Her eyes narrow further and she asks suspiciously, “You do?”
“I do,” I tell her earnestly, but I also trust that Joslyn is going to be the one that makes the decision no matter what I or her mother wants. I vow to myself I’m going to make sure she relies on her own gut instinct, her own desires, and what she really wants out of life.
If I can ever do justice to my feelings for Joslyn, it will be to make sure she stays true to herself all the way and that she pursues the dreams she wants.
Regardless of how I or her mother feels about it.
Chapter 16
Joslyn
“I have faith in you,” Justin whispers before he kisses me.
His lips are soft, his hands gentle on my face, but I can’t get into it. My body is stiff as a board and my tongue is as dry as sandpaper.
Justin pulls away slightly to look in my eyes, and I see amusement there. And not the kind where we’d share a mutual laugh but more in a condescending way. He thinks I’m adorable for even trying to hang on par with someone of his caliber.
“Okay,” Marshall King calls out to us and I take a big step back from Justin. “That was fine, Joslyn.”
I expected him to yell “cut” but we’re not filming so I guess that’s not how it works. This is merely my audition for the movie “Shining Star,” a drama about a poor girl from the wrong side of the tracks who makes it big on the talent of her amazing voice. The audition is taking place in a rented conference room in downtown LA and I’ve not felt comfortable since we got off the plane this morning.
I turn toward my mom to see her reaction and restrain myself from wiping my mouth. It felt weird to kiss another man, and although Kynan assured me he was okay with it because he knows the audition called for it, it still feels a little like betrayal.
My mom gives me an encouraging smile. Marshall, who is the casting director for the movie, stands from his chair at the end of the table and turns to Ian. He nods toward the door. “Let’s talk.”
Ian also gives me a smile intended to reassure, although I’m pretty sure I bombed this audition. The mere fact Marshall told me my performance was “fine” is validation.
When the door shuts behind them, Justin turns to me. I thought I’d be star struck by him as he’s one of the hottest young actors out there but instead I was just a bit disgusted. He might have the dark dreamy looks every girl fantasizes about, but his personality turned me off from the start. Vain, entitled, and slightly rude, I was bordering on being repulsed.
He ordered one of Marshall’s assistants to bring him a very specific brand of vitamin water and when she told him they didn’t have any, he ordered her to go get it. He then shot me a leering grin as if his power would impress me. I glared at him in return.
“They’re not going to offer you the part,” he says and the negative words out of the blue cause me to jump.
My mother’s eyebrows knit together. “Why is that?” she asks in a neutral voice but I can hear the slight panic within.
Justin gives me his back to regard my mother with even more amusement. “Because her delivery is stilted and she kisses with all the passion of a dead fish. She’ll never be able to sell herself to an audience.”
Rude as hell.
There’s no response my mother can give because this is THE Justin Voss telling her critical information that’s probably very accurate. We know nothing of the business and he knows everything.
Pivoting my way, he gives me a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “Well, it’s been... charming. Best of luck to you in life.”
Without another word, he casually saunters out the door and it’s then that I notice that he never even opened the bottle of water he made that poor assistant go out for.
When the door closes, I mutter, “What a douche.”
“That’s Hollywood, I suppose,” my mom replies and doesn’t seem put out in the slightest.
“You really think that’s how it is here?” Because if it is, I hate it already.
She shrugs. “I guess it’s like this anywhere. There are nice people and there are jerks. You just have to learn to let it roll off your back.”
I suppose that’s good advice but it’s hard. I take things to heart and I don’t doubt everything Justin just said—right down to my dead fish kiss—was true. I was awful but I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. The few days I had with an acting coach in Vegas weren’t very fruitful at all. I tried to give the delivery like I was instructed but it was hard when you constantly doubt yourself. Or when you’re just not feeling it.
That’s part of the problem. I’m pursuing something that was never even on my radar. I’m having a hard time drumming up an internal passion for this type of art.
God bless Kynan this past week. We settled into a routine that had me walking on clouds. He had to work during the day so I practiced with the acting coach. He’d come see my show and after, he’d take me out for a late meal. Then it was back to his apartment where he would make love to me, sometimes twice, before we’d lapse into long talks about our future.
I never stayed all night. He usually brought me home sometime after midnight, with the new bodyguard, Cash, awkwardly following behind. My mother never waited up for me but I could tell by her disapproving look the next morning she didn’t like me spending time at Kynan’s. Not because of my age, because my mom already respected me as an adult I believe, but because I was spending too much time with him.
On my two days off this past week, I met Kynan at his place after he got off work and he helped me practice the scenes I was auditioning for. He was patient and encouraging, and totally hilarious as he tried to “play” Justin’s part in the movie. When we got to the kiss part, it was usually all over for both of us. We ended up naked and rolling around wherever we happened to be. That’s how we ended up christening his couch and kitchen table.
And oh my... the sex.
I feel like I’ve turned into such a slut with wanting him all the time. I could be in the middle of a show, happen to turn to glance at him off stage, and my body reacts. One time my nipples went painfully hard and were popping through my costume. I was embarrassed but still incredibly turned on with wanting him when the show ended. We hurried out of the theater that night without taking off my makeup.
I fondled him on the drive home, almost making him wreck. When we got into his apartment, I dropped to my knees before he even got the door closed and started unzipping his jeans. It was the first time I had him in my mouth and I’ll never forget the sounds I pulled from him that night.
“What are you thinking about?” my mom asks, and my cheeks flame hot that she busted me fantasizing about Kynan.
So I lie to her. “I was just thinking that if I can’t get through a kiss with Justin, how am I going to do the sex scenes?”
That’s another issue I have with the script. There are two pretty explicit scenes, and while Ian assured me he could put in a no-nudity clause, I really didn’t think I could act my way through it. One of the scenes would be me and Justin having sex up against a wall where he would be pounding ruthlessly inside of me. I’d be clothed but I’d have to put on quite a show and it made me slightly nauseated to think about it.
“I suspect part of the problem is that man,” she says disapprovingly.
“His name is Kynan and you’re well aware of that,” I drawl. But I don’t deny what she says. Part of the problem is that I don’t want to be kissing or simulating sex with anyone other than Kynan.
“Well, regardless of the problem, for the type of money you’ll make, you’re going to have to find a way to get past it,” she reminds me.
“If they offer me the part,” I retort, because she knows as well as I do that I did not do well in this audition.
That causes her mouth to snap shut because she knows I’m right. For the first time since she’s been managing me, I’ve not performed with stellar perfection.
The door opens up and Ian walks in. He looks neither upset nor happ
y, merely resigned. Motioning to the seats at the table, he makes a silent request for us to sit down. He takes a chair and clasps his hands on the table. “Okay... the good news. They love your voice. They feel it’s perfect for the movie and you bring passion to the songs that the other actresses auditioning can’t pull off.”
“And the bad news?” my mother clips out, eager to get to the heart of the matter.
“She didn’t carry the dialogue and that kiss was atrocious,” he replies bluntly.
Even though I knew all that to be true, I still flinch from the criticism. However, as much as that hurt to hear, I’m slightly relieved to be cut loose.
“More good news though,” Ian continues and my stomach pitches. “They think you can improve. Now that they see what the problems are, they want you to work with a different acting coach. They’ll give you a new audition in two weeks. You’ll have to move here immediately as some of the scenes they will want you to work are with Justin and he’s filming here now.”
“No,” I say without thought.
“We’ll do it,” my mother says right on the heels of my words.
We both turn to look at each other and I seize the opportunity to draw my line. “I’m not leaving my show. I have people that have advanced ticket purchases.”
“They can be refunded,” my mom says with a careless wave of her hand.
“No,” I reply again, and then turn to Ian. “I’ll do another audition and I’ll practice. But it has to be in Vegas so I can continue to work.”
“And see that man,” my mom mutters.
My head whips toward her and I glare. “For once, you’re wrong. I am only thinking about not letting people down who want to come see the show.”
“Those people are strangers to you, Joslyn,” my mother replies with a responding glare. “You cannot waste an opportunity like this on nameless, faceless people.”
“Ladies,” Ian says in a soothing tone. “I’m sure we can compromise.”
Our heads turn his way, but Ian only looks at my mother because he likes dealing with her. “Maddie... I’m sure we can get the acting coach down to Vegas, and we’ll just have to work around not having Justin to do scenes with her. In fact, perhaps her... boyfriend can help.”
“He can,” I blurt and it sounds way too excited and immature.
Ian shoots me a patronizing smile, then looks back to my mom. “It will be fine. I promise.”
He gets a tremulous attempt at a return smile but I can see my mother is feeling out of control.
Join the crowd, Mom.
Join the crowd.
Chapter 17
Kynan
“You can do this, Julie,” I drawl in overexaggerated enthusiasm as I read from the manuscript for Shining Star. “You’ve already sung your way into my heart and I know you can do it to theirs.”
Joslyn bites her bottom lip, trying not to snicker at me. I cock an eyebrow at her and she starts to laugh. She falls from her position, sitting naked and cross legged against the headboard of my bed, landing on her side. She’s adorable in that she makes sure to hold the sheet over her breasts, despite the fact I know every inch of her body.
Hell, I’ve licked every inch of it.
I just stare at her in amusement, but it’s no chore to do this. I could stare at her for every minute of every day.
I’m on the opposite end of the bed, in my boxer briefs and propped on my side on a pillow while she laughs. It’s a beautiful sound and makes me want to fuck her again.
And again.
And again.
Instead, I chide her. “You’re not taking this seriously. And you’re not projecting like you’re supposed to.”
She stops laughing, those blue eyes just pinned on me blankly.
I grin at her and mimic her acting coach, who sounds like he should be narrating Masterpiece Theater. “You must speak from the diaphragm and project.”
She starts laughing again so hard, she’s wiping tears out of her eyes. Not that she’d see it, but I roll my eyes before lunging across the bed for her. Within moments, I have my back against the hardboard and her body cradled in my lap, the round curves of her ass pressing down on my hard-on.
But I don’t act on it.
Tiling my head, I rest my temple against the top of her head. “I know you don’t like doing this stuff but it’s important. And you’re really getting good at it.”
“Really?” she asks as she draws lazy patterns on my chest with her fingertips. “Because every time I try these lines, I feel nothing but frustration over how hard it is for me to do it well.”
I give her a squeeze. “Singing comes so naturally to you, I imagine it is hard to struggle at something like this.”
She draws back to look at me, an irritated expression on her face. “And why am I even doing this? To work on a movie with a rude, arrogant star who I just know will make my life miserable. To suffer the patronizing way Ian talks to me and my mother’s ruthlessness to see me rise to the top.”
“You’re doing it because this could set up a career you never even dreamed of having,” I remind her solemnly. We’ve had this conversation many times the past several days.
“Why do you have to be so adult?” she mutters and I can’t help but chuckle.
My hand slides up her side, under her breast where I test its weight. I give it a soft squeeze and whisper, “You are all adult, Joslyn. Don’t doubt yourself.”
Her breath hitches but I release her and go back to the conversation at hand because it’s important. But first, I try to lighten the mood. “Well, I for one am glad Justin is rude. That way you won’t fall for him.”
Joslyn snorts. “As if. He’s such a jerk I can barely stand to kiss him.”
I grimace and pull her in tight to me. “Yeah... let’s not talk about that part of the movie. I’d just as soon ignore the fact another man is going to have his mouth on you.”
Joslyn pulls away to look at me earnestly. “I won’t do it if it bothers you.”
I smile and shake my head. “You may choose not to do this movie, but don’t ever make that decision based on whether or not the scenes cause you to touch another dude. That’s got nothing to do with me and you and I can separate out in my mind that it’s acting. Okay?”
“Okay,” she murmurs but adds on, “but I just am not sure if I should be doing this. There’s something that’s not sitting right with me.”
“Is it because you’re afraid for us or are you really just not liking this?”
Her expression turns to chagrin. “A lot of it is because I’m afraid of what will happen to us if I have to leave, but a large part of it is that I’m just not feeling that same rush of joy doing this as I do with singing. In fact, I’m not feeling anything at all. It’s like I was working a job as a secretary or something. Glad to have the work but at the end of the day, I’d rather be doing something more fulfilling.”
I find that to be very telling and this doesn’t surprise me. Every time she has to meet with her acting coach, she turns glum. When I try to practice with her, she fights me on it. I thought it might be her nerves and she’s trying to lower her own expectations of herself, but I’m starting to see that she just doesn’t have a burning need to be an actor.
Not the way she lives and breathes for her music.
“I never wanted this,” she tells me in a low voice, almost as if she’s ashamed. “I almost feel like my mom has lost sight of my dreams and she’s pursuing hers.”
I think Joslyn might be right about that and I think her insight is pretty accurate from what I’ve been able to observe, but I don’t validate.
I can’t.
I simply can’t do anything that will turn her away from doing this audition. I can’t be any part of such a decision that could make her hate me one day if she has regrets. So even though inside I’m terrified of what will happen to us once she leaves, I can’t let her know that.
If she’s offered the part, the filming is beginning very soon on the Eas
t Coast. It’s projected to take three months and, while I could wait until the end of time for her, I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t admit I’ve got some doubts as to whether we can survive as a couple in that time period. She’ll be surrounded by famous people and leading an exciting life. She could very well decide that she doesn’t have room for a relationship. I’m smart enough to know that even though what we have is so fucking real, it doesn’t mean it’s not fragile. If we don’t foster this, it could die and it’s sure as hell going to be hard to nurture what we have if we aren’t physically together.
So I remain encouraging and supportive despite my misgivings, and that’s the way it will be.
“This may not have been your dream before, but it doesn’t mean it can’t be your dream now,” I tell her, just as I’ve practiced in my head over and over again so I can really sell my support to her. “This is a very rare opportunity, Jos. Forget about the money you could make and think about the amount of contacts you’ll come out of this with. Or the exposure. You’ll have record labels lined up around the block to sign you.”
None of this seems to matter to Joslyn. She leans in close to me and whispers, “Promise you’ll wait for me and that you won’t fall madly in love with the first pretty girl that catches your eye if I get the part.”
Funny that she’s the one that needs assurance. I could easily ask the same of her, but I’m too much of a man to admit my vulnerability to her. “There’s no way that could ever happen. You’re it for me, Joslyn.”
“You’re it for me too,” she replies and then presses her mouth to mine.
And as expected, my body reacts. How could it not when she’s warm, naked, and sitting in my lap? I put a palm to her breast and squeeze it as we kiss. Her nipples are so sensitive they harden upon contact. She wiggles and shifts around, causing painfully delicious friction on my dick.
My hand slides from her breast, down her stomach, and in between her legs, which part for me. I flick at her clit, causing her to writhe with need. I press fingers into her and slowly thrust them in and out until she’s all but begging for me to let her come.
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