by B. V. Larson
This statement amused me, but I didn’t let on. To any human’s way of thinking, the Nairbs and the Mogwa suffered from the same calcified approach to science. They were supremely confident in their traditions—and they’d turned technological development into one more tradition. Why experiment and find a better way to build a star-drive, for example, if you assume you’d already built the best possible? That was the attitude I saw over and over again among the Galactics.
“You’re exactly right, Mr. Nairb,” I said with finality. “The Skay are totally inferior. They should never be allowed to mount the throne of the Empire.”
When I said this, it elicited a strange reaction. Every Nairb present, whether he was scanning with some strange device, or poking at a corpse, turned as one to look at me. They all fell silent, and they all stared.
“Human,” the leader said, humping up to steps closer. “How is it that you’re aware of the succession crisis at the Core?”
“What? Did you Nairbs think no one knows about that?” I laughed. “You can’t go and have decades of civil wars without word getting around as to what all the fighting is about.”
He narrowed his nasty eyes. “Who, exactly, informed you?”
“Uh… Xlur himself did, actually. He told me when I visited Trantor.”
The Nairb seemed dumbfounded. “You accuse the dead of an act of treason… possibly, this could be construed as an additional crime. Slander on top of murder. Attempting to sully the name of your victim is an extenuating circumstance, and it must—”
“Hold on, hold on! Someone must have told me about the war, right. Xlur knew the facts himself, didn’t he?”
“Of course.”
“Well then, who else could have done it? Who else have I had contact with who might have spilled the beans?”
The Nairb looked baffled. That was good, as he was barking up a dangerous tree. The truth was that Grand Admiral Sateekas had told me the story, and I liked him. Of all the Mogwa I’d ever met, he was the only one I had any respect for. I certainly didn’t want to get him into any trouble. We humans had done enough to ruin his life and career already.
“Upsetting…” the Nairb said finally. “Let’s get back to the matter at hand. We’re excited about these discoveries as they strengthen our case. The Skay lost a single member of their species, but the Mogwa have lost thousands of lives as well. The presence of their physical remains should sway the intergalactic courts in favor of the Mogwa.”
“Because the hulk is on your property, and the Mogwa can call it a war memorial if they want to?”
“Precisely.”
“Let me ask you something else, Mr. Nairb. Who runs these intergalactic courts? Are they fair and impartial?”
The Nairb drew himself up, lifting his nose a few centimeters higher. “Of course they’re impartial. In this jurisdiction, they’ll be operated by Nairbs such as myself. Only the most vaunted and aloof of my people achieve the great honor of becoming a district judge.”
“Uh-huh,” I said, unconvinced. In my limited knowledge of such things, judges were just like anyone else. They saw what they wanted to see. That said, a Nairb would probably be more impartial than your average human. They were very fussy creatures.
The group of Nairbs soon tired of the battlefield full of dead. They wanted to see more of the Skay. That’s when I pointed out the big cooling tower.
“Right over there is our next stop. That’s the CPU of this whole monster, buried under that miles-high tower.”
With great excitement, they humped in my wake. I took big steps and led them up the path I’d traveled just the other day.
“Is this safe?” the Nairb leader asked me.
“Normally, it wouldn’t be anything like safe,” I admitted. “The Skay have these nasty guardian creatures, see—kind of like giant termites—that tend their towers. They’d attack us for being so close.”
“Fascinating. This must be a critical center of the Skay’s physiology. That’s why the Mogwa were attempting to assail it when they all perished, isn’t it?”
“Uh-huh, stands to reason. Now, watch your step, we’re coming out to a big open area.”
Slapping and barking all around me, the Nairbs were soon peering in every direction and running their scanners eagerly.
“You can see what a big benefit this find would be, right?” I asked. “So much tech, so much intel… just in case your masters ever have to fight the Skay again, that is.”
Their eyes were yellow with greed. That’s when I smiled, and I pretended to trip.
“Whoa!” I shouted, sliding off the edge. I reached out big hands and clung to the side of the cliff, right under their flippers. “The rim is so old, it crumbled under me! Quick, pull me back up!”
The Nairbs shuffled backward in unison. There wasn’t a hero among them.
“You must save yourself, human. Even on this planetoid, your weight is too great for any of us to lift.”
“Come on, come on!” I shouted, making a show of scrambling and ripping up chunks of the paper mache-like material the tower was made of. “Give me a hand, here!”
Not a one of them moved to help.
After grunting and scrabbling a little more, I pretended to lose my grip and fall. I screamed on the way down just to freak them out.
-19-
I awoke to the gentle stroking of kind, small fingers. It was Dawn, and she was whispering in my ear.
“How did you manage to get yourself killed again?” she asked.
“Some would say it’s my best and only talent.”
She sighed and helped me off the table. Soon, I was staggering through the Moon base. I hadn’t been alive for more than a dozen minutes when my tapper buzzed again. It was Graves.
“McGill? Did you do it again?”
“Uh… yeah. I died, if that’s what you mean.”
“Not that, you crazy bastard. Did you set off the signal again?”
Slowly, a smile appeared on my face. “I might have, at that.”
Graves had discovered the nature of my gamble. As the Nairbs had seemed dead-set on putting me on trial, well, I figured I owed them some payback—in advance. I’d decided to give the Nairbs a thought gift: one heinous death, no charge.
“Dammit, McGill. You can’t go around killing whole parties of Nairbs!”
“I did nothing of the sort, Primus. The expedition was dangerous. I told them that at every turn. I also asked—no sir, I begged those green snot-bag bastards to pull me up to safety. They refused. Whatever happened afterward, that was on them.”
Graves sighed heavily. “The whole delegation was fried. They aren’t happy about that—but oddly your presence is being requested again. Something you showed them seems to have piqued some interest.”
“Yeah? Are they all revived again and freshened-up?”
“No, this time the Mogwa governor wants to talk to you personally.”
“Is that so?”
A few minutes later, I found myself face-to-face with my very first lady-Mogwa. Unfortunately, she wasn’t a pretty sight. In fact, she was kind of horrible to gaze upon, if the truth were to be told.
Mind you, there’s never been a Mogwa hatched that was a looker. They were strange beings with six limbs that could be operated either as arms or legs. Like chimps, they could pick up objects with any of their feet-hand things that terminated their appendages. When they walked, it was with an odd, churning gait.
Toss in a half-dozen eyes, a bulbous black thorax and some body hair, and you didn’t have yourself an elegant creature.
The Mogwa lady went a step further, however. She had a pouch on her belly. The thing squirmed a little now and then, and I thought maybe there was a mini-Mogwa in there. It was enough to make you want to retch.
But if I’m anything, I’m good at covering up reactions when I have to. I grinned at her like she was Miss Universe and bowed deeply when I came into her presence.
“Glorious Queen!” I said, belting out the words.
“What can I, your humble servant, do for you?”
“You can stop getting my investigators killed for one thing,” the Mogwa said in a harsh tone. “And don’t call me Queen, either. I’m Nox, your rightful governor.”
“Yes ma’am! Governor Nox it shall be, your worship. By the way, I’m truly sorry about your Nairbs. That was an accident. If they’d only helped pull me up—”
“Yes, yes, I know. I witnessed the farcical events remotely. Your fall triggered the same powerful beam that alerted us to the presence of this Skay in the first place. What triggered it the first time?”
“Uh…” I said. “I don’t rightly know. Maybe when we breached the walls after so many years and started poking around—”
“All right, whatever. It hardly matters. The Nairbs are dead and good riddance to them. I’ll be sorry when they’re revived.”
“Well then… what else can I do for you today?”
“You were summoned into my presence to confirm certain facts that I gathered while watching you speak with my slaves. Firstly, did you speak with Xlur personally, the former governor of this rogue province?”
“Yes sir, I certainly did on a number of occasions.”
Nox looked me up and down, then nodded. “I can’t see why he did it—but Xlur seems to have made a number of errors involving Earth. It’s most peculiar.”
“Let me take this moment to convey our heartfelt condolences concerning Xlur. We were distraught when we heard he’d taken his life. All of Earth mourned.”
“Absurd. Mogwa do not take their own lives. Not even when faced with an infinite existence filled with pain and suffering. Xlur was murdered, plain and simple. The only question is: who did it?”
“Uh…”
Nox flapped a hand-thing at me. “Don’t worry, human. I no longer share the bizarre paranoia of my Nairb investigators. I’ve behaved with an overabundance of caution since my arrival due to their silly warnings. After remotely witnessing all your interactions… I felt the fool. Not once did you perform a threatening act. Your only crimes thus far have been acts of boobish incompetence—but certainly your kind represent no danger to my person, or this commission.”
I nodded, and I smiled. It was a real smile this time. All my efforts and chicanery had managed to convince this lady Mogwa she was safe around us. That was a start. A very good start.
“Governor Nox,” I said, “do you think I murdered Xlur?”
She hesitated for a moment. “It seems unlikely. At this point, I’m starting to believe that another Mogwa did it—blaming the crime upon you as you were on hand. Either that, or some outside force did the deed.”
“Like a Skay agent, maybe?”
Nox laughed. “The Skay are too big to operate as agents of any kind. The idea is preposterous. Don’t you think we’d notice a moon-sized figure lurking around Trantor?”
“Oh… no, that wasn’t what I meant. I’m talking about a normal-sized agent. Perhaps from another race among their planets. Surely, they have handy humanoids that live as their slaves? Couldn’t one of them be convinced to act on behalf of the Skay?”
Nox looked troubled. “What you say is possible… a grim thought. They might have advanced enough to possess such a spy network at this point in time. But why would they choose to kill Xlur?”
I told her then about the poison—the bio-terminator the Skay had been so anxious to get hold of. The truth was I’d sold it to them personally in order to buy peace—but I threw accusations and innuendo at everyone else I could think of to get her off that scent.
My tapper buzzed a few times while I was telling my tale, but I ignored it, giving my wrist a shake to disconnect.
“Disturbing,” Nox said when I’d finished. “I’d heard about such a bio-agent, but I’d been told by Mogwa Defense that wasn’t a serious concern… I’ll have to look into its efficacy. Still, to get back to your point, human, such a motivation would be sufficient. I’m not sure how Xlur fits into the picture—other than being the highest authority here in this bestial province.”
“That’s exactly it!” I said. “Xlur was in charge when the poison was discovered and handed over to the Skay—whoever did it. He had to be involved in some way. I guess now that he’s dead, we’ll never know the truth.”
Nox waggled several nasty fingers at me. “Not true! My army of Nairbs shall be thorough in the extreme. We’ll get to the bottom of this mystery!”
“Excellent,” I said, pretending to be happy. “One last thing, Governor? The Nairbs seemed so convinced I was guilty of countless crazy crimes. Things I could never even dream up on my own. Is it possible that Earth could still serve you as your enforcers? We’ve done a bang-up job of protecting this province for decades, you know.”
“I know no such thing. There’s been nothing but warfare, strife and skullduggery out here at this lonely outpost.”
I spread my hands widely. “It’s the frontier, ma’am. Not the Core Worlds. Things are wilder out here.”
Nox made a farting sound. I thought maybe she was sighing in defeat. “This is worse than I thought. I’d assumed it would be a punishment-post—but it’s worse, far worse.”
“Uh… might I ask why you were assigned here, my lady?”
“That’s highly impertinent.”
“Sorry, sorry. Curiosity got the better of me.”
Nox eyed me for a moment. Most Mogwa I’d met were very reluctant to talk to slave-races much. But she seemed different. She seemed to like to gossip and complain about her place in the universe.
“I… I was assigned to mate with a warlord I didn’t favor. He was from a low caste, an ugly old thing.”
“Like Sateekas?”
“Worse. He wasn’t even brave or competent. In any case, my refusal to award my attentions to an old fool put me into disfavor. When the next unpleasant post came up, it was dumped upon my person. The next thing I knew I was laden with the grim task of managing this flaming latrine of a province.”
Her bitterness came through loud and clear. Managing our slice of space had always been a punishment among the Mogwa. It was like being assigned to a military base in Greenland or something.
For a few seconds, I considered asking her something else. I opened my mouth, then closed it again with a snap.
Unfortunately, she noticed this.
“What is it, human? What were you about to confess?”
“Uh… well ma’am, I couldn’t help but noticing your pouch. Are you… uh… with offspring?”
“Rude in the extreme,” she said, shuffling around so her pouch was barely visible. “But you are correct. I’m carrying a newborn.”
“Ah! Congratulations! I’ll make sure there’s a celebration with cake and ice cream and—”
“Shut up. There will be no celebration. My child has been exiled, just as I have.”
“Oh… sorry about that.”
Nox heaved another long, farting sigh. Like all Earth’s rulers, she was absorbed by self-pity. As far as I could tell, the Mogwa all preferred to live on their home planet, Trantor. Trillions of them lived there. Being assigned anywhere else meant you were a pariah.
Right then, my tapper started buzzing again. I ignored it, going so far as to put my hand over it. Whoever wanted my attention, they could damned-well wait a minute.
“All right, human,” Nox said. “This interview is at an end. I’ve decided that your existence will continue as long as it is useful to me.”
“That’s very generous, ma’am!”
“Yes, it is. You owe this leniency to the urgings of a friend of mine: Grand Admiral Sateekas.”
Suddenly, everything clicked in my mind. Sateekas! Of course!
He’d long since gone back to Trantor to retire, but he was too much of a wily old goat to leave well enough alone. He was probably still active in politics back home. Maybe when he’d found out that Nox was to be our new governor, he went to her and spoke a few kind words.
“We surely do miss Sateekas,” I said truthf
ully. “He was a pleasure to serve under. He was, in my estimation, the bravest Mogwa I ever met.”
Nox studied me for a moment. “Just so,” she said. “Very well then, I will return to my ship. When the Nairbs are revived, I will inform them as to my decisions.”
“Thank you, ma’am. I—”
Right then, none other than Tribune Galina Turov burst into the room. She had sticky hair, puffing breath, and a wild look in her eye.
“Tribune?” I asked. “Did you just come from the revival machine?”
“Yes, you imbecile. When that second blasting signal went off, I was in the observatory!”
“Ah-ah,” I said, nodding toward Nox suggestively. “Let’s not have a scene in front of our new lady. Let me introduce you to Governor Nox of Trantor.”
Nox eyed Turov thoughtfully. She was a thinker, I could tell. Most Mogwa’s were smart schemers. They weren’t like humans. They didn’t seem to have a working class of underlings. They were instead a broad society of smart, hard-working, struggling, self-pitying, heartless bastards.
“You are the superior officer here?” Nox asked.
“Yes,” Galina said, controlling her breathing and her mood with difficulty. “I’m Tribune Turov.”
“Ah, Turov… Of course. I’ve read of you in Xlur’s reports.”
Galina suddenly looked wary. “All good, I hope?”
“Not in the least. However, I was just about to retire to my ship. I’ve completed a stimulating conversation with the McGill, and I don’t wish to spoil it with another less pleasant interaction.”
“Ah then, please go and rest for now. We will all pray for your comfort.” Galina said these words with bitter sarcasm, but I didn’t think Nox picked up on that. She wasn’t used to human inflexions yet.
Nox left us while we stood silently at attention. When she was gone, I whistled loud and long.
“That was intense,” I said. “You’re happy you missed it, I guarantee you.”
Galina was breathing through her teeth. “Did you get me killed on purpose?”
“Uh… no. I had no idea you were lounging around in the observatory, sir. Last I knew, Graves liked to hang out up there.”
