by Wendy Smith
“I’m sure it’s just a stomach bug. I’ll be fine.” I force a smile.
He takes a step toward me and comes to a stop. “I won’t hug you. I don’t want your bug.”
I laugh. “That’s fine. Are you ready for school?”
“Nearly.” Xander’s expression is just as concerned. I don’t get sick very often, so they’re both worried. I just have to find a way to alleviate those fears.
My heart races at a sudden thump to the door. Caleb.
“I’ll go and let him in,” Xander says.
He disappears for a moment and comes back with Caleb trailing behind him.
“What’s up with you? You look like shit.” Caleb runs his gaze over me.
“Just a stomach bug. Some sleep, and I’ll be fine.”
He shifts his focus to the boys. “Go grab your things and let’s get going. I’ll pick you up too so your mother can have a break.”
They both bolt out of the room while he grasps my arm. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
I rub his hand. “I will be if I can get some rest. Thank you for coming.”
“Any time you need me, I’m here. It’s just not like you to be sick.”
“I know, but I’d appreciate you not making a big deal about it because it’ll just worry the boys.”
He bows his head. “Understood.”
“Ready.” Braden appears, followed by Xander. They pick up their bags and head back out the door.
Caleb plants a kiss on my cheek. “I’ll drop them off safe and sound after school.”
“Thank you.”
With a kiss to each cheek, my children leave the house.
The door closes and I’m left by myself.
Having children is funny. There are times when all you want is to be by yourself, but when they’re gone, you just want them to come back.
But I have to get used to them being around less and less.
Although now it seems I won’t be alone for long.
It’s mid-afternoon when I finally get out of bed.
I strip out of my clothes and put my bikini on. Screw work for the day. I’ll regret it later, but the sun is shining outside, and I want to make the most of the good weather before it begins to cool.
Grabbing a towel from the cupboard, I head out to the pool. The autumn sun warms my skin, and I take deep breaths of the fresh air.
I do love this place.
Despite questioning myself when we first got here, I’m settled now. I’ll still have the memories, but they don’t hit me as hard as they initially did. Besides, Scott will always be with me no matter how much time passes or where his ashes are.
I lie back on the sun lounger and different memories hit me.
“You were the one with hands all over me the other morning.”
“You were the one who slept in my bed.”
Instinctively, I rest my hand on my stomach. The timing’s not right for this baby, but when will it be? The twins didn’t have their timing right either, but they’re my whole world. I can’t even contemplate life without them. And this baby will be the same. Maybe we’ll have the girl I always wanted. And there’s a big age gap, but I know Braden and Xander will love this child whether it’s a girl or a boy. Hunter and I will too.
I just need to work out how to tell him.
I’m sure he’ll be happy. He said he wanted kids. But I know he’ll also be wary of me, and while I understand it, that thought hurts.
I drop my sunglasses down and look up at his window. There’s no sign of movement—I don’t even know if he’s home. He said he’d wait, but I’m still none the wiser about Piper’s visit. I’m not even sure right now if it’s any of my business.
Being an adult returning to single life is hard. Especially when you haven’t been through it as a young person.
I’m as confused as ever.
“Mum?” Xander’s voice carries out into the back yard.
“Out here,” I call.
His brow is furrowed as he approaches. “Are you feeling better?”
“Much. Just getting some sun. How was your day?”
He smiles, and it’s like the day just got warmer. “Good. I might go and get changed and come back down for a swim. Can we get takeaways for dinner?”
I laugh. “Sure. I don’t really feel like cooking tonight. Anything you want in particular?”
He shrugs. “I’ll talk to Braden.”
I sigh as he disappears back inside. Today was a good day for Xander, and maybe me letting go a little this morning has helped.
Every small step we take seems to be a huge leap to something better.
Twenty-Six
Chloe
I always thought my life was blessed.
Our early years with the twins were tough. We had no money, but we had all the love. And we managed to keep our heads above water, even though it was hard.
We emerged as a family who could tackle anything.
Until the worst possible thing happened.
That was one of the hardest days of my life.
The funeral was awful. Surrounded by family and friends, I felt completely alone. The other half of me was gone, and I was helpless to do anything about it.
Seeing his ashes lain to rest isn’t as bad, but it’s still rough.
My heart is heavy as the box containing him is placed in the ground. I thought I’d said goodbye, but really I just delayed it until now.
To my left, a hand slides into mine and grips it tight. I turn my head to see Braden looking at me. Xander appears on the other side, and both boys effectively hold me up while I watch the interment of my husband’s ashes.
I breathe in deep and exhale through my mouth to keep myself under control.
There are words said, but I barely hear them as I focus on that small hole in the ground. A piece of my heart is sealed in there with him as they close it up. There’s more work to do, but the plaque is put on top so we can see it as it will be.
Afterward, all I feel is numb, but it’s done now and I know healing will come from this. It’s just a matter of time, as it always is.
There’s no wake. We had one for the funeral, and I didn’t want this day to drag on longer than it has to. And when it’s done, everyone steps back and leaves my boys and I alone. It’s nice to have the quiet with them for a moment.
“Goodbye, Dad,” Xander whispers.
I grip his hand tight. “He’ll always be with us.”
“I know.” He gives me a small smile.
“Mum?”
I turn to Braden. “Yes?”
“We’re just going to go and talk to Uncle Caleb.”
I nod.
Caleb’s just a short distance from me, and he winks as I make eye contact. With the boys out of the way, Hunter moves closer.
“Thank you for inviting me,” he says.
I shuffle from one foot to the other. “You’re welcome.”
His gaze drops on my mouth. Is he thinking about kissing me? I want him to. I want him to take me in his arms and make me forget today ever happened.
But that’s not fair on either one of us.
“I’m glad you came.”
He nods. “I couldn’t be anywhere else today. For you or your boys. How are you all doing?”
I look down at my shoes, kicking my toe into the dirt. “Xander was a little angry that we were doing it to start with, but he understands.”
“It must be confusing.”
Meeting his gaze again, tears prick my eyes. “It is, but I think this will give us all some closure we should have had a long time ago.”
He reaches out and cups my cheek. It’s an unexpected, intimate move, and for a fleeting moment, all I can think about is how many eyes must be on us.
“You’re so much stronger than you even realise. Just remember that whatever happens between us, we’ll always be friends. I’m here for you and your family.”
I grasp his wrist. “Thank you.”
For a moment, we just
look at each other, and it feels good—it feels right.
“I’ll just go and pay my respects to your brother and your boys. See you later?”
I nod. “I’d like that.”
He walks away. I take two steps only to be confronted by Kay.
“Is there something you have to tell me about Hunter?”
I raise my eyebrows. “Why?”
Regardless of her being my mother-in-law, my personal life is none of her business. And this is the one thing I worried about coming home. She’s very keen to stick her nose into anything that makes me look bad.
She always thought I dragged Scott down when I became pregnant, and urged him to ‘send me home’ when home was always with him. It caused a rift between them, but not to the point of wrecking their relationship completely.
“You looked very cosy.”
“Hunter’s an old friend, of mine and Scott’s.”
She nods. “Anything you do impacts the boys. I hope you know that.”
My blood begins to boil. Everything I’ve done my entire adult life has centred around my children. She was never there for us in any meaningful way.
Braden bounds toward me. “Mum, Hunter offered to take us for a burger while you finish up here. Is that okay?”
I turn away from Kay and smile at him. “Of course you can. I won’t be much longer. See you at home.”
“I’ll make sure he gets something for you.” Braden bends and kisses me on the cheek.
“Thank you.”
For a moment, I watch him and Xander follow Hunter to his car. Hunter’s timing couldn’t be better, so I suppress the urge to smile.
Instead, I take a deep breath and turn back to Kay. “Thank you for your concern, but I’m sure you can see the boys and I are fine. They’re always my first priority.”
Her expression darkens. I’m not sure how to win with her. I’ve been on the back foot since I was eighteen. She and I got on great for years, but once we hit trouble, she rarely gave me an inch. Distance helped, but now that advantage is gone.
“Kay, I brought Scott home for all of us. It’s where he needed to be. And now we can all visit him, and it’ll give the boys some sense of closure. They need it more than anyone—even me.”
At that, she seems lost for words. I know she lost a son when I lost a husband, but there’s a lot I had to battle through alone, and I did. And for the first time, I think I’ve been able to stop, take a breath, and see how tough it really did make me.
Through it all, I never let her see that it wasn’t always wonderful between Scott and myself. We had our tough times just like every other couple, but we always emerged stronger, and I might not have been able to say goodbye, but my husband died knowing just how much I loved him, and I knew the same.
She’s not going to cut me down now.
Kay gives me a short, sharp nod. Today is not the day to fight with her, but it’s hard not to get defensive. I don’t love Scott less for giving him a final resting place. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, and I won’t be made to feel guilty for feeling again.
“Chloe, are you going home or do you want to come to Mum and Dad’s for a while?”
I breathe a sigh of relief as Caleb strolls toward us. It’s a welcome distraction, as I know he’s done some garden work for Kay and her husband, and she likes him.
“I’m going home. I just want to have a lie down after today.”
His dark eyes are so full of affection. “Fair enough.” He gestures toward Kay. “Mrs Cooper.”
“Caleb. I hope you’re doing well.” She gives him a smile that I’d never get, and all it does is get my back up.
“I’m doing great now I have my sister home.” He shoots me a wink and I look away in amusement.
“I’m sure. Keep in touch, Chloe. We’d love to see the boys soon.”
I bite my tongue as she walks away.
“You’re welcome,” Caleb says. “I saw the boys head out with Hunter.”
I nod. “He’s taking them for a burger.”
“Someone’s got a crush,” he sings, and I glare at him. “Oh. It’s not just one-sided, is it?”
“It’s complicated, and I’m not talking about it today.” I poke my tongue at him.
He chuckles. “You could do a lot worse. He’s a good guy.”
I grin. “He is, but how do you know? You’ve met him once.”
“We’ve already had the talk where I asked him what his intentions are.”
A part of me dies inside of embarrassment. “What?”
“Well, clearly I didn’t scare him off.” He laughs. “Relax, Chloe. You should see your face right now. It’s priceless.”
My cheeks burn. “I can’t believe you talked to him like that.”
He reaches out and grips my shoulder. “You’d better believe that I’m watching out for my little sister. I’m glad you’re home, and I just want you to be happy.”
“Thanks, big bro.”
“I’ll leave you to it. Catch up with you later?”
I nod. “Just come over during the day some time. I’m always home.”
He bends and plants a kiss on my cheek. “I’ll do that. Love you.”
“Love you too.”
And all of a sudden, I’m beside Scott’s grave by myself.
Adored husband of Chloe. Loved father of Braden and Xander.
Those few words bring tears to my eyes, as they’re not enough to describe what he was to us, but they’re a clear message to the rest of the world.
“I love you, Scott. I did the best I could, and I hope you’re happy here. I’ll visit, and the boys will too.” I kneel beside the plaque. “There will never be a day that I don’t wish you were here, but I have to find a way to make a new life without you. And that’s so damn hard.”
Tears flood my vision.
“I’m pregnant, and it’s Hunter’s. I think I love him, Scott, and I wanted him so much, but we rushed into something, and now I’m having a baby. That’s the first time I’ve said that out loud.” I laugh through the tears. “Ironically, the one person I could always confide in is you, and you’re not exactly going to give me any advice. But I’d like to think you’d just be happy for me, whatever happens.”
I kiss my fingertips and press them to his name. “See you soon.”
I’m so glad the boys are with Hunter—I wouldn’t want them to see me break down as I’m sitting in the car trying to get myself together to drive home. And I have to make sure I’m absolutely together before I do that.
I grab a box of tissues from the glovebox and blow my nose, throwing the used ones on the passenger seat to get rid of when I’m home. The tears that stain my cheeks are next, and I look at myself in the rear view mirror until the redness around my eyes subsides a little and I’m calm again.
Driving away is right up there with the toughest things I’ve ever done in my life.
But it’s time to go.
Parked in my driveway, I check the mirror again before I get out of the car.
It’s plain to see I’ve been crying, but I don’t look as bad as I did back at the cemetery.
It’ll do.
I open the door into the kitchen, and what I see warms my heart.
Hunter sits at the dining table with Braden and Xander. All three of them are eating, talking, and laughing, and I end up on the verge of tears again.
“Mum.” Braden looks up. He frowns, and I’m sure it’s because my face is still a mess.
“Hey, guys. You look like you’re having fun.”
“Hunter let us choose whatever we wanted. And we got you your McChicken combo.” Xander smiles. I thought he’d struggle more today, but apparently having your favourite takeaway meal helps.
“Sounds great.”
Hunter stands. “I’ll heat it up.”
“I can get it.”
“No. Get off your feet. That’s an order. It’s been a long day for you.”
“Thanks, Hunter. For everything.”
His warm smile makes everything better. “You’re welcome.”
“Are you okay?” Braden asks as I sit down beside him.
I draw a deep breath. “I will be. It’s just been a very tiring day. I hope you two are alright.”
“I’m glad Dad’s under the trees there. It’s a nice place,” Xander says.
I nod. “It’s beautiful. I think he’d approve.”
Behind me, the microwave beeps, and Hunter places a plate in front of me with a steaming burger and fries. At first, the scent makes me nauseous, but then hunger comes out of nowhere, and I just know the burger won’t be enough.
“Thank you. Again.”
He chuckles as he sits. “I’m just happy to help out. I know what an emotional time this must be for you.”
“It is, but he’s home now.”
“Hunter said he’d play cricket with us when we’ve finished eating.” Xander meets my gaze.
“Did he? That’s great.”
Hunter smiles. “As long as no one breaks any windows.”
“You could play too if you want.” Xander might be inviting me, but he knows cricket’s not my forte.
His heart is in the right place.
“I think I’m going to eat this and then have a nap.” I stifle a yawn. “Maybe another day.”
“I’m going to get the gear out of the shed,” he says.
Braden stands. “I’ll help set up.”
“See you outside, Hunter.”
With the boys gone, Hunter and I are left alone in the kitchen. He reaches for my hand. “I hope I’m not overstepping any mark doing this with the kids.”
I shake my head. “No. They’re letting you in, and it’s doing my heart good to see.”
“I’m glad.” He smiles, but it’s sad and wistful. “I still hope one day that we can be a family.”
“I can’t think of anyone I’d rather share a family with than you.” The words are on the tip of my tongue. I could so easily tell him, and I will, but I’m not sure today is the right day. Besides, the last thing I want is to rush again into something and still not quite be ready.
