Moments of Trust

by Kat Bammer

It wasn’t like Julie thought about starting a family. Well, not that she didn’t think about it every time her mother reminded her that she wasn’t getting any younger. But she’d never really found a guy she wanted to start a family with. At least not before Kevin. These last months she’d been happier than ever before in her life, so yes, thoughts about having Kevin’s babies had slipped in and out of her mind. He was so good with children. He would be an exceptional dad.

  The sadness of her current situation swamped her again and her breath hitched. She needed a minute before she could turn around to her friends.

  Dorothy got up and stood next to her. “I think I need a coffee.” She looked at Julie sideways and squeezed her hand for a brief moment. “The girls told me that Kevin’s leaving today. I can only imagine how hard this must be for you,” she whispered.

  Julie took a deep inhale. She wasn’t going to fall apart. There was so much in her life she had to be grateful for: her family, her friends, her new business. She squeezed Dorothy’s hand right back. There was absolutely no reason for the painful lump in her throat or the tears behind her eyelids that threatened to spill over anytime now. She’d known it would be this way right from the start. Julie stared at their hands, then looked up at Dorothy. She expected to see compassion in Dorothy’s eyes, but there was more. There was a deep sadness there. Some kind of understanding. Dorothy knew how it was to say goodbye to someone you loved. Julie was about to ask Dorothy about it when Kevin, Blake, and Sheriff Travers stepped into the kitchen. They both turned around simultaneously and she could feel Dorothy stiffen beside her.

  Interesting.

  They greeted the three arrivals.

  “Hey, Jules, is Kevin about ready?” Peter kissed Lisa on her hair and caressed her slight baby bump.

  She steeled herself and groaned under her breath. Why did she need to be surrounded by happy couples? This was agonizing, but she wouldn’t fall apart just yet. “He’s packing right now. He should be ready anytime now.”

  Peter nodded. “Good, he doesn’t want to miss his flight.”

  Julie nodded. Of course he wouldn’t want to miss his flight. He was going back to the life he loved, back to his dream, and he sure as hell couldn’t wait to get there.

  “Hey, Julie, now that Kevin is gone, do you have a free spot?”

  Julie looked at Blake. What did he mean free spot? She was about to ask when Blake went on: “You know, our buddy Lucas might come to live here, at least if we have any say in it and can persuade him. He lost his leg and I don’t exactly know his medical status, but I guess he would need some kind of physical therapy. So, if you have a free spot, it would be great if you could pencil him in or at least plan for it.”

  Julie’s eyebrows shot up. She had met Lucas the year before, when the guys came visiting around the same time the lunatic kidnapped Lisa. Lucas Ford had been a great guy. Sexy as hell, if you like the rough, bulky ones. Before she could ask when he’d lost his leg and why he would search for treatment outside the VA, the back door opened and Kevin stepped in. He had a bag slung around his shoulder and his hands full with the rest of his luggage. His skates were dangling from his other shoulder and Julie’s heart stung.

  The time had come.

  This would be the last time she saw Kevin. Well, other than on TV when she and her parents had one of their famous Brooks’ hockey nights.

  Tears clogged Julie’s throat, and she took a big sip of coffee and hid behind her cup.

  Dorothy, who stood next to her watched her.

  Julie didn’t need to look up to know she would find sympathy, maybe even pity in her eyes.

  Kevin dropped his bags by the door and sauntered toward Julie. He didn’t resemble the man that had arrived four months ago anymore. Back then he’d been closed off and aloof. His presence hadn’t been half as confident as it was now. Or as friendly, or as sexy.

  Julie’s heart sank.

  Kevin stopped next to her and mimicked her stance, leaning against the counter. His left side pressed against her right. When he leaned in for a small peck on her lips, Julie’s heart thudded dully in her chest.

  She stepped to the side and bumped into Dorothy, who looked at her questioningly. Kevin looked at her from the other side, his eyebrows scrunched together.

  He was leaving for God’s sake. Couldn’t he just create some distance, so at least it would be a little easier for her? Why was leaving so easy for him? He hadn’t hesitated once. Hadn’t even told her he would miss her.

  Julie crossed her one arm in front of her chest and took another sip of her coffee. It had gone lukewarm and tasted like dirt. The bitterness caused a full body shake, and Julie stepped out from between Dorothy and Kevin and moved to the sink to wash the rest down the drain.

  Why was he still acting like they were together? Their time was over, so they were over.

  She needed him to act like it so she could keep it together.

  Julie turned back and watched the room. Every one of her friends had gathered here.

  “You ready? Blake will drive with us. Our buddy Lucas’ll arrive later today. So, we’ll just stay in White Brook for a few hours.”

  Kevin nodded and looked at Julie. “You got a second?”

  No. Julie didn’t think she could endure this a second longer. “Sure. Meet me outside?”

  Kevin nodded again, his eyes roaming her face. What was he searching for?

  Julie kept her face neutral. Just a few more minutes. She could do this.

  18

  Wow, this whole day was not going as planned. Kevin scoffed at himself as he donned his jacket. Who was he kidding? The whole month he’d been wrestling with whether he should beg Julie to just ditch her life and come with him or for him to ditch hockey. He could see himself living in Moon Lake. He’d found friends here. He fell in love with the small town, the lake, the woods, and the crisp mountain air. And the woman. His woman.

  Yes, he would miss playing hockey. But sooner or later he had to decide anyhow. He was thirty-four, for Christ’s sake, not some youngster who had his whole career before him.

  Kevin stepped out the back door and zeroed in on Julie. She was huddled into her jacket, even though the day was relatively warm, and looked out at the lake. The need to take her into his arms was overwhelming.

  But when Kevin stepped up to her, she turned around. Her crossed arms in front of her chest effectively creating an armor. Her face was void of any expression, and even though Kevin searched her usually expressive eyes for a clue about how she was feeling with him leaving, he couldn’t find any.

  Would she miss him when he was gone?

  Julie hadn’t ever demanded more than they had. Not once did she indicate she was interested in a future with him. Was he the only sap who wished their relationship would evolve into something more, something long-term?

  “So, this is it, hmm?” Julie’s smile was a little wobbly, but then again, it could be wishful thinking on his part.

  “I guess so. I really need to thank you.”

  Julie’s smile deepened.

  “I couldn’t have done it without you.”

  Julie shrugged. “I didn’t do anything special—every therapist worth his salt would’ve done the same.”

  Kevin didn’t agree. He remembered her talk about honesty, their fight on the stairs of the Inn, Christmas with her parents, and the first time back on the ice. She had given him far more than any other therapist would have. She had given him confidence, family, and friends. A safe environment where he could heal. Julie was the one who opened him up again. Even though he hadn’t realized how withdrawn he’d become.

  She was a good one. A keeper. Maybe he should just ask her if she wanted to come with him…but then again…all they had was a fling, an affair. Just because he felt more for her, didn’t mean she was on the same page. Wouldn’t they at least have said, “I love you,” if there was more?

  “So, I’ll call as soon as I’m home.”

  Julie shrugged her shoulders. “O
kay.”

  A seething fury bubbled in his stomach. Who was this cold, detached woman? Why was her reaction so lackluster? Kevin wanted to shake her. Get his Julie back. The one with the tears and with the quick smile and spring to her step. He couldn’t deal with this cold, distanced version. He couldn’t be open with this Julie.

  Kevin leaned forward to kiss her lips. Maybe this would make her drop the invisible wall and then they could talk about how to tackle their future.

  Julie’s lips were cold and instead of stepping into the kiss, like she’d done a million times before, she stepped back.

  Nope, not going to happen. He’d learned a long time ago that you couldn’t force someone to love you. Not even your parents. So, he’d learned to live without needing anyone’s approval…or love.

  His stomach hardened. He wouldn’t be weak and beg. So what if he’d thought he and Julie had more? So what if sometime during his months here he fell in love? That he hadn’t told her, defied the openness and honesty pact they’d made so that was a sign, right?

  Kevin stifled a sigh. They had just about everything going for them to make the relationship between them work.

  So why wasn’t it happening? Every time he’d approached her to discuss their future, she would either shut him off with sex, or he would lose his train of thought. Mostly because of sex. Dang. Now it was his last chance to bring it up.

  But he wouldn’t beg. If she would’ve wanted to deepen their relationship or keep it going after he left, she would have said something by now. But what if she was as torn as him? Were her notions about being unprofessional, seeing a client, still somewhere in there? What if she felt the same way, but just didn’t want to appear needy? “So, do you have any plans for the rest of the day?”

  Julie raised her eyebrows.

  Was she annoyed by him? Maybe her feelings didn’t resemble his at all? What if she wanted nothing more than to have sex with a professional hockey player? He had met women like that in the past. There were two kinds of women. The ones in search of a future husband and the ones who had sleeping with hockey players down to a sport.

  Kevin rubbed his eyes. Was Julie one of those?

  “I guess I’ll go back to the girls. There’s a planning session for Alan’s and Jessie’s wedding going on and I want to help.”

  No. She wasn’t. Julie genuinely cared about the people in her life. Kevin pulled her against his chest.

  Julie yelped and stiffened in his arms before she settled against his body and snuggled against him.

  He caught a whiff of her shampoo and kissed her hair. “I’ll miss you.”

  “I’ll miss you, too.”

  Kevin inhaled deeply. Now was the time. Now was the time for a last-ditch effort. “I—”

  “Hey, you ready?” Peter slapped his back—hard. “We gotta get going now if you don’t want to miss your flight.”

  Kevin groaned and Julie stiffened in his arms.

  Worst Timing Ever. He should’ve asked a long time ago, in private. Not make a fool out of himself in a hurried situation.

  Kevin took a deep inhale. The smell of Julie’s shampoo would forever be ingrained into his brain.

  “I’ll call as soon as I land, okay. We can talk then.”

  Julie nodded, pulled his head down to her face and gave him a last quick kiss before she turned toward the Inn and nearly sprinted there.

  Peter clasped a hand on Kevin’s shoulder. “Come on, buddy. Your bags are already in the truck. We’re gonna be late.”

  Kevin nodded and trudged toward Blake’s already running truck.

  They entered the car and Blake took off. They passed Julie’s studio. A lot of hours, memories, and sweat. But also a safe haven to be exactly who he was—to be the best version of himself. This was the place he would remember the most. The studio and the cottage. And Julie, professional and hard-assed in the studio, and naked and funny and soft in his bed.

  They passed the Brooks’ house, where they had a goodbye dinner yesterday.

  Kevin turned back in his seat. Would Julie still be where he’d left her?

  She was. Surrounded by her friends.

  Kevin sighed. Julie belonged in Moon Lake. It would’ve been wrong of him to ask her to leave all this behind.

  He turned back around and startled when, through the mirror, Peter’s eyes, as well as Blake’s, stared at him.

  “What?”

  Blake shook his head and concentrated back on the road while Peter looked at him like he’d just let in the game-winning puck. Costing them the game.

  “Dude, you realize you just let go of the best thing that could ever happen to you?”

  Kevin looked back but he couldn’t see the Inn anymore.

  He ran his fingers through his hair when he settled back then squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed at the pain in his chest. Yep, he knew. This had been quite possibly the most stupid thing he’d ever done. But maybe it wasn’t so bad. Yes, it hurt. But this feeling would go away.

  It would be replaced by pride and the warm feeling of coming home once he made it back on the ice. And he had to concentrate on coming back. Back to the game he loved more than everything else. Otherwise he would always regret it.

  Julie was where she needed to be. At home. With her family and with her friends. And he soon would be where he needed to be, as well.

  There was just this nagging sensation of loss and pain that had to go away first.

  19

  “This feels…wrong.”

  Julie looked at Holly next to her but said nothing. Not that she didn’t agree with Holly. Jessie’s grin was forced, like she was constantly clenching her teeth and even though Alan didn’t appear quite so miserable, he too looked like he was under a lot of stress.

  Julie looked at the small crowd that filled the anteroom of the courthouse where in a few more minutes Jessie and Alan were getting married. If none of them bailed before that.

  There couldn’t be over fifteen, maybe twenty people in attendance, which was unheard of for a wedding in Moon Lake.

  “Excuse me.” The mother of the bride, Mrs. Blake held her grandchild Seb in a firm grasp. She shooed Julie and Holly to the side and lined up Jessie and Alan, framed by Blake and a hugely pregnant but radiating Claire for a little pre-wedding photo shoot. Claire was now three days overdue, which made the timing of the wedding a little suspicious. Why would they risk the maid of honor not being able to attend?

  Julie and Holly nearly bumped into the small group of older women, who were huddled together in the room’s corner, and greeted them.

  “Oh my, look at you, little Julie Brooks. Don’t you look lovely.”

  She smiled at Peter’s mother Mary. But she adopted the clenching-her-teeth-while-smiling expression. Her flowery dress was a little cold for early April so she wasn’t thrilled with her mother’s choice of wardrobe. But then, she was seriously floundering since Kevin left two weeks ago, so she didn’t really care what she wore.

  “So, when’s your time to settle down with a man of your own and get married? Any prospects yet?”

  She sighed. Holly thrust her elbow into her side, which pulled her drifting thoughts back to the present. She shrugged her shoulders. Honestly? She’d really had enough of men, love, and thoughts about this topic in general and about one man in particular. And wasn’t a wedding the perfect location for her being done with love?

  She smiled at Mary until her own mother mentioned Kevin’s name. Then a sudden coldness settled in her stomach. Could the floor just open up and swallow her, please? “Mom!” Julie hadn’t intended it to come out that whiny, but her mother stopped talking, and all eyes were on her. Shit. Now she had to come up with something. “I’m in between relationships right now. But look at Claire and Jessie, don’t they look radiant?”

  Luckily the old hags hopped on the topic of motherhood and what pregnancy did to a woman’s complexion, and she pulled Holly away from the circle of women.

  Holly cocked her head. “Phew, that was…
I don’t know. Unpleasant, maybe?”

  Julie nodded. Not fun to be the only two single women in a room of happy couples. Less fun to be put on the spot like that.

  “Looks like the previous wedding party is done. Let’s get inside, grab a seat near the exit.” It was Holly’s turn to pull Julie across the room and into the courtroom where they settled into the last row.

  The vows were somewhat anticlimactic as was the whole ceremony. And somehow Alan and Jessie didn’t even look like they were in love…or happy to get married. The whole ceremony appeared rather—mechanic. But maybe that was just Julie’s biased mind, that cast a shadow on her view of the ceremony.

  Or maybe that was just what reality looked like. Nothing like the dreamlike, super romantic wedding she’d always dreamed of as a teenager.

  Julie watched Claire and Blake step up to the officiant to sign the marriage certificate, while she counted the seconds until she could get out of there.

  “Oh uh.”

  She stopped counting in her mind when she looked to Holly and followed her gaze towards the front. Claire’s face was crumpled into tears and Blake was at her side in lightning speed and he shielded her, so Julie couldn’t see what had happened.

  “Her water just broke,” Mary murmured.

  There was a big commotion, when a slightly freaked out Blake carried Claire out of the courtroom…with Peter and Lisa hot on their heels.

  Holly and Julie looked at each other, then smiled and gathered their things and went in search if Claire, Blake, Peter, and Lisa had left anything behind.

  “Reception or hospital?” Holly asked.

  That wasn’t a tough decision for her, even though both possibilities weren’t her first choice.

  Home, bed, TV, and ice cream. Those would be her choices. In that exact order.

  “Hospital. Definitely. But first home. I need to go change.”

  Julie approached Jessie, who stood at the side with Seb on her hip. Even though this was for sure not what she’d wished for on her wedding day, she smiled—and not the forced kind. “You okay?”