by Wendy Smith
I’ll have to tell him soon, but right now I need to work this out in my head.
He leans over and presses a long kiss to my forehead. “One day, Chloe, I’ll make all your dreams come true. Every single one. Especially the dreams that got stopped short. Anything you need, I’ll give it to you.”
“Don’t you dare make me cry. I’ve had enough of that for today,” I whisper.
“When you’re ready, and we’re together, and I know we will be—I swear I’ll never make you cry.”
I slide my arms around his neck and he kisses my lips softly.
“Hunter,” Braden calls.
“I’d better get going before they come in and find me kissing their mum.” He plants a kiss by my ear. “Love you.”
And then he’s gone, but he’s playing such an important role in my boys’ lives right now and hasn’t really gone anywhere.
He’s trying in his own way to show me what our life could be like.
And it will be.
One day.
I yawn again as I make my way up the stairs and into my bedroom.
This is my new normal. Nausea in the morning and exhaustion in the afternoon, but today is much worse. Today, I’m not just physically exhausted but mentally as well.
I’m still glad we did it. However hard it was, Scott’s resting place is permanent, and every step I take leads me to a more independent life away from the old. As it has to be.
I close my eyes.
When I open them again, I raise my left hand to look at the rings on my finger. The engagement ring isn’t even the first ring Scott bought me. We’d just had the boys and were exhausted from getting no sleep from endless feeding and nappies. He bought me a costume jewellery cubic zirconia with a promise that, one day, he’d buy me the real deal.
It wasn’t until our fifth wedding anniversary that we traded up. The first ring sits in my jewellery box, never forgotten.
Now these two other rings will join it. It’s time.
I let out a shaky breath as I slide them from my fingers. I’m not sure how long the tracks that have been worn into my skin will last. But as I drop the rings into the jewellery box, it’s as if a weight has lifted from my chest.
The realisation that I have to take control of my life is a difficult one, but true. These are only the first steps to finding my way back to me.
Hunter’s on my mind the whole time, but he’s not the entire reason for doing this. The counsellor the boys saw told me there were things we had to let go of to move on, but we were all so resistant and set in our ways.
It’s not just me I’m doing these things for. It’s for Braden and Xander. They deserve their mother to be whole, and deserve the same for themselves.
I strip down to my underwear, tug on Hunter’s shirt, and climb into bed.
Closing my eyes is the last thing I remember.
I wake when the bed dips beside me.
“Mum,” Braden whispers.
I chuckle as he slides into bed.
“Yes?”
“Nothing. Just wanted to see if you were awake. Goodnight, Mum.”
I grin, letting out a sigh as my other son appears on the other side of my bed. Shuffling over, I leave room for Xander. After today, I’m not surprised to see them, but I’d also bet this will be the last time.
While I feel lighter, I think a collective weight has been lifted from all of us.
Twenty-Seven
Chloe
When they were little, Braden and Xander used to have sleepovers with their friends. I hated being apart from them, but I knew it was just a part of growing up.
Scott’s death stopped that. We all just wanted to be together.
It does my heart good that Xander’s friend, Lincoln invited them over to stay on Saturday night. But it still makes my stomach clench as I drop them off outside his house because it’ll be the first night in four years I haven’t been nearby. Even the nights I stayed at Hunter’s house, I was never far away.
Xander pops a kiss on my cheek before grabbing the giant bag of popcorn we just picked up at the supermarket and stepping out of the car.
“Hey,” I say.
He turns back and ducks his head into the door. “What?”
“I’m proud of you. Have fun.”
“Bye, Mum.” Braden leans forward and kisses the back of my head.
“Have a good night, you two. Be good for Mrs Blake.”
For a moment, I just sit and watch as they make their way up the front path. Lincoln opens the door, and with a final wave from Braden, they disappear inside.
We didn’t talk much on the way, but the car seems so quiet in their wake. But I have to head home and wait for them to let me know when they’re ready in the morning.
It’ll be weird being by myself tonight.
After a dinner for one, I swim until the light begins to fade.
Ever since that day I broke down out here, I’ve found the pool calming. Maybe it’s because the thoughts that conjured up those memories that day hurt but also bring me comfort.
Scott would love this place. And I’d like to think he’d be happy to know we’re right next to Hunter.
Hunter, who will always be there for my family, no matter what.
Hunter, who is family.
I pull myself out of the pool and dry off before heading inside. After a warm shower, I pull on one of Hunter’s shirts and a baggy pair of trackpants.
It’s when I head back into the kitchen that the phone rings out.
“Mum.” I know it’s Xander because of the caller ID, but I can barely recognise his voice. I’ve never heard it shake so much, even with him saying one word.
“What’s wrong?”
“There was an accident. Braden—”
My legs fail and I fall to the floor. Whatever else he says disappears with the rushing sound of blood in my ears.
“Mum.”
“What happened?” I manage to get out the words.
“We were in a car accident. Some guy did CPR on Braden. He’s got a head injury and it’s bad. We’re in the hospital. Mum, I’m so sorry. We screwed up.”
“I … I’m on my way.”
Grabbing my bag and my keys, I head out to the car.
My hand shakes so hard, I can’t even get the key in the ignition.
There’s no way I can drive.
Hunter.
I don’t even know if he’s home, but I have to take the chance. This is all my fault. I took my eye off the ball as far as my boys are concerned. I can’t lose Braden.
I can’t.
I fling open the door and run along the footpath and into Hunter’s front yard. Running up the front steps, I hammer on the door.
The hall light flicks on.
“Just a minute.”
A minute seems like hours as I wait for him.
“Hunter. Please.”
He flings open the door, confusion all over his face. “Chloe? What’s wrong?”
“The boys were in an accident. I need to get to the hospital.”
He steps through the door, takes my car keys from my hand, and locks the door behind him. “Let’s go.”
He doesn’t hesitate. He doesn’t even ask me what kind of accident.
I try and keep pace, running behind him back to my abandoned car in the driveway. Flinging open the passenger door, I get in as he climbs into the driver’s side. He starts the car and backs out of the driveway, and for the millionth time I’m so thankful to have him in my life.
“What happened?” he asks.
“The boys went for a movie night and sleepover with a friend. Xander called me from the hospital to say they’d been in a car accident.”
I know my voice is getting louder, and my hands shake again as I speak.
“Chloe, you need to calm down. I know you’re stressed, but this isn’t going to do you any good.”
I nod, open the glove box, and pull out a tissue. “I’m so sorry. I couldn’t drive myself.”
He glances at me. “You’re family. You never need to apologise.”
“I’m pregnant.”
Silence falls over us, and his jaw tightens as we drive in the semi darkness.
“You’re pregnant.” He says it so quietly.
“I didn’t mean to tell you that way. I wanted to find the right time. But my head is so full of crazy thoughts and …”
“Chloe.” His tone is so soft. “We’ll talk about it later. Let’s just make sure our boy is okay.”
Our boy.
Tears prick my eyes. I never asked Hunter to be the father of my children—Scott’s children. Just having him in their life is enough. But that one word changes everything. And where I might have felt awkward about it if he’d said it earlier, it does seem perfect now.
“I love you.”
Hunter glances at me. “Took you long enough.”
He’s right. I just had to get my head and my heart aligned and let go of the past. I didn’t need to let go of Scott to do that—he’ll always be with me.
But Hunter’s my future. He always was.
He grabs hold of my hand across the centre console, and his warmth flows through me in that reassuring way only Hunter has.
I take in deep breaths as we draw closer to the hospital. It’s the longest drive of my life, and relief washes over me as Hunter pulls up right beside where Xander’s standing.
“I’ll park the car and come back.” He squeezes my hand.
“Thank you.”
He leans over and gives me a tender kiss before letting go.
I open the door and step out. “Xander.”
His face. It’s been four years since I last saw his expression so full of pain. Braden and Xander have always had a link that no one else could ever be a part of.
“I don’t even know what happened. It was all so quick. Lincoln was driving fast and we both told him not to and then …”
“Lincoln was driving? Why did you go anywhere? Where was his mother?”
His gaze drops right along with my heart. “Don’t be mad, Mum.”
“Answer me.”
“We just wanted to get more food. Mrs Blake is away for the weekend. Lincoln said he’d driven his mum’s car before. He’s on his restricted license.”
I draw in a deep breath. “Let me get this straight. You two lied to me. And now your brother’s in this hospital with a head injury.”
He swallows hard and nods.
“I can’t … Let’s just get inside and see how he is.”
We walk in to Accident and Emergency, and I head straight to the reception.
“I’m Braden Cooper’s mother,” I say to the lady behind the desk.
She nods, flicking a glance at Xander. “I’ll find someone to help you. Take a seat.”
I grab hold of Xander’s hand and squeeze. “Thank you.”
Sitting on the nearest chair, I tap my foot impatiently on the ground.
“Mum, I’m sorry.”
“I know you are.” I’m not even sure I can look at him right now. “Are you okay?”
“Just a few bumps and bruises. We got brought straight here in an ambulance. I called you as soon as I could.”
“The hospital should have called me.”
My phone rings in my bag, and I pull it out. It’s a number I don’t recognise.
“Mrs Cooper?”
“Are you ringing to tell me my sons have been in an accident?”
There’s a pause. “Yes.”
“I’m sitting waiting in Accident and Emergency to see Braden. Xander’s with me.”
“I’ll get someone to come and see you.”
I hang up the call without a care if I’m being rude. I’m just glad Xander called me when he did, even if I haven’t seen Braden yet.
“Hey,” Hunter arrives and sits on the other side of Xander. “How’s Braden?”
“I don’t know yet. I’m waiting.”
He reaches over to touch my arm. “I’m not going anywhere. You know that, right?”
I nod. “I know. Thank you.”
“Mrs Cooper?”
I look up to see a nurse standing in front of me.
“Yes? How is he?”
“He’s stable, but if you could please come with me and the doctor will speak with you. Just one of you at this stage.”
As I stand, Xander stands too. I turn toward him. “Stay here with Hunter.”
“But, Mum …”
“Hey, mate. Your mum has to go and deal with this, and I’ll wait with you.” Hunter puts his hand on Xander’s arm.
“Thank you.” I’ve said it what feels a million times, but it still feels inadequate.
He meets my gaze. “Go, Chloe.”
And then I’m off down the corridor, following a nurse to see my eldest son. I never got to say goodbye to his father. I just pray I don’t have to say goodbye to Braden.
I’m not sure I can survive a second loss, and I know Xander can’t.
Braden has to get better.
He’s breathing.
His eyes are closed, but his chest rises and falls and it’s enough to bring tears to my eyes.
“Braden,” I whisper.
“Mrs Cooper.” I turn to see a man in a white coat. “I’m Doctor Kirwan.”
“How’s my son?”
“He’s stable, but we will have to relieve some of the pressure in his head. So, there will be surgery tonight.”
I nod. “I understand.”
“He’s very lucky, Mrs Cooper. The other boy in the front of the car …”
I look up. “Lincoln?”
The doctor nods. “He didn’t make it.”
I let out a gasp. He might not be my child, but pain rips through me at the thought of his parents being told about his death.
I’ve seen the police car in my driveway.
I’ve had them knock on my door.
“Mrs Cooper?”
“My husband. Braden’s father. He died the same way.”
Understanding crosses his expression. “I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Thank you for taking care of my son.”
“You’re welcome. There are always risks with surgery …”
I give him a stiff nod. “I know. But I also know he’s in the right place. Please do your best.”
He gives me a small smile. “His chances are very, very good, Mrs Cooper. He’ll be in the best of hands. The nurse will let you know when we’re ready for him.”
“Thank you. Can my son and … partner come and sit with me? Braden and Xander are identical twins, and Xander will be anxious.”
“Yes of course. That should be fine. I’ll get them shown through.”
“Thanks. I appreciate it.”
And then for a moment, I’m left alone with my son.
I sit on a chair beside the bed and take Braden’s hand in mine. The machine monitoring his heart rate beeps steadily, and it gives me some comfort right along with hearing him breathe.
“Hang in there, sweetheart.” I swallow hard. “I love you.”
Twenty-Eight
Hunter
My jaw tics with impatience as I wait for Chloe to come back with some news.
This was always so much more than just her and me. These boys mean the world to me, and have done since the first day we met. It’s never been the two of us, it’s meant to be the four of us.
Five.
My hands tremble so I rub them together. When Chloe mentioned she was pregnant, I didn’t quite let it sink in.
The start to our romance was messy. We went straight to sex and worked backward. But she’s still Chloe, the girl I fell in love with—the woman I want to be with.
“So … you and my mum?” Xander steadies his gaze on me.
I nod. “We were going to tell you. She just wanted a little time to get used to the idea. A new relationship is a big step for her.”
“We’re fine with it. We both like you. And she smiles when you’re around.” He looks down at h
is feet. “Like really smiles. She hasn’t done that since before Dad died.”
“I want to make her happy”—I pause—“And the two of you. Don’t think that because your mum and I are together that you’ll be left out. You’re her everything.”
He looks back up, tears welling in his eyes. “Do you think Braden will be okay?”
It’s a tough question to answer when you don’t know what’s going on.
“I hope so, bud. You’re all tough. You’ve been through a lot. We just have to believe.”
He shuffles toward me. “I can’t lose him. Mum can’t …”
“Come here.”
Xander moves over until he’s seated next to me, and I slide my arm around his shoulder. “We all have to look after each other right now, and be there, whatever happens. I’m not going anywhere.”
His nod is short and sharp. “Thank you.”
“I love your mum. And you’re important to me too. I know I’m not your dad, but I’m hoping we can form that kind of relationship.”
“I miss him.”
I squeeze his shoulder. “I know you do. And I bet anything that you all wish he were here right now. But you’re stuck with me, so we have to make the most of it. Okay?”
His smile is small, but I’ll take it as a win. “Okay.”
He sighs, and I pull him closer. “You can lean on me. I hope you know that. I’m here for anything you need.”
“I just wish Mum would come back.”
“Me too. But we just have to be patient and give her time. Braden’s in the best place he could be.”
“Hunter?”
I look up. “Gary? What are you doing here?”
Xander nudges my arm. “That’s the guy who did CPR on Braden.”
“What?”
Gary’s lips twitch. “That boy. Is he okay? There wasn’t anything I could do for the other one, but …”
“You saved Braden?” My heart thuds.
He cradles the back of his neck. “I nearly broke my sobriety tonight. That’s where I was going when I saw the accident. And that First Aid refresher really helped.”
“Thank you. You could have saved my boy’s life.”
“Your boy?” Gary asks.
