Broken Record

by K. A. Linde

  He chuckled softly. “Not exactly. But thanks.”

  “You’ll prove yourself. And it’s so awesome that you’re living your dream.”

  “What about your dream? Did you go to your audition?”

  She chewed on her lip. She’d been debating about going to the Seven Brides for Seven Brothers audition. She had everything prepared. But it didn’t make it any easier. She was rusty. She’d been out of it too long.

  “That’s a hobby,” she corrected. “And, yeah…I think I’m going to go.”

  “You’ll let me know how it goes?”

  She shrugged. “If you want me to.”

  “I do.”

  “When do you start with basketball?”

  “Next week. I’ll be swamped all summer, preparing for the season.”

  “You’ll like that. You’ve always liked being busy. Are you happy to be in DC?” she asked.

  “It’ll be nice, being near my family again. And your family. Are you happy I’m in DC?”

  “That’s complicated. But I’m glad that you got everything you wanted.”

  He snorted. “Not everything.”

  She pushed her hair behind her ear to avoid the implication in those words. “And I guess, secondly, I wanted to say that I’m…sorry about what happened in Nashville.”

  She looked up at him under thick black lashes and felt for a second as if she were exposing her soul to him. He seemed to see her like no one else. Their years as friends growing up together had just changed their dynamic.

  “I got drunk and acted like an idiot,” she continued. “I put myself in a bad position and then took out my anger on you. You were the gentleman who stopped me from doing anything stupid.”

  “Uh…”

  She tilted her head. “Well, from doing anything stupider than getting wasted and dancing on tables. You stopped us from happening again.”

  “Not exactly, Sav.”

  “What do you mean, not exactly? You said that…you stopped us.”

  “I did,” he confirmed. “After we kissed.”

  “Kissed?”

  “Yeah, Savi, we kissed.”

  His words opened something in her. Then, it all came back. A rush of memories that she had clearly repressed.

  They’d kissed. Oh God, they’d kissed that night. Savagely, wantonly. His hands in her hair, on her waist, her breasts. The need between them. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

  She suddenly felt like she might throw up.

  9

  Don’t Throw It Away

  “I can’t believe we…” she muttered.

  Lucas stepped closer. So close. Dangerously close. The small distance that made her brain go fuzzy. That made her remember things she shouldn’t and want things she couldn’t have.

  “You honestly don’t remember?” he asked with raised eyebrows.

  “You said nothing happened.”

  She was desperate for it to be true. For these new memories to be false.

  “Yeah, because I thought we were playing that game. Jesus, we kissed, and you begged me for more. You wanted me inside you, but I walked.”

  Savannah leaned forward and buried her face in her hands. “Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.”

  She couldn’t believe this. She had blocked that night out. She’d blacked out. So much of it was foggy. Only bits and pieces of it had come back to her. But she had a distinct memory of asking him if he was scared. She hadn’t known what it meant. But now that the pieces were all back together, it hit her like a two-by-four.

  She’d kissed Lucas.

  She was dating Easton, and she’d kissed Lucas. It was bad enough, what they’d done together in the past. That they’d…slept together on the Fourth of July all those years ago. But they moved on from that. It didn’t happen again. It was so long ago. She’d thought that she wouldn’t give in again. And now, here she was, with the knowledge that she’d fucked up.

  “I have to tell him,” she whispered. She tried to hold in the inner panic that was taking over her body.

  “Savi…”

  “I have to be honest. He’s going to hate me.”

  “Look, you were trashed, and clearly…it meant nothing to you,” Lucas said. “You didn’t even remember.”

  “That doesn’t mean it didn’t happen,” she whisper-shouted at him. Her eyes found his, and she stared hazily. Her body began to tremble. “It happened. And I said it would never happen again. He hates you for a reason.”

  “I know.”

  “So…I have to go tell him.”

  She straightened and reached for the door handle with a shaking hand, but Lucas was there.

  He pushed the door closed. “You can’t go barging in there, looking like this and acting all crazy. Even if you’re going to tell him, you shouldn’t do it like this.”

  “I have to,” she said, her throat sore and tears threatening to fall.

  “Think for a second. Do you want to kiss me? Is this what you want? Because if it’s not, then what are you throwing away all of this for?”

  She stared up at him in surprise. “Are you defending Easton?”

  “I’m defending your happiness,” he said. “Do I want you with him? Hell fucking no. But I don’t want to be the reason your light goes out.”

  “What am I going to do?” she whispered in agony.

  “Nothing.” He sighed. “You don’t want this. We’ve had every opportunity, and it’s not what you want. So, just let it go. We shouldn’t have to keep hurting each other.”

  “Even if this means the end?” she couldn’t help but ask.

  He looked away as if the very idea was too hard to consider. “I always thought that you were going to be mine. I knew from an early age that I would never love anyone the way that I loved you.” His eyes met her. “But I can’t control if you don’t feel the same way.”

  “Lucas…” she gasped, tears finally coming to her eyes.

  “I’d fight for you to the ends of the earth if you gave me a spark of hope. But I’m not going to keep fighting a losing battle. I won’t say I’m happy for you. I’ll just…disappear.” He leaned forward and swiped the tears from her cheeks. “Don’t cry for me. You just got everything you wanted.”

  He pulled the door open, gently pushing her away from where she had been standing. Then, he disappeared through it without another glance. Her heart was trying to wrest its way out of her chest. She felt like she might collapse. If she’d thought their argument in Nashville was bad, this was so much worse.

  He’d just…left.

  He’d wanted to protect her happiness over her having to tell Easton what had happened between them. He was actually…bowing out of the fight.

  It seemed impossible that one short conversation could end up here.

  How could she even return to the party? What would she say to everyone? What would she say to Easton?

  He deserved to know.

  She knew that.

  She should have never done it. But it didn’t excuse what she had done. It didn’t make it okay. Even if she wasn’t going to be with Lucas, Easton deserved better.

  She wiped the last tear that had fallen down her cheek and tried to rally. She had to get through the rest of this party and then figure out where to go from here. Because Lucas was right about one thing at least. She couldn’t just fly out there right now and blurt it all out. Her entire family was here. Half of Brady’s employees were here. Everyone she knew and loved. She’d have to find a better time.

  Straightening out her clothes and hoping that she didn’t look like she’d been crying, she exited the guest bedroom. Thankfully, the hallway was empty, and she carefully slipped back into the party.

  Dylan was standing with one of Brady’s employees, smiling and carrying on like Savannah hadn’t abandoned her. Liz was chatting with Victoria. Easton’s eyes caught her across the distance, and he tilted his chin to indicate she should come over. She nodded and headed in his direction, looking around the full room.

  Lucas was nowhere t
o be seen.

  Maybe he’d really left after all.

  “Hey baby,” Easton said, pulling her close and kissing her cheek.

  She held in her flinch. Her mind still closely focused on the horrible thing she had done and had to tell him about. But she couldn’t show it. Not yet.

  “Hey. How’s the party going?” she asked.

  “Good so far. I’m surprised at how many people showed up. Even Jake showed. And you know how much of a flake he is.”

  “Right. Jake.”

  “Dylan seems to be into Curtis.”

  “She’s good with people.”

  “I saw her talking with Lucas too,” he added casually.

  “Yeah. I introduced them,” she said, monotone.

  Easton arched an eyebrow in surprise. “How’s he doing?”

  “I don’t know,” she lied. “What does it matter?”

  He clearly liked that response because his smile brightened to the megawatt that had made her fall for him. The perfect hair and jaw and smile and eyes and everything. The tennis body she’d died for that first day. The chemistry that had ignited at first touch. The everything that looked like it was crumbling into pieces all around her.

  “Are you okay?” he asked when he noticed her expression.

  “I’m just beat, I think. Work has been so rough. It’s hard to decompress.”

  “I know.” He slipped an arm around her shoulders. “We don’t have to stay long.”

  “That’d be great,” she said with a half-smile.

  He kissed her hair and went back to talking to his colleagues. Dylan returned to their circle soon enough. Having her there ended up being a great distraction because hardly anyone noticed how quiet Savannah was. And only she noticed when Lucas slipped back into the room to talk to his brother.

  For a split second, both Lucas’s and Chris’s attention were focused on her, and then they both darted away.

  Oh God, did Chris know?

  Her stomach twisted at that thought. Because if Chris knew…would it get back to Brady? She didn’t want it to spiral out of control.

  She tried not to let her mind corkscrew into a dangerous paranoia. There was nothing she could do about anything tonight. She’d have to figure it all out later and be more present now.

  “Do you need another drink?” Easton asked.

  “Oh, no. I’m not really drinking tonight,” she told him. Because drinking was definitely a crux of one of her problems.

  “Huh. Okay. Just me then.”

  He stepped back and faced the entire room and raised his glass high.

  “Excuse me. Excuse me. Can I have everyone’s attention?”

  Savannah looked at him in confusion. What was he doing? A toast?

  The room quieted almost instantly, and everyone’s attention was rapt on Easton standing at the front of the room.

  “I’d like to take this opportunity to thank Brady and Liz for hosting this amazing party tonight. I’m so thankful for them, and I can’t wait to meet their new addition to the household.”

  Cheers went up around the room as everyone agreed with Easton.

  Brady raised a glass to Easton and winked. Liz just hugged her belly and smiled. The genuine happiness that radiated from them was almost sickening.

  “And while I have your attention, I want to turn to the love of my life and ask a question.”

  Savannah’s eyes widened as Easton turned to face her. He withdrew a blue box from his coat pocket and dropped to one knee. He opened the box to reveal an enormous haloed diamond.

  Her stomach dropped out of her body, and her heart screeched to a halt. Her hands flew to her mouth.

  Easton looked up at her with earnest, kind eyes. “Savannah, will you marry me?”

  A…proposal.

  He was…proposing.

  Oh, fucking hell.

  What…what was she supposed to do? She’d been planning to tell him that she’d kissed Lucas…and he was asking her to marry him? In front of everyone that she knew. Her parents and siblings and their wives and all their friends and…Lucas.

  Everyone.

  Tears came to her eyes again, unbidden.

  She’d dreamed of this moment. Hoped for this moment. Envisioned exactly how it would all go.

  And now that it was here, it was both magical…and horrifying.

  Because she wanted to say yes. But she shouldn’t say yes. And she couldn’t say no.

  “Yes,” she choked out.

  Easton plucked the ring out of the box and slid it onto her finger. Then, he scooped her up into his arms and swung her around in a circle. She could dimly hear the cheers through the fog that was her brain. And her eyes snagged for just a moment, just a brief second, on Lucas’s retreating back.

  10

  Truth

  The rest of the party was painful.

  Painful to keep a smile on her face.

  To fake the happiness that she should have felt.

  To ignore the look of concern that kept flashing on Liz’s face.

  It was a relief when Easton finally decided to bow out. His colleagues kept congratulating him. Offering him drink after drink, which he took with a careful smile and quick laugh as if this were his moment.

  Dylan oohed and aahed over the ring. She wanted to celebrate next week after work when she had more free time. And promised that she’d be planning a girls’ night soon for it. Maybe this would thaw the frost from Savannah’s other colleagues at the newspaper.

  Since Savannah was the only one still sober, she dropped Dylan off at her apartment and then drove Easton home to their place in Georgetown. She had to circle the block a half-dozen times before she finally slid into an open spot.

  Easton slung an arm over her shoulders as they navigated the short distance to their building. He was nuzzling her neck and whispering sweet, drunken nothings into her ear. She laughed as he nipped at her earlobe and swatted him away.

  “We should get you another drink,” he said.

  “Let’s open up a bottle when we get inside.”

  She led them up the stairs and turned the key in the lock. Their home didn’t quite feel warm and welcoming. Their separate belongings trying to merge into one but not yet managing it. Her style was too rigid—stiff throw pillows, black-and-white portraits, crisp furniture. His showed signs that he’d been a bachelor for many years with hand-me-down belongings that he’d made his own. For a second, that felt like their relationship.

  Three years together in Chapel Hill, and they’d never moved in together. She liked her space. He’d had roommates. They’d stayed at her place more than his because it was quiet, and there was no one to interrupt them. And she could see the stark differences tonight.

  Her own melancholy and euphoria bleeding together into something like disaster.

  Easton strolled lazily into the kitchen and pulled out a bottle of bourbon from the top shelf. He poured a knuckle’s worth into two glasses and then brought one over to her. She took it to cover her shaking hands. He held his aloft.

  “To us.”

  She raised the glass, clinking it against his, but didn’t say anything. Just downed the dark liquid in a big, long gulp. It burned like fire down her throat. She held back her cough and shook her head once to clear it.

  Easton took the glass from her hand and dropped it onto the coffee table. He pulled her into his arms. Not the drunken embrace she had imagined but a dance. He gently cupped her waist before bringing their palms together. His eyes were intense and full of love. So much love as he swayed them back and forth on their hardwood floor. The creak of the wood the only music.

  She rested her head against his chest, leaning into his familiar warmth. It was normal, natural even. They had always been good together. When she closed her eyes, it was enough that she could smell the faint touch of bourbon on his breath and the musky smell underneath that belonged solely to Easton.

  Let her mind drift back to the days when they’d first gotten together and he had no id
ea who she was. That she was a Maxwell with a political dynasty for a family. And a name that opened doors and made laws and ruled in its own way.

  When she’d thought he was just a UNC student who taught tennis on the side. Just a sexy man with ripped six-pack abs that could make her forget entirely about the boy who’d left for Nashville. When she hadn’t known that he wanted to be a politician. That he would work for her brother as he worked his way up the ladder. Or that they’d move here together to follow their dreams.

  She’d thought that she was rebelling by picking the hot tennis instructor. Instead, he had fallen perfectly in line with her family’s expectations of her. Proving that the tattooed motorcyclist was just a phase. And the dumb frat boys they didn’t know about were nothing at all.

  But she had fallen for him so completely. So easily. She’d overlooked it. What was one fault—which no one else would consider a fault—in the profile of a perfect man? The kind of man who could forgive her for cheating and give her a second chance when she didn’t deserve one. When she still had to be around the other man, when he did. And who, despite all of that, wanted to marry her.

  She glanced at the ring on her left ring finger over his shoulder. It was enormous. She had no idea how he’d afforded it. If he’d gotten money from her father to help with it. It wouldn’t surprise her. Only the best for his little girl.

  “Where are you at tonight, Savi?” Easton whispered into her ear.

  “I’m here with you.”

  “You seem so far away.”

  He pulled back and twirled her in place. Then, he dragged her back against him. His signature grin was plastered on his face.

  “Is it still just work?” he asked.

  She opened her mouth to say something and then shook her head.

  He stroked the line of her hair, playing with the dark brown strands. His knuckles dragged against her jawline, and then his thumb played across her bottom lip.

  “Talk to me. Did I overwhelm you?” he asked with a huff of a laugh. “Should I have taken you to a fancy dinner instead? When I talked to Brady, he suggested the party. I agreed with him.”