by Wendy Smith
I just need to be Chloe for a little while.
After lunch, I’ll go shopping for a new bed.
The morning drags, but it’s productive even with distractions, and I’m champing at the bit to get out.
It’s not a long drive to Bedpost, and I take a deep breath as I climb out of the car and look at the beds on display in the window.
I have to stop myself from thinking about what anyone else wants. This is for me.
Walking into the store, I head toward the biggest bed I can see and drag my fingers along the base of the mattress.
“Can I help you with anything?”
A young woman approaches with a cautious smile on her face.
“I’m looking for a new bed.”
My stomach wavers just thinking about it.
Her smile widens. “You’re in the right place. Was there anything in particular you were after?”
I let out a sigh. “I’m not sure where to start. I want a king size. Or even a super king. But I’m open to suggestions.”
She pats the bed. “This is definitely an option, although it really depends on your budget and the bed type.”
“I’m more concerned about finding the right bed than the budget.” I look around. “Within reason. I’m making a fresh start, and I want something that’s right for me.”
“Take a seat and try out the mattress for yourself.”
I sit down and bounce. “Do you have something a bit softer? This one’s a bit stiff.”
“Sure. Come this way.”
I’m sure there’s a spring in my step as we move to the next bed, and then the next. I sit on each one feeling a little like Goldilocks, never quite happy until I find the perfect fit.
And the second I sink into it, I know. “This I really like.” Stretching out, I kick off my shoes and lie back. “Oh, yes. This is the one.”
“We have this one in stock so just need to organise delivery.”
“As soon as possible. Will they help me move the old bed to another room?”
She smiles. “I’m sure we can sort something out.”
“Thank you.”
“Do you need linen?” she asks.
I blow out a breath. If I’m going to make a fresh start, I should go the whole hog.
“Yes, I do.”
“We’ve got a full range if you’d like to step this way …”
I take a deep breath as I leave the store, laden with bags.
None of this is easy, but I can’t play both sides. If I’m going to move on with my life, this is something that needs to happen regardless.
I’m nervous about all of this but excited to be doing something new.
I drop all the bags in the boot of the car and check the time. It’s getting close to three, so I need to head toward the school and pick up the boys. I’m not sure what they’ll think of all of this. Our bed was a big part of our past. It was common when the boys were little that they’d crawl in between Scott and me for cuddles in the morning.
It’s not easy to say goodbye. But nothing’s been easy for the past four years.
Pulling up outside the school, I wait for the bell to ring. Part of me wants to race home, strip and move the bed already, but there’s no point doing that until the new one gets delivered in a few days.
Children pour out of the gates as the time hits three, and mine just about stumble over each other racing to the car.
I shake my head. Some things never change.
But this time, there’s another boy with them.
“Shotgun,” Braden yells.
Xander shrugs, which in itself isn’t like him. He doesn’t usually surrender so easily.
“Mum, this is Lincoln. He plays rugby with me. Can he get a lift with us?” Xander asks.
“Where does he live?”
“It’s on the way home. He’ll show you.”
I nod. “Sure thing.”
As I pull out and into traffic, I smile. Xander hasn’t had close friends in a long time. I know it’s a just a ride home, but him wanting to help out this kid speaks volumes.
Maybe everything really is falling into place.
Halfway back to our place, Xander points to a road on the left. “Just down here. What number is it?”
“Fourteen. It’s about five houses down on the left.”
“Roger that.” I indicate and take the turn into the street.
After four houses, I slow to a crawl as Lincoln points out the house. It’s an older place with cream weatherboards, and shuttered windows. There’s no fence, but a large, well maintained front lawn. It’s very pretty.
“Thanks, Mrs Cooper.” Lincoln says.
“You’re welcome, hon. If you ever need a lift home in future, you’re always welcome.”
He climbs out of the back seat with his bag, and leans over to speak to Xander. “See you tomorrow.”
Xander chinlifts, and Lincoln does the same in response.
“Wait a moment.” A woman’s voice comes from the direction of the house.
Lincoln rolls his eyes, and I bite down a smile.
“That’s my mum,” he says.
“I guessed as much.”
A tall, brunette woman speeds across the lawn until she reaches the car.
“Are these your new friends?”
Lincoln looks up at the sky and taps his foot. “Yes. This is Xander and Braden. And their mum.”
She bends at the door and looks in the window. “I’m so happy to meet you. Lincoln said he’d made some new friends. I’m Alana. Alana Blake.”
I beam. “Chloe Cooper.”
“And you’re new in town?”
I shake my head. “I grew up here. The boys are new to town, but they seem to be settling in well.”
“Good to hear.” She seems so friendly.
“Anyway, I’ve got to get these two home. I’m happy to drop Lincoln off whenever he needs a ride.”
She nods. “Thank you so much.”
And as I drive away, I smile to myself at the thought of cultivating that friendship.
I think it’d be good for both Xander and me.
Twenty-One
Hunter
I hate this feeling.
Maybe I could live and move on with Chloe whispering Scott’s name, but she deserves to know for sure what this is between us before we take it further.
I’m all but permanently working from home now. My mood isn’t good, and I’d rather not take it out on Liz or anyone else. My long-term plan was to build the company to the point where I could step back and enjoy growing old with my wife while people I trusted ran it.
But that all fell apart. Having Chloe in my life gave me new hope.
I look up at the knock on the door. It’s only been a few days since I sent Chloe home, and there’s no way she’s already sorted out her feelings. This is going to take a while.
Piper smiles as I swing the door open, and I roll my eyes.
This is the woman who I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with—the woman who excited me so much I willingly went along with her plan that ultimately derailed our marriage. I’ll never make that mistake again.
“Are you going to leave me on the doorstep?” she asks.
“It’s tempting.”
For a moment she studies my expression. Apart from Chloe, Piper is the woman who knows me best, but I’m not the man I was when we were together.
I step back. “I guess you should come in.”
She looks around as she steps inside. “It’s not changed much. I thought you would have completely redecorated.”
“I never had a problem with the décor, just what happened inside the house.”
She turns and smiles again.
“What do you want, Piper?”
She sucks in her top lip. “So, Chloe’s back in town.”
There it is. That’s what triggered this. Piper was the one person who knew what, or rather who came between Scott and me. She helped me pick up the pieces when I lost my
best friend, and we went from friends with benefits to husband and wife when we should never have been married in the first place.
What I thought we both wanted turned out to be an illusion, and her affair was the last straw.
“She is.”
“You think you can just waltz on in and pick up Scott’s leftovers. She didn’t want anything to do with you back then. What makes you think she’ll want you now?”
I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Piper got what she wanted in the divorce. I bought her out of the house and the business and it took until now to get back on top. I’m not about to take her shit.
“My relationship with Chloe is none of your business. Why are you even here?”
She frowns. “I do still care, Hunter, whether you believe it or not. If Chloe does let you into her life, it’ll just be to fill the gap her husband left behind.”
Ouch.
“Chloe’s not like that.”
Piper rolls her eyes. “She always thought she was better than us. And you lost your best friend because of her.”
That’s some deep-seated hatred right there. And while I never approved of her dislike of Chloe, her reasons were simple. She always felt second best.
But that was seventeen years ago. When I married her, I loved her. I wanted to settle down, have a family, and spend my life with her. And she wanted that too. Until she decided she didn’t want children and started sleeping with the neighbour.
It was never me who gave up on us.
She’s the one who remarried the minute she could. It’s not like there’s some lingering love story between us.
“I have a lot of regrets. But things have changed. You were wrong about Chloe then, and you’re wrong about her now. Sometimes I think you only wanted me because I wanted her.”
She shakes her head. “We had a lot of good years.”
“And some really terrible ones. We went into a marriage that probably shouldn’t have happened because we wanted different things. Maybe we should have both been more honest with each other.”
Her expression straightens. I was always honest with her—I opened up about things I never shared with anyone. But our life together was built on a bed of lies.
“I wish I had been. Things might not have ended so badly between us.”
“It is what it is. You have your life, and I have mine.”
“Does it have to be her?”
I close my eyes for a moment. Any other person and I probably wouldn’t have a visit from Piper. Lord knows she didn’t care how many women I slept with after we split. But it’s personal with Chloe.
“It can only be her.” I open my eyes.
She blinks a bunch of times. “Of course.”
“I’m in love with her, Piper. We’re going to be together.”
“So, you’re not together now.”
I take a deep breath. “I’m giving her some space to make sure of what she wants, but in time—”
“She’s stringing you along. The way she always did.” She crosses her arms.
I shake my head. “She never strung me along. She had no idea how I felt back then. But she knows now. There’s been no one else in her life since Scott died. I can understand her not wanting to rush.”
Her eyes tell me she’s wounded, but the truth is when I was with Piper I was only with her. She made me forget the teenage crush that lost me my best friend, and I fell hard. But she never understood that no matter how many times I tried to reassure her.
And in the end, it didn’t matter.
“I just don’t want you to be hurt.”
“There’s only one woman who ever really hurt me, Piper. And it wasn’t Chloe.”
She looks away. I’m not about to blow smoke up her arse just because she’s here showing concern.
“I should go. I just wanted to check in and make sure you were okay.”
I nod. “I’ll be fine.”
She walks toward the door before pausing. “Call me if you need me.”
Hell will freeze over first.
“Sure.”
I walk out onto the front step with Piper and into the sun.
She turns, cups my face, and plants a soft kiss on my lips. “I should have been better to you, Hunter. I always knew that. But I do still care and I always will.”
“Go home to your husband, Piper. I’ll be fine.”
She nods. “Take care.”
I watch as she walks down the steps and out to the footpath before I spot something in the corner of my eye. Chloe’s gaze hits me as I turn my head, and confusion fills her face before she turns and walks back toward her house.
I don’t stop and correct anything about what she just saw. I’m frozen to the spot.
What I really want is to run after her and tell her I love her, and I don’t care about anything else. But I don’t because we can’t be together if she’s torn.
If we’re going to do this, we both need to be committed to it. And I need to know she’s committed to me. We took such big steps together, but I can’t be the one who’s besotted again while she’s unsure of how she feels.
My choices are to rush into this and hope she falls as hard as me, or to give her breathing room to work it out herself.
I’m choosing the latter because I want to spend the rest of my life with Chloe.
And I need her to want to spend the rest of her life with me.
Twenty-Two
Chloe
What if he’s with Piper?
The thought hurts beyond all measure. I can’t see Hunter letting her back into his life when she hurt him so badly, but I hurt him so much with that one little word.
There’s something I always knew I needed to do before I moved on.
But everything with Hunter was so new and exciting, and I was swept away before I brought myself back to focus on why I came here in the first place—to bring Scott home.
Firing up my laptop, it doesn’t take long to search for cemeteries nearby. Narrowing it down to the right place is a little more difficult, but one stands out more than the others.
“Braden. Xander. We all need to talk. Family meeting.”
I sit at the kitchen table with my laptop open. We’ll all need to agree on Scott’s final resting place.
We do this together.
One after the other, the boys sit at the table, and Xander eyes my laptop.
“What are you doing?”
I clasp my hands, and look first at him and then at Braden. “It’s time to find a home for your father. Somewhere we can go and visit when we need to talk to him. There are some beautiful spots in the town cemetery, and we can go and take a––”
“This is bullshit.” Xander scrapes the floor with the chair as he pushes it back. “I know I said I was okay with you having a boyfriend, but this is a whole other level. You said we were going to keep him with us until we were all ready. And now you’re making that decision for us.”
“Xan, calm down,” Braden says. “If this is what Mum wants …”
“What about what I want?” Tears fill his eyes. “I’m not ready to say goodbye.”
“Oh, honey. We’re not saying goodbye. Not really.” I stand. “What I’m saying is that we find somewhere permanent for him. Somewhere beautiful and peaceful. It’s not far from here. This is what he would have wanted.”
Xander breathes heavily, and I’ve seen him trying to control himself like this before. I know his pain. He’s not really angry with me, but I’ll help him through it. He’s angry at the world.
“Come here.” I slide my arms around my son’s chest and hold him as tight as I can. “Every single day I wish things were different. I wish that none of it had happened and he was still with us.” I let out a long breath. “But he’s not, Xan, and he’s not coming back no matter how much we want him to.”
“It’s not fair.”
“No. None of it is fair. We have to be strong and give him his final resting place. He deserves that, and we do too.” I let Xand
er go and cup his face. “He loved you two so much. It would break him to see how much you’re hurting. But he’d also want us to find peace and move on. And this is such an important part of healing.”
He gives me a short, sharp nod, and I drop my hands before returning to my seat. Xander sits back down. He’s still scowling, but hopefully we’ve got through the worst.
“Can we go and look at the cemetery, Mum?” Braden asks.
I tilt my head a little. “Of course. We’ll all go and take a look. We can choose together.” I shift my gaze to Xander. “Okay?”
He doesn’t respond, and I make a mental note to find a counsellor here for him. I’ve got a list from our doctor in Auckland, but it’s a matter of finding the right one.
I should have done it when we first got here.
“Do you want to go for a drive today? We could do a little sightseeing, grab some ice cream while we’re out or something?”
“Can we get takeaways for dinner?” Xander asks.
“Sure.” We’ve never had takeaway food so much since we’ve moved, but I’m happy if it helps with the whole settling process.
“Can I choose?”
“That’s not fair. You chose your special rugby dinner,” Braden grumps.
“Well, you two work it out between yourselves. I don’t have the energy to argue with either of you right now.” I close the laptop. If we’re going for a drive, I already know where we need to go.
Braden just stares at me. “Maybe you should choose what we have then.”
“Maybe I will.”
I leave them behind in the kitchen and head upstairs to get presentable to go out.
I’m tired.
I look out the window and toward Hunter’s house.
It’s become clear to me that I have to work out how to move on myself before I can give him the love he so richly deserves. To give him anything less would be unfair.
He’s so willing to love me and be whatever Braden and Xander need. And I need him. If I’m going to share my life with anyone, it’s Hunter.
He gets me. And I know he’ll share all my burdens.
I won’t be alone anymore.
