Maggie Lee (Book 22): The Hitwoman Goes To Prison

by Lynn, JB

  “A moment, Miss Lee,” the other woman said in a clipped tone.

  I fought the urge to hang my head, knowing I was in trouble. I followed her to one of the lanes, where she stared out at the pins, the muscle in her jaw working overtime. “Care to explain what happened?” she asked with exaggerated patience.

  “They were trying to get her to sign a contract,” I said. “And one of them was hurting her.”

  I reached into my back pocket and pulled out the papers. “I haven’t had a chance to read this,” I told her. “But I’m hoping that something in it will give us an idea of what the Concords are up to.”

  Whitehat shook her head. “The extent of the things the Concords are up to would blow your mind, Miss Lee.”

  We heard Boyd laugh, and both turned toward the noise.

  A slight smile played at Whitehat’s lips. “You did a good thing, reuniting them,” she said. “It’s not the way I would have preferred everything to happen…”

  “In my defense,” I told her, “I’m not the one who broke her out of prison, those other people did.”

  “I’m well aware,” Whitehat said.

  “So now what will happen to them?” I asked. “You’re not going to send her back, are you?”

  Whitehat shook her head. “That would be cruel to both of them.”

  “And we all know she’s the warm and fuzzy type,” God commented.

  Whitehat’s eyes widened at the sound of the squeaking. “We’ll figure out something for them.”

  “Thank you.”

  She looked at me closely. “Have you heard from your sister?”

  I shook my head. “I don’t think I will.”

  Whitehat scowled but didn’t say anything else. “I’ll take them with me,” she said. “You can go home.” With that, she spun on her heel and began walking toward Rhonda and Boyd.

  They both glanced over at her, and Boyd yelled, “Hi, Maggie!” I waved but knew that it wasn’t my place to intrude on their reunion, so I turned and walked away.

  I’d hoped that Zeke would be out by my car, but he was nowhere in sight.

  “Well,” I told DeeDee and Piss when I got back into the car, “we’ve reunited Boyd and his mother.”

  “That’s wonderful,” Piss purred. “Mike will be so happy to hear that. He’s been quite worried about the child.”

  I nodded. “Now he can just focus on Katie.”

  “He is besotted by her,” God declared, climbing out of my bra and perching on my shoulder.

  I started the car and began driving back toward Herschel’s compound.

  “Now we just have to find the cursed skull,” God said.

  “You couldn’t have just let me bask in my win here for a few minutes?” I asked.

  “Just because you don’t like reality doesn’t mean you get to ignore it,” the lizard replied.

  As though on cue, my cell phone buzzed. I answered through the car. “Hello?”

  “It’s me,” Gino said. “The boss is looking for a progress report.”

  “I’m working on it,” I told him.

  “He’s not going to like that answer,” Gino warned.

  “Well, I don’t know what else to tell him,” I said. “And honestly, I don’t understand why it’s such an urgent matter. The skull had been in my father’s storage unit for a long time, and now all of a sudden everyone is excited about it. Why?”

  “I can’t tell you that,” Gino said solemnly. “All I can do is urge you to do your best to find it.” With that, he disconnected the call.

  “You need to talk to Zippy,” God said.

  Remembering how well my last conversation had gone with him, I wasn’t too enthusiastic about the prospect. “I’ll try, but it would probably be better if we could figure out some sort of leverage over him.”

  “Oh,” Piss meowed, “I think having some leverage over that little beast would be an excellent idea.”

  “Maybe you should have Herschel talk to him,” God suggested.

  “Yeah,” I said slowly. “That’s probably the best idea. But then, I have to tell him that I’m pretty sure that Zippy buried it on Ian and Thurston’s property.”

  “Hunt Treasure!” DeeDee barked from the back seat.

  It wasn’t the kind of treasure hunt I particularly wanted to go on.

  39

  I was almost back to Herschel’s place when I saw the flashing lights in the rearview mirror of my car.

  “Crap,” I muttered under my breath. I haven’t always had the best experiences with cops, having dated one who tried to kill me, and they always made me nervous. Plus, it wasn’t a good time to get pulled over, considering I still had the gun belonging to the thug tucked into the side panel of my car.

  The vehicle pulling me over was unmarked.

  “Were you speeding?” God asked.

  “I don’t think so,” I said, pulling off onto the shoulder of the road. But truth be told, I’d been so distracted that I hadn’t been paying all that much attention to my speedometer. “Everybody just stay cool,” I told the animals. “I’ll get us out of this.”

  “Famous last words,” God said dryly. “We may very well be doomed.”

  “Shut up,” Piss meowed.

  I held my breath as the door to the vehicle behind me opened. I let it out on a shaky sigh when I saw the redhead climbing out.

  “Patrick!” DeeDee barked, practically throwing herself through the window to try to get to him.

  “You’re going to hurt yourself,” Piss warned.

  The dog didn’t seem to care, she was so excited to see him. “Patrick! Patrick! Patrick!”

  I rolled down the window, so she could stick her head out.

  My murder mentor took a moment to give her some attention before moving up to the driver’s window, which I also rolled down.

  “Hey, Mags.”

  “Hey,” I replied.

  “I just wanted to check that you were okay,” he said.

  “I’m good,” I lied smoothly.

  “And I wanted to check and see if we were okay,” Patrick said, uncertainty shining in his green eyes.

  I could have played dumb and pretended I didn’t know what he was talking about, but I was still so angry about what had happened that I let him have it. “Are you talking about are we okay about the fact that you let that goon kidnap me at the hotel, tie me to a bed, and just left me there?” I asked testily.

  He dipped his shoulder. “I knew you’d be okay, Mags.”

  “You left me there,” I emphasized. “Tied up to a bed.”

  “Because I had bigger fish to fry,” he said. “I’m sorry if you were afraid, but lives were at stake.”

  “That’s a lousy excuse for deserting me like that.”

  “If you’re going to be mad at anybody,” he said, “you should be pissed at Angel Delveccio for getting you involved in the situation in the first place.”

  “Technically,” I spat out, “I should be angry at his uncle for getting me involved in the first place.”

  Patrick shook his head and let out a long sigh. “Mags, I’m trying to broker a peace deal here with you.”

  “Maybe I don’t want one.”

  He blinked, hurt.

  “Are you forgetting that the motel thing happened after your girlfriend tried to kill me?”

  “Technically, she was trying to kill me,” Patrick pointed out. “You just interfered.”

  “Interfered?” I said angrily. “I saved your life.”

  “And I’m grateful for that, Mags,” he said. “And I’m sorry about the motel, but you have to give me credit for showing up and taking that guy out with my car and getting rid of the body for you.”

  “I didn’t kill him,” I said. “You didn’t get rid of the body for me.”

  “Fighting stop,” DeeDee whined.

  Patrick glanced into the back of the car at her. “It’s okay, sweetheart,” he told her, as though he understood what she said.

  “Fighting stop,” she
repeated.

  “For once,” God said from his spot on the dashboard, “as much as it pains me to say it, but I must agree with the drooling dummy.”

  I took a deep breath and tried to calm down. “I’m sorry,” I said to Patrick. “It’s been a crazy time. My sister was leaving town and she was going to take Katie…” I trailed off.

  “What happened?” Patrick asked softly.

  “She left Katie,” I told him. “But Darlene left town.”

  Patrick nodded. “That must be hard.” He was one of the few people who knew that Darlene had returned from the dead and how difficult the whole process had been for the family.

  “It’s been a lot.” I didn’t add the whole thing about Boyd’s mother or that I was searching for a cursed skull.

  “And now you’re entangled with your dad’s business. Whatever that is.”

  I squinted at him, wondering what he knew and how much.

  He raised his hands defensively. “I’m a cop,” he reminded me. “Two escaped convicts were captured on your grandfather’s property. Did you think I wouldn’t hear about that? Why do you think I was there checking on you?”

  I nodded slowly. “I do appreciate that you helped me out with that,” I said awkwardly.

  “No problem. If there’s anything else you need help with, let me know.” He patted the dog again, then returned to his car.

  “Not one word,” I said to the animals as I closed up the windows and began the drive to Herschel’s place. “I don’t want to hear anybody’s opinion.”

  Mercifully, the animals all remained silent for the remainder of the ride.

  The driveway was more crowded than usual, with an RV parked alongside the woods. I let out a soft groan, realizing that I had seen what I thought I had when I’d been with Zeke at the ice cream parlor.

  “Is Armani taking another road trip?” God asked.

  “Maybe she and Jack are making it a mobile love shack,” Piss purred.

  “That’s not hers,” I said, having driven Armani’s recreational vehicle for her.

  This one was a garish shade of pink and I knew exactly whom it belonged to. “It’s the psychic’s. R.V., remember her?”

  “The one who can talk to animals and ghosts?” Piss asked.

  God let out a low whistle. “The one who told you that you don’t know how things will change and what you’ll become?”

  “Yup.” I tried to act like the prediction didn’t bother me, but it did.

  I let DeeDee and Piss out of the back and slowly strolled toward the camper. The cat and dog both bounded away.

  God perched on my shoulder. “I can’t wait to see how this goes.”

  I considered flicking him off, unhappy that he was taking pleasure in my discomfort.

  “You can’t just wait here,” he urged. “Announce your presence.”

  “Hello?” I called.

  The door swung open and a beautiful woman stuck her head out.

  “Hi, Maggie,” R.V. said to me. I could tell from her guarded expression that she sensed I wasn’t happy to see her.

  I felt a twinge of guilt. I raised a hand and offered a weak smile. “What brings you back to the Garden State?”

  She clenched her jaw and looked away as she shook her head. “Don’t worry,” she said. “I’m not staying long, I just came to visit Armani for a little bit. I need her help with something.”

  “You need her help with something?” I asked doubtfully. That didn’t make a lot of sense, considering Armani had once told me that R.V. is very powerful.

  The other woman refused to elaborate. She just nodded.

  DeeDee charged toward us. “Hungry.”

  Piss crept up behind our visitor and sat quietly.

  “If you want to feed her first,” R.V. said, “this can wait.”

  “She’s always hungry,” God groused.

  “Oh yeah,” R.V. said, squinting at the lizard. “I remember you.”

  “Come on in, chica,” Armani called from inside the trailer. “We’ve got something important to talk about.”

  “Just a sec,” I told them. “You can go to the house,” I told DeeDee. “Tell Herschel you’re starving.”

  “Starving!” she barked, racing away.

  I looked at Piss where she sat. “Is there anything I can do for you before I talk to Armani?”

  “I’m as right as rain, Sugar.” She sauntered off as though she didn’t have a care in the world.

  I felt a twinge of jealousy.

  I climbed the three steps into R.V.’s camper and found Armani sitting at the table. She waved me forward.

  “You are not going to believe what she found out,” Armani said.

  I didn’t like the way that sounded, and honestly, I had enough problems on my hands trying to figure out where the damned cursed skull is. I sank into a seat near Armani and looked at R.V. expectantly.

  “Tell her,” Armani urged.

  R.V. ducked her head, seemingly not wanting to share what it was that she had discovered. “First, I have a message from Teresa.”

  I sat up straighter, wanting to hear what Katie’s mother needed me to hear.

  “She approves of you having Katie again,” R.V. said gently.

  I nodded, blinking back tears. I hadn’t realized how much I’d needed to hear that.

  “That’s great, thank you,” I murmured, wiping away tears.

  “Tell her the other thing,” Armani urged.

  R.V. winced sympathetically. “You should brace yourself,” she said slowly.

  “Brace myself for what?” I asked, anxiety kicking up in my stomach.

  “This might be upsetting for you.”

  “It’s about Zippy,” Armani interjected.

  I swallowed, trying to keep my anxiety at bay. Had R.V. somehow learned about the skull from Zippy? Was Armani now searching for it, too? The last thing I needed was her involvement.

  I held my breath, waiting for R.V. to make her big reveal.

  “I know this is going to be hard to believe,” she began slowly. “You know how people sometimes come back reincarnated as animals?”

  I blinked. “I didn’t know that.”

  R.V. nodded. “Trust me, they do.”

  “I want to come back reincarnated as a dog,” God began to rant from his hiding spot in my bra. “I want somebody to feed me and house me and tell me I’m good when all I am is a drooling idiot.”

  R.V. raised her eyebrows but didn’t comment on the squeaking noise, she just let him finish his rant before continuing. “This dog, Zippy. He’s one of them.”

  “Okay,” I said slowly, not really knowing what this meant.

  “He’s the reincarnated spirit of someone you know,” R.V. said gently.

  I blinked, trying to process that. “Who?”

  “You don’t know?” R.V. asked carefully.

  Considering that Armani was practically bouncing off of her seat, I decided it was probably someone who was semi-important.

  That meant that it was not probably anyone I had killed, but it could be Paul, the cop who’d tried to kill me. I hadn’t been directly responsible for his death, but it would make sense that he would haunt me.

  “I don’t know,” I told R.V.

  “Prepare to have your mind blown,” Armani declared dramatically.

  I was preparing to puke in the garbage can that was nearby. This anxiety was going to kill me.

  “Just tell me,” I said to R.V.

  Nodding, she offered me a gentle smile. “It’s your grandmother.”

  I sat back in my seat, absorbing that information. In a strange way, it made a lot of sense. She was bossy like Zippy. Wouldn’t listen to anybody, like Zippy. And she liked to torture people, like Zippy.

  I realized that finding the skull was going to be even more difficult than I imagined.

  Author’s Note

  Hi there!

  I hope you enjoyed The Hitwoman Goes to Prison. Isn't Matilda a hoot?!?!

  I know it prob
ably feels like an imposition, but writers depend on reviews, so if you could take just a moment to post a short review of this book I’d so appreciate it.

  This will help me to continue to write more of Maggie and the gang’s adventures.

  Thanks so much,

  JB

  Also by JB Lynn

  HITWOMAN BOOKS IN ORDER

  Confessions of a Slightly Neurotic Hitwoman

  Further Confessions of a Slightly Neurotic Hitwoman

  The Hitwoman Gets Lucky

  The Hitwoman and the Family Jewels

  The Hitwoman and the Neurotic Witness

  The Hitwoman Hunts a Ghost

  The Hitwoman and the 7 Cops

  The Hitwoman and the Poisoned Apple

  The Hitwoman’s Downward Dog

  The Hitwoman’s Act of Contrition

  The Hitwoman Hires a Manny

  The Hitwoman and the Sacrificial Lamb

  The Hitwoman and the Chubby Cherub

  The Hitwoman and the Mother Load

  The Hitwoman Under Pressure

  The Hitwoman Plays Chaperone

  The Hitwoman Takes a Road Trip

  The Hitwoman in a Pickle

  The Hitwoman and the Gold Digger

  The Hitwoman's Juggling Act

  The Hitwoman and the Fallen Angel

  The Hitwoman Goes to Prison

  And don't miss the Psychic Consignment Mystery series.

  One Woman’s Junk