To Find a God

by Mary Hamilton

  Klunk broke the tense silence. “We return to the cavern and eat. We can talk more there.”

  Kharla lashed out at him, “I’m tired of talking and eating and waiting. While we waste our time, our families might die. Our kraals might burn. No. No more talking.”

  “What would you have me do, Kharla? I am helping to gather these parts. What more do you want?” Klunk gazed at her with what seemed like pleading in his eyes.

  Mugrok, for his part, drifted back from them. It struck Tovi that the ghost was smiling.

  As silence descended over the small group, River eased up beside Tovi, his flank rubbing against the Azyrean’s shoulder. Tovi put his hand on the dog’s head and immediately felt a sense of peace, of understanding. It was as though the voice was present, just without the actual voice. “We should go back and eat now. We’ve done a lot today. We should rest.”

  He shuddered as he saw a brief darkness wash over the ghost. The smile seemed to change briefly into a cruel grin. Then, just as quickly as it had come, the shadow lifted and the friendly, if shallow, smile returned to the spirit.

  Chapter 56: Jarek

  The only sound in the room was the sputtering of torches. All else remained silent as the two sides stared at each other. Jarek had given up hope of finding any reasonable response to Magnus’ observation. Mathias looked to his left and seemed to focus his eyes on some random spot on the floor but gave no clue as to his thoughts. Burns, for her part, lowered her head as though in resignation.

  Finally, the old brother broke the silence. “A bit awkward, I surmise. I suggest that we start over with you telling us exactly what you are doing and why.”

  Awkward silence greeted his suggestion.

  Jarek wanted to say something. He sensed that the answers he sought, or at least a good starting point, might be here. But in his mind, there was no question that he had learned all he was going to unless they repaired this relationship. Mathias, though, seemed to have no inclination to explain.

  Magnus nodded, a sad look in his eyes. “I see. Well, in that case, I fear, we have little to discuss. You are welcome to remain here overnight and refresh yourselves. Tomorrow we will escort you back out into the world so that you can make your way back to your homes, or base, or wherever you came from.” And with that, he turned and gestured to his fellow brothers, who followed him out the door.

  The Azyrean gazed around the room. Food remained on the table—sweet cakes, cheeses, and what looked like smoked meat. Several glass pitchers containing different colored liquids were strategically placed on small tables around the room along with glasses. “At least we won’t go hungry.” He couldn’t think of anything more positive to say.

  Mathias nodded and wandered over to the corner of the room, slouching down on the floor and leaning back against the wall.

  Burns followed and squatted down in front of him. “We have to talk to them.”

  The group leader gazed up at her and then over at Jarek. “You know as well as I do that we can’t talk about our band. Not to them, not to anyone. We have all those people back there depending on us. We cannot betray them.”

  “And just how is talking to this brotherhood an act of betrayal? After all, they risked their lives, and indeed one of them gave his life rescuing us.”

  Mathias seemed to study the wood floor. “I need time to think.”

  Jarek ambled over and joined the two. “They already know about the rebels. And they know we are a part of them. What else could you tell them that would amount to a betrayal, other than maybe where the base is?”

  “I just need to think this through. Get something to eat, the two of you, and leave me to sort this out.”

  ◆◆◆

  Some hours later, the door opened, and Horatio eased in. “I hope that I am not disturbing you.”

  Mathias glanced up but remained sitting. “No, not at all, Brother… Horatio, is it?”

  “Just Ratio is fine.”

  “We’re getting some rest. And we are grateful for the food and drink. We hope to be out at first light and cause you no more grief.”

  Ratio smiled and folded his hands in front of him. “Brother Magnus means well. He is taking the death of Brother Demetrius hard. They were friends for many years. But please do not take this on your shoulders. The king bears the responsibility. I know that the rebels oppose him. We, in our own way, seek to diminish his power as well. Sadly, this purpose exacts a price and sometimes it seems exceedingly high.”

  Mathias motioned for Ratio to sit. “Please understand. It is not a question of whether I want to share with you or even whether I trust you or not. I have a responsibility to others in my band. Their fate is very much in my hands when I’m out and alone like this. These are not issues for me to decide.” He rubbed his hands together in his lap and shook his head.

  “You make your point. And I accept your explanation. I offer you this. You, me—all of us—we go about our lives as we will. Our decisions, no matter how seemingly insignificant, can affect others. Sometimes we are called upon to act and it falls to us to decide what is right. You and your comrades find yourselves in such a position. I understand your reluctance. You seem to understand the price we have paid in rescuing you. This opportunity, and that is what this is, is here and now. Left unfulfilled, it might never come again. And the decision rests with you, my friend.”

  “What opportunity? You already know that we're rebels. You have said as much. You know that we were captured by the king’s men and, as young Jarek told you, we seek information about crystals, beams, and portals. What more do you need to know? And unless you have ready answers for us, what have we to gain from you? I accept that we may share some common cause. And in the future, that could mean a joining of resources. But today, I don’t understand what it is that you want from us.”

  Ratio smirked. “At the risk of sounding blunt, I will tell you. You have omitted one key bit of information and that piece, I believe, is pivotal to both our causes. I accept that Jarek wants to go home and the mechanism for such a journey probably lies with the crystals and light. But the question remains, why are you and Rosamunde so interested? Why risk your lives and the safety of your comrades back at camp simply to help this being return home? It makes no sense… unless there is something else… another reason you want to know about these matters.”

  A jarring silence once again descended. The answer to that question was simple and straightforward. And, at least it seemed to Jarek, there was no reason not to share it with the brothers. But if he had learned nothing else, it was that he must abide by the decisions of appointed leaders.

  But Burns apparently felt no such constraint. “Would you give us the courtesy of a few moments of privacy, please?”

  After Ratio left, shutting the door behind him, Burns sat and positioned herself next to Mathias. “We need this information.”

  Mathias shrugged. “What makes you think they know any more than we do?”

  “Maybe they do. Maybe they don’t. But anything they can add might be of help. We’re not going to know until we talk to them. And there is nothing to talk about unless we tell them what it is we’re looking for.”

  “Are you willing to risk the lives of all our companions on the chance that these men can be trusted and that they actually know something of value?”

  “Yes.”

  Chapter 57: Jarek

  Jarek’s uneasiness grew as the night wore on. After his near death, the confrontation with the brothers, and the apparent dead end that they’d run up against, things had gotten worse. The relationship between Mathias and Burns had deteriorated over the conflict. They’d both hurled their challenges at the other and then retreated to their respective corners, having solved nothing.

  The Azyrean, for his part, paced back and forth, waiting for morning and their inevitable departure. In one way, it was a tacit admission of failure. They had the possibility of coming into more information and they were choosing to walk away. On the other hand, ma
ybe they would be able to make peace among themselves once they left. After that, the discussion could possibly be rejoined.

  “And this is why I talk to you instead of the humans.” The voice returned. It sounded like spoken words but neither of his two companions seemed aware of it.

  Who are you?

  “Later. For now, you’ve gotten a taste of what you’re up against. This impasse is about trust, pure and simple. Neither group trusts the other despite the fact that they share a common enemy.”

  It’s not that simple.

  “You had the opportunity to build trust and you lied to these people.”

  I didn’t lie. Everything I told them was the truth. The only thing I held back was that to which I have been sworn to secrecy. Jarek glanced nervously from Mathias to Burns, wondering if either was noticing his internal conversation.

  “Whatever perceptions you may have, I tell you that the answers you seek are here. You can choose to leave empty-handed or you can find a way to build some trust very quickly.”

  Perhaps the most disturbing thing about the conversation was that he agreed with whomever, or whatever was making these assertions. So how am I supposed to build trust?

  “You don’t need to be told. You know what you have to do.”

  Do you always speak in riddles?

  “Yes.”

  Well, it’s annoying.”

  “I suppose. But then again, whether you are annoyed or not doesn’t matter to me.”

  Jarek thought to hurl an insult back but instead posed a question. Can the brothers be trusted?

  “The more relevant question is whether or not they will be trusted.”

  You have any suggestions in this regard?

  The voice became softer, more serious. “Master Jarek Whit, you are on the right track. Your loyalty and your bravery surprise even you. But we knew from the very beginning that you were right for this job. Don’t waiver. Don’t stray from the course.”

  Alarms went off in Jarek’s head. What do you mean that you knew from the beginning and who is this ‘we’ to which you refer?

  But the voice didn’t answer. Jarek glanced around. His companions apparently were unaware of his imaginary visitor, whatever it was. He thought that perhaps just ignoring the voice was the best solution. After all, he didn’t know anything about it and neither did anyone else. The only problem was that he agreed with it, mostly.

  The opening door signaled that morning had come. Brother Magnus, along with an entourage of three others entered and bowed curtly. “We wish you good morning. You have, we hope, slept well and are refreshed. When you are ready, we have people that will escort you out. I hope you understand that we must blindfold you again.” He shrugged.

  Mathias stood. “Yes, of course. We understand.” Burns came from her corner but said nothing.

  Jarek, mindful of what the voice had just told him, searched for a way to stop, or at least delay the departure. But the two sides had apparently hardened their positions. The look in Mathias’ eye left no doubt that he was ready to leave without further conversation.

  Magnus, for his part, seemed to care little one way or the other. He stood idly by, a bored look on his face, as the three travelers gathered the makeshift packs they’d been given by the brothers. The packs that they’d left camp with days before remained in the possession of the king’s forces. “Brothers Daniel and Horatio will escort you as far as the crossroads to the west of Ebon Lake. From there, I trust you can find your way.”

  ◆◆◆

  Jarek had become an old hand at being blindfolded. The three, under the direction of their guards or escorts or whatever they were, wound their way around what felt like twisting corridors. The air felt and smelled of paper, ink, and a touch of mold. After what seemed like about thirty minutes, they emerged from the corridor into the sun. Jarek could feel it beating down on his right side.

  A gentle push on his shoulder, accompanied by Brother Daniel’s voice, steered him to the left. “Another few minutes and we can remove the blindfolds.”

  When the black cloth finally came off from around their heads, it took a few seconds for Jarek’s eyes to adjust. When he finally got his bearings and could make out details, he found that it appeared to be late afternoon. “I thought it was morning.”

  “Between spending time down in the dungeons followed by your stay in our spaces, your days and nights got mixed up. You’ll adjust. We did it this way so you can travel at night. Daylight is your enemy in these parts.” Brother Daniel folded the strips of cloth and stuffed them in his pocket. He surveyed the landscape on all sides before resuming the trek. “It’s another two hours to the crossroads. We will leave you there. Until then, let us move quickly. I’ll lead the way. Ratio can bring up the rear. You three stay between us. If any of us sees other people, sound the alarm so that we can seek cover. We’ll try to stay within a few steps of these woods.” He gestured to his right.

  They set an easy pace, moving for a few minutes and then stopping to look and listen before continuing the trip. Jarek lagged behind his two companions. After all, they weren’t speaking and keeping a little distance felt more comfortable.

  The voice coming from behind caught him by surprise. “Hey, Jarek. You mind if I ask you a question?”

  The Azyrean turned his head to see Brother Horatio move up beside him. “I guess. But you know that I can’t tell you anything. Sorry.”

  “Sure, I know that. After all, like you, I must answer to the head of my order. We are told what we can and cannot reveal. No, what I was going to ask was about riding moonbeams. I assume that this has nothing to do with the rebels.”

  “I guess that would be okay.”

  “Exactly how does that work—riding moonbeams?”

  Jarek reached up and scratched an ear. “It’s hard to explain. Back on Pangrove, the moonbeams come down, passing over a small hill as they find their way to the bottom of the slope. Kids just jump on them and ride down. That is, the white ones are ridden. Colored ones are, well, that’s really what got me into this mess.”

  “I remember you saying that you rode a colored beam to get here. What color was it?”

  “Red.”

  Ratio fell silent for a moment.

  “The two kids, the ones that I chased, they got on different colored ones. So, I’m guessing that the different colored beams deliver the riders to different locations. Red ends up here.”

  “What color were the other beams?”

  Jarek thought back to that fateful night. “As I recall, one was blue and the other, I think, green. I’m sure they weren’t both the same color so, yes, that must be it.”

  “Hmmm. Blue and green. So, I am guessing, then, that a critical question might be where the blue and green beams take the rider, correct?”

  And then it hit Jarek. The king was interested in blue and green crystals. Which means that he was trying to find a way to get to wherever the two kids went. But where was that? “That’s right.” But was this something that he was allowed to talk to Ratio about? After all, this was at the heart of what the rebels were looking for. In the end, he decided to play it safe and didn’t elaborate.

  Ratio’s voice interrupted Jarek’s internal conflict. “Something to think about, I suppose. Anyway, it is nice to be able to talk about this phenomenon. I am afraid that my fellow brothers find the subject boring. When it does come up, they take it as an idle academic pursuit. I think that the only reason they questioned you about it is because of your connection to the rebels, in whom they do have a great deal of interest.”

  “Why are they interested in the rebels?”

  “Well, as you have learned, the king has silenced all mention of Aristan within this realm. Our god is central to our lives. Keeping his word and honoring him are our purposes. The rebel force opposes the king. I suppose that this puts us all on the same side. Well, sort of. I think our leadership views the rebels as more of a nuisance than a band of allies.”

  “Why?” Jarek cou
ldn’t see the logic in that position.

  “The rebels hit and run. More than anything, they are an annoyance to the king. Since he is not able, or at least not willing, to mount a full-scale retaliation directly against them, he makes life even more miserable for the citizens. And this, in turn, puts additional pressure on us.”

  To Jarek, the most reasonable solution would be to remove the king. He reminded himself, though, that this would be nearly impossible given the current situation. And, on top of that, the Azyrean was a visitor in these lands. What seemed simple and straightforward to him was likely far more complicated.

  After another moment, the brother dropped back, and once again the group proceeded in silence.

  Chapter 58: Jarek

  “The farmer, I think his name was Bart. He betrayed us.” Mathias stood before Commander West and Captain Virgil. Burns and Jarek stood behind their party leader.

  West considered the three as she appeared to process the information. “Yes, well, you knew that sort of thing was possible before you left. The king’s reach is long. He holds sway in the countryside and I suspect that more of the people are on his side than on ours. That is, after all, one of the benefits of being a firmly entrenched king.”

  “Yes, I know.” Mathias cast his gaze down at the floor. “And in the end, it was my decision to trust the betrayer. I bear the responsibility.”

  Jarek only then began to understand Mathias’ stubborn refusal to acknowledge any degree of faith in the brothers. The leader blamed himself for their capture. Despite the fact that the Azyrean had expressed concern about being so open with people, it did seem unfair that Mathias was taking the blame. “If I may, Commander. We all trusted that man—Bart, I think he called himself. And, truthfully, we had no reason not to believe him. At least no special reason that set him apart from anyone else. If there is blame, it falls to all three of us.” He felt a little funny about including Burns in that acceptance of guilt, but somehow he felt that she would be okay with it.