The Provost

by John Galt

  He was by nature and inclination one of the upsetting sort; a kind of manwho, in all manner of business, have a leaven of contrariness, that makesthem very hard to deal with; and he, being conjunct with his majesty'sministers at London, had imbibed and partook of that domineering spiritto which all men are ordained, to be given over whenever they are clothedin the garments of power. Many among us thought, by his colleaguing withthe government, that we had got a great catch, and they were both blytheand vogie when he was chosen; none doubting but he would do much goodservitude to the corporation, and the interests of the burgh. However hesoon gave a rebuff, that laid us all on our backs in a state of thegreatest mortification. But although it behoved me to sink down with therest, I was but little hurt: on the contary, I had a good laugh in mysleeve at the time; and afterwards, many a merry tumbler of toddy with mybrethren, when they had recovered from their discomfiture. The story wasthis:--

  About a fortnight after the election, Mr Scudmyloof, the schoolmaster,called one day on me, in my shop, and said, "That being of a nervousturn, the din of the school did not agree with him; and that he would,therefore, be greatly obligated to me if I would get him made a gauger."There had been something in the carriage of our new member, before heleft the town, that was not satisfactory to me, forbye my part at theelection, the which made me loth to be the first to ask for any grace,though the master was a most respectable and decent man; so I advised MrScudmyloof to apply to Provost Pickandab, who had been the delegate, asthe person to whose instrumentality the member was most obliged; and towhose application, he of course would pay the greatest attention.

  Whether Provost Pickandab had made any observe similar to mine, I nevercould rightly understand, though I had a notion to that effect: he,however, instead of writing himself, made the application for MrScudmyloof an affair of the council; recommending him as a worthy modestman, which he really was, and well qualified for the post. Off went thisnotable letter, and by return of post from London, we got our answer aswe were all sitting in council; deliberating anent the rebuilding of theCrosswell, which had been for some time in a sore state of dilapidation;and surely never was any letter more to the point and less to the purposeof an applicant. It was very short and pithy, just acknowledging receiptof ours; and adding thereto, "circumstances do not allow me to pay anyattention to such applications." We all with one accord, in sympathy andinstinct, threw ourselves back in our chairs at the words, looking atProvost Pickandab, with the pragmatical epistle in his hand, sitting inhis place at the head of the table, with the countenance ofconsternation.

  When I came to myself, I began to consider that there must have beensomething no right in the provost's own letter on the subject, to causesuch an uncourteous rebuff; so after condemning, in very strong terms,the member's most ungenteel style, in order to procure for myself apatient hearing, I warily proposed that the provost's application shouldbe read, a copy thereof being kept, and I had soon a positiveconfirmation of my suspicion. For the provost, being fresh in thedignity of his office, and naturally of a prideful turn, had addressedthe parliament man as if he was under an obligation to him; and as if thecouncil had a right to command him to get the gauger's post, or indeedany other, for whomsoever they might apply. So, seeing whence theoriginal sin of the affair had sprung, I said nothing; but the same nightI wrote a humiliated letter from myself to the member, telling him howsorry we all were for the indiscretion that had been used towards him,and how much it would pleasure me to heal the breach that had happenedbetween him and the burgh, with other words of an oily and conciliatingpolicy.

  The indignant member, by the time my letter reached hand, had cooled inhis passion, and, I fancy, was glad of an occasion to do away theconsequence of the rupture; for with a most extraordinary alacrity heprocured Mr Scudmyloof the post, writing me, when he had done so, in thecivilest manner, and saying many condescending things concerning hisregard for me; all which ministered to maintain and uphold my repute andconsideration in the town, as superior to that of the provost.

  CHAPTER XLIII--MY THIRD PROVOSTRY

  It was at the Michaelmas 1813 that I was chosen provost for the thirdtime, and at the special request of my lord the earl, who, being in illhealth, had been advised by the faculty of doctors in London to try themedicinal virtues of the air and climate of Sicily, in the Mediterraneansea; and there was an understanding on the occasion, that I should holdthe post of honour for two years, chiefly in order to bring to aconclusion different works that the town had then in hand.

  At the two former times when I was raised to the dignity, and indeed atall times when I received any advancement, I had enjoyed an elation ofheart, and was, as I may say, crouse and vogie; but experience had workeda change upon my nature, and when I was saluted on my election with thecustomary greetings and gratulations of those present, I felt a solemnityenter into the frame of my thoughts, and I became as it were a new man onthe spot. When I returned home to my own house, I retired into myprivate chamber for a time, to consult with myself in what manner mydeportment should be regulated; for I was conscious that heretofore I hadbeen overly governed with a disposition to do things my own way, andalthough not in an avaricious temper, yet something, I must confess, witha sort of sinister respect for my own interests. It may be, thatstanding now clear and free of the world, I had less incitement to be sogrippy, and so was thought of me, I very well know; but in sobriety andtruth I conscientiously affirm, and herein record, that I had lived topartake of the purer spirit which the great mutations of the age hadconjured into public affairs, and I saw that there was a necessity tocarry into all dealings with the concerns of the community, the sameprobity which helps a man to prosperity in the sequestered traffic ofprivate life.

  This serious and religious communing wrought within me to a benign andpleasant issue, and when I went back in the afternoon to dine with thecorporation in the council-room, and looked around me on the bailies, thecouncillors, and the deacons, I felt as if I was indeed elevated abovethem all, and that I had a task to perform, in which I could hope for butlittle sympathy from many; and the first thing I did was to measure, witha discreet hand, the festivity of the occasion.

  At all former and precedent banquets, it had been the custom to give ventto muckle wanton and luxurious indulgence, and to galravitch, both athack and manger, in a very expensive manner to the funds of the town. Itherefore resolved to set my face against this for the future; andaccordingly, when we had enjoyed a jocose temperance of loyalty andhilarity, with a decent measure of wine, I filled a glass, and requestingall present to do the same, without any preliminary reflections on thegavaulling of past times, I drank good afternoon to each severally, andthen rose from the table, in a way that put an end to all theexpectations of more drink.

  But this conduct did not give satisfaction to some of the old hands, whohad been for years in the habit and practice of looking forward to theprovost's dinner as to a feast of fat things. Mr Peevie, one of the verysickerest of all the former sederunts, came to me next morning, in aremonstrating disposition, to enquire what had come over me, and to tellme that every body was much surprised, and many thought it not right ofme to break in upon ancient and wonted customs in such a sudden andunconcerted manner.

  This Mr Peevie was, in his person, a stumpy man, well advanced in years.He had been, in his origin, a bonnet-maker; but falling heir to a friendthat left him a property, he retired from business about the fiftiethyear of his age, doing nothing but walking about with an ivory-headedstaff, in a suit of dark bluecloth with yellow buttons, wearing a largecocked hat, and a white three-tiered wig, which was well powdered everymorning by Duncan Curl, the barber. The method of his discourse andconversation was very precise, and his words were all set forth in astyle of consequence, that took with many for a season as the pith andmarrow of solidity and sense. The body, however, was but a pompoustrifle, and I had for many a day held his observes and admonishments inno very reverential estimation. So that, when I heard him address m
e insuch a memorializing manner, I was inclined and tempted to set him offwith a flea in his lug. However, I was enabled to bridle and rein inthis prejudicial humour, and answer him in his own way.

  "Mr Peevie," quo' I, "you know that few in the town hae the repute thatye hae for a gift of sagacity by common, and therefore I'll open my mindto you in this matter, with a frankness that would not be a judiciouspolity with folk of a lighter understanding."

  This was before the counter in my shop. I then walked in behind it, anddrew the chair that stands in the corner nearer to the fire, for MrPeevie. When he was seated thereon, and, as was his wont inconversation, had placed both his hands on the top of his staff, andleant his chin on the same, I subjoined.

  "Mr Peevie, I need not tell to a man of your experience, that folk inpublic stations cannot always venture to lay before the world the reasonsof their conduct on particular occasions; and therefore, when men whohave been long in the station that I have filled in this town, are seento step aside from what has been in time past, it is to be hoped thatgrave and sensible persons like you, Mr Peevie, will no rashly condemnthem unheard; nevertheless, my good friend, I am very happy that ye havespoken to me anent the stinted allowance of wine and punch at the dinner,because the like thing from any other would have made me jealouse thatthe complaint was altogether owing to a disappointed appetite, which is acorrupt thing, that I am sure would never affect a man of such a publicspirit as you are well known to be."

  Mr Peevie, at this, lifted his chin from off his hands, and dropping hisarms down upon his knees, held his staff by the middle, as he replied,looking upward to me,

  "What ye say, Provost Pawkie, has in it a solid commodity of judgment andsensibility; and ye may be sure that I was not without a cogitation ofreflection, that there had been a discreet argument of economy at thebottom of the revolution which was brought to a criticism yesterday'safternoon. Weel aware am I, that men in authority cannot appease andquell the inordinate concupiscence of the multitude, and that in a'stations of life there are persons who would mumpileese the retinue ofthe king and government for their own behoof and eeteration, without anyregard to the cause or effect of such manifest predilections. But ye dome no more than a judicature, in supposing that, in this matter, I amhabituated wi' the best intentions. For I can assure you, Mr Pawkie,that no man in this community has a more literal respect for yourcharacter than I have, or is more disposed for a judicious example ofcontinence in the way of public enterteenment than I have ever been; for,as you know, I am of a constipent principle towards every extravagant andcostive outlay. Therefore, on my own account, I had a satisfaction atseeing the abridgement which you made of our former inebrieties; butthere are other persons of a conjugal nature, who look upon suchcastrations as a deficiency of their rights, and the like of them willfind fault with the best procedures."

  "Very true, Mr Peevie," said I, "that's very true; but if his Majesty'sgovernment, in this war for all that is dear to us as men and Britons,wish us, who are in authority under them, to pare and save, in order thatthe means of bringing the war to a happy end may not be wasted, anexample must be set, and that example, as a loyal subject and amagistrate, it's my intent so to give, in the hope and confidence ofbeing backed by every person of a right way of thinking."

  "It's no to be deputed, Provost Pawkie," replied my friend, somewhatpuzzled by what I had said; "it's no to be deputed, that we live in agigantic vortex, and that every man is bound to make an energeticdispensation for the good of his country; but I could not have thoughtthat our means had come to sic an alteration and extremity, as that thereverent homage of the Michaelmas dinners could have been enacted, anddeclared absolute and abolished, by any interpolation less than theomnipotence of parliament."

  "Not abolished, Mr Peevie," cried I, interrupting him; "that would indeedbe a stretch of power. No, no; I hope we're both ordained to partake ofmany a Michaelmas dinner thegether yet; but with a meted measure ofsobriety. For we neither live in the auld time nor the golden age, andit would not do now for the like of you and me, Mr Peevie, to be seen inthe dusk of the evening, toddling home from the town-hall wi' gogglingeen and havering tongues, and one of the town-officers following at adistance in case of accidents; sic things ye ken, hae been, but nobodywould plead for their continuance."

  Mr Peevie did not relish this, for in truth it came near his own doors,it having been his annual practice for some years at the Michaelmasdinner to give a sixpence to James Hound, the officer, to see him safehome, and the very time before he had sat so long, that honest James wasobligated to cleek and oxter him the whole way; and in the way home, theold man, cagie with what he had gotten, stood in the causey opposite toMr M'Vest's door, then deacon of the taylors, and trying to snap hisfingers, sang like a daft man,

  'The sheets they were thin and the blankets were sma', And the taylor fell through the bed, thimble and a'."

  So that he was disconcerted by my innuendo, and shortly after left theshop, I trow, with small inclination to propagate any sedition againstme, for the abbreviation I had made of the Michaelmas galravitching.

  CHAPTER XLIV--THE CHURCH VACANT

  I had long been sensible that, in getting Mr Pittle the kirk, I had actedwith the levity and indiscretion of a young man; but at that time Iunderstood not the nature of public trust, nor, indeed, did the communityat large. Men in power then ruled more for their own ends than in theselatter times; and use and wont sanctioned and sanctified many doings,from the days of our ancestors, that, but to imagine, will astonish andstartle posterity. Accordingly, when Mr Pittle, after a lingeringillness, was removed from us, which happened in the first year of mythird provostry, I bethought me of the consequences which had ensued fromhis presentation, and resolved within myself to act a very different partin the filling up of the vacancy. With this intent, as soon as thebreath was out of his body, I sent round for some of the most weighty andbest considered of the councillors and elders, and told them that a greattrust was, by the death of the minister, placed in our hands, and that,in these times, we ought to do what in us lay to get a shepherd thatwould gather back to the establishment the flock which had been scatteredamong the seceders, by the feckless crook and ill-guiding of their formerpastor.

  They all agreed with me in this, and named one eminent divine afteranother; but the majority of voices were in favour of Dr Whackdeil ofKirkbogle, a man of weight and example, both in and out the pulpit, sothat it was resolved to give the call to him, which was done accordingly.

  It however came out that the Kirkbogle stipend was better than ours, andthe consequence was, that having given the call, it became necessary tomake up the deficiency; for it was not reasonable to expect that thereverend doctor, with his small family of nine children, would remove tous at a loss. How to accomplish this was a work of some difficulty, forthe town revenues were all eaten up with one thing and another; but uponan examination of the income, arising from what had been levied on theseats for the repair of the church, it was discovered that, by doing awaya sinking fund, which had been set apart to redeem the debt incurred forthe same, and by the town taking the debt on itself, we could make up asufficiency to bring the doctor among us. And in so far as having anorthodox preacher, and a very excellent man for our minister, there wasgreat cause to be satisfied with that arrangement.

  But the payment of the interest on the public debt, with which the townwas burdened, began soon after to press heavily on us, and we wereobligated to take on more borrowed money, in order to keep our credit,and likewise to devise ways and means, in the shape of publicimprovements, to raise an income to make up what was required. This ledme to suggest the building of the new bridge, the cost of which, bycontract, there was no reason to complain of, and the toll thereon, whilethe war lasted, not only paid the interest of the borrowed money by whichit was built, but left a good penny in the nook of the treasurer's boxfor other purposes.

  Had the war continued, and the nation to prosper thereby as it did,nobody can do
ubt that a great source of wealth and income was opened tothe town; but when peace came round, and our prosperity began to falloff, the traffic on the bridge grew less and less, insomuch that thetoll, as I now understand, (for since my resignation, I meddle not withpublic concerns,) does not yield enough to pay the five per cent on theprime cost of the bridge, by which my successors suffer much molestationin raising the needful money to do the same. However, every bodycontinues well satisfied with Dr Whackdeil, who was the original cause ofthis perplexity; and it is to be hoped that, in time, things will growbetter, and the revenues come round again to idemnify the town for itspresent tribulation.

  CHAPTER XLV--THE STRAMASH IN THE COUNCIL