The Curse of Flight

by R. G. Hendrickson

  “Is it dangerous? Sorry, maybe I should know that, but I don’t. All I do on stage is shake my ass.” Steve said it so matter of fact that Josh hesitated to laugh. It wasn’t funny, just routine, something Steve did for work, and he seemed genuinely concerned about Josh’s safety.

  A reply was in order. “Well, we all have our talents. The set has nets built in to blend with the scenery, but not full coverage. I did fall once and landed on one. It stung like hell. The audience didn’t notice too much. I sprung up on the netting and did a bow, like it was normal. My worst fear is I’ll fall on a dancer. I don’t want to hurt anyone.”

  “You won’t fall. We won’t let that happen.” Steve’s hand covered his on the tabletop. “You know, I saw you perform a couple years ago. Dan gave me tickets. I remember it. You were amazing. I wish I’d known you then. It would have been that much more fantastic, not that it wasn’t anyway.”

  Josh’s hand stiffened under Steve’s. “This is nice, but I don’t want to give you the wrong impression. There’s something we need to talk about, and I’m not ready yet.”

  “It’s alright.” Steve pulled away his hand. The food came.

  He sensed Steve’s disappointment, or maybe it was his own. The meatloaf smelled good.

  Steve picked at his mashed potatoes. “We’ll talk when you’re ready. I just hope it happens. If it doesn’t, it’s going to be tough on me. I’m worried about that more than whatever it is you’re going to tell me. When do you sleep again?”

  “Around eight A.M. to four.”

  “Let’s go to Spring Valley tomorrow night to see the vacant one. That’s late Friday and early Saturday. Then, if you feel like it, we’ll see something Saturday afternoon. I suppose I could get up early one day too. Maybe we could see a place before eight A.M. sometime. Would that work?”

  “Yes, thanks.”

  “So, I’ll pick you up at your house tomorrow night?”

  “Okay.”

  They finished eating. Steve drove him home and said goodnight with a peck on the cheek.

  Chapter 15

  Instead of seeing the sunrise, Josh went to bed. A warmth lingered on his cheek, a souvenir of Steve’s kiss and salty breath. It might prevent a good night’s rest and keep him up, so he got an early start at falling asleep. One couldn’t afford fatigue on the ropes.

  In bed, he read French classics in the original, which usually helped him sleep. Now it was Le Petit Prince. Having recently finished Les Liaison Dangereuse, he wanted a contemporary romance but couldn’t risk it in his current condition. It might excite him further.

  The reading did the trick. The cadence of his native tongue soothed him, and the story distracted from desire. Soon he drifted off.

  Steve came to him in a dream, held him, and made love to him as on the night they met. Since then, he’d visited often when Josh slept. Dreams instructed life, or life provoked dreams. Whatever the relationship, desire found fulfillment in one and not the other. The curse governed his life but held no power over sleep, out of reach of its punishment.

  The times Steve slipped into that dark place, Josh often woke wet with semen, but today he remained asleep. They rolled together like the sea, finding such ecstasy as only lived in dreams. No sooner than they’d finished, it turned to a nightmare. Tentacles rose above the water and wrapped around him.

  The monster pulled Steve away. Its mollusk arms around waist and chest separated them. Josh reached out, and as the last touch broke, he choked and struggled for air. His lungs clamped shut.

  Steve fought the beast, tore its flesh, and gained some ground. He held out his hand. Josh clutched at it, drowning. When Josh grasped it, the suffocation ceased. Lungs opened and gasped a great breath. The scent of salt. He savored it like life.

  Josh couldn’t hold on. The monster prevailed. Steve faded away. Josh sank. Heart pounding for want of air and fear of falling, he inhaled a scream. His eyes gaped open.

  Awake, drenched with sweat and cum clinging, he peeled the sheet from his skin to view the nightmare’s aftermath, still whole without his other half, but half alive. Out of breath, he threw on a robe and ran outside for air.

  The cool morning and soft sun gave him comfort. He breathed like he’d run for miles and calmed himself. Then the top of Mike’s head peeped over the fence. Josh had no patience for this intrusion today.

  “Can I call a doctor,” Mike asked.

  “No. Leave me alone. I’m fine.” He tasted salt. A touch to his face wetted his hand, not from sweat but tears.

  “I hate to see you this way, Josh. I’m going back to work, but please know I’m here. If you need to talk or if you want me to call someone, just let me know. Is it your uncle?”

  “No.” The thought of something happening to his uncle wasn’t what he needed at that moment, and he sobbed. “I’m sorry, I don’t do this.” He sat on the lounge chair and covered his face.

  “We all do sooner or later. Whatever it is, it’ll pass. Is it a man? Of course, it is. What else would it be?”

  Josh held his breath. The tears wouldn’t stop.

  “When I was young,” Mike said, “it was a crime and an illness to love a man. When no longer deemed an illness, a real one came along. My best friend died younger than you. It still hurts, but I’m better now, and he’s in a better place.”

  Josh could hold it no longer. The air rushed out with a wheeze, and he sucked in a deep breath. Mike’s words gave strange comfort but something in them rang true to Josh. His was not the only curse. Mike had endured trials of his own, surely more than he told. Josh might survive his if this old man had lived through those. Still he cried, not only for his own sorrow but for his neighbor’s.

  “I’m sorry if I talk too much,” Mike said. “Sometimes it helps to get it all out.”

  Josh wiped his face. “Do you believe in curses?”

  “No. They’re only real if you do.”

  “I have one.”

  “Then break it.”

  “It’s not so simple.”

  “Josh, you don’t have a curse.”

  “That’s not what my uncle says, or what anyone in my family said.”

  “He’s a good man, your uncle, but he doesn’t know everything. What did he tell you?”

  Josh twisted his hair. “As far back as they could remember, and from stories passed down long before then, any of us who flew, on a day he made love, fell from the trapeze.”

  “That’s the curse? You’re upset because you did something today, and you’re afraid to perform tonight?”

  “Only in my dreams, which don’t count. I think I’m in love. But the curse…he doesn’t know about it. I have to tell him. He won’t understand. He’ll think I’m crazy. You probably do too.”

  Mike’s head bobbed behind the fence, like he’d lost his footing on the stool. “No, I don’t think that. People have problems all the time. It’s called life. That’s why we have doctors and therapists and friends. I’ve seen a psychiatrist, and he didn’t call me crazy. He helped.” Mike steadied himself with his elbows on the fence top. “You’ve calmed down. You were breathing very hard. What happened? I worried you were sick or did something desperate. I did once and regretted it.”

  “I had a nightmare.” Tears welled up again. He wiped them. “I know I’ll lose him.”

  “You’re afraid. I was too. Don’t be.”

  “That’s it. I’m afraid to lose him, and I don’t even have him.”

  “Maybe he has you. Be brave. Pretend if you have to.”

  Josh pulled at his hair. “It’s not going to work.”

  “Whatever happens, you have me! I’d walk right over there and give you a big hug if it would help. Don’t worry, it wouldn’t. Besides, I’m covered with dirt, and you’re still wet with God-knows-what.”

  Josh caught a drift of a sordid smell. Then he noticed his clammy condition and had to laugh through the tears.

  “Oh, I hate nightmares,” Mike said. “I had one once where a burly man chased me
for hours.” From Mike’s tone of voice, it didn’t sound like such a bad dream.

  “Did he catch you?” Josh asked.

  “No. If he had, it wouldn’t have been a nightmare!”

  Josh chuckled. “In mine, a giant squid…” He laughed. “…wrapped its tentacles around us, Steve and me, and pulled us apart. Then I couldn’t breathe, and I fell.”

  “So, his name is Steve? Breathe. Breathe deep.”

  Josh smiled.

  Mike hummed a high pitch. “It does my heart good to see you happy. It’s like a miracle. I’m so glad you’re feeling better. They do happen, you know, miracles.”

  Josh let go of his hair. “I’m going to tell him. Maybe he will understand.”

  Mike sighed. “If it’s meant to be, he will. If he doesn’t, you’re that much closer to finding the one who does.”

  Josh stood up from the lounge chair and arranged his robe. “I’d better get some rest.”

  “Goodnight then, or day, or whatever it is for you. Sleep well.” Mikes eyes dropped below the fence.

  “Thanks, Mike.”

  Josh went to bed. He fell asleep without reading. Steve met him in his dreams.

  Chapter 16

  Over Josh’s head, a monorail train rattled down Paradise Road. Hot winds rushed by him on the bike. An early heat wave blew in with the spring, almost a hundred degrees at night. Compared to the recent winter, the first high temperatures felt warmer than they really were, hotter than he remembered.

  With the breeze on the bike, sweat evaporated no sooner than it left the pore. This provided a cooling effect but nothing like the air conditioning in Steve’s car. Josh looked forward to the cold blast from the vent.

  The rental properties Steve had shown him raced through his mind, the one in Summerlin, nice shopping, another in Winchester, close to home, then Paradise and Spring Valley, overpriced, Southern Highlands near Blue Diamond, North Las Vegas, East Las Vegas, Centennial, and two more in Henderson, all much the same. None were quite right.

  Along the way, at least he got to know Steve a bit. There were nice chats over a meal but not enough salt. Josh’s uncle liked to say you had to eat a whole box of it together before you really knew someone.

  Josh swerved as a car changed lanes and nearly sideswiped him. He yelled and shook a fist at the driver. Focus, focus, he had to keep it together.

  A sigh escaped under pressure. The secret weighed on him. Today was the day. He had no idea how Steve would take it, but he was going to find out.

  He didn’t know the outcome but suspected. Too soon to give up, Steve might surprise him. Maybe the guy had some secrets of his own.

  Arriving home, he parked the bike in its corner, took a quick shower, and changed before he heard the horn out front. Quick to run out and lock up, he got in Steve’s car. Cold air blasted.

  Heading up Charleston Boulevard, Steve lit a cigarette. “It’s higher elevation. The temperature drops a few degrees.”

  All the signs caught Josh’s eye. Things popped up in the shadows. He’d never paid much attention to them before. Metal turtles in the median, the curve of the freeway overhead, a concrete chunk missing from the underpass, these details distracted him. He must keep his focus.

  Smoke plumed. “Are you telling me today?”

  Josh twisted at his hair. “I don’t know.”

  Steve took a drag. “I’m kind of curious at this point. I didn’t take it too serious at first, figured it was nothing, but now you’ve got me wondering.” The car slowed for a light and stopped.

  Josh tired of fiddling with his hair and rested the hand on his lap. “It’s not anything you would think.” Cars took turns through the intersection, like they were dancing. It brought him back to school, where he’d square-danced with his classmates.

  Steve cracked the window and flicked his ashes. “I hope you tell me soon. If we get past this, do I really have a chance with you?”

  “If you still want me.”

  “Want you? My balls are blue wanting you.” Steve gave him a hangdog look then a devilish smile interrupted by his phone, which chimed the theme to The Spy Who Loved Me. The smile fell from Steve’s face as he stroked the screen, and the ringtone stopped.

  Josh’s better judgment told him to keep quiet, but he huffed.

  “He’s just an old friend.” Steve didn’t look at him. The cigarette went out the window.

  “Nobody Does it Better? Some friend.” The light turned green.

  As the car sped forward, Steve glanced from the corner of his eye and grimaced. “I just didn’t get around to it.”

  Josh crossed his arms. “How long can it take to change a ringtone?”

  “I was busy. By now, I must have shown you every house in town. Who am I to you, anyway? Just a realtor.” He dropped a hand from the steering wheel and rubbed his navel. “Who cares who calls me? I got nothing to hide. That’s your job.”

  Josh sunk in his seat.

  Chapter 17

  Steve got the silent treatment after he said what he said. Maybe he shouldn’t have said it. He felt bad, and the drive to the house was taking forever.

  He glanced again and, like the times before, got greeted by the back of Josh’s head. Okay, without a smile or nod, maybe greeted wasn’t the best way to put it.

  Nice hair though, dark and wavy, he reached and almost touched it but pulled away. Josh was a client. It might be weird.

  He preferred Josh’s face. It reflected faintly in the passenger window, where Josh stared out. At what, who knew?

  Steve drove in silence for several blocks. Small talk hadn’t worked. He would try again but couldn’t think of anything to say. Maybe a poke at Josh’s shoulder would get his attention, probably not the kind he wanted. Another block passed, then another. He slowed to a light and stopped.

  Movement. Josh turned to him. “It’s like square-dancing.”

  Square-dancing? What the fuck was that supposed to mean? Oh shit, was that out loud? No, it wasn’t, or was it?

  “We used to square-dance in school sometimes back in Canada”

  Not out loud. “Hey, I’m sorry.”

  Josh smiled at him. “I almost called you, you know. If it wasn’t already ruined, I would have.”

  Steve returned the smile and pretended like he knew what Josh was talking about. “You mean the magic marker thing?”

  Josh rubbed the palm of his hand. “It seemed like a simple solution, but it got more complicated. I regretted it.”

  Steve played along. “Yeah, who does that? It didn’t wash off for weeks. They made me put make-up on it. The guys still think it’s funny. You could have just told me.”

  The smirk on Josh’s face was priceless. “Who does? And why? At least this century. I knew where you lived. I could have knocked on your door.”

  Steve’s eyes went to Josh’s hair, and his hand wanted to follow. He didn’t let it. “That guy on the phone doesn’t mean anything. I never lied to you.” He didn’t want to tell Josh. It was almost four months now, the longest he’d gone since high school. Josh ruined him for anyone else. It was like a spell Josh had on him, unnatural. A chill ran up Steve’s spine.

  He still had needs. That hadn’t gone away. This couldn’t go on forever. “I have plenty of opportunities. That call was just one of them, so why should I hide it. They don’t matter. I want you. But who knows how long I’ll feel that way, if you don’t open up?”

  “The light’s about to change.” Josh dropped his hair and gestured forward. “I might as well tell you and get it over with. It’s been on my mind too long. At least I won’t worry anymore.”

  Steve’s foot hit the accelerator. He didn’t want to miss the green and could still make it.

  Josh’s eyes turned to him, but they looked down. “In my family there’s a tradition. It goes way back.” The voice was soft. “It’s more of a superstition. We call it a curse.” Josh looked away out the passenger window. “I don’t think I’ve ever noticed that mailbox before.” There was a
pause. “If I have sex and perform on the same day, I’ll fall. My day off is Tuesday, the day we met.” Josh turned to the windshield and pointed out. “The light. It changed. Since I started this show, I’ve only had sex on…watch out!”

  Tires squealed as Steve’s right leg stiffened, and he pressed hard on the break. The cigarette dropped from his mouth and singed his thigh. “Fuck!” He stopped short of the car in front of him as it halted at the yellow light. Josh lurched forward.

  The hair on Steve’s leg scorched, and he startled at the stench and the sting. He brushed the ember from his lap and glared at Josh. “You okay? So, that’s it?”

  “Yes. Only on Tuesday. I only have sex on Tuesdays.” Josh pursed his lips and stared wide-eyed at him.

  Steve patted the welt on his leg. “What do you mean by sex?”

  A puff of air escaped Josh’s lips, and his hand lifted to his hair. “The curse didn’t come with an instruction manual.” He twisted. “As far as I know, it’s ejaculation.”

  Steve’s chest tightened. He forced a deep breath. The car interior closed in on him, and his eyes escaped out the windshield, where the yellow light had turned red. “Really? All week? How do you do it?”

  “I just don’t.”

  “Wouldn’t you get, I don’t know, backed up?”

  “No. That doesn’t sound very encouraging, Steve.”

  The sad look Josh gave him hurt. Josh’s hand dropped from the hair. He turned toward the passenger window. “It’s like the cars are dancing out there. The left-hand turns are dos-a-dos.”

  Josh had a strange imagination. This wasn’t the first time it had come to Steve’s attention. He spoke to Josh’s back, the face reflected in the window. “It’s hard to believe.” Steve rested his head on the steering wheel. “That stuff has to go somewhere.”

  “I have Tuesdays.”

  A hand rubbed Steve’s shoulder. So now Josh was looking at the back of his head for a change.

  Josh’s voice caressed him warmer than the hand. “We had Tuesday.”

  “But all week?” He sat up. “I don’t believe it, and who ever heard of a curse?”