Key Lime Pie Perjury: Cozy Mystery (MURDER IN THE MIX Book 34)

by Addison Moore

  Evie sucks in a violent amount of air as she drops both cats to the sofa.

  “You want me to break up with the love of my life in exchange for the mere hope of getting a set of new wheels? You really are diabolical, Judge Baxter.”

  Noah huffs. “I knew you’d meet him eventually,” he mutters and Everett shoots him look.

  “Evie”—Everett’s voice is tender—“if you and Conner took a little break, it would free you up to be a kid this summer.”

  Evie squints an eye at him. “So you’re saying he’s weighing me down?”

  “Darn tootin’, he’s weighing ya down.” Carlotta gives a bowlegged hop her way. “Don’t ’cha see? Your daddy is giving you the green light to take a bite out of all that Honey Hollow has to offer. It’s time to set your sights past all of those high school runts running around and find yourself a college man.”

  “No,” Everett, Noah, and I chime in unison—and even Lyla Nell vocalized something that sounded suspiciously just like it.

  Evie makes a face before giving Carlotta a discrete nod. “Okay, Dad, I’ll consider it. You’re right. It’s summer, and I’m sixteen. But don’t get your hopes up. Conner and I might come out the other end of this summer stronger than ever before—that is, whether or not I decide to take a break from our relationship. The keyword here is I. I’m calling the shots in my life, Dad. But I will always listen to what you have to say.”

  “Fair enough,” Everett says. “Now let’s eat.”

  Lyla Nell sounds off with her own little cheer, and we all share a warm laugh. She looks to Everett and holds out her hands, vocalizing an entire rainbow of sounds, and then in one big burst she flexes her fingers toward him and shouts, “Dada!”

  Every living being in the room holds his or her breath for a moment.

  Lyla Nell kicks her arms and legs as she looks to Everett with a determined gaze, her arms still doing their best to reach him. “Dada!”

  “I think she just said Dad,” Evie coos.

  “I know she did.” Everett scoops Lyla Nell into his arms and rewards her with a kiss. “That’s my girl.”

  “What about me?” Noah looks more than mildly affronted. “Hey?” He offers a pained smile at Lyla Nell and wiggles his fingers. “Dada?” He points to himself, and then Lyla Nell laughs as if it were the funniest thing in the world.

  “Don’t worry, Foxy.” Carlotta slaps him on the back. “It’s too early for Little Yippy to know what she’s saying. She’s probably just a little gassy. I’ve been listening to her tooting away for the last hour. And that, Foxy, is how we know she’s yours.”

  “Great.” He frowns over at Carlotta just as a spray of miniature stars appears.

  “Pretty Boy is here!” Carlotta claps until Pretty Boy hops into her arms.

  “Is that Chinese food I smell for dinner?” He lets out a few quick yips, and both Pancake and Waffles begin to mewl in his direction. “Make up a plate for me, Carlotta, while I hang out with the boys. Not too much rice. I prefer the teriyaki beef myself.”

  I shake my head at the sparkly pooch. “All we have is beef with broccoli.”

  “Bleh.” He gags as if he was hacking up a hairball. “Carlotta, please remove the little trees from my dish. They do not amuse me. And try to fish out some teriyaki sauce from the fridge and do your best to improvise. Also, no paper plates. I prefer china.”

  Carlotta gives a slight bow. “I’ll get right on it, my pretty prince.”

  “You feed him, I’ll hold him.” Evie makes a face in his direction. Even though she can’t see what she’s dubbed as “Carlotta’s imaginary comfort animals,” they seem to be every bit as real to her.

  Dinner comes and goes with Noah holding Lyla Nell and practically begging her to say Dada to him as well, but her dimples dig in deep and she has a good belly laugh each time he makes the request.

  Noah and Everett start chatting about his newly repaired windows, and Noah hands me Lyla Nell as they take off for the driveway to inspect the work.

  “I’ll go put her in her PJs,” I say, and as soon as the door shuts, I dash to my bedroom and lock Lyla Nell and me inside. I land her in her bassinet while I zip to Everett’s side of the bed, and there’s not a sign of that briefcase. I’m about to head to his closet when a glint of something brassy catches my eye from under the bed. I don’t waste a second before dropping to my knees—not a unique event when it comes to Everett in general. And I pluck the briefcase from under the bed and slide it toward me. It’s still weighted, and my heart drops thinking that the bundles of cash could still be in here. I open it up and it’s all present and accounted for, all of those bundles of bills sitting in tight neat rows without hope of adding another one to the mix. I slap it shut and seal it back up before sliding it back where I found it.

  My heart thumps wildly as to why my handsome husband is clinging to a briefcase full of cash.

  Maybe he didn’t have time to go to the bank?

  Maybe there is a far more nefarious answer as to why we’re literally sitting on a pile of money.

  No sooner do Noah and Everett come back inside than Noah gets a text.

  “It’s forensics.” He grimaces. “There’s been a break in the case. I need to head down to Ashford for a bit.” He drops a kiss to Lyla Nell before sailing back out the door.

  Everett stretches. “I’m going to hit the shower then fall into bed.”

  “I won’t be long behind you,” I say as he sinks a kiss to my lips before saying goodnight to Evie and Carlotta and heading off.

  “All right, Lot.” Carlotta makes big eyes at me while taking the baby from me and handing her to Evie. “It’s time for us to take that night walk Pretty Boy requested.”

  I happened to know that Pretty Boy is still in the kitchen finishing off the shrimp lo mein.

  “Again?” Evie laughs. “Carlotta, you’ve been walking him every night this week. Last night he had you out until three in the morning.”

  It’s true. For whatever reason, Pretty Boy can get Carlotta to do just about anything. Another reason to petition to have him as a permanent resident of this household.

  “What can I say? Some pets are bossier than others, just like people.” Her eyes expand my way once again. “Watch Little Yippy for us, Evie Stevie. Lot Lot’s gotta come with me. The fresh air will do her good, and she might walk off some of those calories she packed away during dinner.”

  “She’s right,” Evie says, getting off the sofa and taking Lyla Nell down the hall with her. “I’ll hang out in the nursery. I need to talk to Dash anyway.”

  Carlotta starts tapping into her phone like a madwoman and it pings in her hand.

  “Looks like Cha Cha’s shift ended early and she’s already in the neighborhood. Grab the keys to Foxy’s place. We’re gonna see what he’s hiding from you in that briefcase of his.”

  “The briefcase that he says he doesn’t have.” I shake my head as I bolt to the kitchen and pull out all of the keys Noah has given me and both Carlotta and I trot across the street. We’re about to crest Noah’s lawn when Charlie pulls up and runs our way.

  “Don’t you dare start the party without me.” Her hair is teased, her eyes are heavily drawn in with black kohl, and her lips are painted ruby red. “All right, let us in. I gotta pee. It always hits me just as I’m driving by your neighborhood.”

  Carlotta clucks her tongue. “That’s because every time you drive by, you stop to tinkle on Lot’s front lawn.”

  “She does not.” I shoot Charlie a look that suggests denial is her only safe answer.

  “Just at night,” she smarts.

  “Why do I believe it?” I mutter as I pull the key out, and soon we’re inside of Noah’s home. I flick on the lights and seal the door shut behind us. His cabin is quaint, lots of dark masculine furniture, and with all the woodsy walls and floors it indeed feels like a cabin that belongs at a ski resort. Noah’s place is homey and will forever have a place in my heart because this is where we made Lyla Nell—rather
inadvertently, but still, I’m so thankful she’s here.

  A soft bark comes from somewhere near the fireplace as Noah’s golden retriever, Toby, slogs over and both Charlie and I give him some loving.

  “Those are my girls,” Carlotta says, hiking up her pants. “They can’t keep their hands off a handsome man.”

  I make a face before standing straight and surveying the room. Noah is pretty neat by nature, not a hair out of place, and certainly no sign of a briefcase.

  “I don’t see it,” I say, looking on the other side of the sofa.

  “That’s because you’re not looking under his bed,” Carlotta says as she sails that way.

  “All right, fine,” I say, pushing past Charlie as we dart in that direction.

  Carlotta flips on the light, and both she and Charlie dive over Noah’s king-size mattress and start making snow angels over his comforter.

  “What are you doing?” I shake my head at the sight. “On second thought, keep up the good work. It’ll keep you out of my hair.”

  Charlie moans, “Oh, I’d just love a big mattress. I keep telling Cormack we should get one for my room at the B&B, but she says it’s too big for the space.”

  “Be glad you have a room,” I tell her as I drop to my knees and Carlotta chuckles.

  “Look at that, Cha Cha. I bet it’s a position your sister is used to in this room.”

  Charlie hikes up on her elbows and joins the cackle fest. “I’m guessing it’s a reflex in any man’s room.” They share a high-five just as Toby comes sniffing around before hopping onto the bed with them.

  I bend over and give a quick visual sweep of the dark cave under Noah’s bed, and my heart stops cold. There’s a briefcase just under Noah’s favorite side of the bed, and I reach over and glide it my way.

  “Geez, this is heavy,” I marvel as I pull it out in front of me, and both Carlotta and Charlie crawl to the edge of the bed to take a gander at it.

  “Don’t open it!” Charlie’s hand flies my way. “I don’t want Mama to see what’s in it.” She gives Carlotta a whack on the side of the head in an effort to push her away, and they break out into a full-fledged hair pulling, T-shirts go flying, knock-down, drag-out extravaganza that causes Toby to casually hop off the bed. He’s been known to do that a time or two when Noah and I would start to get hot and heavy.

  “Would you two stop!” I jump over and try my best to pull them apart, and the next thing I know my own T-shirt is tossed up onto the ceiling fan and my bra is wrapped around my neck like a noose. “Enough!” I cry out and the two of them freeze solid. “Why can’t Carlotta see what’s in the briefcase?”

  Charlie seethes my way, “Don’t you know anything about history? It tends to repeat itself. We darn near risked our necks getting out of the last tussle we were in. Thankfully, we had Rooster around to mop the floor with, but I’m not going to hope that lightning will strike twice. I don’t know how I’d pin this one on that knucklehead. This is me protecting her. And if you’re smart, you’ll protect her, too. She’s got a big mouth, and a big—mouth, and well, that’s all I got.”

  A rustling sound erupts in the next room and Toby darts out of the room.

  I jump to the floor, whip open that briefcase, and my mind tries its best to identify what it is I’m looking at. Six rectangular bricks wrapped in brown paper stare back at me, one of which has a small puncture in it with a powdered residue leaking from it. I quickly seal the briefcase up, slide it back where it came from, and jump onto the bed again just as Noah Fox runs into the room with his gun drawn.

  “Freeze! Put your hands where I can see them!” Noah leans in and squints. “Lottie?” His eyes widen in horror as he takes the three of us in—topless as it were. “Geez.” He snaps his head to his left as if we offended him and puts his gun back into his holster. “What the hell is going on?”

  I quickly try to work the bra off my neck and Carlotta jabs me in the ribs.

  “You might want to leave the girls out, Lot. It’ll turn his brain to mush.”

  I hate it when Carlotta is right. Nevertheless, I continue to try to work the noose off of me, albeit a little slower.

  My mind races in search of an alibi and then bingo.

  “We saw the light on at your place, so Carlotta and I thought we’d see what was going on,” I say as I bounce off the bed and over to Noah.

  His eyes ride up and down my body, stuck on the girls, and honestly, I don’t think he’s trying to be rude, I genuinely think he’s a bit spellbound at the moment. It’s been ages since he’s seen me trotting through his house in my birthday suit.

  “Charlie was in your bed,” I say, finally able to pull the bra off my neck and wrangle it back onto my body. “Could you?” I hold the back of my bra together and motion for him to hook it for me.

  He moans. “It’s been a minute.” He chuckles. “So what happened again? I was halfway to Ashford when my security contacted me and let me know there was a breech in the system. Honestly, I thought it was Toby tripping it. But it’s not that sensitive, so I turned around just in case.”

  I bite down hard on my lip.

  Security alarm.

  What an amateur move on my part. But I’m not sleeping at night and I’ve got briefcases on the brain, so I really can’t be all that hard on myself.

  I nod his way. “Carlotta and I found Charlie in here making snow angels on your bed. Honestly, I think she really is obsessed with you.” I look to my sister and mouth the words I’m sorry and she just shrugs in response.

  “I had to use the bathroom,” she says, putting on her clothes in haste, and Carlotta does the same. “You didn’t want me to go on the lawn, now did you?”

  Noah’s chest thumps with a quiet laugh. “No. But seeing that your sister and your mother live across the street—where the lights are actually on—you might have made a different choice in your effort to find a bathroom.”

  Charlie walks past us. “Oh, come on now, Detective Fox. You and I both know I don’t like them as much as I like you.” She winks and runs her finger along the scruff on his cheek. “I’ll see myself out.”

  “And please don’t come back uninvited,” he says it as nicely as possible.

  “How else am I supposed to pet your pup? It’s not like you’re handing out invitations.” She takes off and Toby skips alongside her.

  Carlotta jumps off the bed, looking like she’s just gone through a war. “Goodnight, Foxy. Don’t worry about Little Yippy not calling you Papa just yet. I’m guessing when she turns sixteen, she’ll call you whatever you want so she can get a nice new car just like her big sister.” She laughs as she takes off.

  “That would be your own fault, by the way,” I tell him. “You should really try to side with Everett.”

  “Okay, fine. Evie can get a used car, but only if we check it out thoroughly. But just so you know, there are stolen car rings in other countries that ship welded pieces of junk that end up on used car lots and they’re dangerous, Lottie. And people buy them from legit dealers. I see this all the time. Not only that, but I love Evie as if she were my own. I want her safe.” He offers a forlorn smile my way. “Just like I want you safe. Next time you think I’ve got an intruder, I want you calling the sheriff’s department or me. And why isn’t Everett here? In the least you should have sent him out.”

  “What can I say? He’s taking a shower, and I was feeling brave. Plus, I had Carlotta.” I point to the ceiling fan where my T-shirt hangs precariously. “Can you help me with that?”

  “I don’t know. I kind of like it up there. It brings back good memories.”

  I laugh as I swat him, and he quickly procures my shirt for me.

  “Thanks,” I say, slipping back into it. “Sorry for the inadvertent peep show.”

  “Never apologize for that. I’m just as enamored with that part of your body as is Lyla Nell. And might I add, every part of your body that follows.”

  A laugh bounces through me. “In that case, you’re welcome.”r />
  Noah wraps his arms around me and pulls me in. “I meant what I said. If you see danger—or you suspect something is amiss, especially around my property, I want you to run the other way.”

  My heart drums hard against my chest. I have a feeling that briefcase and its nefarious contents have something to do with his insistence.

  “I will.”

  We say goodnight, and I take off across the street where Charlie is leaning up against her sedan.

  “So?” She juts her chin out. “Did you see it?”

  “Yes, I saw it. And no, I didn’t mention it to him. Charlie, do you think that was cocaine?”

  “It wasn’t laundry detergent, honey.” She hops into her car and rolls down the window.

  “When are you going to tell me what you and Carlotta did to land Rooster on the wrong side of the bars?”

  “Never.” She fires up her engine. “Carlotta was right about you. You’ve got trouble coming at you ten different ways, and you know how to spread it around to those you love. Boy, am I lucky you don’t care a lick about me.”

  “But I do,” I say as she speeds off in haste.

  I care about Charlie. But she’s right. I’m a magnet for trouble.

  The front door to the house opens and Carlotta steps out with a leash wrapped around her neck while Pretty Boy floats above her and proceeds to take her for a walk.

  He belts out a few barks as she attempts to stop, and commands that she pick up her pace again.

  “If you’re a good girl, we’ll walk over to the mayor’s house, and the two of you can have a playdate again.”