Disconcerting.

  “Okay, I get all this, but you need to lose crutches. You need to trust your knee. They did a CT scan and an MRI afterward and it shows that the graft is intact. So, I need you to trust that you will gain more stability, the more you use it. And I don’t mean you should jump up and down the stairs, but you need to take baby steps…without the crutches.” She nodded once as if she’d said everything she wanted. “Okay, that’s that, now lie down and stretch out. I want to feel for myself.”

  Julie waited until Kevin laid down on the table, then she touched his knee. Another electrical shock like the first time they touched zapped through Kevin. “Ouch.”

  Julie laughed. “We got some serious electrical polarities here. Every time we touch I get shocked by electricity.”

  “Me too. Though I’ve never had this happen before.” They looked into each other’s eyes. Kevin could feel the sparks fly between them. Crazy attraction-like sparks. And now she would touch his knee again. That wasn’t good. He braced himself for her touch, but after a while, when he’d relaxed his muscles, it was kind of magical. He kept his gaze down, but he was surprised at how much strength this little fairy had in her hands and arms.

  “Okay, there’s some fluid buildup in your lymph system around your knee so we’ll start with a massage, see if we can increase the flow again. You just relax and let me do the work.”

  Easier said than done. Kevin tried to relax. He even did some deep breathing. It didn’t help much. Her smell surrounding him, her hands on his knee, creeping up his thigh, created all kinds of thoughts in his mind. Thoughts about how her body would feel stretched above his. Thoughts about her hands gliding up his thighs. When her hand started to glide up higher on his thigh for real, he stopped it just before she could reach dangerous territory. This was bad. He could feel the crotch of his shorts tighten. He would never survive this kind of thing. He would embarrass himself with a hard-on in front of her, which was something he’d never had with any of the team’s therapists. Guess now he knew why the team hired male personnel only. Maybe he should ditch her as his therapist and pursue his attraction to her. Or maybe this was a stupid fucking idea. She was his therapist. This was a professional relationship. She reported back to the team. So his future was literally in her hands. If this didn’t work out, his whole career would go down the drain.

  They stared at each other in the eyes, with him still holding her hand on his thigh. There was a moment between them. Kevin could see undeniable attraction in her eyes. Unspoken but nevertheless obvious in her deep eyes. A reflection of the almost electrical feeling tingling through his body.

  But it wouldn’t be wise. It wouldn’t end well. Not for her, not for him, and not for his career.

  The door opened, and they both immediately turned their attention there. Julie withdraw her hand and he immediately missed their contact.

  Paul Brooks, perfect timing as always, sauntered in.

  “Hey, have you looked outside? It’s full-out snowing.” Paul left his boots at the door and came toward them. “You two ready soon? I want to show Kevin the town before I have to get back.”

  Kevin could see that Julie wanted to kill her brother. “No, asshole, we’re not done here as today is not open house. You can’t just barge in like that when I have a client.”

  “But it’s Kev.”

  Julie growled and Paul raised both of his hands and retreated a few steps. “I’m sorry I interrupted your session. It’s just…I’m running out of time. Forgive me, sis?”

  Julie’s face held a small smile again. The love between brother and sister was evident.

  “Yes. But don’t do this in the future. And we can quit early today. Just don’t do anything stupid.” She looked Kevin in the eyes again. “And I’ll keep the crutches—you don’t need them. You need to start trusting your legs and your knees again. Just be careful with the snow and start slow. You can do it.”

  Paul’s eyebrows rose when Kevin just nodded and said nothing.

  Kevin moved off the table and hobbled toward the wardrobe. He slipped into his trackpants again, when the door opened and Paul came in and closed it behind him.

  “Hey, what was that between you and my sister?”

  Kevin played cool and cast Paul a look as if he was crazy.

  “Oh, don’t give me that shit. Just because I’m loud and happy doesn’t mean my intuition is off. I guess I don’t have to tell you. But just to be a hundred percent clear, my sister is off limits to you. I know how you treat your women. Julie isn’t some puck bunny you can pick up and discard like trash. She’s a nice girl, and Jesus, Kev.”

  Kevin was pissed. At Paul but also at himself. He’d earned Paul’s bad opinion over the years, but it hurt to hear just how low his teammate’s opinion of him was. Even though he d
eserved it. He hadn’t had a single meaningful long-term relationship in his life. Ever. Paul’s sister was perfect. A nice girl…and beautiful. She sure as hell deserved a guy who treated her like a goddess. Who would put her on a pedestal and adore her for the rest of her life.

  Kevin looked down to his feet and donned his boots. Paul was right. Nothing could ever happen between Julie and him. Nothing more than a professional relationship between therapist and client. And even if she wasn’t Paul’s sister. Even if she was someone he’d had no other entanglement with. It wouldn’t be right, and it would end in disaster to mix his career and his personal life.

  5

  Julie stood in her studio, leaning against her desk, and watched the seconds on the wall clock tick by.

  Her ticking with a pencil on the desk, which had matched the rhythm of the clock for the past four and a half minutes, sped up.

  “Unbelievable. It’s not like he’s stuck in traffic or anything like that.”

  She stabbed the pencil in her lofty hair bun and threw open the door. Whatever his excuse was, she would tell him how unprofessional and unacceptable being late was.

  Julie was fuming and waved away the infuriating snowflakes that danced before her eyes. Maybe she should have taken her jacket. Oh, fuck that. She would live. It took her less than a minute to the Inn and she entered through the front door. Once inside she took the old staircase two steps at a time until she nearly bumped into Kevin.

  His eyes narrowed and his flash of a grin subsided after a look into her face. “Whoa. What got you so riled up?”

  “Why, wait…let’s see, maybe because you’re fucking late?” Julie replied and crossed her arms in front of her chest.

  “Come on, I’m not that late. It just took a while to figure out how to do the stairs without the crutches. No big deal.”

  “No big deal? No big deal? This is ridiculous.”

  Kevin’s eyebrows squished together. “Ridiculous?”

  Julie nodded. “Why don’t they give you a room farther down? Why don’t you take a room farther down? You’re on the third floor, for Christ’s sake. Any higher and you’d sit in the attic.”

  Julie saw the warning signs when Kevin’s face hardened and his eyes narrowed, but she was just too riled up to stop now, so she just ignored them and powered on. “This whole thing”—Julie flailed her arms between him and the stairs above them—“is fucked up. Completely unnecessary and if you ask me, utterly ridiculous.”

  There was a storm brewing in Kevin’s eyes and Julie ducked her head when Kevin opened his mouth. “My living arrangements are none of your fucking business.” His voice got louder and angrier. “I’m not a helpless boy who needs you to mother me. I like my privacy up there and I sure as hell can deal with a little inconvenience like taking the fucking stairs. This is my decision. Mine. Not yours. And if you find me so ridiculous, maybe you shouldn’t be my fucking therapist.”

  Julie’s mouth closed with a snap.

  Whoa.

  That got out of hand real fast. She opened her mouth again, but Kevin’s angry stare made her close it. Walk away, Julie. Nothing to gain up here. They both needed to cool off first.

  Julie shrugged her shoulders, turned on her heels, powered down the stairs, and stomped into the kitchen of the Inn.

  There, in the breakfast nook, Claire sat in Blake’s lap, their entwined hands on her very visible baby belly. They both looked up when Julie entered and Blake raised his eyebrows while Claire fingered her necklace.

  “What was that all about? Why were you both shouting at each other?”

  Claire was sensitive about shouting. No wonder, considering her now-deceased ex-husband had drank and hurt Claire regularly.

  Julie shrugged. They must have heard their little altercation, and she was immediately sorry for her outburst and her part in agonizing Claire. Lisa and Peter entered through the other door from the adjacent breakfast room and caught her shrug. “I just dared to comment on the ridiculousness of his room being on the third floor, when he struggles so much with stairs. He didn’t appreciate me interfering”—Julie huffed—“when it’s him who’s being late and me who has to wait for him to crawl his way down at a snail’s pace.”

  Julie crossed her arms in front of her chest. What he needed was some place at ground level. Easy access. No obstacles.

  Lisa shrugged. “The only thing ground level is the breakfast room, the kitchen, and our office. And the old shack on the shore. But it hasn’t been used for guests in ages even though it was originally built for this purpose. There is, or was, heating in there. But…” Lisa shrugged again.

  Blake got up and gently gave Claire a kiss when he settled her back down on the chair. “Peter and I’ll go check it out. See if it’s a possibility. You”—he pointed at Julie—“find a way to smooth his ruffled feathers, will you.”

  They crossed the kitchen when the door opened again and Kevin entered the kitchen and pointed at Julie. “Can I talk to you? In private?”

  Blake and Peter both patted his back in passing before they exited the kitchen.

  “What was that about?” Kevin turned back to the girls and shot glances at Julie.

  “We were just discussing the stairs and there might be another solution. Peter and Blake are checking it out right this minute.”

  Kevin’s eyes turned hard again and his lips flattened. He turned, and without another word, stepped through the back door. The click of the door closing behind him echoed in Julie’s ears.

  “Oh uh. Trouble in paradise,” Lisa said.

  Julie rolled her eyes at her and grimaced before she opened the back door and followed Kevin out into the snowstorm.

  She had some explaining to do. Maybe even groveling. God, men really were complicated creatures she would never understand.

  But she’d learned something new about Kevin. He hated receiving help as much as he hated being weak. Which must have made his current situation a living hell. And which wouldn’t make their physical therapy sessions any easier.

  But there was more to it.

  This flaring anger was definitely not normal. He’d blown up like a bonfire drenched in gasoline.

  The protectiveness of his own freedom of choice was not a normal reaction to her being a teeny, tiny bit pushy. This was him acting out a script from his past. A huge portion of rehab, of getting back in the game, was the mental component. Maybe that was something they would have to address even though it wasn’t her area of expertise. But before they could conquer that he had to let her in. Truly let her in. Let her help him burst through the blocks that held him back. Would she be able to get there? Would he let her?

  Julie looked down at the snow, then followed his footsteps that went around the Inn and straight to the shore of Moon Lake.

  She stopped a handful of steps behind him. “I’m sorry for meddling. I realize you’re a grown man, perfectly capable of making your own choices. I don’t see you as weak. Or a charity case. Just stubborn as hell. And a little mean.”

  Julie huddled down. Here on the shore, the fierce wind penetrated her pullover, and the snowflakes stung on her cheeks. She should have gotten her jacket after all. But she had been too riled up to care.

  “But I’m not sorry for saying the things I did. We promised to be honest, and this is me being honest. You need to take care of your knees and if stairs require a movement you struggle with at this moment of the process, we have to respect that. Powering through doesn’t always work. Maybe now is the time for you to trust me a little and to trust the signals your body is sending you.”

  Kevin still hadn’t turned around and Julie’s teeth started to clatter.

  “Can you please consider the cottage? It’s isolated, so you would have your privacy, and there are no stairs, so access would be a lot easier.”

  Julie inhaled the cold air, which hurt in her dry throat. Her arms clutched her trembling body even tighter. “Please?”

  Maybe this wasn’t going to work. She wouldn’t be able
to help him if he wouldn’t let her. Maybe she should just cut her losses now, before she wasted her time and his.

  But then Kevin turned around and opened his jacket and held it open for her. “Come here. You’re freezing.”

  So he’d listened after all.

  Julie took a couple steps, and he pulled her the rest of the way toward his radiating heat. He closed the jacket behind her back and effectively enclosed her in a place of heat and darkness. Julie wrapped her hands around his torso and pressed her body against his, soaking up all the warmth she could get.

  “A little mean, really?”

  Julie could hear the laughter in his voice and sudden relief rushed through her.

  “But you’re right. Stairs bother me more than anything. There’s just something about the downward movement, that doesn’t work. I should’ve listened to you. At least considered your input instead of going off the deep end.”

  Julie could feel his chest expanding with his inhale and pressed her cheek against it.

  “I’m sorry. I overreacted.”

  Julie looked up at his face. His sincerity was intense. But there was something in his eyes—a darkness and vulnerability that made her heart ache.

  Then she slowly grinned and Kevin grinned back.

  It would be okay. This would be okay. Now there was only one problem. His body was perfect and Julie didn’t ever want to let go again. She pressed her cheek against his chest and inhaled his crisp scent. Soap and snow and him… Just delicious.

  6

  Kevin pushed open the door to Julie’s studio.

  “Hello.”

  There was no answer, but the lights were on and some soft music played in the background. He dropped his bag, jacket, and shoes in the wardrobe and marched out and into the studio.