Jagged Ink

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  He didn’t have to say all of that, but the words had just sprung out of him. He should have said all of those things long ago because it wasn’t like Roxie feeling inadequate when it came to art was anything new. It had been something under the surface since before he even met her.

  And though he had tried to say the right words, they had never come out right.

  As she wiped the tears from her cheeks, he was really afraid that he had made the wrong move once again.

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

  “No, you should have. I’m just…I just…” She took a breath. “You should have said it. I’m glad you did.”

  He pulled in to the parking lot of the movie theater and hoped he wasn’t too much of an idiot. “I’m sorry, Roxie.”

  “No, don’t be sorry. I know I have this stupid thing going on in my head where I think I need to compete with my sisters and my family about what we do with art. And it’s because they are all so amazing with their talents that, sometimes, I wonder why I didn’t get that gene.”

  “But you’re not bad.”

  “Thanks.”

  He winked.

  “You know what I meant.”

  “I do. And I know I’m not bad at it. I know it just takes me longer, and I have to think about it differently. I just put so much into it that I sometimes do stupid things. And I put myself down because of it.”

  “And that’s okay. I mean, it’s not okay that you put yourself down, I didn’t mean that.”

  “I know,” she said with a laugh.

  “It’s more the fact that it’s okay that you don’t do things the same as your family. You know they don’t like numbers the way you do. And you know that they don’t like cross-country skiing like you do. Although, Liam does. I need to meet this Liam.”

  This time, she rolled her eyes. “You know he’s my cousin, right?”

  “I did not know that when the girls mentioned that you were going skiing with this Liam. It took them a little too long to explain to me that, yes, he’s your cousin from Boulder. I was really jealous.”

  She gave him a look as they walked into the movie. “Jealous? You’re the one who went on a date with someone else.”

  “Jesus Christ. I’m so sorry I did that.”

  They were going to a matinee because they didn’t like going to packed movie theaters, and later they wanted to go to dinner. And because of that, there was no one else around for this conversation. Thank God.

  “No, I really shouldn’t have brought up the date because it doesn’t bother me. I know it should, but in the end, it brought you to my doorstep. It brought you to me to say the words that you needed to say and finally got me off my ass to say the words I needed to. So, I can’t really be too angry about those words. I can’t be angry about that date. I know I should be, and I know that someone you worked with still knows this woman, and I know that we may see her at a grocery store one day. But I promise I will not rip her face off with my nails. Because you sitting with someone else for a meal and not touching them at all brought you to me. And it opened up your heart a bit so you could speak to me again. That way, I could speak to you. And I’m okay with that. Even if I may growl a bit and bring it up just to joke around. You’re welcome to bring up the mysterious Liam if you want.”

  He rolled his eyes and then kissed the top of her head, relieved that she felt that way. He knew that she had talked with Kaylee about the other woman seeing him with Stacia too, and the two of them were just fine with each other. He had been afraid that Kaylee holding back like she had would hurt her relationship with Roxie, but in the end, honesty was the best policy.

  He had never once lied to his wife, he just hadn’t spoken to her the way he should.

  And he was going to be better about that.

  Damn it.

  They settled in for their movie with their small popcorn and soda to share. Neither of them was a big fan of either of those things, but you couldn’t go to a movie without both.

  They cuddled and watched the movie in silence, even though there weren’t that many people in the movie theater with them. In fact, if they wanted to, they probably could have made out like teenagers, but they were adults. They had standards, after all. A little bit anyway.

  “You know, anything with a bearded Chris Hemsworth makes me happy.”

  “You mean the part with the shirtless Chris Hemsworth, don’t you?” he asked as they finished up their meals at one of their favorite restaurants.

  “Well, that is true, and though I really didn’t understand the movie, it was brilliant.

  It was one of the first movies he had seen recently that wasn’t an actual superhero movie. Usually, he only liked to go to superhero movies in the theater these days. He was becoming an old man and didn’t like to hold his bladder for anything but a superhero.

  Roxie had always said she didn’t like to hold her bladder for anything but one of the Chrises.

  He oddly wasn’t jealous about that because they were hot. He didn’t blame her.

  “So, Mr. Marshall, what’re your plans for the rest of the evening?” Roxie asked as they walked hand-in-hand to the park. “Because I have to say, you’re pretty much hitting all the romantic buttons at this point.”

  He tugged her close, tucked her under his arm and to his side, and kissed her hard and fast. “I like the fact that you think that. Makes me feel like I’m doing the right thing.”

  “You were always pretty smooth at that. I’m enjoying this side of you, the one that’s smiling and just being.”

  He held her hand again and continued to walk, grateful there weren’t too many people out and about since it was still a bit chilly. But they were wrapped up, and so he hoped that neither of them would get sick.

  “Toward the end there, I was focused so much on work and keeping my place afloat, I felt like I was failing. You know?”

  “I was working just as hard, just as many hours. It’s hard when you’re young and not exactly struggling anymore, but maybe struggling for the next step. Because we could pay our mortgage, our bills weren’t the problem. It was that next level of what we were both fighting for, and in doing so, we kind of ignored everything else.”

  “It was easier to put ourselves into work than what actually mattered.”

  “Our work does matter. We can’t push that aside.”

  “Neither of us are. I know you’re in the middle of tax season, but the fact that you can actually take a few hours each week with me…I appreciate it.”

  “I think I was going crazy last year. For more than one thing, but during tax season and not being able to actually relax? That was stupid of me, and I got that horrible cold because of it.”

  “I remember. You wouldn’t even let me give you some chicken noodle soup.”

  “It’s because I like the chicken and stars.”

  “I know, I even bought extra cans of it just for you.”

  “And I was so far into my head wanting to make sure that I could do everything on my own, that I didn’t let you make it for me.”

  “So, if you get sick tonight while we’re taking this walk, are you going to let me feed you some chicken and stars?”

  “I think that can be arranged. But let’s just stay huddled together so we don’t catch a cold.”

  “Sounds good to me.” They continued walking a bit, talking about the weather and her family some more. Carter was talking about Landon and the fact that he and Kaylee were still not actually dating yet. That made her laugh, and he kissed the tip of her nose, noticing that it was getting a bit chilly. They would have to head in soon, but he didn’t want this night to end.

  “Back to that work thing. There’re other reasons I forced myself to work as hard as I did.” He didn’t say the words too loudly since other couples were walking along the path now, but she stopped where she was and tugged him close so she could focus on him.

  “Why, Carter? Talk to me.”

  “It’s stupid, really.” />
  “It’s not stupid if you felt that way. So, tell me.”

  “You’re going to think I’m silly.” He ran his hand over his hat, forgetting that he couldn’t run his fingers through his hair because of it. Then he gave her a chagrined smile before starting again. “I told you you’re brilliant, and that’s true. All of your family is. You’ve all gone to special schools or college or even got your master’s degrees in some cases. You are so fucking brilliant. Sometimes, I forget that I’m the mechanic, the guy on the outside looking in. I’m the one who’s not quite bright, not quite as white-collar as you guys.”

  “Carter.”

  “I know it’s stupid. I know that I own a business. And I know that your family’s full of tattoo artists and construction workers. You guys are bakers and people who work with your hands. You’re artists. But you’re a fucking accountant, and you’re so brilliant and so much...more. Sometimes, I just feel a little stupid. But that’s not on you.”

  “I hope not. I hope I never did anything to make you feel like you were stupid.”

  “You never did. That’s all on me. And I know I shouldn’t feel that way. But, sometimes, I couldn’t help it.”

  “Like sometimes I can’t help but compare myself to my sisters and their art?”

  “Pretty much. And I know it’s just something inherent in people how they have to compare themselves to others and find their own inadequacies even if they aren’t there. But sometimes I felt like I had to struggle to keep up and make sure my business was always staying afloat so I wasn’t the one pulling you down.”

  “Carter. That’s ridiculous. I probably shouldn’t have used that word because, if you felt it, then it’s not really ridiculous, it’s something that is rooted somewhere deep. And you said I never made you feel that way, not really, but I’m going to do my best to make sure I never accidentally do. Okay? Because I don’t want you to ever feel that you have to compare yourself to me, or that you’re less than anything I am. Because we’re supposed to lift each other up. Maybe I didn’t do that enough for you. Because I remember you trying to make me feel better about my art. I remember, at first, when we were still talking more, that you always put me first. I remember all of that, but I don’t think I did enough for you. And that’s something that I lack. That’s something I need to change. It’s something I’m going to change. This is our second chance, Carter. And I don’t want to mess it up. I don’t want to fall into the same mistakes because we’re afraid. So, Carter Marshall, I think you’re brilliant. So fucking brilliant. And I love you. I don’t want to lose you again.”

  Carter blinked, making sure he’d heard the words right. He loved her so damn much, and he was afraid, at least he had been afraid that she didn’t feel the same way with him. He was afraid that everything they were doing wouldn’t end up the way it should. That she would find him lacking in the end or find that it was easier if they weren’t together.

  “We’re going to make this work, Roxie. The two of us. We’re going to make this work.”

  “I know we are. Not because we have to, not only that. Because we want to. I don’t want to fall into the same mistakes again.”

  “So, let’s not. Let’s work on that.” And so they continued to walk, making their way back to his truck and then to the house.

  And when they made love in their bed that night, she rode him, his hands on her breasts, her head arched back as she moved her hips. He pumped into her, aching, needing.

  And after they came together, they held each other long into the night. He spent the night, actually stayed until morning, holding his wife.

  This was another step.

  They were going to make it.

  No, they weren’t finished yet.

  But they were getting closer.

  In love. Love could be enough.

  There was hope.

  Chapter 16

  Roxie had loved Montgomery dinners until she learned to hate them. Now, nervousness warred with the anticipation of seeing her family after so long ignoring them. Yes, she’d done some meals with her sisters, and yes, she talked to her family on the phone, but she’d missed every other family dinner and game night until now.

  Most of it, honestly, was because of tax season and Roxie using her free time to either get her head on straight with regards to her own well-being when it came to skiing or just sleeping, and the other times were for Carter.

  So now here she was, ready to go to her first Montgomery dinner in far too long. And she was going to take Carter with her. She really hoped it wasn’t as awkward as she felt it might be.

  Because her family loved Carter, they really did. They just hadn’t known how to act around him these last few months. And that was on them. She and Carter were still working out exactly who they were in this new relationship of theirs, and the others had actually given them space.

  She had honestly been a little surprised that they had, considering it wasn’t something they normally did. Her family loved to try and take care of her. They loved to try and take care of each other. Meaning, they were always up in each other’s business.

  They weren’t now, though. They were giving her space.

  But today…today would change everything. Today, Roxie was going to dinner at her parents’ house. Her sisters and brother would be there, their significant others and children would be there. And Roxie thought Liam might be there too since she had extended the invite directly from her mother on their last skiing trip.

  Carter had not come with her for that, mostly because he’d had to work and he had known that he wouldn’t be able to keep up with them.

  But maybe one day she would take him out, even if he hated it. Because it was something that they tried to do together.

  And then maybe they could find something else that they could do together. Maybe if they actually found things they enjoyed doing as a couple outside of having sex, they would be able to make it work this time. Because before, they had spent so long worrying about making sure they had enough money for the future, making sure they didn’t talk about the thing that hurt the most, that they’d sort of ruined everything else they could have had because they buried themselves.

  But things were going to get better.

  “You ready?” Carter asked as they pulled in to her parents’ driveway. Her siblings were already there, their cars parked on the road, but they had left a space for her, and she couldn’t help but smile. They had kept the spot for her because they wanted her to know that she was welcome. Or everybody had left the space open for the next arrival, and she was just that person. Knowing her family, it could be either. Or both.

  “I’m oddly nervous but ready.”

  Carter reached over and squeezed her hand. “Same. I just hope your brother doesn’t kick my ass.”

  “He won’t. Because he’ll have to go through me first.” She looked over at Carter then and kissed him softly on the jaw. He turned off the car and then leaned over to capture her lips.

  She sank into him, smiling even as they kissed. She had missed this. She had missed this more than she could possibly imagine. It felt like they were back. Okay, maybe not back, but rather to where they should have been this whole time. She didn’t want to overthink it, didn’t want to stress herself out over it, but it felt like maybe, just maybe, things would be okay.

  So, when the knock on the window came, she screamed against Carter’s lips, and her husband laughed, his eyes crinkling at the corners.

  “Are you done sucking face? Mom and Dad are watching, you know.”

  Roxie flipped off Adrienne and then laughed along with Carter as they both got out of the car.

  She hugged her sister tightly, as Carter ran around to the back and got the pie.

  She hadn’t baked it herself since there hadn’t been time, but the local bakery by her house was one of her mom’s favorites, and the family wouldn’t mind that it was store-bought. Because, frankly, it was one of the best pies they could get, other than Thea’s.
r />   Nothing was better than Thea’s.

  And it wasn’t Thea’s turn to bake the pies this time. You would think that since Thea was the baker of the family, she would always be the one to bring the baked goods, but they made sure that Thea got time off. That left her sister more time to work on her cooking skills, such as the bourbon meatballs Roxie knew would be waiting for her in the house. Well, that and the cheese plates. Nothing could stop Thea and now Dimitri from bringing cheese plates to any party. It was sort of a thing. And it was adorable.

  “I’m so glad you’re here,” Adrienne said after kissing Roxie hard on the cheek. “My little sister’s all grown up and bringing her husband and pie that I know she didn’t bake.”

  Roxie rolled her eyes. “Yes, because with all the time I have, I totally could’ve baked a pie or three.”

  “You have three pies?”

  “We couldn’t decide which one to get, so we got all three.”

  Carter lifted them up as he spoke and grinned. “We got bourbon pecan, this chunky apple with rhubarb in it, and this chocolate pie that I think has salted caramel in it. I’m not a hundred percent sure, but I almost passed out while the woman was describing it.”

  “Now that sounds like a good pie.”

  Roxie watched as the two of them interacted, and she was grateful that it sounded as if everything would be okay, or at least not as tense as she’d thought it might be at first. Because Adrienne was doing just fine, and she ran around and took a pie from Carter before giving him a side hug.

  Everyone was already inside by the time they got there, but Roxie didn’t mind. It had taken Carter an extra thirty minutes to leave the shop because of a dispute with a customer that he’d had to handle himself. She knew that he was doing better about delegating, but sometimes somebody just needed to talk with a manager. And, according to her husband, the customer had been wrong, but they had still made everything work out. She was just glad that they were there now so everything could get started. Maybe after this first meeting, everything would be better. After all, everything was already so much better than it had been even a month ago. Heck, even a week ago.