by Ford, Brynn
I turned to look at Desi, “And you, babe, are you prepared to end everything with him?”
She looked at me and her face was etched with worry, fear, sadness. She looked like she might cry or puke or both. As much as I hated this mess, I couldn’t deny that seeing that look on her face nearly made me cave on my conviction that she’d have to cut ties with him for good. For us.
He’s just a passerby in our life. An unimportant speed bump on our road to being a family.
Right?
She shut her eyes tight. When she opened them again, her gaze met mine with sincerity. Then, she said exactly what I needed to know in her sweet, sweet voice.
“Yes, I’ll do that for us, Vaughn.”
“Wait,” Ris said sharply, “I object to that.”
“You object?” I repeated, snapping my head to look at her.
She stared me right in the eyes, brazen as she was proving to be.
“Yes. I object. For several reasons. You shouldn't be making any hard and fast decisions when there's so much at stake. Especially when I know first hand how Law and Desi have helped each other grow. I know that's not easy to hear, Vaughn, but it's true. In any case, I want to hear what Law thinks he has to offer you first. And knowing Law, I can tell you he’s usually worth hearing out.”
Law smiled at her with gratitude, “Thank you, Ris."
She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear as her blue eyes sparkled in response to his praise, “You’re welcome.”
Whoa.
I pointed a finger between the two of them, “Are you two a thing?”
Law cleared his throat, “Us? No.”
“Not anymore,” Ris added.
I raised my eyebrows, “You used to be, though?”
Ris tilted her head, cocking an eyebrow at me, “Is that really what you want to talk about right now, Vaughn? I think there are more important things to discuss, don’t you?”
Damn.
This girl had fire. I liked it. I liked her for Desi.
I didn't know the whole story, but I knew Desi and her best friends from college had parted ways. It may have had something to do with me and my sudden takeover of all her free time. I truly didn't know. But I think part of what made Desi fall so deep into depression after our loss was not having other people who supported her outside of me and my immediate family.
Even with this shit storm swirling around us, I was happy she'd found a girl friend who seemed to have her back. I didn't like how they met, but I did like this chick, Ris. She was strong and seemed to have a good head on her shoulders and I knew that would be good for Desi.
I couldn't help but smirk a little at her snappy deflection.
Desi looked over at her, “When I grow up, I wanna be just like you, Ris.”
“Aw, sweetie, I love that,” Ris replied to her softly, putting her hand over her heart, “But the way you say that makes me seem old.”
“You’re not old. Just older than me.”
Ris beamed, “I’m perfectly aged white wine, honey.”
“I love white wine. White wine is my favorite.”
Ris' eyebrows wrinkled in affection for my girl. Their little back and forth was adorable. I'd never heard Desi talk this way with a girl friend and it just reminded me that I still had so much more to learn about her. Seeing the way they were so into each other as friends, I just couldn't help myself.
I pointed behind me, “I mean, bedroom’s back there, ladies. Do you need a private moment or can we get back to it?”
Law chuckled at that and it oddly helped break some of the awkward tension pulsing between us, "By all means, ladies, we can wait. Or watch."
Ris flashed me a devilish sort of grin, “Be careful what you offer me, Vaughn. I definitely adore your wife.”
“Aw,” Desi swooned.
“Wow,” I replied, “I did not expect that.”
“You’ll learn not to have expectations with me, Vaughn. I’m a little unpredictable.”
“You don’t say?” I chuckled and shook my head.
After that brief, odd exchange, the mood felt lighter and I felt more open. I decided that Ris' thoughts were reasonable and I wanted to hear Law out.
"Okay, Law," I started, "Tell us what you’re proposing.”
He spoke in a no-nonsense, straight-to-the-point manner, which seemed like it was probably typical for him.
“I want to teach you how to give Desi what she needs, what she's been getting from me. I want to teach you how to dominate her, how to feed her starving masochism.”
“I don’t I think I need instruction. I understand the whole pleasure-pain thing. I get what it is that you were doing with her, the whole BDSM scene," I looked at Desi, “I know more than she thinks I know.”
"You do?” Desi asked me with eager eyes, a look that told me she wanted me to elaborate.
“I know all kinds of things, Des," I gave her a quick wink.
“I’m sure what you know is very commercialized, Vaughn. I’m talking about true dominance and submission, real pain, learning a lifestyle that I think you both need. Vaughn, I know this is asking a lot. I know you don’t trust me. But I really do care about Desi and I want what’s best for her. I think you know that's true. And I really think this is what’s best for her. I’m just asking you to let me help you both. I'm asking you to let me train you in a different kind of lifestyle. Desi is a natural submissive. It suits her –"
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" I had to interrupt him, "Desi's not submissive, she's strong, she's independent, she can make her own damn decisions."
She's just had a hard time doing that, lately.
Desi's hand landed on my thigh.
"Baby, no, that's not what he's saying."
"Allow me to explain," Ris cut in, sitting a little taller in her seat, "Being submissive in a relationship doesn't mean she's weak or dependent. We all know that Desi is neither of those things. It just means she trusts you enough, as her dominant, to provide for her, to take care of her, to understand what she needs before she even knows she needs it. And sometimes that means making decisions on her behalf that will benefit her as a whole person in the long run," Ris flipped her hair over her shoulder and grinned, "And sometimes it's just fun for kinky sex."
Ris threatened to give me whiplash with the way she so easily toggled between serious power woman and cheeky confidence.
"Yes," Law agreed, "But it's so much more than sex. As a dominant in marriage, Vaughn, you'd be responsible for her. Taking care of her and providing for her, as Ris said, are paramount to this kind of relationship. She doesn't lose her independence, she doesn't lose her right to say no, she doesn't lose her right to make decisions and define boundaries.
"The goal is that you learn who she is, better than she knows herself, so that she doesn't have to make decisions. She can submit to you and your will knowing that if she does, if she takes care of you and your basic needs as her man, you will take care of her body, mind, and soul.
"You'll free her from the burdens that hold her hostage and keep her stuck in the same place, the burdens that keep her from moving forward, from loving herself. You'll free her from self-sabotage because she has learned to submit to your dominance. You'll allow her to find immense pleasure because you become the master of her pain. You own it and control it."
Ris leaned back dramatically in her chair, fanning herself with one hand, "Honey, you still know how to turn me on. That sounds like the mother fucking dream right there."
"Who the hell are you?" I looked at Ris with narrowed eyes and a bemused expression, a small smile pulling at the corners of my lips.
She shrugged.
Shaking my head in amusement, I looked at Desi, “Is this what you want, babe? You want to be submissive? You want me to be dominant?"
She sighed, "Yeah, I think I do."
My pulse beat a little faster. The thumping of my heart told me I might really want that, too. But I had to be sure that's what Desi really, truly wanted.
The last thing I needed on my conscience was the thought that she might feel even the slightest bit coerced into this lifestyle by me or the other two obvious members sitting around the table with us.
"You want me to let Law teach me how to be dominant. How to hurt you. Do you really think that's what our marriage needs?"
"I don't know, Vaughn, but what we've been doing doesn't seem to be working."
"I know. But that on its own isn't a good enough reason to do something like this," I sighed, "This is serious. And you understand what you're asking of me, right? You're asking me to learn how to be dominant from the man you cheated on me with."
She groaned and leaned her head over onto my shoulder, unable to look at me. The feel of her leaning on me just then sent blood rushing to my groin.
"I know, I know. When you say it like that it sounds like the worst thing in the world," she lifted her head and caught my eyes, "I want to try, Vaughn. I really do. Can we just try?"
The truth was that I loved taking care of Desi, though she hadn't let me in months. I loved being her man, her everything. The thought of being responsible for her in the way she was asking didn't scare me, it fucking excited me.
"Can I just put in my two cents here?" Ris asked.
"If we say no, will that stop you?" Law replied light heartedly.
"No," she smiled, "But you should lay off with the snark, Sir, I'm planning to speak on your behalf."
Law waved a hand for her to continue and I gave her a nod of encouragement to go on.
"Anyway, I know Law. I was his submissive once, so I know him better than you can understand. He's a great guy and he wouldn't be offering to help you with this if he didn't think it would work for you. He wouldn’t be offering this if he didn't care. I think you know he cares. Maybe a little too much. But he's honest and well-intentioned and tries to help the people he cares about."
I considered what she had to say. I believed that Ris knew him as well as she said she did. I also believed that what she was saying about him as a person was probably true. Just because I didn't want him to be a good guy, didn't mean he wasn't. Coming to terms with that, though, was going to take a lot of time and a lot of trust. Whether that trust could ever come was yet to be determined. Regardless, I recognized that Ris was clearly bred with bones of authenticity and had Desi's best interests at heart.
"Do you honestly think it's a good idea for us?" I asked her.
"Well, I'm flattered that you'd ask my opinion. But I can't tell you whether it's a good or bad idea. You both need to make that decision for yourselves as individuals and as a couple. Though if you're really twisting my arm, I will say that I see dominant-submissive written all over the two of you. And I'm willing to bet Desi's penchant for pain is going to bring out the sadist in you, Vaughn. I can't imagine anyone not getting a kick out of torturing this sweet little thing," she reached over and playfully pinched Desi's cheek, "Anyway, I think you've both been engaging in your own form of power play and don't even realize it, but I think you've been doing it in a rather unhealthy way behind closed doors. That's where Law can help."
It was quiet for a minute as I thought it through, weighing the pros and cons quickly in my mind. I ran through all the possible outcomes and consequences of trying to live this lifestyle with Desi. I considered what it would be like to learn from Desi's ex-side guy. I sifted through the curves and edges we'd have to navigate to find a way to make it work. Ultimately, I came to one conclusion.
I turned my whole body to face Desi, taking her cheeks in my hands so she couldn't look away.
"Baby, here's what I know. I'm not letting us go back to where we were before. I told you that we needed to make a change. Maybe this is the change we need, maybe it's not. But I'm willing to roll those dice with you. Tell me yes or no – do you really want to do this?"
She took a deep breath and bit her lip, threatening to knock me backward off my seat with the certainty and resolve in her expression.
"Yes."
"Then it's yes for me, too. Des, I want to get back to us. I want to see you happy again. If this is what will make you happy, then I want it as much as you do. And I want to start right now. No more distance between us. No more waiting to fix us.”
She melted, her cheek falling heavy against my left palm. The weight of her head against my hand felt like the first surrender. She finally relaxed into my touch and let me hold her up. It was such a simple thing, but profound in the way it cemented what we were moving toward.
"No more distance, no more waiting. I know, Vaughn. You're right."
I couldn't take my eyes away from her mouth as she spoke. I licked my bottom lip before pulling her face to mine and kissing her, immediately sweeping my tongue past her parted lips. Her mouth hummed against mine as she moaned. I pulled back and smiled at her, giving her another quick peck as I admired the swept-off-her-feet look I'd put on her gorgeous face.
I let go of her cheeks, instead wrapping my arm around her shoulders and pulling her close into my side.
"Okay, Law, I guess we're doing this. I'm still pissed. I still hate what you did. But I'll man up and admit that you obviously know what you're talking about when it comes to this stuff and this stuff is what my wife and I want," I ran my free hand over my beard, "So help us fix this fucking mess."
* * * * *
Law smiled, looking relieved.
I bet it's a relief for him knowing he still gets to see Desi while giving me…what…dominant lessons?
Shit.
Life is about to get fucking bizarre.
Ris stood suddenly, looking a little flushed in the face. She grinned, looking down at Desi, but I could see sadness she was trying hard to hide behind her eyes.
"On that note, I think it's my cue to leave. I think you all can work out the details from here."
She stepped toward Desi and leaned down to give her a hug.
"Are you sure?" Desi sounded like she wanted her to stay.
"Yes," Ris straightened, "Everyone's calm, everyone's settled, everyone's made their decisions. My job here is done. Besides, Asher's probably wondering where I am and given his mood last night…"
She trailed off with a sigh, then plastered an overly bright smile to her face. Law picked up on the subtle change in her tone, too.
"Everything okay, Ris?" he asked.
Her fake smile broadened, "Everything's perfect. You all are perfect. Des, I wanna hear from you tonight, okay?"
Desi nodded, "Yeah, of course. Thank you for being here for me."
Ris said goodbye and stepped away from the table.
Law stood, "I'll walk you out."
He walked the six or so steps to the door with Ris and stopped her there, pulling her into a hug that seemed awfully comfortable. He whispered something to her, then pulled back and kissed her on the cheek. I watched a smile stretch across her face and her lips form the words you're welcome. She blew Desi a quick kiss and left.
I leaned over to tell Desi, "I like her, she cares about you."
Desi turned her head to look at me and smiled more magnificently than I'd seen in a long, long time.
"I like her, too."
Law turned to face us, coming back over to the table. He bent down, resting his palms on the tabletop, and leaned forward.
"We all need to come to a mutual understanding,” he said, “And I need you both to trust me if this is going to work.”
“Care to elaborate?” I asked.
“I'm going to need to be very involved in your relationship. I want to help make this work for you both, long-term. That means we're gonna talk. A lot."
"I'm okay with communication coming to me, but not to her. I don't want you two texting again."
"No," Law was firm, "I need to talk to her, too. But you will be given full access to her phone so there won't be any secrets. Right, Blue?"
"Yes, Sir."
Fucking hell.
I snapped my head to look at her with a glare and she at least looked apologetic.
Law smirked at her, "Desi, you need to recognize that Vaughn is in charge. Starting right now."
She nodded, "Yeah, sorry, force of habit."
"The habit is fine, Blue, but you need to redirect it to your husband."
“Wait. Stop. Is she gonna start calling me Sir?”
“She’ll call you whatever you ask her to call you. But I don’t think you want it to be Vaughn. As we're working on integrating dominance and submission into your marriage as a whole, I imagine you're not going to expect her to use the appropriate formalities all of the time. You’ll want to be able to distinguish between times where you're exchanging power and times when you need to be equal partners in decision making.”
“So calling her Blue is like a signal.”
“Yes.”
“And that’s why you call yourself Law?”
“It’s my dominant name, yes. Everyone at Black Ties knows me as Law. Being a dominant has become such a big part of my life that I rarely, if ever, hear someone call me by my given name.”
“Which is?”
“Jasper Haven.”
“I might go by Law, too, if my parents had named me Jasper," I joked good-naturedly and he smiled.
I turned to look at Desi with a sly smile, speaking slowly, "So if I call you Blue…"
She swallowed hard, knowing exactly what I was trying to get out of her, “Yes, Sir.”
Fuck me.
It was the look of lightness in her eyes when she said it that had my heart thumping. Her expression remained neutral, but I could see a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. There were flickers of freedom in the way she looked at me so expectantly, waiting for me to go on. It was fucking beautiful and I wanted to see her like this more. This was an affirmation that trying this might just work for us.
I continued, “Give me a demonstration. Show me what this really looks like for you. I wanna see what it is that you want from me.”
Her breath caught and she bit her lip, “Like, the day-to-day expectation or the play expectation, Sir?”
"I think we'll have to figure out the day-to-day stuff together, on our own. So show me play. How does this work for you?"
She glanced over at Law, "You wanna do this…with him here, Sir?"
