by V. T. Do
“I didn’t know that.”
“No? It was all the kids at school could talk about when he first arrived.”
“You know I don’t talk to the other kids at school.”
“Oh.” She frowned. “Are you okay with that?”
“What, that he’s a bad boy?” I teased. Lizzie grinned. “I think it’s fine. I can’t exactly hold his past against him, can I?”
“Then why don’t you sound excited about going on a date with him?”
I pulled a book that I didn’t need out from my locker to avoid looking at her.
“Olivia?”
“Yeah?”
“What’s going on?”
“Well, you know how I said Max’s brother came to visit for his birthday? He came over early on Saturday as well, and we all hung out together.”
“Oh, yeah? What about him?”
I looked at Lizzie, letting her read my eyes. She was always good at figuring out what I was thinking or feeling just by looking at me. I waited.
A fraction a second later, and her eyes widened in surprise. “Wow. He must be something if he could make you forget about your crush on Lorenzo so quickly.”
“He’s… really intense. And not very talkative. But when he does say something, all I want to do is shut up and listen to him. There’s just this pull, you know?”
“Yeah,” she said, and I got the feeling she was talking about Max.
“Anyway, it’s not like anything can happen between us.”
“Why not?” she asked. Lizzie sounded strangely optimistic for being the realist out of the two of us. I was the dreamer, but I wouldn’t dare dream that Mason could be mine just because I really wanted it.
“Because he’s Max’s brother. And he’s eleven years older than me. Plus, I doubt he sees me as anything other than Max’s ward. And I’m not even out of high school yet.”
“And you’re technically considered jailbait.”
I groaned and leaned my head back against the locker door, my eyes closed. “Yeah. That.”
I felt someone nearby, and when I opened my eyes, Lorenzo was standing right there, a charming, boyish smile on his face. I moved back, more from the surprise than anything else.
He frowned. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“Oh, that’s alright. I just didn’t expect to see you standing there.”
He smiled again and I looked at Lizzie. I wondered if I looked as awkward as I felt. Why was this so hard? Lorenzo followed my gaze to her.
“Hey, Lizzie, how are you?”
At least Lizzie could be casual when she answered, “Good.”
When we all stood there staring at each other, I began to fidget. I knew Lorenzo wanted to talk to me alone, and he was waiting for Lizzie to leave. But she wouldn’t unless I asked her to, and as awkward as this was, I didn’t want her to leave.
Lorenzo shifted on the balls of his feet. “So, I was thinking we could go on our date this Saturday. I have a baseball game on Friday, and I would like you to come.” He tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear, and despite the fact that I couldn’t stop thinking about Mason, my heart still fluttered from the simple contact. “I would also like for you to wear my jersey.”
My heart thudded so loudly against my chest; I was surprised he didn’t hear it. Wearing the player’s jersey was a tradition of sorts, reserved only for the player’s girlfriend. Was he asking me what I thought he was asking me? But we hadn’t even gone on a date. Lizzie raised an eyebrow at this, as if to say, Really?
I looked at him, unsure of how I should answer, especially when I wasn’t even sure if he was asking me that. I wished he would come out and say it. I was never really good at observing social cues.
“Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?”
“Yeah, baby.” His lips pulled into a half-smile, and I was pretty sure it was meant as charming. So why did it just look cocky? And in a situation as serious as this, I didn’t think it was right that he was acting that way.
I took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I think I made a mistake agreeing to go out with you. You seem like a really nice guy, but for reasons I’d much rather not get into, I have to decline. Thank you for asking. I’m really flattered.”
Did I really say that? And why the hell did I make it sound like I was at a job interview?
Lizzie bit her lip to keep from laughing. I hoped she would hold onto her self-control until Lorenzo left.
Something like anger flashed in his eyes over my rejection, and I frowned, becoming wary of him. But it was gone so fast, I wondered if I imagined it. His smile was back, but it was a regretful kind of smile. “Isn’t there anything I can say to change your mind? I really like you, Olivia. And I think we would be great together.”
I shook my head, set on my answer, though there was a small part of me that doubted my decision. I wondered if I was making a mistake. “I’m sorry.”
“I can respect your decision for now, because I know there isn’t anything I can say to change your mind. But I’m not giving up. I’m going to prove to you that I’m worth taking the chance on.” He grabbed my and hand and kissed the back of it. My breath caught.
Such an old-fashioned thing to do. Much like how he asked Max for permission to take me out. That made me doubt my decision a little more. Lizzie bumped me with her shoulder, getting my attention.
“Wow. Are you sure this is what you want? I mean, the you from last week would probably have killed to have Lorenzo ask her out on a date.”
“Yeah, well, that me had never met Mason Kade before.”
“But like you said, it’s not going to happen with Mason. Why not go out with Lorenzo and live out your freshman girl fantasy?”
“Because it doesn’t feel right dating someone when my heart and mind isn’t a hundred percent in it.”
Lizzie sighed. “You are not your mom. I wished you could see that.”
“We’re not talking about my mom here.”
“Yes, we are. That’s why you said no. You think if you date someone while crushing on someone else, that you would soon follow in your mom’s footsteps.”
I closed the locker door. “I need to get to class.”
I made a move to walk away when she grabbed my shoulder, stopping me in my tracks. I didn’t turn around. “We have to talk about this sometimes, Olivia. Just because she’s your mom, doesn’t mean you’re bound to make her mistakes.”
“I know that already.” And I really did. “I’m fine, I promise you.”
I moved away and her hand fell from my shoulder just as the minute bell rang, indicating class would begin soon.
Lizzie’s words rang in my ears.
I was not my mom. I knew that. I did. I just didn’t want to make the same bad decisions she made. My dad walked away because he found out she was cheating on him. About a month after he left, my mom drunk-dialed him. She didn’t think to speak softly. Granted, I was supposed to be asleep at that time, but who could sleep with all the ruckus she caused with her drunken stupor?
I only heard her side of the conversation, but it was enough for me to piece together the story. I didn’t know how she could tell my dad that she loved him every night and be with another man. Sometimes, I wanted to asked Max about it. I was sure he knew the story behind their broken marriage. But I always lost the courage to do it. In the end, I kept my silence, but I made a vow to myself that day.
I would never be like her.
I didn’t want to be. And dating Lorenzo while thinking about Mason sounded like a bad idea waiting to happen. It wouldn’t be fair to Lorenzo, and I didn’t see how I could be happy in a relationship with someone who would be my second choice. There was only a couple of weeks left in the school year, anyhow. I wouldn’t have to see Lorenzo ever again. I heard him mention a couple of weeks back that he was going to Yale. There was no reason for us to start anything.
Hopefully by this time next year, I wouldn’t feel so lost.
The weeks flew by, a
nd in a blink of an eye, the last day of school had arrived. At least, for the seniors. The lower classmen still had about another two weeks to go, but today was our last day.
I grabbed the trash bin near the girl’s bathroom and threw away all my old papers from the year. All of my textbooks had been returned, and my backpack was being filled with nothing but my playbooks.
I had always loved a good playwright. A Doll’s House had been my favorite since I was a little girl. Who knew the story I loved so much would play out in my own life? A parallel between Nora’s abandonment of her children in the play and my own mother leaving.
I supposed she always knew Max would take care of me. In more ways than one, I was always going to be better off with him than with a mom who didn’t care. Would others interpret her decision to leave as self-sacrificing in any way? Or was it just as it was: the simple abandonment of her child?
I sighed and stuffed the paperback into my backpack, zipping it up. That was the last of it. I wouldn’t be coming back to this school ever again. I never thought I would be graduating without either one of my parents by my side. And then I would be eighteen in July. In the eyes of the state, I would no longer be a child. I didn’t need an adult to take care of me.
So why did I feel so lost? I both dreaded and looked forward to my eighteenth birthday. I wondered if Max would see me as someone who didn’t need him anymore then.
But I would always need him.
As he suggested, we went to the see a therapist the first Monday that he was back from his trip. Dr Anna Greene got her Ph.D. at Harvard in clinical psychology, specializing mostly in family dynamics. She was one of the best in her field, and I knew Max paid a fortune to have her work with us.
We see her four times a week, always in the evenings when Max got home from work. Sometimes, we saw her together. Sometimes, I went by myself. Max really believed she would help me get over my abandonment issues, and I didn’t know how to tell him that I still wake up in the middle the night to sit right outside his room and listen in on him sleeping.
I shook out my depressing thoughts, closed my locker and turned to walk away, only to find someone in my way. Lorenzo stood in front of me, a single red rose in his hand. He held it out and I took it with a smile. Although he hadn’t asked me out on a date again, he had been more attentive. I saw him more in the past two weeks than I did in the past three years.
He even showed up during my last day of theater, helping the theater kids clean out all the props and put them away in storage. He was making it harder and harder for me to deny him.
Some days, I couldn’t even think of why I said no. Then Mason would show up at the house, and I would be reminded all over again.
Ever since Max’s birthday, Mason had been hanging around the house more often. I supposed Mason could’ve always hung out at Max’s house before, and I never noticed, but I got the feeling that they were there because Max didn’t want to leave me alone. He also thought it would be a good idea for Mason and me to become close. Like brother and sister.
Max told me that on several occasions, and I wasn’t sure if he was saying that because he knew about my crush on Mason or if he genuinely wished for that to be the case. If only he knew how unsisterly my feelings for Mason were.
“I was just looking for you,” Lorenzo said, bringing me back to the present.
“Well, you found me.”
“That I did.” He held out his hand. “Can I show you something?”
I hesitated a brief second before I took his hand with my free one, praying it wasn’t as sweaty as it felt.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“It’s a surprise.” He winked, and my smile widened. Lorenzo was pretty charming when he wanted to be. I recognized quickly that he was taking me to the theater room. He opened the door to the darkened stage, and I paused in my steps, wondering if it was smart to be in this room alone with him.
Despite my crush on him, I didn’t trust Lorenzo. And just because we hung out more in the past two weeks didn’t mean I knew the kind of boy he was.
I took a deep breath and dug through my backpack for my cellphone. It was better to be careful than sorry.
He led me further into the room, telling me to watch my step as we climbed up on stage, and finally, backstage.
“What are we doing here?”
“You’ll see,” he said cryptically.
“Usually, I’m all for surprises. But not in a dark room.”
He shook in silent laughter beside me, as if I was joking.
I wasn’t.
“Oh, but I think you’ll love this.”
Then, he let go of my hand and went deeper in the room. There was a small moment of silence before the lights turned on, blinding me.
I blinked, trying to get my eyes to adjust, and when they did, I found Lorenzo standing three feet in front of me, his arms held out wide.
At first, I didn’t notice it. But when I did, several more things came into my sight of vision. I gasped and Lorenzo chuckled.
I took in the whole backstage, unable to believe my eyes. “Oh, my God. Did you do this?”
New equipment. Everywhere. Four new Rockland speakers that I knew ranged in the four figures, new ropes, a new thunder machine in the corner, and several new varieties of stage lights still in their boxes.
We’d been trying to get the school to approve the funding for new equipment for a while. No bake sales or donations from parents could have helped, considering how expensive everything was, and since the school’s main focus was on the athletic department, it meant that the art, music, and theater programs usually had to make do with what was left.
My eyes stung. I wasn’t going to be here next year, but this wasn’t about me. It was about the incoming freshman who would see all this and fall in love with theater like Lizzie and I did.
Lorenzo was still standing where I left him, a cocky smile on his face. “I might have talked to my dad about—oomph!”
I didn’t give him the chance to finish. I tackled him to the ground. He was laughing, his arms wrapped tightly around me, while I laid on top of him. This was one of the kindest gestures any boy had ever done for me. “I’m guessing you like it?”
“I love it. Thank you.”
“Believe me, it’s my pleasure.”
I didn’t think then. I closed my eyes and kissed him. Lorenzo stilled under me for half a second, before he took over the kiss, and… I couldn’t get enough. I moaned when he deepened the kiss, and I tugged on his hair when I felt his fingers digging into my back. There were no words to describe it. I had spent years imagining what it would feel like to have him kiss me, and even then, it couldn’t prepare for the reality of it.
What a wonder it was.
Lorenzo pulled away and I followed his lips, my eyes still closed. I didn’t want the kiss to end. He groaned and pressed another hard kiss against my lips. “God, Olivia. You’re driving me crazy.”
I smiled and opened my eyes. My lips felt swollen, and I licked them, wanting the taste of him back. “Good.”
He laughed, but it sounded strained. He moved a little, and when I accidentally made contact with his groin, my eyes widened in surprise. I quickly got off of him. He was hard.
I had never felt an erection before. Half of me was terrified and the other was… very, very curious.
He winced. “Sorry.”
“That’s okay. It just took me by surprise is all.” I looked away. Lorenzo cupped my cheek and turned until our eyes met. I knew I was blushing, and that he could probably feel the heat of that blush on my cheek.
I shot him a shy smile, and he gave one back. A gentle smile that did funny things to my insides. “Be mine, Olivia,” he said softly. “Whatever reason you have for not going on that date with me, please just forget it. Let me show you how good we can be together.”
He kissed me again, as if to prove his point.
I closed my eyes and savored the taste of him.
Yup, poin
t proven.
“Say yes,” he whispered.
“Yes.”
My smiled matched his, and then he pulled me tightly against his body until I had my face buried in his chest. How wonderful it felt to be there. And to think I was scared to be alone with him earlier. The notion seemed silly.
“You make me so happy,” he said, stroking me hair. I burrowed further into him. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe he wouldn’t always be second best. Maybe Lorenzo was exactly what I needed to make me forget about my unattainable crush on Mason.
I didn’t let the doubt get in my way. In that moment, I was happy.
9
Olivia
Lorenzo and I went on a total of three dates before I decided to tell Max.
There was just something unnerving about it. Mostly because I didn’t know how Max would react.
There would always be a part of me that sought his approval. A part of me that was willing to do almost anything as long as Max was happy. And if he didn’t approve of Lorenzo? There was a huge chance that I would break things off with him.
I didn’t like Lorenzo that much.
Not since Mason, anyway.
I fidgeted around the kitchen when I heard the garage door and looked around to make sure I hadn’t forgotten anything. I spent most of the day cooking. Neither Max nor I were big on cooking. In fact, there were more takeout leftovers in the fridge than anything else. But I hoped this would soften him.
I didn’t even know why I was so nervous. It wasn’t like Max didn’t let me date. The door to the attached garage opened, and I heard male voices. Max wasn’t alone, and from the sound of it, Mason was with him.
Great.
Just great.
When I couldn’t wait to see Mason, he had to work, but times when I needed it to just be Max, Mason couldn’t seem to stay away.
I controlled my expression and braced myself for the feeling of having a three-ton object press in on my heart, like it always did whenever I saw Mason. Having a crush on any man was bad enough—having an unrequited crush on a man like Mason literally hurt. No matter what I did or thought, Mason was still at the forefront of my mind every day.
