Earth Cat Zero: Last Cat Meowing

by Gary Starta

  Brands and Miranda agreed in unison with nodding heads while the waiter cheerfully placed the coffees on the table. “Speaking of which…here comes some friends now” Felicity smiled at her coffee as if it were a person.

  Miranda wrapped hands about her latte in contemplation. “So, it’s like using a single piece of paper to send a note?”

  “In a way, yes.” Brands smiled. “I am picturing an invisible paper airplane, possibly containing a love note. Well, you would only want one specific receiver for the note, wouldn’t you, Miranda?”

  The teen blushed and nodded.

  Felicity spoke with steepled hands. “We can do this by using quantum dots. Just wait until you learn about the Poisson Distribution, Miranda.”

  “I am excited to learn how we might use this with Earth Cat Zero.” The doctor posited by jockeying a Danish in his hand and steering it through the air. “How do we get this to there?” He pointed at Earth Cat Zero, immersed with his cream.

  “I would think some kind of guidance system might be downloaded via chip.” Felicity blew air on her hot beverage.

  “Yes, that reminds me. I had an idea earlier. It was about cooling atoms down to break a wave field.”

  Miranda interrupted Brands. “You’re talking about mass, right?”

  “I am!” Brands continued. “If we can make the atoms hot enough, we’ll destabilize the wave field forcing the quantum version of Earth Cat Zero to become tangible, or – in other words – put him into a particle or mass state.”

  Earth Cat Zero seemed to grumble something unintelligible into his bowl.

  “So cold atoms maintain a wave state?” Miranda asked.

  “Right again!” The doctor clasped hands. “I must admit, despite our predicament; I am in my element.”

  Felicity winked at the doctor and propped her forearms on the table. “So, Doctor. Tell me about your plan.”

  The doctor explained force fields should be erected via projector at the Bean. “It isn’t the most optimal conductor as the Bean is made of stainless steel as opposed to carbon steel, but it’ll do. We will use it to keep the atoms in a warmer state while the acceleration runs. I will equip Earth Cat’s chip with the exact coordinates of the Bean, so the quantum cat will have no choice but to transport…”

  Miranda waved a hand. “Wait a minute. The last time this was done, Earth Cat ended up in Long Island. Remember?”

  “Momentarily, yes. I will adjust for this, Miranda. Don’t worry. Just a few hundred yards from the Bean is the Pritzker Pavilion – which comes equipped with very high-quality speakers to emit the Solfeggio Frequency. I believe bolstering the frequency will keep Earth Cat tethered.”

  “But what about you, Doctor? Your exposure to the stainless steel resulted in a neural overload without any help from the accelerator. It even switched your mind with Earth Cat’s.”

  Felicity raised eyebrows. “She is right, Dr. Brands. You can’t risk…”

  “I can and will.” The doctor spoke softly. “It’s the reason I can’t be at the site. Miranda, you’ll need to operate the laser projectors – with my help, of course.”

  “Ah…okay.” Miranda’s voice quavered.

  “You won’t be alone, Miranda. I can be there with you.” Felicity placed a hand over Miranda’s wrist.

  “Oh, would you do that? I would appreciate that.” Brands beamed.

  “Let’s just say I’m doing it for science, but even more for a very cute blue and green cat.”

  “Now, we will require shorter wavelengths of radiation, so I believe, the Bean, will act as if a skillet on a stove. It will encompass the wavelengths in just the right manner to affect only the immediate area of the Bean – so no one will be harmed.”

  Felicity rested her head on her hand, her body drooped at an angle. “Hmm. Beans and a skillet. Quite a recipe. But I understand what you’re trying to accomplish. The microwaves will become less dense once they’ve passed through the Bean. I wonder where you get your inspiration.” Felicity failed to stifle a yawn.

  “Oh. Dear.” Brands blushed at his word choice. “You must be in need of sleep I will work on the formulas while you get some rest.” The doctor saw the opportunity as a perfect deflection from Felicity’s inquiry. Brands didn’t want to reveal that his inspiration may have been aided by his AWOL uncle.

  Earth Cat Zero stretched. “I hate to be needy, but I feel the need to release some pent-up energy.”

  “What do you mean, Earth Cat?” Miranda stroked him behind his ears. “I mean, even though I am beginning to relate as a human, I still feel like I don’t belong on this planet.”

  Miranda nodded and smiled. “Earth Cat, there’s times we all feel like that.”

  “But how do you cope with that?” The cat began to mewl softly.

  “Distraction.”

  “How?” Earth Cat aggressively rolled this way and that on the table, his tail thumping to some beat. Felicity whisked her mug off the table to prevent an accident.

  “I know exactly how you feel. I sometimes feel an inner rhythm in myself as well. You just need to get it out. So, the question isn’t so much the how, but the where?” Miranda flipped through her phone. “Ah. I know the perfect place. Doctors, are you up for some entertainment this evening?” The cat’s tail continued to thump on the table.

  Brands allowed Miranda a few more minutes of satisfaction as they walked back to Union Center. “I know ideas are empowering, Miranda. That’s why I won’t press you about it. But – to be fair – I think Earth Cat should be let in on your revelation.”

  “Okay. Okay.” Miranda scooped Earth Cat Zero off the sidewalk and into her arms. “How about the blues? I know you like it. It’s all you listen to lately.”

  The cat nodded. “It seems very cathartic; it’s like I’m facing down my demons.”

  “Lucky we’re in the perfect city to accommodate that release. I think we need to make an appointment with Buddy Guy.”

  The doctor laughed. “Oh, Buddy Guy’s Legends. I haven’t been there in ages.”

  “We need to make an appointment?” Earth Cat grumbled.

  “Sorry, just a figure of speech. But I will need to call ahead. This will be an unusual request for the club.”

  “I am intrigued, Miranda.” The cat licked his chops. “But sometimes we felines need to be involved in the hunt so to speak, and less on the sidelines.”

  “Oh, if that’s the case. I know the cure.”

  “I wish you’d be less cryptic.”

  The doctor nodded. “I was thinking the same thing, Earth Cat.”

  Miranda gazed at the doctor with wide, unbelieving eyes. “And you haven’t been cryptic about trying to corral a quantum cat via laser beams? How am I supposed to understand all this: heated atoms, electrical conductivity - not to mention that Poison Distribution?”

  “That’s Poi-sson Distribution.” The doctor emphasized with a drawn-out pronunciation.”

  “I am beginning to agree with Earth Cat. Sometimes a cat just needs to be a cat.”

  “Or” – Earth Cat added – “a cat with a human need to be a cat.”

  Brands chuckled. “Talk about quantum paradoxes. Never could I imagine this back in college…”

  “Doctor, you sound oddly pleased. Like things turned out even more interesting than you could have expected them to be.”

  “I do. But, Miranda, I agree with you. For our beloved cat’s sake - let’s allow Earth Cat to sing the blues tonight.”

  The cat gave the pair a steely gaze.

  The doctor’s hands were slightly shaking after he completed his call to the Chief of Police. “And I thought the quantum formulas would be trying.”

  “I take it they weren’t very understanding.”

  “No, not at all, Miranda. But the police were cooperative and that’s the bottom line.” The doctor explained the city would cordon off Millennium Park for the next acceleration.

  “It’ll do you goo
d Miranda to take the reins.”

  “Ah, Felicity volunteered to assist, remember?”

  “Right, right. I will text her to meet us at the club tonight.”

  “Sounds like you two are hitting it off, Doc.” Miranda smiled at Brands knowingly.

  “No. I mean, yes. We do seem to think and speak the same language when it comes to physics. It will be a good opportunity to work on some formulas.”

  “At the club!” Miranda gave the doctor an incredulous gaze. “This is Earth Cat Zero’s night, Doctor.”

  “I’ll behave in the quantum manner my observed reality permits.”

  Miranda and the cat sighed in unison.

  The doctor, Miranda and the cat welcomed the cool air of the club, leaving behind the steamy humidity of a Chicago summer night.

  Miranda couldn’t help but notice Brands scanning the club for Felicity. “I guess she hasn’t arrived yet, Doctor.” The teen laughed at Brands’s expense.

  “Looking for someone?” A man in a fedora hat asked. He was manning a table and Miranda guessed him to be the club’s gatekeeper.

  “Oh, well, we are. But we’re here for…”

  The man waved a dismissive hand at Brands. “I know who you are. The whole globe does by now.” His laugh was infectious. Miranda could feel the hum of Earth Cat’s purr at the base of his throat as she held him.

  “Don’t worry, I won’t need to brand the cat with a stamp.” The man laughed again. “And” – he warned with waggling finger – “they’ll be no drinks served to young ladies or felines tonight, understand?”

  “I do.” Brands answered in a high-pitched tone. “We do. We won’t be having anything stronger than a root beer.”

  “I figured as much.” The man adjusted his hat while gazing at the trio for a long moment. Finally, he broke the uncomfortable silence with a hearty belly laugh.

  “You should have seen your faces.” The man laughed and clapped hands. “It’s all about appearance and showmanship. Mm. Mm. Mm.” He continued chuckling softly to himself. “You know” – he continued – “I had to pull some mighty big strings with the city to get the young lady and cat in here tonight. But you know what…?”

  Brands shrugged shoulders. “We appear to know nothing, my good sir.”

  “Extraordinary times call for extraordinary measures.” The man laughed again. “I wish Buddy could be here tonight. Mm. Mm. Mm.”

  “Oh, is he okay?” Miranda asked.

  “Yes, child. He’s on tour. Doing God’s work.” The man smiled and stamped Brands’s and Miranda’s palms.

  “You might want to talk to Chuck, he’s tonight’s emcee. He’s over there, in that green shirt.”

  Brands nodded. “Thank you for your hospitality.”

  “Anytime.”

  Brands pointed at a wall behind the bar on the far end of the club. “Let’s explore, shall we?”

  Miranda nodded, carefully carrying Earth Cat in her arms, eyes darting back and forth but not meeting the gazes of the surprised patrons.

  “Is he gonna sing tonight?” An African American man in a red and black plaid shirt screamed more than asked.

  “We will see. We will see.” Miranda answered in a quivering voice. Laughter erupted like mines around her as she navigated a path to the back of the club.

  Brands pointed at the wall where guitars autographed by Eric Clapton and Jeff Beck were mounted.

  “I never heard of them.” Miranda said. “I’m guessing they are not scientists.”

  “Scientists of a different field, perhaps.” Brands grinned from ear-to-ear, sharing his delight with a nodding female bartender.

  “Isn’t it odd, Doctor?” The cat queried. “One can seemingly find pleasure both in and out of their element.”

  “True. Life is a paradox.” Brands ordered two root beers and a water for the cat.

  “I’m supposed to perform without alcohol?” The cat complained. “I heard all the real bluesmen drank something called firewater.”

  Miranda scratched the feline behind the ear. “Don’t be afraid to be you, Earth Cat. You don’t need a mask to do that.”

  “I think I understand.” The cat purred.

  “Well, let’s talk to Chuck.” Brands lead the trio over to the man who was in the process of setting up an amplifier.

  “Good evening. We’d like to make a special request.”

  “We already have a house band lined up for tonight.” Chuck said to Brands.

  “If they would be so good to accompany my friend. He wants to sing a song.”

  “He?” The man paused to scratch his temple.

  “Earth Cat Zero. I’m sure you’ve heard of him.”

  “I have.” Chuck smiled. “Well, my buddies always say they’ve played with some mean cats before, but this time it’s gonna be for real.”

  Brands offered his hand and introduced Miranda. “We are living in some extraordinary times, eh?” Miranda rolled eyes at Brands. “He’s just trying to sound cool, Chuck. Don’t mind him. He’s a physicist slash doctor.”

  “Oh, don’t worry, then. I won’t. But I always cater to the ladies. Come on folks, I’ll get you a table, front row and center.”

  Felicity entered the club as soon as the trio were taking their seats. “Oh Miranda. Wait here. I’ll show Felicity over to the table.”

  When Brands was out of sight, Miranda whispered to Earth Cat. “He’s got it bad, doesn’t he?”

  “Primal needs. Emotions. They are taking me out of my present. But I must admit, there is something satisfying about them.” The cat rolled on its back with paws playfully swatting empty air.

  “I am so glad to share this with you.” Miranda sipped root beer to quell the lump forming in her throat.

  “Ah, look who the cat didn’t drag in.” Brands was beaming. Felicity had arrived. The cat whispered in Miranda’s ear. “I see what you mean. He’s a goner.”

  Felicity petted Earth Cat’s head before taking her seat. “Where can a lady get a cranberry vodka around here?” Brands raised a hand to flag down a waiter.

  “We have a special treat tonight, Felicity. Not only will we hear some of the best Chicago blues on the planet, but we’re going to experience a world first.”

  “Nothing like adding a little pressure, Doc.” Earth Cat moaned.

  “Earth Cat, are you going to perform for us?” Felicity clasped a hand over pearls which hung about her chest from a necklace. Miranda cleared her throat and to her surprise the doctor read her cue. “I just love that flower print, Felicity.”

  Felicity gushed in response. “Why, thank you, Dr. Brands. Pink and black have always been my favorite colors.”

  Brands appeared relived when Chuck interrupted the moment. “Okay, we’ve got everything set. Earth Cat Zero will come up about halfway through the set. We’ll give you a nod when we’re ready.”

  Earth Cat’s ears twitched. “What about a sound check?”

  “No worries. Just mewl a few times and my buddies will get you the right key. I would think you’ll sing something in a 12-bar?”

  Earth Cat nodded. “I am afraid I am not that prepared. I mean…lyrically.”

  “No worries.” Chuck scoffed. “The best blues are just improv, my friend.”

  Miranda traded a few scowls with Brands intent to scratch out some formulas on napkins while the house band ripped through a half dozen blues standards like “Baby, Please Don’t Go”, “Ain’t Nobody’s Business” and “Baby, What You Want Me to Do?”

  Felicity appeared enraptured with the art, as if she had never heard the blues performed before. “I must admit, this really bares the soul.” She didn’t seem a stranger to alcohol however, already on her second vodka.

  Brands nodded. “It’s vibrational. I think if one played hard enough, they might change the universe!” Miranda laughed and traded a knowing glance with Earth Cat.

  “Oh,” – Miranda pointed – “I think it’s time.” Chuck
the emcee took the mic from a female singer who departed the stage to a chorus of applause. “Let’s give it up, for Mary Jane, folks!” The woman bowed, while wending her way back to a seat in the rear. Felicity, feeling the moment, screamed accolades as if a schoolgirl.

  “Well. Well. Well. Buddy Guy’s Legends is always proud to introduce new legends to the scene. Now, you might be wondering what I’m rambling about. Wonder no more. Ladies and gentlemen, we are honored to present a first. Chicago’s very own – Earth – Cat – Zero!”

  A bomb of applause erupted, tinkering drink glasses.

  Miranda placed Earth Cat Zero on a stool as directed. In front of the cat, was a microphone stand, adjusted to its lowest height. “Earth Cat” – Chuck said tapping the mic – “sing into the microphone. My buddies play pretty loud.”

  Miranda returned to her seat where she joined hands with Brands. The doctor wasted no time taking Felicity’s hand into his. Every seat was a good seat, despite the cat’s low proximity, as video screens captured every second of the unique moment.

  “I am honored.” Earth Cat Zero made a waving gesture with his paw.

  Chuck yelled. “Earth Cat, give us a few high notes.” The cat mewed as the bass player nodded to the guitarist. “Sounds like Key of E.” The players tuned up while Earth Cat sat on his stool, tail swaying.

  The beginning beat of the drums sent Earth Cat Zero onto his hind legs. He was nearly standing by the time the intro finished. He sang six verses, repeating the first but with some variation. Before he sang, he introduced the number as ‘Earth Cat Blues’.

  “Well, they call me Earth Cat Zero - I can’t say what I’ve seen.

  All I know is that - time and space and place - made me both fat and lean.

  There is space in the shadows - where little things live - that you cannot see.

  So, don’t expect me to know nothing - or what my momma - used to tell me.