The Bondage of Love

by Catherine Cookson

  ‘Go on, laugh. Laugh,’ Daisy said.

  ‘No. No, Daisy, I’m not laughing. You look…well, marvellous!’

  ‘Marvellous, me granny’s aunt! I don’t know how I got down the street; nobody knew me.’

  ‘Give me your coat here.’

  ‘No; no. I want Sammy to see me like this.’

  ‘Oh, yes. Well, come on then. We’ve got him fixed up in the little sitting room until he can make the stairs.’

  ‘Is all the family in?’

  ‘No; there’s only Grandma and Angela; they’re upstairs. Mother has gone to see Nell; she isn’t very well. And Dad and Willie are down in the wood with the gardener, clearing some of the branches that came down yesterday in that wind. Mark is spending a couple of days with his friend, Roland Featherstone.’

  At the end of the broad corridor, Katie tapped on the door. Then, opening it just a little way and putting her head round, she said, ‘Guess who’s here?’

  ‘Male or female?’

  ‘Female.’

  ‘Oh, then it must be Princess Fandango. Show her in, serf.’

  When Katie thrust the door wide open and Daisy followed her into the room, the sight of her brought Sammy up straight from the depths of the large, upholstered wing chair, and exclaiming much the same as Katie had done earlier, ‘Daisy!’

  ‘Well, go on, ask what’s got into me.’

  ‘I’m not going to; I’ll wait until you tell me. But by! you look…’

  ‘Well, how do I look? Like everybody else you see in the street; Dizzy-Lizzies all look alike.’

  As Sammy swayed on his feet Katie put her hand out towards him, saying sharply, ‘Now, you sit down before you fall down.’

  ‘Well! Come here, you!’—he beckoned to Daisy—‘Come here, and let me have a good look at you.’

  When she stood by his chair, he looked at her from top to toe; then, again his face smiling, he said, ‘Oh, Daisy, you look smashing. How did this come about?’

  ‘It’s a long story.’

  ‘Here, sit down’—Katie pushed a chair towards her—‘I’ll go and make a cup of tea. And take your coat off, and your hat or you’ll freeze when you go out.’

  ‘No’—Daisy shook her head—‘I won’t take me coat off.’

  ‘Why not? Still got the old rig-out underneath?’

  ‘No, I haven’t. All right then, I’ll show you.’ She stood up again and began to unbutton the green velour coat with a deep fur collar, and its length, reaching below her knees, left only a three-inch gap to the top of her long dark brown suede boots.

  Her coat she hung over the back of the chair. Then, after pulling the felt hat from her head, she struck a self-conscious pose. And such was the impression she made that neither Katie nor Sammy spoke for a moment. Then it was Katie who said, ‘My! My! That’s lovely.’ And she put out her hand and felt the long sleeve of the pale-mauve woollen dress that was doing even more than the coat to transform the girl they had come to recognise as an individual, one on her own, belonging to no set type. But, here she was…really what was the word? She could only think of smashing, upper-grade smashing, too.

  ‘It’s lovely. Where did you get it?’

  ‘Oh, as I said, it’s a long story. When I’ve had that cup of tea, I’ll tell you.’ She now nodded towards Sammy, saying, ‘It’s beginning to snow and so blooming cold, I don’t think I could have worn me bum-freezer the day.’

  This was the Daisy they knew, and Katie went out laughing.

  Seated once again by the chair, Daisy looked at Sammy and said one word, ‘Well?’ Sammy shook his head, then after a moment he muttered, ‘Remarkable! You look bonny, Daisy, really bonny…even beautiful.’

  ‘Come off it!’

  She rubbed a finger over her lips, which were no longer scarlet, but a pale pink. And when her eyelids blinked, he could see most of her natural lashes.

  ‘Your hair…you’ve had it tinted?’

  ‘Yes. Yes, I did it meself. So, it’s a bit patchy at the back.’ She turned her head. And he said, ‘No, it’s all right. It isn’t patchy, just a little darker. But it looks better. Oh!’ He shook his head, then said softly, ‘Don’t go back to the rig, Daisy, ’cos you look lovely. I’ve known you for a long time and this is the first time I’ve really seen you. You’ve been covering yourself up. Why did you go in for that rig?’

  ‘Oh, well, I wanted to be different. My teacher was for me staying on. Well, you know the set-up. Me da was off, and bad; in fact, nobody was in work, and they were offering girls good money at the factory, so there you have it. It’s the old ego, you know. I wanted to be recognised as somebody different. And I was different, wasn’t I?’

  ‘I’ll say. I’ll say, Daisy, you were. But you’ll always be Daisy, no matter what you wear. Oh’—he leant back—‘you do look bonny. I can’t get over it. I’m so proud of you, Daisy. Wait till the others see you.’

  ‘Don’t make me blush. I don’t look bonny. The only thing is, I’ve washed me face. I haven’t washed me face for God knows how long. I just grease it, you know. It stops the wrinkles, they say. Anyway, how are you feeling?’

  He didn’t answer her for a moment, then said simply, ‘Different.’

  ‘Different?’

  ‘Yes. I don’t feel I’ll ever be meself again.’

  ‘Don’t talk daft. Of course you will.’

  ‘I’m not talking daft, Daisy. Between you and me, I feel I’ve got no spunk left. I can’t see me ever doing a back-throw again on anybody.’

  ‘That’ll come. You’ve had a knocking about. It’s a wonder you’re still alive, d’you know that?’

  ‘Yes. Yes, I know that. And I wouldn’t have been if it hadn’t been for your little Danny.’

  ‘Well, everybody gives little Danny the benefit, but it was really our Mike. ’Cos if he had told Danny to get back to bed, that’s where he would have gone. It was Mike who set things going.’

  ‘I’ll have to see him.’

  ‘Oh, you’ll see him some time. Anyway, he’s going to start work, you know, for the big boss, the big chief Bang-Bang!’ She smiled now and hunched her shoulders as she said, ‘I give him as much as he sends.’ Then, the smile slipping from her face, she said, ‘It’s funny, you know, Sammy, I always felt at one with you, because originally we were from the same groove, brought up in the toughening school. And then, you know, when he first spoke to me I had the same feeling because I could backchat him. And now I know why, because he came up much the same way. Our Frank said he was a brickie in Liverpool first, and when he came this end he started with three men. So, that’s why, I suppose, I feel kind of at home with him. Although I know how far I can go, and I wouldn’t want to go any further, ’cos I admire him. Oh, aye, I do. He’s full of push and that’s how I used to feel at one time.’

  ‘Oh, Daisy’—Sammy laughed now—‘you’re talking as if you were an old woman.’

  ‘Well, I am in some way, inside, ’cos I’ve passed through a number of grades. Oh aye, most of them better left buried now. But…but you see what I mean about you, me and Mr Bailey? The others are different. Nice, oh aye, nice and kind, but different; even Katie.’

  ‘Katie’s not different.’

  ‘Oh, aye, she is, Sammy. She’s on the other side of the line, no matter how nice she is. And there’s her big brother. Well, I haven’t seen much of him, but I class him as a bit of a nowt. A proper snob, that one, I think.’

  ‘Well, that only leaves Willie.’

  ‘Oh, Willie…he breaks his neck to come down to my level. But he’s still Willie. And…and look about you and this place, where he’s been brought up by his mother. Now she’s the nicest woman I’ve met, but nevertheless, she’s classy. And what d’you think would happen’—she leant forward now and there was an impish grin on her face as she said—‘if he were to go to his dear mama and say he had cottoned on to Daisy Gallagher? Oh my, Sammy!’ She pulled a face at him. ‘I doubt if Big Chief would stand for that.’

  Sammy di
d not laugh and his voice held a serious note when he said, ‘Willie thinks a lot of you, Daisy. Seriously, he does.’

  ‘Well, well! That’s his hair shirt; I can’t help it; I’ve given him no encouragement. In fact, I can tell you one thing for nothing; I’ve gone overboard in me gear just to put him off. Some part of his head must be soft, because it’s only made him grin. But I’m serious too now, Sammy, when I say, no, I’m not for Willie and Willie isn’t for me, and the quicker he gets to know that the better. I’ve’—she stared at him—‘I’ve got different ideas: I know what I want and who I want.’

  ‘Is it Jimmy?’

  Her chin jerked up as she asked almost in a demand, ‘What makes you name him?’

  ‘Well, you’re always calling him your minder, and…and it’s evident that he’s very fond of you, that he looks after you.’

  ‘He doesn’t look after me.’

  ‘Well, what I mean to say is that he advises you, let’s put it that way, what to do and what not to do. Oh yes, he does, Daisy, so don’t deny it.’

  ‘I’m not denying it, but let me tell you I know more about Jimmy than you do. He sees himself as a universal fatherly figure, because he’s got a woman who has three bairns and they’re not his. The husband scooted.’

  Sammy’s eyes had widened. ‘Really?’ he said, ‘How long have you known this?’

  ‘Oh, don’t ask me; I can’t remember.’

  Sammy turned his head towards the door, saying, ‘Oh, here’s the woodman coming in.’

  She, too, looked towards the door as the commotion came from the corridor and Bill’s voice could be heard saying, ‘Oh, a cup of tea. That’s what I want, next to putting my backside on the fire. D’you know it’s snowing.’

  ‘We’ve got company.’

  And when Bill appeared, he stared for a moment at the girl in the very smart woollen dress. It was some seconds before he exclaimed on a high note, ‘Daisy!’

  ‘At your service, sir.’

  She had risen to her feet, and now she was standing not an arm’s length from him. And he, looking her up and down, said, ‘Well, I’ll be damned! I never thought to witness it. You’re human!’

  ‘Just as far as me neck, ’cos me mind’s still in me rig-out.’

  Again he looked her up and down, then said, ‘Well I’ll say this and in all seriousness, I never thought that that get-up covered such a bonny lass.’

  She took up a pussy-cat pose, flapping a hand at him as if it were a paw as she said, ‘Go on with you, Mister; me ma says no.’

  ‘What?’

  In her ordinary tone, she repeated, ‘Me ma says no. And I’ll have to explain that to you later.’

  ‘You’ve no need, you brazen hussy, you!’

  ‘Daisy!’

  They all turned to look at Willie, who was standing in the doorway, for his ‘Daisy!’ had sounded like a choirboy’s high C.

  Slowly now he advanced towards her, saying, ‘You’ve…you’ve changed your gear.’

  ‘Oh, is it so noticeable?’

  Willie glanced towards Bill and said, ‘I can’t believe it.’

  ‘You’ve seen nothing yet, sir. But in the meantime, if we’re going to drink tea, go and get two more cups, and bring the plate of cakes from the kitchen table.’

  Willie shook his head, then hurried from the room; and straight away his voice could be heard crying, ‘I’ll have to bring three; here’s mam.’

  When Fiona stepped into the room she looked first towards Sammy, then to the strange girl sitting by him, and her mouth fell into a slight gape before she muttered, ‘Daisy?’

  ‘Yes, Mrs Bailey, me in the flesh.’ Daisy had risen to her feet.

  ‘Oh, my dear!’ Fiona moved slowly towards her. ‘You look…well, you look lovely, dear.’ She held out a hand to take Daisy’s as she said, ‘I’m not going to ask the reason, but I’m going to ask why you have hidden your real self for so long.’

  ‘I haven’t been hiding meself, Mrs Bailey; these are just clothes. I’m still the same up here,’ she patted her head.

  ‘That’s enough, that’s enough,’ put in Bill quietly. ‘Her head’s too big for the hat already. Let’s have that tea.’

  ‘A cup of tea, Mam? Willie’s gone for another cup.’

  ‘No, thanks, dear. I had two just before I left Nell’s.’ Fiona now went to where Bill was standing near the two-seater couch, and as she sat down, he said, ‘How did you find her?’

  ‘Oh, heaps better. But she’s had a real flu cold…Do you know it’s snowing?’

  ‘Yes, of course I know it’s snowing; I’ve been sawing wood in it.’

  ‘You couldn’t have; it’s just started.’

  He now turned to Daisy and said, ‘How d’you find our invalid?’

  ‘I think he’s looking fine; much better than I expected. But being him, he’ll take advantage and hang it out.’

  ‘I’ll hang you out,’ said Sammy. ‘Stand up and put your coat on and show Mrs B your bargains. At least, I imagine they’re bargains.’

  Daisy, doing as she was bidden, stood up, got into her coat, turned the fur collar well up over the back of her head, then posed again. And both Bill and Fiona stared at her for almost a minute before Bill said, ‘Well! Where did you come across this rig-out?’

  ‘It’s from a second-hand shop. I heard of it being exclusive like, being situated near Brampton Hill. And they weren’t likely to get the riff-raff from our way, because it was kind of pricey. I’m afraid them round our way think handouts are dear; they won’t buy anything unless they’re badly pushed. Anyway, I heard about this fella getting a lovely overcoat there, and I told our Mike about it. He was determined to spend some of the money that you gave him’—she nodded towards Bill—‘on having a decent rig-out and an overcoat, and I must confess he was badly in need of the lot. Anyway, I promised I would go with him to this shop; that’s if it was open during the holidays. We had a job to find it; it was right at the other end of town and up a side street. We got there about a quarter to ten and it had just opened. Eeh! My!’ She smiled from one to the other. ‘What an experience! There were two women serving…no, they weren’t just women, they were ladies of a certain age.’ She bounced her head with each word as she repeated, ‘Yes, definitely of a certain age. One was called Gwenda. She saw to the first floor and the men’s department. I don’t know what mine was called, but she was canny. She had been sorting things out of a great big hamper.’ She nodded towards Bill, adding, ‘It was the same size as the whopper you sent us.’ And at this he jerked his chin at her, and she went on, ‘She took out this coat and as she held it up she said to herself, “That’s nice; but a fur collar. They don’t usually have fur collars, not this make.” And this was to herself, mind. When she laid the coat across the counter, I looked at it, and I don’t know what made me say, “May I try it on?” But that’s what I said.’ She was nodding from one to the other now. ‘And when she saw me in it, she looked solemnly at me and agreed, “Yes, my dear. Now that’s better. That’s much better, and it’s such a beautiful coat.” It’s Asquash something.’

  ‘Aquascutum?’

  She nodded towards Fiona, saying, ‘That’s it. I can never get me tongue round it. Aqua…scutum. Then I heard meself asking, “How much is it?” And she said, “Oh, it hasn’t been priced yet, dear; I’m just sorting. But wait a minute! Give it me here.” I took it off and handed it to her, and she went out and along a passage, and I heard her call, “Gwenda!” Then after some prattle she comes back and says, “It’s such a good coat and it’s hardly been worn, you know. But Gwenda says, and she knows about furs, and she thinks the collar is Russian mink, but that it’s been tacked on. You see? At the back.” She began to show me. Then she said, “But I’m afraid it will be six pounds. Because you wouldn’t get anything like that under sixty now.” And when I said straight away, “I’ll take it,” she said, “Oh, that’s nice, dear…And look at this!” And what did she do but bring this out?’ Daisy now took off her coat, then pl
ucking at the front of her dress, she said, ‘“This would suit you,” she said, “and this too hasn’t been worn much either. They go under the arms, dear, you know; it’s the perspiration. But this shows no sign of wear.”’ When Daisy lifted up her arm, they all started to laugh, and she said, ‘She was right. No sweat marks. Then out she brings a two-piece. It was brown and a lovely thick material. And it had something in its favour for me. Anyway, the skirt didn’t reach me knees.’

  ‘How much did you pay for that?’

  ‘Three-fifty, and I could see then why only a certain type came to this shop: for that three-fifty, in the Oxfam shop in Broad Street, you could buy a complete outfit.’

  ‘Did she bring your boots, too, out of the basket?’ It was Willie, and he was grinning at her. And she said, ‘Oh, me boots? No. Now they were a bargain. And she told me the history of them. Umpteen people must have tried them on, and she said she always told them not to pull the zip of the right hand one well up, because it stuck; once they got it up, they couldn’t get it down. And she said, “You know, it’s true, because there was one day it took half an hour to release the customer. And so, since then, when I warn people they must be careful of the zip and not to take it right up, it seems to put them off. So they have lain there this past year, and they’re a beautiful pair of boots.” She asked my size, and when I said five, she said “How wonderful! Would you like to try them?” Well, I tried them. And look!’ She turned her right leg to the side to show them the zip stopped two inches from the top.

  ‘Why don’t you try closing it?’ said Bill, on a laugh. ‘I’ll open it for you.’

  ‘Not on your life! I’d have to go to bed in them. But’—she nodded towards Fiona now—‘they are lovely inside. Sheepskin.’

  ‘How much did she sting you for those?’ asked Sammy. ‘Just a pound,’ she said, ‘I think she was glad to get rid of them.’

  Fiona said in amazement, ‘A pound! D’you know, Daisy, that quality and that size would cost anything from eighty to a hundred today.’