Being Not Good

by Elizabeth Stevens

  “Are you actually asking me to meet your gran? As in by choice? Not just convenience?” she asked and I heard the reluctance in her voice, which made my chest hitch objectionably.

  She was presumably referring to the fact that she’d only met my dad because going to mine after Vinny’s had been easier and Dad had happened to be home. Add to that the fact they’d spent less than about half an hour in the same room the next morning and most of that was me trying to get Dad to keep his well-meaning but giant mouth shut, this was definitely not the same as that.

  Fuck. I wished she wouldn’t look at me like that. She was obviously thinking quickly. There was this slight frown in her features and her eyes darted between mine agitatedly.

  She was going to say no.

  Of course she was going to say no.

  I met her family because it made dating easier and that was an Avery thing. Meeting Gran was different. I was a closed off guy who was suddenly asking her to meet my closest relative. This was abnormal for me and she knew it. This was nudging into serious territory and we were just meant to be a mistake.

  Of course she was going to say no.

  I looked away from her as I cleared my throat. “Forget I asked. I shouldn’t have… Of course you don’t… You don’t have to–”

  “I’d love to meet her, Davin,” she said. Her face went from hesitant to warm.

  I looked back down at her in surprise. “Really?”

  She nodded enthusiastically. “Of course! Meet the infamous Gran? I would never pass that up.”

  “But you…?”

  She cupped my cheek. “I was just surprised. I know how much she means to you. I’m flattered you want me to meet her.”

  I breathed out, feeling a sense of relief I reminded myself was preposterous. “Okay. Well I’ll ask her when suits?”

  Avery nodded, reached up to kiss me, then hugged me tight around the neck.

  “Oh,” she said without letting go. “Do you think this is the time for my peanut butter and chocolate brownies?”

  “What is your obsession with the brownies,” I didn’t growl as I nuzzled her neck because, again, humans don’t do that.

  “Davin!” she giggled, making my cock twitch in learned anticipation.

  “Avery?” I asked, my lips brushing her neck.

  “This is serious!”

  “Yes. Gran would utterly adore you if you brought brownies.” I wrapped her up tighter and she squealed happily. “But she’s not likely to share them.”

  “I’ll make you your own batch then,” she laughed before I kissed the hell out of her.

  Twenty-One: Avery

  “Mu-um!” I yelled as I ran around my room in nothing but my underwear at half past four the next Wednesday, furiously combing the tangles out of my wet hair.

  Mum came skidding into my room with Ebs not far behind. “What?”

  Ebony whistled as she saw me. “I did wonder why you didn’t shower this morning,” she said.

  “Not now, Ebs,” I pleaded.

  “What’s wrong, sweetie?” Mum asked.

  “The curlers. Where are the curlers?” I asked, grabbing the bottle of detangler and giving that particular lock another spray. “Why is this happening now?” I muttered.

  “Ave, you’re just meeting Davin’s gran,” Ebony laughed. “It’s not the end of the world if your hair’s not perfect.”

  Mum and I both glared at her.

  “You don’t understand,” I whined as I finally got the knot out. “Davin’s gran means the world to him. I can tell. If she doesn’t like me, I’m done for.”

  Mum gave me a weirdly knowing look – something between pride, humour, and surprise – and I would have spent more time wondering what she was thinking had I not been in the middle of a crisis.

  “I used your curler this morning. I’ll grab it,” Mum said gently as Ebony took another step into my room and frowned.

  “Oh what, Ebs?” I huffed as I looked around for my volumising powder.

  “He means a lot to you then?” she asked and I spared her a moment’s glance to find her hanging over the back of my desk chair.

  I tried to keep track of what she was saying and what I was supposed to be doing – I had two hours until Davin was going to pick me up. “Of course he does,” I replied absently as I dusted my hair with the powder.

  “No, Ave. I mean he really means a lot to you then?”

  I turned to her for a moment as I picked up my hair dryer. “Um…well, yeah.”

  “Do you love him?” her voice was loud enough for me to hear but soft enough for me to look at her with slightly more concentration.

  There was a look on her face I’d never seen before and I wasn’t quite sure what it meant. She looked a little bit uncertain, but a little bit confused, and just a little bit like she needed me to be entirely honest with her. Sister to sister.

  I breathed away the weird catch in my chest at the idea of Davin and love and smiled at her. “I’m not sure I can be trusted to know what love is, Ebs. I thought I loved Miles and–”

  “Yeah, but Miles was a shithead.”

  “Ebony,” Mum half-heartedly chastised as she came back in. Then gave me an apologetic look. “Though to be fair, Ave, he sort of was.”

  I nodded. “Exactly. Maybe you can be too young to know what love is.”

  Mum passed me the curlers and gave me a smile like she knew Ebs and I were having some sister time and left again.

  “I don’t think you believe that,” Ebony said, throwing herself stomach-first onto my bed.

  “Why not?” I asked her as I ran the hair dryer over my hair.

  “Because,” she said, speaking louder to be heard, “I’ve never seen you like this before.”

  “Like what?”

  “Well, no. I know you worry about what people think of you. But I’ve never seen you like actually worried. As in legitimately worried before.”

  I lowered the hair dryer as I tried not to compare my little sister and Davin too heavily. “What’s that mean?”

  Ebony shrugged. “You’re not just worried that people will think your eyeliner’s wonky or whatever. You want to make a good impression on Davin’s gran because you care about him. It’s new.” She huffed a laugh. “You weren’t even like this with Miles’ grandparents.”

  I grimaced and we both laughed. The night I’d met Miles’ maternal grandparents was not one of my finest. And through no fault of my own. I went in there as my usual self and expected they’d like me because everyone did. But it did matter what I did because they were adamant that no one was going to be good enough for their little Miles.

  Almost ironic really that he’d called me too good when I couldn’t win them over.

  I grinned at Ebony. “I wonder what they think of Cindy?”

  Ebony returned my grin. “If he’s smart, he won’t have introduced them to her.”

  I nodded. “Probably wise.”

  I finished drying my hair and then turned the curlers on while I did my make-up.

  “What are you wearing tonight?” Ebony asked after a while.

  I pointed vaguely at my wardrobe with the lip-liner in my hand. “On the door.”

  I sort of noticed her head over to the wardrobe as I filled my lips in.

  “Blue and black?” she asked.

  “Yep. What do you think?” I turned in my chair to look at her. “Do you think Davin will like it?”

  Ebony caught the skirt up in her hands and looked thoughtful for a moment. “Well, I like it.”

  I laughed. “And you and Davin like all the same things?”

  She looked at me out of the side of her eyes. “Pretty much.”

  I gave her a warm smile and decided to agree instead of teasing her. “Good. Then I’m sure he will like it.”

  Ebony hung out in my room while I curled my hair, helping me hold the odd piece of hair and dousing me in hairspray as necessary. We didn’t talk much
– Ebony even sang along to the music a little with me – but it was a nice sisterly moment. She helped me into my dress and did up my necklace for me.

  “What do you think?” I asked, giving her a twirl.

  “You look really nice, Ave,” she said with one of those rare smiles.

  “You’ve got the disco coming up, yeah?” I asked her.

  She nodded. “Yeah. Why?”

  I ran my hand over my skirt. “You want to borrow it?”

  Ebony and I were the same size even though I was a little (barely) taller.

  Her eyes lit up and she nodded more vigorously. “Will you do my hair like that too?”

  I put my arm around her. “Of course.”

  “Thanks, Ave.”

  I pressed my cheek to her head and blew her a kiss – knowing if I gave her an actual kiss she’d complain. “Anytime, Ebs.”

  I grabbed my clutch as we walked out and headed downstairs to wait for Davin.

  When the doorbell rang at a little before six-thirty, I ran to get it.

  “You’re technically early,” I laughed.

  But he wasn’t paying attention with his ears.

  “What are you wearing?” he asked, looking me over.

  I looked down. “You don’t like it?”

  “I didn’t say that…”

  “But?” I asked because his tone heavily implied a ‘but’.

  He scrubbed a hand over his chin. “I…”

  I looked down again at the dress I’d bought the day I bought his red Converse – which he was wearing. I thought he’d like it, or at least have no reason to complain about it. It was one of those retro 50’s swing dresses, pale blue with white polka dots, a thick black belt, with a black sweetheart neckline and halter strap. I’d paired it with red vintage-style shoes, I hadn’t added any bows to my hair, and my clutch was black.

  When I looked back to him, he looked thoroughly confused.

  “You don’t like it.”

  He shook his head. “I honestly don’t know how to feel about it.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean…” He looked me over again and I was starting to worry about what he was about to say. “You’ve somehow pulled off completely sweet and innocent – perfect for meeting Gran – but somehow I still just want to throw you up against that wall and show you what you do to me.”

  I looked down so he wouldn’t see the smile that elicited. I mean, that had been the goal after all. “Take me to meet your gran, then maybe I’ll let you do me dirty in the back seat on the way home,” I told him coyly.

  “Fucking Jesus, woman,” he breathed. “Don’t do that to me.” He rearranged his pants to prove his point.

  Then we both looked up sharply as Mum came into the hall. “Heya, Davin.”

  “Heather.” Davin nodded, managing to look far less guilty than me at what Mum could have walked in on.

  “What do you think, hun?” Mum asked him, taking my hand and making me twirl around.

  I flushed as I looked up at Davin and didn’t know why I felt so shy in front of him all of a sudden. Davin’s eyes were pinned to me and his usual dour expression was somewhat softer than usual.

  “She looks beautiful,” he said.

  “Ave. Brownies.” Ebony came in with the two Tupperwares I’d put the brownies in the night before. “Hey, Davin.”

  He nodded. “Ebs. Good?”

  She nodded. “Good.” And passed me the Tupperwares.

  I took them with a smile. “Thanks.”

  “Right.” Mum smiled. “Do you two need to get going?” There was a look in Mum’s eyes I wasn’t sure I liked. Not if it meant what I thought it meant.

  Davin nodded. “Uh. We probably should. Yes.”

  Mum looked at me like she was sorry for what she was about to do and I groaned.

  “What?” Davin asked and I hissed, “Mu-um!”

  “Just one. Please?” she begged.

  “It’s not the formal,” I grumbled.

  Mum held up a finger. “Just the one. Then I’m done.”

  I looked to Davin, pretty sure I knew the answer was going to be a resounding heck no. But to my surprise he nodded.

  “I can do a picture,” he said simply.

  Mum ushered him inside and put us against the cream wall of the hallway as she pulled her phone out of her pocket. “Okay. Okay. Just the one. I promise.”

  I gave Ebony the Tupperwares back, returning her wry smile. Davin sidled up close to me and put his arm around me and I instinctively put mine around him. I looked up at him as he flicked his hair out of his face. He looked at me with a humoured question in his eyes.

  “What?” he asked.

  I shook my head with a smile. “Nothing.”

  “Okay. Can I get one with you looking at me please?” Mum asked.

  Davin flicked his hair again and we both turned to Mum.

  “Great. Excellent. You both look great,” she said earnestly.

  I looked down to hide my smile as Davin and I pushed off from the wall. It wasn’t like I didn’t like what Davin was wearing. But it was still just his dark jeans and black top combination, no different to any other clothes Mum had ever seen him in except his uniform.

  “Thanks,” Davin muttered as he cleared his throat. “Shouldn’t be too late tonight.”

  Mum waved her hand and shook her head at him. “All good. Whenever.”

  I rolled my eyes at her as Ebony passed me back the containers and Mum shrugged.

  “Okay. Home by curfew. Blah, blah, blah!” she said with a rueful grin.

  “Bye,” I called, my expression hopefully telling her to cool it.

  “Bye,” Mum and Ebony said as I took Davin’s hand and led him out of the house.

  “You do look beautiful, you know,” he said, leaning towards me as we walked down the front path.

  “I thought we didn’t conform to traditional standards of physical beauty?” I teased and he did that huff that wasn’t quite a laugh.

  “I don’t just think you’re beautiful for your outsides. And you know that.”

  “So what makes me look particularly beautiful tonight, Davin?” I asked, swishing my skirt as I turned.

  He opened the car passenger door for me. “You made an effort.”

  I looked up at him as I got into the car and smoothed my skirt over my lap. “I always make an effort. Thank you.”

  He leant down, leaning on the roof. “You made an effort to win over Gran. Is it weird I find that sexy?”

  He closed the door and went around to get into the driver’s side. So I had a moment to myself to feel both thrilled that I’d at least impressed Davin and terrified about what his gran was going to think of me.

  “It’s sexy that I want to impress your gran? Or was it the idea of doing me dirty in the backseat?” I asked.

  He took a deep breath. “You want to make it to meet Gran, then let’s keep talk of backseat shenanigans to a minimum. Yeah?”

  I laughed. “Okay. Deal.”

  He turned the car on and took me to his gran’s house. He pulled into the driveway when we got there, then let out another breath.

  “You seem nervous,” I said, feeling a little concerned and nervous myself.

  “Of course I’m fucking nervous,” he grumbled. “I’ve never had a girlfriend, let alone brought her to dinner at Gran’s.”

  I leant over and made him look at me. “It’ll be okay. I promise I’ll be totally lovable.”

  He dropped his forehead to mine for a moment, saying, “That’s what concerns me.” Then he pressed a quick kiss to my lips and got out.

  I grabbed the Tupperware container for his gran, leaving his on the floor for later. I paused for a moment before I got out. I took a deep breath and reminded myself, “You can totally do this, Avery,” then got out and followed him across the lawn.

  Davin unlocked the front door, indicated I go in, and called, “Gran!” as he
closed it again behind him.

  “That you, Davin?” came a voice further in the house.

  “No,” he called back and I got the feeling it was an in-joke.

  A gorgeous woman walked into the hallway and beamed with nothing but love at him behind me before her eyes fell to me. I watched them widen in surprised interest for a moment, then she just looked pleased to see me.

  “Oh look at this gorgeous thing!” she cooed. “Oh, dear. You didn’t have to dress up.”

  “This is Avery dressed down, Gran,” Davin muttered as he went around me, his hand resting lightly for a moment on my back as he passed. He gave his gran a hug and let her kiss his cheek. “Gran, this is Avery. Avery, Ginny Wheeler.”

  I walked over to her. “It’s really lovely to meet you.” I held out the container, realising my hands were clenched rather tightly on it. I took a breath and tried to relax. “I, uh, made you some brownies.”

  She looked at Davin warmly as she took them from me. “That was lovely of you, dear. I’ll get right to those.” She passed the container to Davin. “But first let me look at you.”

  Ginny put her hand under my chin and looked me over like she was committing me to memory.

  “Oh, Davin. Look at her. She’s stunning. Posture, fashion, those eyes… And that smile.” Ginny leant towards me conspiratorially and I recognised the look of mischief in her eyes as the same I saw in her grandson’s. “Dear, what are you doing with my Davin?”

  I heard him mutter under his breath as he moved further into the house and I laughed. “I happen to quite like him, Ginny.”

  Her eyes fairly melted as she took my hand in hers. “You don’t know how it warms my heart to hear that, Avery. Now come in. Come in.” She started leading me into the house. “Davin should be making us drinks by now.”

  We walked into the kitchen and a big ball of grey fluff came trotting over to me with obvious curiosity. Davin turned and frowned at it.

  “Flint! Come…” He petered off as the cat started rubbing against my legs.

  I picked it up and held it close. I could feel it purring hard as it rubbed its head against my chin.

  “Holy shit,” Davin breathed and Ginny snapped his name. He looked at his gran and pointed at me. “He likes her,” he said like he didn’t believe it.