by Ford, Brynn
Hurt etched Vaughn’s tone, “Fuck.”
There was a sudden knock at the door. Not just a knock, actually, it was an insistent tapping that didn’t let up.
“Were you expecting company?” Law asked with furrowed brow, “I can come back another time.”
The way he looked at me then told me he didn’t want to delay this any further. But he was a gentleman through and through.
“No,” Vaughn said.
“I’ll get it,” I offered, jumping up, happy for a brief reprieve from the discomfort looming in the sitting area.
I opened the door and standing there, pristine as usual, was Ris.
"Ris?" I was shocked to see her.
She smiled and stepped in for a hug, "Hey, sweetie."
"Hey," I said, returning the hug, "What are you doing here?"
Ris knew where I lived because she'd been here once before, just last week. She came over on her lunch break to hang out and chat one day while Vaughn was at work. I certainly hadn't been expecting her to show up here today, though. Her timing was not only unusual, but far too coincidental to truly be by chance.
She stepped back and smiled at me, "Okay, so I know I'm being totally rude by showing up here unannounced. And I'm about to butt into your life big time. But when Law told me last night he was coming over here after getting punched in the face by your husband, I couldn't just stay out of this. Is he already here?"
I was beyond confused, "What? Who, Law?"
"Yes, Law, who else would I be talking about?"
"What are you doing here, Ris?" Law suddenly appeared behind me.
His voice was low, steady, the way it sounded when he was in control and giving orders. His hand was on the door, pulling it open wide.
"I'm here for Desi," Ris said, stepping past us both and walking into my apartment.
She went straight for Vaughn who'd stood up and was standing beside the couch, looking as confused as I felt. She offered her hand to him.
"Hi, you must be Vaughn. I'm Ris."
Vaughn considered her presence with narrowed eyes as I shut the door. He was quiet for a moment before taking her hand in greeting.
"I saw you talking to Desi last night."
Ris glanced over her shoulder at me with a smile, "She's become a good friend."
"You know Law?"
"We go way back."
"Ris, what are you doing here?" I asked.
"I told you, I'm here to butt in. I'm worried about you, Desi. After what went down last night and the fact that Law decided he needed to come over and talk to you this morning for God knows what reason, I was just concerned you all need an objective third party present."
"You're anything but objective here, Ris," Law said with irritation.
She whipped around at him lightning fast, flipping her blonde hair dramatically.
"I'm the most objective person in this room, Jasper," she looked at me, "Just consider me your advocate and counsel, Desi."
She walked right over to the dining room table and took a seat, looking at us expectantly.
Vaughn spoke first, "I don’t know what the fuck is happening right now. Are you okay with this, Desi?"
"Yes," Ris and I both said at once.
“Ris,” I attempted to sound chastising, but I was actually amused.
The woman really was sunshine in a thunderstorm. I shrugged at Vaughn before moving to the table and sitting beside her. Law and Vaughn stood still.
Ris sighed, "Listen. I have nothing to say and no interest in whatever it is Law thinks he needs to say. I’m just here to support Desi because I don’t want her to be the red ribbon in the middle of a tug-of-war match here. She doesn't need to get dragged through the mud by you two battling over her.”
"There's no battle," Vaughn said gruffly, "She's my wife."
She sat back, giving him a quick once over and I could tell she was sizing him up, "Really? So Law should just leave now then, right? There's nothing you want to hear from him. You don’t want to know the whole story. You don't want to size up the guy that your wife went to repeatedly behind your back to get something she wasn't getting from you at home. Is that right?"
"Hey, whose side are you on here?" I took offense, though I had no right to.
She smiled at me, waiting, letting her words linger as they both seemed to consider that for a moment. Law and Vaughn looked at each other, as if they were each waiting for the other to move first. Vaughn's fists clenched and unclenched at his sides. Law pulled his shoulders back to stand a little taller.
They both took a beat too long for Christine’s patience, “Come on, boys, don't keep us waiting all day. You know you're gonna hash this out, with or without me. Better to do it with me here so I can keep you all in check. I'm not leaving, so you may as well accept it, man up, and sit the fuck down."
Damn, I love her.
Vaughn looked at Ris, his eyes tense and frustrated at first. Then, humor danced across them as he considered her personality and general demeanor and quickly decided he liked her. That felt like a relief to me, because I kind of wanted to keep her around in my life. No matter what happened with Law after this.
I want him in my life, too.
"I guess it won't hurt to balance out the testosterone a bit," Vaughn finally said and came to sit beside me.
Law shook his head, grabbed the carrier of coffee from the table in the living room, and sat down across from us.
"Asher needs to keep a tighter leash on you, Angel."
Ris leaned forward on her elbows, looking Law in the eyes as he lowered into the chair, "Oh, believe me, honey, he's tried. You of all people should know you can tame this beast for a little while, but eventually she needs to be let out of her cage. Sometimes she demands it."
She smirked at him and somehow, he eased off. I was shocked that Law hadn't stiffened at a remark like that, especially one directed at him. But he returned her smirk with one of his own before cracking the whip on her.
"Sweetheart, you know this isn't your show. So why don't you head on back into that cage and take a seat. I'll leave the door open if you're good."
She smiled broadly, leaning back in her chair again, "Brutal, honey.”
Vaughn must have felt the suddenly shifting energy from serious to, whatever it was that was happening, and he decided he needed to play a part in the posturing. He reached down to grab the leg of my chair and yanked me toward him. My chair screeched over the linoleum as it went sliding. He snatched my hand and pulled to keep me upright before I toppled off the chair sideways. He wrapped his arm low around my waist, holding me close. I didn't even know how to react to that as he glared across the table at Law.
Law looked at me sharply. His blue eyes cut into mine the way they did before giving me a command. It felt so wrong here in front of my husband, but it also felt so, so good to get that pull and rush of excitement again in expectation of pain.
It had been about two weeks since I'd seen Law, and even though I was committed to getting my marriage back on track, it didn't stop me from missing him. It didn't stop me from missing the pain and the emotional freedom he gave me. It didn't stop my heart from beating a little faster in anticipation of his command and his touch.
“Blue,” Law said.
I nearly responded with the, "Yes, Sir," he'd trained me to reply with, but thankfully, Ris was looking out for me.
"No," she said firmly, giving Law an equally firm look, "Try again."
Law looked like he wanted to grab Ris and wrestle her out of the room by her neck. I was actually really surprised that he didn’t try, or at the very least, clap back at her. Then again, nothing was as it should be. Ris was kind of amazing in the way she could stand her ground with Law, even having witnessed first hand the way she could just as easily melt in submission to him.
Law took a deep breath "Desi, one of the reasons I wanted to come over today was to say I’m sorry. I feel like I may have mislead you in the beginning. I tried to convince us both that it wa
s nothing to enter into the relationship we had. I allowed you…I allowed us to enter into something without either of us taking the time to really consider the consequences. For all of that, I’m sorry. That’s not what this lifestyle should be. Vaughn, I may have inadvertently led Desi in her deceptions. I made her feel okay about lying to you. Maybe I encouraged it subconsciously. In any case, I have to own up to my responsibility in this and tell you man-to-man that I’m sorry.”
“Are you kidding me?” I said to Law.
“Excuse me?”
I must have been feeding off of Ris' confidence because I suddenly felt inspired to tell Law what I really thought of what he had to say.
“Did you really just mansplain away my choices and responsibilities in this? Do you have any idea how self-aggrandizing that is? You didn’t mislead me, Law. I was naive, yes, but I wasn’t stupid. I knew exactly what I was getting into. I did take the time to consider the consequences but I chose to ignore them. I lied to Vaughn. It was my decision. Not yours.”
As I spoke, my eyes dampened. I finally heard the truth come out of my own mouth. It was overwhelming, but liberating to finally come clean. It was freeing to finally take responsibility for what I’d done.
I was shocked that I'd said it, that I'd owned it, but maybe the combination of people in the room had given me the strength I needed to do it. They all had given me strength in their own ways and maybe with them all there in the same space, I was strong enough to be true.
I turned my head to look at Vaughn, “I’m sorry, Vaughn. This is on me. I chose this. I did this. You shouldn't blame Law because of what I chose to do with him. I’m responsible and I’m sorry. I will do whatever I need to do to show you that I’m gonna be a better wife, a loyal wife. Because you deserve that. You’re the most important thing in the world to me, Vaughn. I’m sorry I haven’t behaved like that's true.”
Vaughn looked at me with the same warmth in his honey eyes that I remembered seeing there on our wedding day. His crow’s feet wrinkled with the depth of his smile just before he leaned forward to kiss me. It was brief but warm and wet.
“Thank you for saying that, Desi, for owning it,” he pressed his forehead against mine.
Law cleared his throat and I slowly pulled my head away from Vaughn’s. I held his hand tightly and he rested our hands together on his lap.
“You’re right, Desi. I shouldn’t be taking responsibility for your actions anymore. You don’t belong to me. Your behavior isn’t a reflection of my dominance," Law said it as if he were repeating a mantra, "It's hard for me not to see things that way. In any case, if you were mine, I'd be really proud of you right now,” he shook his head, "Fuck that, I'm proud of you, anyway."
I could feel Law's pride in the way he looked at me and it took my breath away, "Thank you,” I offered him quietly.
"Do you remember what I told you? About transformation through pain?"
I nodded. I did remember that, he'd told me that when we first met. He'd told me that women could transform and become better versions of themselves through the pain they endure. He'd told me he wanted to be a part of that, to witness that transformation in me. I didn't believe a word of it at the time, but now, well, maybe he was on to something.
I smiled, "Yeah, I remember that."
He grinned, but it faded quickly with his furrowed brow and a flash of pain across his bright eyes, "Can I ask you do to something for me Desi?”
“Yes," my reply came without hesitation.
“I’d like you to tell Vaughn the whole story, from the beginning. If you can do that, then I can offer something to you both. Something I think you both need.”
Chapter 23
Vaughn
Any other day, my emotional range could span an inch. That day, it could've spanned one thousand miles. I'd never experienced so many highs and lows in such a short period of time and I was already having a hard time figuring out how I really felt about all of this.
I listened carefully as Desi told me everything.
Every last detail.
The details I wanted to hear and the details that I didn't.
Somehow, I managed not to fly off the handle. At first, I thought it was because my brain was too busy processing this overload of information to let my temper amp up and get the best of me. But after a while, I started to think that maybe I just understood why Desi had done what she had.
I kept hearing her say while you were at the gym and while you were at work. She hadn't said it more than necessary to tell her story, but it struck me. Most nights she'd gone out to see Law, I wasn't even aware because I had chosen to spend time away from her. I didn't need to go to the gym as much as I had. I didn't need to work twelve hour days. I'd been prioritizing my job and body-building, neither of which helped our marriage.
It was true that being away more than I should've been, to work late or head to the gym for an hour or two, wasn't an excuse for her to do what she did. But my absence had sent her a message on my priorities. It made it that much easier for her to go to someone who was willing to give her the time and attention she deserved. I had to take ownership for choosing to stay away when I should have been present, fighting harder for her.
I didn't interrupt her as she told me her story in candid, excruciating detail. I listened intently without saying a word, even as she told me about the boundary crossing dry hump on the gravel covered plywood at Black Ties. That part made me sick to my stomach.
“And then you found me at Black Ties last night. You know the rest from there,” she finished.
I was quiet for moment as I let the wheels turn in my mind, working quickly to process everything I’d just heard so I could start making decisions. I’d always been that way, quick to choose so I could move forward with intent. Some people saw it as impulsive. Sometimes it was. But usually it was just in my nature to get the fuck on with things.
Desi chewed on the side of her thumb nervously, watching me, waiting for me to speak. It was a ridiculous thought to have in the moment, but I couldn't help to think about how adorable she was when she was nervous.
I broke the silence a few seconds later with the one thing I needed to make sure was crystal fucking clear, “So you two never actually fucked each other?”
“Not really, no, just the –”
I held up my hand, cutting Desi off, because I didn't want a recap.
“The time on the plywood, got it. But you never kissed?” I asked Law, looking him in the eyes to ensure I got full disclosure.
“I kissed her neck when we were grinding on the gravel. It was a few seconds and she pushed me away. She used her safeword.”
Grinding on the gravel.
I could respect the man's bluntness and honesty, but the way he phrased that really kicked my ass. I swiped a hand over my mouth and Desi covered her face with both hands. I turned to look at her as Ris was reaching over to put a comforting hand on her shoulder.
“Did you want him to kiss you, Desi?"
She swallowed, pulling her hands away and looking up at me. Her apologetic brown eyes told me she didn’t want to answer that. I already knew the answer. I already knew she’d wanted more from him than just a kiss. I still needed to hear it from her.
“Yes,” she finally blurted.
Even though I already knew, it still hurt to hear it. You can’t prepare yourself for the punch in the gut feeling of your wife sitting next to you, telling you she wanted to kiss another man. Especially when that other man was sitting directly across from you at your own table, in your own home. I had to look away from her at that admission.
I dared a glance at Law and could see how pleased with himself he was to hear her say that. Though the joy was etched deep in his eyes, he at least had the decency to contain his expression. I barely had the decency to stay on this side of the table when my skin was suddenly humming to Alpha dog him right out of my home.
“Did you ever see each other naked?” I asked him.
“Desi’s never
seen me undressed. I’ve only ever seen her in her underwear.”
“I don't have to ask if you wanted to fuck her before. It’s pretty goddamn clear that you did. But I do need to ask," I paused, "Do you still want to?”
“Oh, God,” Desi muttered beside me.
I put my hand on her shoulder, asking her to be quiet with my touch, rather than my voice.
Law spoke without flinching.
"Yes, of course. But I know she’s yours. She knows that, too. She never would have let me, Vaughn. In fact, she forcefully rejected me," he looked over at my girl, “Bruised my ego a bit, honestly."
He had the balls to wink at her then.
I gently tugged back on Desi's shoulder, guiding her to lean back in her chair, farther away from the table. Law's eyes darted quickly to my hand before meeting my eyes. We shared an intense look, competition ripe in the air.
“Do you wish she was yours?”
Law never broke eye contact with me, never backed down, “Yes. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t. I would’ve moved on when she stopped meeting me and texting me two weeks ago if I didn’t want her.”
"Law," Ris warned.
I shifted, leaning forward onto my elbows and clasping my hands together on the table.
“You know she’ll never be yours, don’t you? Desi is my girl.”
He nodded, “I know that she’s yours. It’s hard for me, but I accept that. I care about Desi. Before I can let go of her, I have to know she’ll be okay. I have to know that her needs will be met. All of them. The pain, the need to submit, all of it. I need to know that you’re willing to give her everything she needs and more,” he paused, leaning forward on his elbows and matching my body language, "I need to see it."
My eyes narrowed, “And when you come to the realization that I can and will give her that, are you prepared to walk away? To end whatever kind relationship the two of you have?”
Desi took in a sharp breath and I sensed her stiffening beside me.
Law looked down at his hands and hesitated briefly, “Yes. If that's what needs to happen for her to be happy. When I’m satisfied that’s the case.”
