The Curse of Flight

by R. G. Hendrickson

  She’d heard about it on the news, a public execution, very upsetting, so cruel. They’d been accused of being together. If her son, or grandson, or their descendants turned out gay, they would be safe and free, hopefully. “I saw that. It’s awful.” She touched his hand.

  Josh made a splash into the room. His outstretched arms waded. “Steve and I have an announcement!”

  All eyes fell on him. Guests from the kitchen and the patio crowded in to hear what he had to say. The excited chatter diminished to a hush.

  Just as Josh’s mouth opened to speak, Steve’s phone rang. It chimed the melody to “Nobody Does it Better.” Josh froze. The smile dropped. His face blanked. Mike gasped. People in the room looked surprised but not for the right reason. Genie’s heart sank.

  An old man in the back must have recognized that old song. He chuckled out of place. Maybe he’d thought it referred to Josh. It didn’t of course. Genie’s eyes met Mike’s. They were both speechless. Together, they looked at Steve, who shifted awkwardly on the bike. He had that clueless look on his face. Unfortunately, it was the one she knew too well with the dumb smirk and puzzled brow. When Genie glanced at Dan, his eyes were big.

  Josh rushed out of the room. Genie hoisted herself up with Mike’s help. They followed Josh and found him sitting on the bed in his room. He looked up at them with a numb expression. “I’ve been fooling myself. He’ll never love me. How could he?”

  She glanced at Mike, who returned it and must have read her mind, because they both reached out to Josh at the same time with a hug and bumped their heads together with a clunk. Her hand went to her temple as she sat on the bed at Josh’s right. Mike held his head, too, and took the left side of Josh, who stared forward blankly and hadn’t seemed to notice the accident until a sad little laugh rose from his throat.

  She dropped her hand from her head and put it on his shoulder. Mike did likewise from the other side. There was nothing to say, but she had to think of something. “Steve and Chris were never serious.” Maybe that would help. This got Josh’s attention.

  “It’s Chris?” he asked.

  Oh, no! She’d thought he knew.

  “Is he a tall guy with blond hair? Looks like a movie star?” he asked.

  “I wouldn’t go that far.” If only she’d kept her mouth shut. She couldn’t believe he didn’t know who it was. “I’m sorry. I thought you knew.”

  “I met him the other day at the pool party. Steve didn’t tell me. They disappeared together.”

  Genie held his shoulder tight, as did Mike on the other side. She touched Mike’s hand on Josh’s back and met Mike’s eyes helplessly.

  Steve walked in. Her glare didn’t deter him. Mike cleared his throat angrily. Josh turned away to the floor.

  Steve came up to them. “I’m sorry, I forgot.” He reached out to touch Josh’s hair before Josh pulled away.

  That was a lame excuse. Genie couldn’t believe it. What a jerk.

  “Come on. Make the announcement. You still can. Don’t you want to?” Steve sounded desperate. “I just didn’t get around to it. I’ll do it tonight.”

  “No,” Josh said it without looking up.

  “Oh, come on. I’ll do it right now.”

  “I don’t care what you do.” Josh’s head rose, eyes downturned.

  Genie exchanged a worried look with Mike.

  “Can we talk about this alone?” Steve asked.

  Genie resented the aggravated expression Steve gave her.

  Josh looked up at him, squarely in the eye. “You won’t like what I have to say.”

  Steve’s usual buoyant bearing sunk. His face turned to stone, and he stormed out of the room.

  Chapter 41

  Josh woke and stretched. The bed was empty. He was alone and wasn’t sure why. Then everything came back to him. He closed his eyes in hope to sleep again. It didn’t work. There was no return nor escape.

  His phone beeped. A message, Steve was bringing breakfast burritos and wanted to talk. Too soon from Josh’s perspective, he had no appetite for it. There was nothing to discuss. He texted back. Don’t bother.

  He’d finally had gotten used to sleeping at night and waking in the morning. The robe wrapped around him as he went outside. Nothing new with this, but he sunned upon rising now instead of before bed. The robe fell to the grass, and he lay on the lounge.

  Mike’s floppy hat rose above a post. He snipped a perfect rose, so red, and held the stem in the hand that rested on the fence. “This one’s going in the house. Have you made up with Steve yet?”

  “It’s over.” Josh sat up.

  “Oh, don’t say that. You’ll work it out.”

  “I’m not enough for him, and he’s not exactly what I had in mind either.” Josh grabbed the robe and put it on his lap.

  Mike wiped his brow with a handkerchief. “Since when? You’ve been so happy together. Are you sure?”

  “From the beginning. I didn’t tell you. He has to be on top every single time.”

  “And that’s a problem?”

  “I like variety. Will this be it for me?”

  “So, there’s trouble in paradise.”

  Josh couldn’t help but catch the irony in Mike’s voice, and he swallowed a laugh. It wasn’t funny though. His ass needed a rest sometimes, even after a week. No joke.

  Mike’s head dropped below the fence and rose again on the other side of the rosebush next to a perfect bloom a shade deeper than blood. He held the stem and snipped it. “These two will go in a vase on the dining room table. Bruce is coming to dinner.”

  Josh cocked his head. “Bruce?”

  “Yes, Bruce. He’s a lovely man.”

  “You sat together yesterday. I didn’t know you hit it off.” But now it was obvious to Josh by the sound of Mike’s voice.

  “Well, if you didn’t know, then you weren’t paying attention.” Mike smelled the rose.

  To Josh’s amazement, his neighbor was in love. He assumed romance ended for a man Mike’s age. Passion and desire fell away as one donned a lonely habit. He tried to picture himself there. It made him shiver. If only he and Steve could last that long. Impossible. He was done.

  Mike cleared his throat. “Off somewhere?”

  The question brought Josh back from his reverie. “Just thinking.”

  “Well, I’d better put these beauties in some water before they wilt. Be nice to Steve, will you? He can’t help it, and you seemed so happy together. You know, I’ve been around the block a few times. You two are meant for one another. These things work out. Don’t worry too much.” He dropped a step.

  “Mike, when was the last time you had a…” The first word that came to mind was boyfriend, which sounded oddly inappropriate. “…the last time you dated?” Mike had never spoken of it.

  “Oh, it’s been a while. I always believed it would happen. There’s someone special for everyone, you know. Though I must confess, I’ve worried mine was lost in the war or the plague.”

  “What war?”

  “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe as far back as Vietnam.”

  “That’s a long time.” A lot longer than a week, Josh couldn’t imagine it.

  “Yes, but worth the wait.”

  Beyond his comprehension, Josh struggled with the concept. “So, you’re hooking up with him?”

  “Oh, you naughty boy! Well, since you asked, he spent the night.”

  “That’s nice.” Josh blocked the image.

  “He’s quite hot and so sweet. The best part, though, is just being with him. I really enjoy his company. The flowers are wilting. Got to go.” On the way down, the brim of Mike’s hat rested on the top of the fence. It must have caught a splinter or something that hung it up there for a minute before it fell.

  A knock came from around front. Josh had to answer. It wouldn’t be easy. He stood and hesitated, robe in hand and wrapped it around himself. Best not to wait, Steve might leave. There was something that needed to be said. Why postpone the inevitable. A clean break was
best for quick healing. The tough grass crunched underfoot as he ran inside.

  Steve was in the peephole. Josh’s hand flinched at the knob. He turned it, and the door opened. Steve stood with a white bag in front of him and a blank expression, like he was lost and didn’t know where he was.

  “Come in.”

  Steve stepped inside. “Did you eat?”

  “No.” Josh wasn’t hungry.

  Steve lifted his phone from under the sack. “I want you to listen to something.” He tapped a voicemail message.

  It was Chris, dated yesterday, the time of the party. “Hi buddy. I know you won’t fuck me anymore, but how about lunch?”

  Josh’s nose and upper lip got scrunchy. Apparently, Steve expected this silly message to make him feel better. It didn’t work.

  The case closed on Steve’s phone. “I didn’t cheat on you. I haven’t. I wouldn’t.” He walked to the kitchen table and took the burritos out of the bag.

  They smelled good, and Josh’s appetite returned a little. He sat across from Steve, who opened one and waited to eat. Josh unwrapped the foil on his and obliged.

  No sooner than Josh took a bite, Steve’s burrito disappeared. He’d devoured it. Josh got some orange juice for him out of the fridge, then he sat and took another bite. The scrambled egg, red with chorizo and roasted chilies, reminded him of the first time Steve brought him breakfast.

  A nibble crumbled on Josh’s tongue. He swallowed. “I have to ask you something. Will you tell me the truth?”

  Steve looked straight on, unswerving. “I’ve never lied to you.”

  Josh didn’t want to say it. “I know it’s hard. Is it enough for you, just Tuesday?”

  Steve’s eyes looked away and down at the table. He crumpled the greasy foil in front of him. “How could it be? Don’t get me wrong. I love Tuesday. I love you, but it isn’t.”

  Silence for a minute, Josh hungered for Steve’s eyes. They lifted and met his. That look, it questioned.

  Steve turned away before asking. “What about you? Am I enough, even though, you know?” Steve’s skittish eyes tiptoed back to Josh’s view.

  The words escaped as Josh looked away. “Not really.” Unthinking sounds flowed from his lungs with the air. “I want it all. I love you, but it’s not enough.”

  When Josh could bear again to see them, Steve’s eyes were glassy. This surprised Josh. He and Steve really weren’t meant for one another. Josh wasn’t shocked by that, but the feelings snuck up on him, and on Steve, too, from the look in his eye. They’d spent a lot of time together, enjoyed each other’s company. Water welled up in Josh’s eyes as well.

  “Maybe we should take a break.” Steve rubbed his face. “What’s the point of being in love if you don’t have sex?”

  Josh’s hand absentmindedly grabbed the burrito wrapper in front of him and crumpled it in his fist. His clenched fingers distracted him from the pressure in his chest. The breath froze in his lungs. He struggled to speak. “This might be best.” He waited for Steve to tell him no, but it never came.

  “We’ll always be friends.” Steve’s smile returned.

  “Okay.” Josh wasn’t so sure.

  Steve got up. “I better go now.”

  Josh’s manners asserted themselves. He walked Steve to the door. He didn’t want to this time, but he always had when Steve was leaving. It seemed a simple thing to do, an easy decision, until the door closed. Steve was gone. No hug. No kiss. Not even a shake.

  Josh turned the lock, and his body betrayed him with no warning. He sank to the ground on arms and knees. Forehead to the floor, the rocking soothed him.

  Chapter 42

  Josh rode along the ridge. The Diavel screamed. Looking back, dust and gravel plumed. Vibration plucked every fiber in his body and pounded the eardrums.

  Dim light on the east promised a new day. The canyon on the west filled with shadows. His mind knew the sun would rise, but the heart made no such assumption.

  He came to understand the curse’s harm. He’d lived with it too close for too long and didn’t see. Steve brought it to light, now too clear, even in dawn’s dimness. He saw inside how it hobbled him.

  His fist twisted the throttle. Gears shifted up and roared. The pitch rose on the way to the clifftop. Nothing held him back but the wind in his face.

  He remembered those boys who rode their motorcycles in the rain. A slip away from now to eternity. He’d lost one once. Oil built up on the road after long drought. Thunderclouds spat on asphalt just enough to bead the grease as slick as ice. Though beautiful, that boy had never seen it in himself. His spirit froze, afraid to love, to be.

  Time enough before the drop. No rush to stop. Speed lifted his spirits. He needed that. Relief. Keep going.

  The cliff pulled up sixty miles per hour on the gravel road. He broke. Wheels slid. The Diavel spun around, and the back tire touched the drop-off’s edge. He turned and looked down at what might have been. Rockslides and broken bottles.

  He wouldn’t go this way. Too brave for that. He would meet it face to face in its home on the ropes. Then he would be free.

  Best no one knew. He could call the curse on him alone. If he failed to defeat it, at least he would go out fighting. On the way down, the shouts and gasps from the crowd should give the dancers warning, enough to step aside.

  Back across the bluff and down the winding trail, slow now, he came to the main road. A burro grazed by the side. Muzzle rose and long lashes twitched at him. Jaws crushed hard twigs.

  The beast’s head dropped down to browse, the brush more interesting than Josh’s passing. So went the world. He wouldn’t be missed, not for long.

  He shouldn’t tell Steve. It wasn’t anyone else’s problem but his own, his to do alone, for himself. Uncle Alfonso might panic if he told him. Best not, and Mike, his neighbor, wouldn’t understand. The psychiatrist might restrain him. Better keep it a secret.

  He got to the house and rolled the bike in. The rag he used to wipe it down waited in the kitchen. He took it, did the task, and brought the dirty cloth to the hamper in the laundry room. A stack of fresh towels lay on the dryer, the pile soft to touch. He picked one up.

  The window showed sunlight on the patio chaise. Colorful bands cast dark lines against the grass. His hand rose to the doorknob and paused.

  The towel went back on the stack. Just because he sunned himself every morning, didn’t mean he had to do it today. Tired, he went to bed and lay down dressed. He could get up in a minute and brush his teeth. His eyes closed. Sleep embraced him.

  Chapter 43

  Steve sat shoulder to shoulder with Chris on the sofa, a kiss in the making. The movie turned out kind of boring. Maybe he wouldn’t wait until the end. It was Thursday, but it didn’t matter.

  He pointed to the TV. “It sucks. Doesn’t it? Sorry about that.” The movie poster wasn’t on his wall and wouldn’t be.

  Chris nudged. “It’s okay. I’m glad to see you. Thanks for dinner.”

  Steve leaned in to make the move, which Chris welcomed with upturned chin. Lips met. Steve’s mouth fit on Chris’s like it used to. The shape and pressure hadn’t changed. It all came back to him, but not the same.

  Something was different. It wasn’t the fullness of Josh’s lips. Maybe something about his tongue, the way the tip peaked through his mouth before it opened? No, it wasn’t that. When the lips parted, was it the way Josh taunted with his teeth? They scraped Steve’s chin. Nothing was the same. It wasn’t Josh.

  Chris pulled away. “What’s the matter?”

  Steve froze. What had he done? Nothing.

  Chris’s eyes met him straight on. “There’s something bothering you. What is it?”

  “Nothing.”

  “It’s something. If it wasn’t, we would be in bed by now. Just tell me.”

  “I miss him.”

  “I can tell. You haven’t been the same. Listen, there’s an early flight tomorrow for that shoot. I should go. We’ll talk when I get back.”

/>   “Okay. Sorry.” It didn’t matter. They’d always be friends first. Chris wouldn’t care. Just casual, that’s all it was. He opened the door. Chris kissed his cheek on the way out. The door closed, and he was alone again.

  The phone rang. Oh, no, it was Genie. He didn’t answer. He wondered if she knew. Probably did, and if she didn’t, she’d find out soon enough.

  The answering machine kicked in. “Steve, I heard. Josh told me. You need to go over there right now and make up with him. He won’t admit it, but you broke his heart. Call me.”

  He picked up the phone and called. “Is he alright?”

  “No, he’s not. This is all your fault. What did you do?”

  “It was mutual.”

  “No, it wasn’t. He was just giving you an easy out. You were happy together. How could you do this?”

  “We only had sex once a week.”

  “Ugh! It doesn’t matter. You love him, and you’re too stupid to know it.”

  He tried to appease the anger in her voice. “I do miss him.”

  “What do you miss? Tuesday?”

  “Yeah.” That was stupid. “I mean no.”

  “Then what is it?”

  “I miss him.”

  “I want you to go over there right now and apologize. Tell him how you feel. Say you made a mistake and you want to make it up to him. There’s a way you can do that.”

  “Flowers?” That always worked.

  “No, not flowers. Let him make love to you.”

  “Love?” He didn’t need to ask.

  “You know what I mean. That’s what he wants. It would mean everything to him.”

  “Give me a break.”

  “I’m telling you. You have to do something. This is your fault.”

  “It’s no one’s fault. It is what it is. It’s not going to work.”

  “I’m going to say this one more time, so listen closely. It is your fault. You’re too stupid to know how happy you were, and now you’re not.”

  The line disconnected with a clunk in Steve’s ear. Did she hang up on him? He knew she would be mad, but he didn’t expect this.