Absolution

by Jennifer Laurens

  “Like you have countless times lately. You think we aren’t going to notice?”

  “Debbie,” Dad broke in.

  “What? You told me she was in the living room talking to the couch just a few minutes ago.”

  I scrubbed my hands down my face. “Okay, okay, I have been doing that, yes. But I haven’t been drinking or using or anything like that.”

  “Then what is it?” Mom cocked a hip. Her arms remained folded.

  Would they believe me? I had to tell them something. They waited, their stares cutting into me.

  Albert sat upright, his face paling.

  “I…”

  Weston had believed me. Luke, too. But he’d also seen Matthias. How would they take news of their daughter telling them that she saw spirits? Not only saw them, but interacted with them?

  Was in love with one?

  I didn’t need to share that little piece of information.

  “Okay. This is… hard for me to express, so hang on. I… something happened to me before the accident. I… saw…” They’ll never believe me. They’ll think I’m a freak. I can’t do this to them. Yes you can. You can do this.

  I sucked in a long breath. “I saw a heavenly being in the car with me before the accident.”

  Mom’s eyes widened. Her arms gradually loosened from the tense grip they had around her body since I’d burst through the door. Dad blinked, but his expression remained steady and I knew Dad was close to understanding and believing what I was telling him.

  “He was there to comfort me.” Speaking of Matthias shifted my nervous tone to awe and respect. “He was real. As real as you and me. He’s… I know it sounds outrageous, but… he’s a guardian angel.”

  Silence.

  Thinking of Matthias sent an extra measure of strength into my being, a palpable comfort I felt from head to toe. I closed my eyes, overcome.

  When my eyes opened again, I found Mom and Dad focused on my face, their expressions stunned. Did they see the change? The light? Neither spoke for a few long seconds.

  Albert was gone.

  Relief and hope filled me.

  “Can you tell us what happened?” Dad’s voice was barely above a whisper. I was sure he believed in such things as guardian angels. He had a firm belief in God. Maybe it wasn’t too much to hope that he believed me.

  Another deep breath. “Well, before the truck hit me, I saw him. Sitting in the seat—the passenger seat. He told me not to be afraid. And I wasn’t.

  You have to understand that you can’t be afraid when he’s around because it’s impossible. He radiates this… this comfort and peace and joy and it’s the coolest most powerful feeling in the world and it takes you over. I mean, not takes over but the power is so real there’s no denying it. There’s nothing like it in the world. It’s absolutely—”

  “Zoe,” Mom blinked hard. “Are you sure this didn’t happen after the accident? Maybe you had a near death experience or something.”

  I’d definitely had a near death experience. “Mom. Yes. I had a near death experience. I died. This happened before the accident.”

  More silence. Not heavy, not angry. Ponderous.

  “Why didn’t you tell us?” Dad’s voice was soft.

  Now, their expressions were wounded. “I wasn’t sure you’d believe me. What happened to me was so miraculous, I…” My heart swelled and tears filled my eyes. “It’s special to me. I’m sorry. I was dealing with a lot.

  Recovering—”

  “I understand.” Dad held up a hand. “You’re right.”

  More silence dragged by.

  “I know it’s a lot to think about. But it’s real. It happened. Since then, I’ve seen him again. He’s… he’s Abria’s guardian angel.”

  Mom’s hand flew to her mouth. Her blue eyes grew wide with—shock?

  Did she think I was lying and had gone too far? Dad didn’t move. His even expression only became more alert, his eyes piercing me as if probing for a lie.

  I could go off on a tangent, trying to prove what was true, but I remained silent. Waiting. Hoping their hearts were open enough that Matthias’ presence could work its way in, that the undeniable, tangible feeling would leave them as convinced as if they could see him for themselves.

  “You’re serious,” Mom whispered.

  I nodded.

  When neither of them said anything, panic scratched its way up my spine. If they didn’t believe me, I’d be seeing a psychiatrist at the very least, sent to a mental hospital at the worst.

  I kept my gaze on my parents, but turned my head toward the open door. “Luke!”

  “Yeah?” His voice came from Abria’s bedroom.

  “Come here, will you?”

  “K.” I heard Abria’s bedroom door close.

  “Luke knows about this?” Mom gasped through her fingers.

  Luke appeared, his gaze flicking from me, to Mom and Dad.

  “I told Mom and Dad about Matthias,” I said gently. His eyes grew to saucers. The dense air surrounding us became prickly.

  Luke shoved his hands into his front pockets. “Um… yeah. She’s telling the truth.”

  Another gasp from Mom. Her fingers closed over her mouth, sending the skin on her face around her hand white.

  “Luke’s seen him too,” I said.

  Chapter Four

  ____________________

  “Well done, Zoe, well done.” Matthias’s glowing countenance lit the dark hall outside Mom and Dad’s bedroom.

  My limbs sagged, drained of the last bit of energy. Admitting to my parents that I saw Matthias lifted a weighty load from my shoulders, leaving me deeply relieved. I wasn’t sure how things would be in the morning, but I was pretty sure they’d have plenty of questions.

  I dragged myself to my bedroom, more than ready to say goodnight to the longest day of my life. Matthias’ face grew sober, his blue eyes steady on mine. “I’m sorry.”

  “For?” I flicked on the light and entered, wobbling from exhaustion.

  Matthias’ strong hands braced my shoulders. His strength filled my being, racing through my arms, core and legs.

  “My father…” He studied my face, a crease forming between his brows.

  “His efforts are wearing you out. Zoe, you’re a brave, sassy bearcat.” His lips lifted in a slight grin. His finger tapped my chin. “But he’s very powerful.”

  “I’m getting that. But he can’t overcome a mortal, right?”

  Matthias’ fingers tightened on my shoulders. His eyes crinkled in a smile. “Smart and sassy, a deadly combination. You’re ab-so-lute-ly right. Evil can’t overcome you unless you allow it to.”

  “So, I have nothing to worry about, because I will never let that loser take me. Never.”

  A shadow crossed his face. I reached up and wrapped my fingers around his wrists. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have called him a loser.”

  His hands slipped down my arms. He sighed, and slid his hands into the front pockets of his lightweight linen-white slacks. A dull ache echoed from my heart out into my limbs. Matthias’ pain. I was still getting used to our deep connection that enabled me to feel his hurts, see his memories, feel him as though we were one.

  I took his hand and shut the bedroom door. I had hopes of him staying with me, and the vision flashed into my head of him holding me in his arms while I slept. My heart pattered. Uh-oh. The drawbacks of your guardian angel being able to hear your thoughts could be humiliating, embarrassing and recklessly human.

  I was beat and was about to collapse from fatigue. Could I help it if I wanted to cuddle with him until I fell asleep? Matthias’ amused gaze shifted for a moment, meeting mine, and my bouncing heart lodged in my throat.

  Cuddle?

  Don’t listen to me. I’m loopy right now.

  As if bricks weighted my arms and legs, I crossed to my bed and flopped, stomach-down, onto the bedspread, my limbs spread like soggy noodles. My eyes closed the minute I smelled my pillow.

  “You’ve had a
day.” Matthias’ voice poured over me like an invisible blanket. I closed my eyes.

  The bed shifted when he sat beside me. His light caress on my head soothed any residual anxiety from the day into sweet nothingness. Thank you.

  You’re welcome.

  Matthias’ touch skimmed to my shoulder, tracing lightly to my hand, the electrifying effect shooting tingles through me. I opened my eyes. His were locked on mine, as if waiting. He lifted my hand to his lips and brushed a soft kiss across my knuckles. A flock of hummingbirds flew through my system, shooting flutterings from my fingers to my toes.

  I wet my lips, and when I struggled to sit upright, was reminded by my fatigued muscles that I needed rest. Ignoring them, I remained sitting up.

  “Are you going to stay?” My voice rasped.

  Matthias spoke against my knuckles. “Your wish is my command, remember?”

  A tired laugh scraped out of me. I wish. “No, I mean, will Albert be back?”

  Matthias lowered my hand to his knee and covered it with his other hand. His gaze sobered. “I’m certain he’ll be back. He doesn’t need sleep, Zoe.

  He hopes to wear you down, catch you at your weakest.”

  “Great.” I let out a yawn. “Then I’d better catch some z’s. It’s what—”

  I glanced at the clock on my bedside table, “—only midnight. It’s early yet.” I teased. “Should I sleep with boxing gloves on?”

  “I’m quite serious.”

  “I know you are.” I forced my lowering eyelids up. “I’m being careful.

  And I took care of him tonight. You said yourself I did well. Now that my parents know about you, well, it should be easier, right?”

  He nodded.

  I sent him a lopsided grin. “I ain’t no pushover.”

  Matthias reached out and his fingers pushed back a strand of hair at the side of my face. My head rolled into the palm of his hand, my eyes closed again. Beneath me, the mattress shifted. He moved closer, wrapped his arms around me and we settled against the headboard.

  Is this what you want?

  I nodded, snuggling against the easy rise and fall of his chest, immersed in his heartbeat—a lullaby that carried me into slumber.

  y y y

  My eyes opened to darkness. I lay still, gaze darting around my bedroom for what had awakened me. Used to being ripped from sleep—most of the time because Abria was stirring in her bedroom—I usually got up, checked on her, and fell right back into rest.

  This time, dread filled the air. I threw back the covers, shivering. Stood.

  Muscles moaned for more rest. Was someone in my bedroom? Stop this you spaz. You didn’t invite evil, so it can’t be in your bedroom. But the doom fogging the air was potent, coming from behind my closed bedroom door like some looming apparition straight out of a nightmare.

  I glanced at the clock. I’d slept for two hours? My muscles dissolved into wavering weakness. I couldn’t face Albert like this. I didn’t have the strength.

  But where was he? What was he doing?

  I couldn’t leave my family to his whims. They may know about Matthias, but they still had no idea how powerful Albert was.

  Hands shaking, I crept to the door and cracked it open. Hot, muggy terror filled the hall—like choking invisible smoke. No light came from beneath Abria’s closed bedroom door. My parents’ bedroom was likewise dark.

  A faint glow seeped from beneath Luke’s door. Each step I took drew me closer to the invisible fog of darkness I was becoming familiar with whenever Albert was in the vicinity. Nausea rushed up my throat, mixing with vibrant fear.

  He’s waiting for me.

  My cold, clammy hand wrapped around the knob. You have to see what’s going on, Zoe. You can’t leave Luke alone with him.

  Praying for strength, I closed my eyes. I can do this. Matthias said I can, and I can. And if I was in mortal danger, he’d be here.

  I opened the door and a powerful whoosh of evil pressed into me, as if I’d walked into the fiery steam of hell. The force sucked breath away, sent me back a step. My limbs vibrated as the invisible yet potent force shocked my system. My eyes latched on Albert, pacing back and forth in front of Luke who sat on the floor, his back propped against the side of his bed, his head buried in his hands.

  I advanced into the room, afraid Albert had hurt Luke somehow.

  “There she is.” Albert grinned, his eyes sparkling into slits. “Did I wake you?” The familiar cadence of Matthias’ voice—genetically gifted from Albert, now used as sincerely as a New Orleans voodoo doctor—again threw me off balance. “I certainly hope you were having delicious dreams, Zoe.”

  “You’re disgusting,” I sneered, moving closer to Luke.

  Luke jerked his head left and looked at me as if he hadn’t heard me come in. On the floor around him was a bong and the makings of a mind-blowing smoke session. But I didn’t catch the musky-sweet scent of marijuana in the air.

  “I know,” Luke’s voice was shredded, worn. “I’m a complete loser.”

  I knelt next to him. “I wasn’t talking to you.” I touched his arm. “Did you relapse?”

  He shook his head, scraped his fingers down his face, his gaze on the drugs. “I’m trying not to.”

  Albert’s grin had faded, and he watched with keen interest. “Good,” I said to Luke, shooting Albert a glare. “I’m glad you haven’t used. Want me to take this out of here?”

  Luke took a deep breath, his gaze never leaving the bag of green grassy flakes lying at his side. “No.”

  Albert smiled. “That’s my boy.”

  “Luke.” I reached for the weed and Luke snatched the bag into his possession before I could grab it. “Come on, let me take it so you won’t be tempted.”

  “I’m… I’m still deciding, Z.”

  “The ambivalent heart is so much easier to turn than the resolute,”

  Albert said. “Perfect choice, Luke.”

  “You have to decide not to use.” I gripped his sleeve, reached for the bag, but he held it behind his back, his face sharpening with anger.

  “I didn’t ask you to come in here,” he snapped.

  “Ah, now we’re rolling.” Albert rubbed his hands back and forth. “A little momentum. Just what I needed.”

  “You shut the hell up!” Crap. I was letting Albert get the best of me. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath.

  “No, you shut up,” Luke’s voice raised a notch. He stood, stuffing the bag into the front pocket of his jeans. “And get out. Why do you always come in here? I didn’t ask you to come in here.”

  I shot to my feet. “Please,” I forced myself to slow. Think. One, two, three, four, five, seven, ten. I blew out a breath. “Okay, you’re right. It’s your decision.”

  “Save me the lecture,” Luke snickered.

  “No lecture.” I softened my voice, pictured Matthias’s serene face in my head. I closed my eyes, partly to see Matthias more clearly, partly to block Albert out of my mind. “Matthias was right about you,” I said, opening my eyes and smiling at Luke.

  Albert stopped pacing. Luke’s eyes held childlike curiosity, and a glimmer of hope lifted my heart.

  “He told me you were strong enough to get through this on your own.”

  “He did?”

  I nodded. I crossed to Luke, the move causing his baby blue eyes to widen. His hand protectively went to the pocket where he’d stashed the weed.

  “I’m not going to take your stuff. This is your thing. Your choice.”

  I wrapped him in a hug. His body went stiff, bringing a grin to my face.

  Seconds stretched by. Finally, his arm went around me and he patted my back lightly with one of his hands.

  “You’re not crying are you?” he asked.

  I squeezed him tighter, amazed that, as children we had hugged each other willingly, often in fun and games as well as real caring. How had the years spread our physical displays of affection so far out of reach? Now, more than anything, he needed to know my love
for him was still inside of me.

  “No, I’m not.” I eased back and grinned at him. “I love you, you know that, right?”

  He nodded.

  “Isn’t this precious.” Albert’s hiss slithered into the air around us. I didn’t look at him, didn’t allow his menacing presence to penetrate the love in my heart for Luke.