Silent Tears

by Adeyinka Oresanya

  Chapter Five

  Ireti didn't know how she got to the campus, she just knew she wanted to die and end this pain in her heart. Her heart thumped vigorously and threatened to jump out. She kept cycling the academic area as the hostel was the last place she wanted to go to. She would rather sleep out in the cold than have her roommates interrogate her. Even though she desired to talk to someone, she knew she couldn't. She didn't want to be judged, blamed or pitied.

  Tired of walking aimlessly, she headed towards the Sports Complex and saw some students gathered at the Main Bowl. A film show was going on. She'd thought she would find some quiet around this area, but it seemed to be bustling with activity. Still, she didn't want to go to her room. She would have to find another place. As she was about to leave, the screams of the girl on the screen caught her attention. She paused and watched. The girl in the film was being raped by her father and she kept screaming, “Daddy, please. Oh Jesus, help me!”

  Ireti stood rooted to the spot. Her heart wept. She understood how it felt to be abused. Feeling a sense of shared pain, she found herself looking for available seat and watching scene after scene as the abused girl ran away from home, scavenged and begged during the day, and slept in uncompleted buildings at night, all the while holding on to her strong faith in God until when God sent a widow who saw her at the market place and took her in.

  The raped girl completed her education and started an organisation to support abused girls. Along the line, she met a man who fell in love with her, despite her past. When the man told the lady that she was a beautiful vessel of God and tears fell from her eyes as she remembered how her own father had called her a whore, Ireti couldn't take it anymore and she began to weep silently. The answer had been there all the while, she just chose not to see it. The way out had been there. God’s redeeming love.

  “Lord, please, I need you,” she quietly prayed. “Lord, you have shown me several times that you love me, but I ignored that love. Please if you still love me, heal my soul. Give me a new heart, a new hope. Help me to love myself again, find myself again. I need you, Lord.”

  A hand took hers and squeezed, gentle and reassuring. She looked up and saw that it was the young lady sitting beside her. Her eyes were closed and her mouth moved. Was she praying for her? She hadn't even met her before. She closed her eyes too and felt a rush of many waters gushing over her soul.

  The film ended and an altar call was made.

  Now is the time of Salvation, Beloved. I am waiting.

  “He loves you.”

  Startled, Ireti looked up. The lady was looking at her now. “He said He loves you and He is waiting.”

  Tears fell off her cheeks, and she stood up. That was the answer she needed. The lady squeezed her hand for the last time and released it. She made her way to the front and joined the other students whose hearts were crying to God for restoration.

  She wept and prayed, telling God to take over, she would stop struggling. A man prayed for them and after the prayers, they ended the programme, everyone dispersing to their various hostels. Ireti went back to her seat to look for the lady. She was gone.

  “Lord, did you just send her to let me know you love me?”

  She sniffed, gratitude filling her heart. She would talk to someone, open it all up and allow herself to heal. It might take time, but she knew she would heal. She turned and sighted the man who had prayed for them earlier. A woman was standing beside him. They were talking with some students and shaking their hands.

  Talk to them. They are mine.

  “I trust you, Lord.”

  Taking a step of faith, she headed towards the couple, on the road to healing.

  Discussion Questions

  Use these questions for individual reflection or for discussion with a book club, teens’ club or any other small group.

  1. In two words, describe the kind of relationship Ireti was in.

  2. Why did Ireti keep ignoring the voice of God calling to her?

  3. Why did she think of herself too dirty and unworthy of God’s love?

  4. “I think a girl stays in an abusive relationship because she thinks she has given her all and can't survive without the guy. Verbal and physical abuse destroys a girl’s self-esteem and she becomes easily intimidated especially if she had slept with the guy in question.” Is this statement made by Yemisi valid? Discuss.

  5. Yomi professed to be a born-again Christian and even danced for the Lord. Create a profile for him and discuss with your group on how and why he came about this behaviour. How can he come out of this?

  6. Is anybody or any sin too filthy for the Blood of Jesus to cleanse? Discuss.

  7. Have fun with your group by coming up with a title for the film shown at the Main Bowl that led to Ireti’s final repentance.

  About the Author

  Adeyinka Oresanya's passion for the Lord, His Word and writing has birthed more than ten short stories and two novels. She is the editor of The Daughter's Inspiration Fiction Pamphlets which is blessing a lot of young people. When she is not writing, she is reading, reaching out to teenagers or tending to her sons. Adeyinka and her husband, Tijesunimi, live together with their twin boys in Abeokuta, Nigeria.

  Ring Rush

  Behind the Dazzle

  The Struggling Virgin

  Connect with Me Online:

  Twitter: https://twitter.com/deyimikami

  Facebook: www.facebook.com/deyimikami

  Website: https://www.adeyinkaoresanya.com

  Dedication

  For Tijesunimi,

  You are the best man I know.

  Acknowledgements

  Heavenly Father, here is another treasure from you and for you. To you belong all the glory.

  Tijesunimi, this is the ninth year I’ve come to know you and frankly, you still amaze me, fascinate me. Thank you for walking beside me in this journey of life. I love you, darling.

  Aunty Kemi Bada, thank you for being my friend and my mentor, but mostly my friend. When next am I coming to your beautiful home to relax?

  Mayowa and Fikayo Oyewale, you are one of the most wonderful couple I know. I really thank God for bringing you into my life.

  Ibukunoluwa Oyeleke, Jesutomisin Anthony, Janet Babajide, Bimpe Akinkuotu, Lolade Aderonhunmu, Iyinoluwa Ajayi and every member of The Rebuilders, thank you for being a part of my life. Like I always say, vision of purpose got clearer during those wonderful retreats we had in those days. When are we getting together again, ladies? My hope awaiteth.

  Demilade Oluwasina, this is another beautiful touchdown and I say thank you. Can’t wait to feel my next book in my hands.

  Thank you, dear reader. I continue to write because you continue to read my books. God bless you. Happy reading.

  Excerpts from Adeyinka Oresanya’s other Books

  Ring Rush

  Sewa Akinmurewa was on the third chapter of Kenneth E. Hagin's The Believer's Authority when Sade and Jacinta burst in. They were Tomide's friends and regular visitors to their room. Instantly, an exotic fragrance wafted into the room, creating an aura of elegance and class around the girls. Sade was the taller of the two while Jacinta was fairer, prettier but less friendly.

  “Sewa, what's up?” Sade greeted as she flung herself on Tomide's bed. Jacinta just waved at her and followed suit.

  “Good evening,” she replied. “How was your day?”

  “Fine, thanks.” Sade responded on behalf of the two and returned her attention to Jacinta.

  The girls continued to chat about their day. They were obviously waiting for Tomide, her roommate, who was a final year law student. Trying not to be irritated by their intrusion into her quiet moment, she turned her attention back to the book she was reading. This was the school hostel where privacy was next to impossible anyway.

  The room contained three beds placed at each corner of the room with the last corner leading to the kitchenette. Each ‘corner’—as the students liked to call their bed space—had a reading tabl
e with an overhead bookcase filled with books of various subjects, depending on the course the occupant was studying. Typical of girls' rooms at the Obafemi Awolowo University campus hostel, each corner was furnished differently according to the occupants' tastes and pocket size.

  Sewa's corner had a blue rug covering her floor space. Teal-blue curtains graced the window and her bookcase had a mixture of microbiology textbooks and Christian motivational books unlike Tomide's which was decorated in shades of wine, had a bedside fridge and a TV. The lower layer of her bookcase held different brands of cosmetics ranging from Mac to Victoria’s Secret while the upper layer had some law textbooks and novels.

  The third occupant, Ronke, didn't bother to furnish her corner as she rarely stayed in the room because she had a room off-campus. Sewa had often wondered and even asked why she wouldn't give it out to a student who needed accommodation but Ronke had always insisted that she was keeping the room for the rainy day.

  Nevertheless, Sewa was grateful that Tomide, like Ronke, didn’t also spend much time in the room, affording her periods of much desired quiet and privacy which she usually spent on her quiet time or studies without having to go to the university library.

  She turned to the next page of the book she was reading and tried to rush over the few paragraphs remaining. The book was compelled by her fellowship president for all EXCOs, and she needed to finish that chapter because they would review it at the EXCO meeting that night. Anyone could be called upon to discuss it, and she wouldn’t want to be embarrassed by her inability to contribute well if she was called.

  Just then the door opened and Tomide waltzed into the room, and her friends screamed in delight.

  “Hey, Tomide baby! Tomi bride! Timi Payne’s one and only.” Sade hailed as she wiggled her body from left to right.

  “Yea, baby!” Tomide high-fived the girls, all the while giggling.

  “Come on, we've been waiting like forever!” Jacinta said. “Please, spread that hand and show us those diamonds.”

  Tomide grinned and brought out her left hand. Sitting majestically on her middle finger was a sparkling ring. Sewa sat up unconsciously to take a look. She wasn't sure how many carats that was but it was obvious that the ring was expensive.

  “Wow!” The girls chorused, their hands flying to their mouths.

  “Timmy really outdid himself this time. Babe, this is the real deal,” Jacinta purred.

  Tomide just kept giggling, basking in the ohhs and ahhs of her friends.

  “Is this silver or diamonds?” Sade asked.

  Jacinta slapped Sade at the back. “Come on, girl, don't embarrass us jo.” She chided. “This beauty here,” she raised Tomide’s bejeweled middle finger, “is what we call white gold.”

  “Whatever! But wow, this is surreal! Please come and gist us, how did he propose?” Sade asked.

  “Yea, how did he ask? What did he say?” Jacinta added.

  “Ha ha, girls, relax now,” Tomide replied, “I will gist you but let's toast to my new life first.”

  “Yea, baby!” they cried.

  “Congratulations, Tomide.” Sewa, who had been quiet all the while, spoke up.

  “Thanks, Roomie.” Tomide smiled as she bent down to take a wine bottle from her bedside fridge underneath the reading table.

  Sewa hid behind her book and continued to stare at the scene before her. Some girls are just plain lucky to have everything working for them, she thought. They come from rich and loving homes, meet and fall in love with eligible, handsome guys on campus, and then go on to have a fairy-tale wedding. Things just happen to work out for them, and sometimes they aren't even serious Christians. She shook her head.

  In her heart of hearts, she really wished she could have it all like Tomide—the elegance, the perfect parents, the perfect boyfriend turned fiancé—but with Christ in her life.

  She heaved an inward sigh.

  As a final year student at twenty-two years of age, she was yet to be engaged in a serious relationship. It wasn't that she wasn't good in the looks department—dark skinned with an average build, Sewa possessed curvy legs and a smooth, pimple-free, acne-free face that many had told her they found beautiful.

  However, as a committed Christian, she couldn't just date anyone and she couldn't go all out to propose to a guy, no matter how she felt. Any relationship she would get into would be a serious one that would lead to marriage. But frankly, she was getting impatient. She was in her final year for Christ's sake.

  She knew God's time was the best but it seemed everyone was getting engaged except her. Just two days ago after Bible study, her friend Kemi had excitedly told her the good news—she had finally said ‘yes’ to Bro. Tayo.

  Bro. Tayo, who was the choir director of their fellowship, had been on to Kemi for a session now, but she had made him wait so that they could pray and seek counsel in order to know if they were God's will for each other. Anyway, after all the protocols, they were officially engaged.

  Sewa remembered the glimmer of light in her friend's eyes as she talked about her fiancé. She was happy for her though. Kemi was a committed child of God, and she deserved a good thing.

  Now, her roommate, who practically lived with her boyfriend and rarely went to church, was also engaged. Sewa could see the same light that she saw in Kemi's eyes in her roommate's eyes—a shimmer that came from being in love. Everyone was getting it right except her.

  Actually, it wasn't that she hadn't come close to getting engaged. There was someone she'd felt was God's will for her. Bankole was her classmate and they attended the same fellowship, God's Arrows Fellowship. They had met on their matriculation day when a mutual friend had introduced them to each other, and eventually they had developed a strong friendship, going to classes and fellowship programmes together. Bankole never missed her birthdays and would even take her out, giving her a special treat on those days.

  Over time her feelings for him grew, and when she knew, after praying, that she would be getting married to a spiritual leader, she was not surprised when Bankole became the vice president of their fellowship in their third year. She'd been sure it was going to be Bankole, and so she'd patiently waited for the day he would propose to her.

  To her dismay, things changed between them after Bankole became vice president and she became the Ushering and Decorating unit head. Bankole’s schedules changed; he had to attend more meetings and sit with the Pastorate at the front. He started coming late to class and often had to leave early. He stopped spending time with her and in time they grew apart.

  Recently, she had started to see him around campus with the female vice president of Livingwaters Fellowship. But then, it might just be that they've been paired together for some assignment by the Joint Fellowship EXCOs.

  Sewa took their separation badly. Bankole was her best male friend. She missed reading and discussing topics with him in the evenings. She started walking to classes alone and sitting in the fellowship by herself or sometimes with Kemi. She prayed to God about how she was feeling and had received a word from the Scriptures, Habakkuk chapter two verse three, during a fellowship programme.

  For the vision is yet for an appointed time; But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry.

  She had felt a connection with the passage and was certain that God had meant it for her. The Scripture became her anchor and comfort for that semester but afterwards, she began to grow lonely and yearn for male friendship. That was when she met Demola, a prompt answer to her loneliness.

  Sewa smiled just thinking about him. Having Demola as her best friend had helped her put Bankole out of her mind. She'd gotten to know Demola for about a year now, during the protracted university strike. They had gotten so close that she found herself falling in love with him, and she felt strongly that he had feelings for her also.

  There were so many things to love about him. He was a tall, handsome, intelligent and hardworki
ng man who took his job seriously. But Sewa was especially happy because he was a Christian and a church worker at The Latter End Church in Lagos. To top it all, he was fun to be with. They could sit for hours and talk about anything. Sewa always enjoyed the various fun places they visited anytime she was home.

  She knew she loved him enough to marry him if he would ask, at least they had been friends now for a year. Her only worry was that she wasn't sure where they were going with their friendship. She knew Demola had feelings for her but then she felt he needed to openly declare his love and take their friendship to the next level because his words sometimes left so many things to be considered. For instance, anytime they talked about the future, he would say that the girl he would marry would have such and such qualities but would not refer to her directly. This always left her wondering if he saw her as the girl he could marry.

  She had actually been praying about him, and up till that point, she was yet to hear a clear word from God on whether he was His will for her life. She’d asked God to take away her feelings for him if he wasn’t His will for her but the feelings kept growing stronger day by day. Above all, he'd recently told her his dream of building a mega church for God. Wasn’t that falling in line with the conviction she had in her spirit that she would get married to a man set to serve the Lord, a man God would use mightily in his generation? Definitely God must have a plan for them together, she thought.

  Looking at Tomide and the glittering treasure on her left hand, Sewa decided she had to take deliberate steps to steer the course of her friendship with Demola in the right direction, and that would start with having a serious talk with him.

  Thank God, the semester had just ended. She had just finished her exams but was only waiting in school for the semester’s final EXCO meeting. She would see Demola during the five-week break, and she would get him to put their relationship on a clear path. Who knows, she might be donning a ring too by the time she came back from the break, she concluded with a shrug and an inward smile as she glanced at her wristwatch. It was almost time for the meeting. She stood up from her bed and began to dress up.

  Meanwhile, the girls clinked their glasses in toast to their friend’s happiness as they settled down to listen to the gist of the romantic proposal.

  Behind the Dazzle

  Fuming with anger, she threw her phone into her handbag as she trod along the sidewalk of the Dele Bello University campus situated in the new Oyo town, on her way back to the hostel. She had just received a call from her mother who seemed not to understand how campus lifestyle was … Lolade dear, I am so sorry. I tried to look for the money you asked for but I couldn't get. You will have to wait till next week, maybe my salary would have been paid by then.

  That had always been her response whenever Lolade asked for her pocket money, which was always overdue anyway. How the hell did she expect her to survive till next week when her meagre salary would be paid, one that the Cooperative society would have deducted the larger portion leaving almost nothing to survive until the next salary was paid?

  Her mother was a civil servant with the Oyo State government, a junior officer who like many others borrowed loans from the cooperative society in her office to cater for projects like the school fees of their children, buildings and all. The cooperative in turn deducted a certain amount each month to offset the debts.

  Her mother might as well be a cleaner for all she cared, because her earnings were not enough to even provide a comfortable life for a student, let alone feed a family of six—her parents, three siblings and her. Her father worked as a driver in a hotel not too far from where they lived in Ibadan. Rarely did he bring enough money home to support what her mother earned, as he was given to drinking and spending time with his friends after work. As such, her mother could only provide for the basic needs, food and school fees. There was no room for frivolities—no birthdays, celebration of festivals not even shopping for clothes. They only bought clothes when the old ones were almost torn. Such was the life they lived, from hand to mouth.

  Lolade unconsciously drew her eyebrows together in a frown. She was tired of the life they lived; she deserved better. At twenty, tall and dark with brown eyes accentuated by high cheekbones and long hair which she liked to transform into different styles, Lolade exuded beauty. She took pride in her beauty and her name despite the despicable background she came from. There must be a reason why she was named Lolade—the wealthy one is here. She was meant to be surrounded with wealth yet it seemed poverty was all she had known all her life.

  She loathed their financial status and had always been disgusted anytime she and her siblings had to share some things like clothes and shoes in the name of managing resources. Growing up, she had determined in her heart that she would do everything to be rich. She just knew she was not cut out for the lifestyle she grew up with.

  She’d watched rich and trendy girls in her hostel with envy and longing in her heart. They wore the latest clothes and accessories, and some even drove cars. They didn't have to worry where money would come from or when. Although she knew that some were not from rich homes, she also knew that they typically attached themselves to rich guys who provided for them as perks of dating. Still, ‘rich’ was ‘rich’ in Lolade’s dictionary; who cared what the source was?

  She once attempted to tag along with the trend and get a ‘big boy’ who would lavish money on her; and so she had dated Dayo, a ‘big boy’ in her department. It didn't take a month for her to discover that Dayo was just as broke as she was but lived off rich girls he dated and he wouldn't give out a dime to anyone including her. She’d even fallen prey to cooking for him almost every day in the hope that he would return the favour by providing money just like campus couples do. She had broken up with him immediately that strategy failed. She might be poor but she wasn’t going to be anybody’s fool.

  As she turned around the bend that led to her hostel, a squirrel scurried past her into the bush that was along the path. Lolade's eyes followed the squirrel, and she shook her head. Even the squirrel had more freedom than she did; it didn't have to worry about what to eat, drink or wear. She heaved a heavy sigh and returned to her thoughts.

  She had hoped that she would use part of the allowance her mother was going to send this month to buy a new dress for the Craigs' party. She shuddered again at the thought of the party which was to be attended by the crème de la crème of the university campus only. People like her didn't get invited to such parties.

  The Craig twins were one of the most popular and richest girls on campus. Their father was the permanent secretary of the Federal Ministry of Culture and Tourism in Abuja. These girls talked, smelled and walked on money. In fact, there used to be a joke on campus that they defecated money; that was the extent of their wealth. They were a no-go area for Lolade as friends since they were so out of her league. She had gotten the jitters when she was invited by her new boyfriend to their birthday bash that was to take place the following week.

  Bade, Lolade’s new boyfriend, was a close friend of the Craigs; in fact, he belonged to their inner circle. He was also from a well-to-do family. His father owned a private business, selling computers and all kinds of IT products in Abuja, and his mother worked for Allison and Allison, a multinational consumer goods company headquartered in the United States.

  Lolade smiled when she remembered how they had met about a week earlier in her department's reading room. It was such a breath of fresh air. She’d just finished reading and was collecting her bag from the counter. She was about to put her things in her bag when someone bumped into her from behind, sending her stationeries all over the floor. She bent down to gather her things and was about to give the offender the scold of his life when she found herself staring into a warm, smiling, handsome face.

  "I am so sorry," he’d said as he picked up the pencil Lolade had missed out from the floor, his other hand in his blue jeans pocket. He was wearing a TM striped blue shirt and black palm slippers that looked
like it was custom-made for him.

  She’d smiled back and taken the pencil from him, and they had got talking and exchanged phone numbers. From that day, they had spent every evening together, and then one night, he’d told her she was beautiful and had kissed her and then finally asked her to accompany him to the Craigs’ party. She’d walked on air that night all the way to her hostel. Bade had kissed her and told her she was beautiful? That meant they were officially a couple now.

  She was even more excited that night because she had gathered that he was from a rich home when he had told her about his family. His friends were also from rich homes—the Craigs, for example, and Lekan Fashina of the English department, who was the son of a wealthy politician and a popular guy on campus. She’d kept silent and said nothing about her own family because there was nothing to say. She didn't want to give him an impression that she was a church rat. She also tried not to ask anything from him so she wouldn’t strike him as a parasite.

  Time will tell, she thought with a glimmer of hope within her. When I get into the core of his heart, he will begin to spend lavishly on me just like those guys do for my roommates, but right now I have to look for a way to get a cute dress for the coming party, she thought as she entered Adelabu Hall and showed her ID card to the porter