Secret Love

by Drake, Tabatha

  He’s alive.

  He didn’t die.

  I lean against the banister and fill my lungs with fresh, Iowa air. It smells so different than the city. No smog, no chemicals. Just life. It makes sense why Fox chose this place to play dead.

  I wipe my eyes and walk across the driveway toward the cabin.

  My first instinct is to knock even though I know there’s no one inside. The air is dark and cold, but I can smell him as soon as I step inside. The cabin is small. Just one room with a kitchenette in the corner and bed in the other, but I imagine he found great appeal in the simplicity of it all. Fox never needed much, even back when we were teens. I remember the look on his face the day he and his mother moved into our home in the Hills. Big eyes. An open jaw. But he never really embraced it. It never felt like home for him.

  I sit down on his bed. The sheets are tucked in tight, most likely a habit he picked up back in his army days. He certainly never did this when he lived back home.

  Home. There’s that word again.

  I hold his pillow against my nose and inhale deeply.

  This is his home now. The one he chose instead of me.

  Something familiar catches my eye on the shelf across the room. I slide down to the floor and crawl over to take a closer look. A row of DVDs lines the bottom, stacked in alphabetical order by title. Backseat Driver, Before the Storm, Lost & Bound, The Night Trials, The Night Trials, Part 2…

  I laugh. It’s all here. Every movie I’ve done, every role big and small. Even that shitty sitcom I did that got canceled because nobody watched it. The definitive Roxie Roberts collection.

  I sit back against his mattress and hug his pillow against my chest.

  Maybe he chose me after all.

  Chapter 28

  Fox

  We made it.

  Barely.

  I don’t remember much from the drive out here. A few bumpy roads. The gentle squeeze of Dani’s hand. The quiet sound of her sobbing in the driver’s seat.

  “Stay with me, Fox. Hold on…”

  I tried. I drifted and sunk deeper into the abyss but I spent every conscious breath holding on for her sake.

  “Fox.”

  My ears twitch in my sleep. The bed beneath me feels warm and familiar. The air smells clean and comforting. Blissful silence for miles on each side.

  The cabin. I’m back in the cabin.

  “Fox.”

  I open my eyes, her feminine voice pulling me out of sleep. It’s dark. The curtains are drawn to keep the sunlight out, but I make out her outline in the shadows. She stands with her back to the window in a bright sundress, her arms casually folded in front of her.

  “Fox,” she whispers, her accent as thick as before, “have you truly come all this way… just to die?”

  I sit up, recognizing the soft features on her youthful face. “Sofia?”

  She smiles. “Hello, old friend.”

  “How did you…”

  I put my feet on the floor and look around the cabin. My senses are heavy and dull. My hands are clear of blood. My bare chest is blank of tattoos and scars.

  This isn’t real.

  She’s not real.

  “I’m hallucinating,” I say.

  Sofia chuckles. “No. Just dreaming.”

  “What’s the difference?”

  “One is proof of a healthy, active mind. The other is an intrusion. It would offend me dearly if you saw me as the latter.”

  I nod, though I’m not sure I understand. Each breath I take feels tighter than the last. It’s difficult to move at all.

  “Am I dying?” I ask her.

  Her smile slowly fades as she glances around the cabin. “Are you living?” she asks.

  I don’t answer.

  “I was like you once,” she says. “Separated from the life I desired and the person I wanted to be… but that wasn’t my choice.”

  I swallow hard, my throat tight and dry.

  “My walls imprisoned me,” she continues. “You’ve built yours for yourself.”

  Sofia steps forward and kneels on the floor in front of me, her sundress lightly folded beneath her. “Was I wrong about you, Fox?” she asks, looking up at me. “Are you really just a man who acts for himself?”

  I bow my head with closed eyes. “No,” I answer.

  I feel her reach up and place something soft over my shoulders. It drapes down on either side of my neck, feeling thick, bushy, and…

  I open my eyes to find Dani kneeling in front of me instead. She’s younger, barely more than fifteen. Her blonde hair sits curled up on top of her head in a long braid, exposing the neckline of her purple dress.

  She leaves the red and white scarf on my neck and she smiles.

  “Prove it,” she says.

  Chapter 29

  Dani

  “So, Larry looks behind him and there’s the bear, standing on his hind legs with his arms outstretched, and he lets out this high-pitched scream!”

  I throw my head back and laugh even harder. “What did he do?” I ask between breaths.

  “He ran, of course!” Mrs. Clark says, wiping her eyes. “Stumbled all over himself before he reached the ladder to get on the roof of the camper with me. The bear ran off and a few minutes later, a state trooper drove up. He said they got complaints about a woman screaming out in the woods. I threw up my hand and told ‘em it was me.”

  My face hurts, but I can’t stop laughing. “Oh, that poor guy.”

  “I never let him live that down… but I did as he asked and took it to his grave.”

  The front door opens and my smile fades.

  “Is that you, Fox?” Mrs. Clark calls out of habit.

  I stand up from the couch as he enters the living room wearing the tank top and slacks I picked out from his dresser. Color has returned to his face and he walks with a straight back, strong and upright.

  His eyes fall on me and he smiles. “Yeah, it’s me.”

  “How are you feeling?” I ask him.

  “Better.”

  Sammy pushes off the floor near my feet and his lips twitch at Fox with a growl.

  “Sammy, down,” I tell him.

  He looks up at me and licks my hand.

  Fox stares at him. “Six months I’ve known that dog and he still hates me. You’ve been here a few days and you’re best friends.”

  I laugh again.

  Mrs. Clark stands and taps her chair. “Sit down, kid. I’ll get you some tea.”

  “Thanks, Mrs. Clark.”

  Fox steps further into the room, circles around Sammy’s authoritative stance, and sits down. His movements are quick, far quicker than I expected.

  He glances around, his eyes narrow and suspicious. “What have you two been talking about?”

  I shrug. “Larry.”

  He grins. “She likes to talk about Larry.”

  “She likes to talk about you, too.”

  He bites his cheek. “Well, that’s not good.”

  “Could be worse.” I lick my lips, almost too scared to ask. “How’s your back?”

  “Could be worse.”

  “Tell that to the nine shards I pulled out of it. I almost passed out…”

  “You almost passed out?”

  I chuckle. “So, I stumbled upon a very important piece of information.”

  “What’s that?”

  My lips curl. “You watch my movies.”

  He sighs. “Dani, I told you I haven’t.”

  I raise an eyebrow. “Then, how did you know about the big chase at the end of Night Trials, Part 2?”

  “It was in the trailer,” he claims. “You couldn’t turn on the television for weeks without seeing it.”

  “Yeah, in May 2014.” I chuckle. “Did you watch a lot of American television while you were overseas?”

  He hesitates. “That’s not—”

  “Did I hear someone say Night Trials?” Mrs. Clark wanders back into the room with a teacup in her hand.

  Fox deflates and
closes his eyes. “She can’t hear the television from five feet away — but she hears that?”

  I fight my laughter.

  “Oh, I loved those movies, honey! We were on the edge of our seats, weren’t we, Fox?” She offers him the cup while I meet his eyes with a devious grin.

  He says nothing, embarrassed by her unintentional betrayal.

  “I’m happy you enjoyed them, Mrs. Clark,” I say, still glaring at him as he hides behind his teacup.

  “I can’t wait for the third one,” she says. “When does it come out?”

  “We just finished the last re-shoots. It’s scheduled to come out in June.”

  “Oh, thank the maker,” she says. “I thought I was going to die before I saw how it all ends.”

  “You’ll outlive us all, old lady,” Fox says. “Don’t you worry about that.”

  “Keep bringing home wounds like that and I’m inclined to agree with you, kid. You hungry?”

  “No, not really,” he answers.

  She taps his good shoulder and spins around. “Well, I’m going to hit the sack. It’s gotten a bit late for me. It was a pleasure talking to you today, Dani.”

  “The pleasure was all mine, Mrs. Clark.”

  “I’ll see you kids in the morning.”

  “Goodnight,” Fox says as she walks toward her room in the back.

  His eyes linger on the floor between us, purposefully avoiding mine. He’s probably still a little embarrassed that I caught him in his lie, but I won’t tease him about it anymore.

  My thoughts turn dark. There’s something that’s plagued me since the moment his bullet struck the masked man in my stairwell. Mercer’s words at the hotel just made it worse.

  “Fox, how do you do it?”

  He looks up at me. “Do what?”

  I rub my hands against my knees to dry the sweat. “How do you kill someone and be completely normal ten minutes later?”

  His eyes go soft, but he doesn’t even blink. “Like all skills, it takes practice.” He sets the teacup down. “Are you okay?”

  A laugh escapes me. “Pretty loaded question at this point, Fox. In the last few days, I’ve been shot at, I jumped off a roof, crashed through windows, and I… I drove ten hours thinking you were going to die in the seat next to me.”

  “I’m sorry, Dani.” His hands fidget together. “I never wanted this for you.”

  “I can’t stop thinking about that gun in my hand.” His brow furrows in confusion. “Mercer came at me and... I could have shot him, but I didn’t. I couldn’t. I tried, but… I couldn’t be like you.”

  “Good,” he says.

  “Fox, if I had, this wouldn’t have happened to you.”

  “And if I had killed him six months ago when I had the chance, this wouldn’t have happened to you.” He shakes his head. “You can’t live like that, Dani. Don’t regret what you should have done. Look forward at what you will do to fix it.”

  “How are we supposed to fix this, Fox?”

  He falls silent and sits back in his chair. I don’t expect him to have an answer right now. He’s still wounded, still healing.

  His eyes shift and he turns around to glance back into the dining room. “Where are my clothes?”

  “Ruined.”

  “The flash drive was in my pocket. Do you have it?”

  I pull it from my own pocket. “It fell out while I was… taking your pants off.” I pass it to him. He exhales the panic from his chest as he turns it over his fingers. “Did Boxcar manage to decrypt it?”

  “Yes.”

  “What are we going to do with it?”

  Fox keeps his head down. “Well, we can’t plug it in here. They’ll trace it. It’s how they found us at the hotel.”

  I wait for him to offer a second option, but he just stares at it. “Fox?”

  “I’ll take it into town and give it the local police. They’ll call in the FBI and they’ll take it from there.”

  “And then… you’ll come back here?”

  He squeezes it in his palm. “Dani, I’m in this file.”

  I stare at him, trying to decide if that’s good or bad. “Okay…” He stands up from the chair. “Fox, where are you going?”

  “I need you to stay here.”

  He walks out of the living room toward the front door.

  “Fox—” He doesn’t slow down. “Fox!” I follow him into the entryway, moving as fast as I can to catch up with him. “Fox, what are you doing?”

  “I’m going to turn my myself in and hand over the file.”

  “Wait, right now?”

  “Stay with Mrs. Clark,” he says. “She’s old but she’s spry.”

  I search his eyes. “You can’t do this.”

  “Stay here, Dani.”

  My heart pumps wild blood through my veins as he turns around and walks outside. I shake with horrible anticipation like I’m standing on a vibrating train track.

  “Fox…” My voice cuts off at a whisper.

  I can’t let him leave me.

  Not again.

  Chapter 30

  Dani

  “Fox!”

  I rush outside, taking long strides to catch up with him. “Wait—”

  “Go back inside, Dani,” Fox says over his shoulder.

  I keep moving forward, refusing to stop. “You’re leaving now?”

  “The sooner the better. I’ve wasted enough time already,” he explains as we reach the cabin.

  “Fox, please. Can you just stop for a minute? We should talk about this.”

  “12-24-07.”

  I close the cabin door behind us. “What?”

  “12-24-07.” He lowers to his knees and pulls a large case out from under his bed. “Say it back.”

  “12-24-07. What the hell is that?”

  He opens the case. My eyes grow wide at the selection of guns inside nestled in black foam.

  “It’s the night we met,” he says. “Christmas Eve, 2007.”

  I stare into his eyes, unsure what to say.

  “My mother got you that hideous red and white scarf,” he says. “I could tell you hated it but you wore it the entire night anyway just to prove me wrong.”

  “Yeah, I remember,” I say. “Why are you telling me this?”

  Fox grabs a Glock from the foam and slides the case back under the bed. “12-24-07. It’s the combination to the safe in the closet. There’s plenty of money in there. It’ll last you for a long time.”

  He hands me the gun. My heart breaks.

  “Fox, I can’t…”

  “Dani, I want you to stay here. Mercer can’t find you out here, so you’ll be safe until this all blows over.”

  He moves around me, but I rush for the door before he can get there first.

  “Fox, stop,” I beg.

  He reaches through my arm for the handle, but I press my body against the door. “Dani, there’s no time—”

  “Are you really going to leave like this, Fox?” My eyes swell. “Is this really how you’re leaving me?”

  He hangs his head with closed eyes. “I came back to protect you.”

  “So, do it! But don’t drop me off out in the middle of nowhere and leave!”

  “This is the safest place for you.”

  “And what about you?” I ask. “What’s going to happen to you? When will I see you again?”

  “You won’t.”

  The train finally strikes me and my chest caves in like a black hole. “That’s not okay,” I whimper.

  “After this, Snake Eyes will be exposed,” he says. “That includes me.”

  “No.” I shake my head. “There has to be another way.”

  “There isn’t. And honestly, there shouldn’t be. I deserve to be put away, Dani.”

  “If you really believed that, you never would have gone into hiding in the first place.”

  “Dani—”

  “No, Fox. I won’t let you leave me again.”

  “Move away from the door.”

 
I stand still. “No.”

  “You’re better off this way,” he says, rattled to the bone. “You have everything you need back home. You don’t need me.”

  “That’s not true.”

  “You have a good life, Dani. That’s what I’ve been fighting for this whole time. I want you to be happy.”

  “You think this will make me happy?”

  “I think you’ll be alive. That’s good enough for me.”

  He tries to open the door again, but I push it back.

  “Dani—”

  I throw my arms around him and sink into his chest. The gun slips from my fingers and falls to the floor at our feet. He goes tense but his body quickly relaxes against mine.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispers. “There’s no other way.”

  I hold him tighter and he lays his nose against my hair, taking in my scent. A warm feeling rolls along my spine, covering me from head to toe. I can’t help it. Every sense I have bursts for him as much now as it did back then.

  “Fox…” I look into his eyes. “If this is your last night as a free man, I want to spend it with you.”

  He shakes his head as his dark eyes wander my face. He wants me, I can tell, but he doesn’t want to let himself go. He doesn’t want to relive the pain of losing me all over again. I sure as hell don’t want to either but if the alternative is watching him walk away, then…

  “Please,” I whisper. I place my hands on his chest, careful not to press the bandages hidden beneath the loose shirt. “Let us have one night.”

  He exhales, swallowing hard. “One night isn’t enough,” he says.

  “I know.” I cup his face with my right hand, purposefully touching the scar hidden within his beard. “But if it’s that or nothing… I’d rather have it. Wouldn’t you?”

  His eyes close as he turns his head to kiss my open palm. He holds it there against his lips and I trace my thumb along the edge of his mouth.

  “Why?” he asks. “Why do you still want me after everything I’ve done?”

  It’s a good question, one I’ve asked myself plenty over the last few days. When we first met, it was easy to love him. Love is simple when you’re sixteen and naïve. Loving a boy is easy.