Absolution

by Jennifer Laurens

  Should I be worried?

  I told you Weston was a safe companion for you. The right corner of his jaw steeled, his hands dove into the front pockets of his ivory slacks and fisted.

  “Zoe?” Weston queried, noticing my gaze was locked to his right.

  “Give me a second, please,” I said, holding up my hand. What’s wrong?

  Matthias lowered his head momentarily. When his gaze lifted, penetrating and unblinking, the sight caused something inside of me to tear. I wish I was mortal.

  His longing ripped through my body, melding with my own ache for him, the two twining, reminding me that our connection was real and undeniable, in spite of the seemingly impossible breach of Heaven and Earth.

  He loved me, and wanted me to be happy. I loved him and wanted him to be happy, too. Why did it seem like we were both unhappy?

  Matthias cleared his throat and his expression lightened some, but it was only in an effort to make me feel better. His anguish remained an open wound inside of me.

  I’ll go.

  I never wanted Matthias to go. Ever. But time, life, was teaching me that I, too, had to let him go if I was to live my life. My heart, still weighed down by a portion of grief, slugged painfully in my chest as Matthias’ light blinded me with his departure.

  I forced myself to put longing for him aside and focus on the moment.

  “Zoe? Is he gone?”

  I nodded, and took the two steps that brought me close Weston. His scent filled my head. Calmness settled over him, soothing away traces of fear and confusion. He studied me, and I wished the two of us could read each other’s minds like Matthias and I could—then he’d know how much I wanted him to control his anger, that vengefulness wasn’t worth the damage words caused or the evil it invited.

  Weston’s penetrating gaze remained steadily with mine, as if just looking at me strengthened him. Maybe it did. I reached out and laid my hands on his arms, let my hands slide to his and link.

  Weston’s fingers tightened around mine. “I’m so sorry.”

  “I know. It’s over, don’t think about it.”

  “How can I not when I acted like some possessed freak?” He embraced me, and stroked my hair.

  “Brady’s seriously out to destroy you. Be careful, your anger invites him in.”

  Weston nodded.

  I sighed, relieved. “I’m a mess. I better get home and get ready for school.”

  Weston stepped back and glanced down the hall where his mother had disappeared.

  “Will you be okay? With her?”

  He nodded. “I’m gonna shower and leave.” With a gentle tug on my hands, he pulled me against him and kissed me. Then he led me to the front door and opened it. I stepped through the threshold, but his hand kept hold of mine. He drew in a breath and leaned close, and pressed another kiss on my cheek.

  I stripped and showered, enjoying the hot water flowing over my skin.

  I toweled off in front of the mirror, pleased that no dark circles shadowed my eyes. My gaze drifted to my breast and the soft red lines—the scar I’d have the rest of my life—from the accident. I’d had perfect breasts before that truck had slammed into me, sending glass and metal flying. What would Weston think?

  Would he be repulsed? Turned off?

  Shame heated me that I would spend any time worrying about something so insignificant. I was alive.

  The accident could have been much worse. I’d almost died.

  Paradise, and the precious, unique moments I’d spent there with Matthias flashed briefly into my mind, but the memory had faded. Shocked, I stood staring at my reflection in the mirror. How could that happen? The single most extraordinary experience of your life and you’re forgetting it?

  Momentary panic threatened me to the point where I closed my eyes and tried visualizing what Matthias and I had shared in Paradise. The vivid colors of the trees, the softness of the grass we walked upon, the ultra clear blue sky stretched endlessly overhead and the sun—warm and soothing in its glory—all played before my closed eyelids in three dimensional brilliance.

  Matthias’ face, the color of his eyes staring into mine… here is where the memory stepped back enough that he appeared vague. Ghostlike.

  Angry at myself, I opened my eyes, meeting my reflection in the mirror again. This is temporary, that’s all. A stupid brain loss brought on by stress or something. It doesn’t mean anything.

  I wouldn’t fall prey to over analyzing. I dressed in jeans, a brown shirt with black angel wings on the back—just what I needed—and smiled at the false security such an artistic endeavor provided, though I was sure the design wasn’t meant to actually provide comfort.

  After brushing blush on my cheeks and applying shadow and mascara, I tied my hair up in a haphazard knot at the back of my head and grabbed my backpack. School seemed so mundane and trivial compared to the life I led keeping my family and friends from Albert. I almost laughed at how insignificant learning in the classroom was in comparison to what I’d learned over the past few months.

  You’re not saving souls. That’s not your job. Thank heavens. I laughed. I passed Abria’s room and found Mom dressing her in pink sweats with colorful little ponies dancing across the chest.

  “So what was that all about this morning?” Mom asked.

  “Just helping Weston with a crisis.” I nodded at my sister. “How is she today?”

  “What kind of crisis?”

  “His dad walked out this morning.”

  Mom’s hands went still. “Oh no.”

  “Yeah. He was pretty upset.”

  “I can imagine. That’s too bad.” She resumed pulling Abria’s hair back into clips at the side of her face.

  “Is Abria okay today?” With a kiss, Matthias had wiped away any unpleasant memory of Abria’s frightening experience. Still, I was curious.

  “She’s fine. I mentioned being at the hospital to her and she looked at me for a second. But that was it. Stand still, Abria. Please.” Abria flapped her arms.

  “So, are you guys going to go to the conference?”

  Mom smiled. “I think we are, yes.” Her eyes shared a joy she knew I understood.

  “Exciting. Where it is?”

  “Boston.”

  “Nice.”

  “We’re taking Abria. They’ll have experts there. I want to make an appointment with some of them, have them observe her and get their ideas.

  You know?”

  I nodded. Not a vacation, by any stretch.

  “Z!” Luke called from down the hall. “Let’s hit it.”

  I stood erect, hands in the pockets of my jeans. “Coming. Bye Abria.

  Bye Mom.”

  I turned, and Mom’s voice stopped me.

  “Zoe?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Be careful.”

  I crossed to her, wrapped her in a hug and then patted Abria on the head. I followed Luke down the stairs. He wore baggy jeans, a black and blue checked hoodie over a sky blue t-shirt that reflected in his eyes. Black checkerboard Vans donned his feet.

  “Where’s the party?” I asked, wondering why he was in such a rush.

  He pulled open the front door and a gust of cold air wafted in my face.

  “Did you hear from Krissy?” I kept in step with him until we reached the Samurai and he swung open the driver’s door. I skipped around to the other side.

  He started the engine, then blew in his cupped hands, sending white mist into the cab of the little car. “Man, when’s spring gonna come?”

  I shut the door, shivering. “Soon, I hope. You trying to change the subject?”

  He pulled onto the street, the car sputtering to life. “No. Krissy’s gonna meet me at school. ”

  “She called?” Her mother’s back, crawling with evil spirits, came to mind. I suppressed a rumble of disgust.

  “Yeah, well, the control Nazis are out of her life now, thank God. She called me this morning.”

  “Her mom is gone, too?”

&n
bsp; Luke thrust his free hand into his shaggy blond hair. “Yup. She wouldn’t go into details, Z. She was crying. Said she was coming down to clean out her locker and get checked out of school.”

  “Oh, no. I’m sorry.”

  “I guess she’s going to live with her aunt after all.”

  “She’s better off away from her parents.”

  After a long pause, he nodded. “Yeah. Still, Ogden’s two hours from here.”

  Separation wasn’t easy. “Maybe it won’t be for that long.”

  Luke pulled his car into far end of the school parking lot—the area closest to the park—and turned off the engine. His gaze swept the area for Krissy. Mine did too.

  Krissy, dressed in her camel coat and jeans, was walking out of the school with a woman wrapped in a gray coat and red scarf. Krissy’s aunt? A social worker? Krissy carried a brown box in her arms. She seemed to see us, as her slow gait quickened when her head turned our direction.

  “There she is,” Luke said. He got out of the car, stood in the open driver’s side door, his hand tapping on the roof of the car.

  Krissy and the woman walked over. I glanced at the clock on my phone.

  Five minutes until school started. I wanted to talk to Krissy myself, but the urgent yearning Luke tried to mask with typical coolness was as potent as love.

  I remained in the car—a selfless act Luke didn’t notice, too focused on Krissy.

  The three of them met a dozen or so feet away from Luke’s car. Luke shoved his hands in the front pocket of his hoodie. Krissy’s pale face beamed, though her smile faltered with expected weariness.

  It was the first time (outside of the party, when she’d been dressed by Britt in some of Britt’s skanky clothes) I’d seen Krissy wearing jeans beneath her camel coat instead of her denim jumper. Her hair hung down around her shoulders.

  I cracked my window an inch, hoping to catch their conversation but only heard Luke’s bass tone muted by Krissy and the woman’s voices as the three of them talked. Soon, the woman took the box from Krissy’s hands and returned to a sedan parked a few slots away, leaving Krissy and Luke alone.

  Krissy stepped closer to Luke, her smile trembling. Luke reached out and laid a hand on her shoulder, his gaze flicking behind Krissy to the woman sitting in the car.

  It wasn’t long before the pitch of Krissy’s voice rose like a siren getting closer and closer. Her shoulders buckled and she wept. Luke hugged her.

  Krissy’s arms wrapped tight around Luke, her hands fisting around the baggy gold fabric of his hoodie, drawing the garment tight across his back.

  Talking ceased. Luke slowly stroked Krissy’s hair and her weeping finally subsided.

  From the car, the woman watched, at one point dabbing at her eyes with a white tissue. I sighed, looked away from her, from Luke and Krissy.

  When I looked up again, Krissy was backing to the sedan, her red-eyed, puffy face fastened on Luke with the need of a prisoner wanting food.

  He didn’t move. Krissy got into the sedan, keeping her stare on Luke, and the woman drove away.

  I got out of the car, retrieved our backpacks and shut the passenger side door. The empty parking lot held Luke’s gaze for a few long moments, then he turned to me.

  We started up the drag. The tardy bell shrilled in the distance.

  Inside, halls were lined with tacky posters urging students to choose a date and attend prom—scheduled to be held at a hotel in one of the ballrooms in a few weeks. The Paradise theme still caused me to shake my head. The irony. Would Weston ask me? My life had been barraged with life and soul-threatening matters. I’d barely had time to do homework, much less contemplate going to a dance. I’d have to do some serious cramming.

  The halls were empty. Luke’s head remained bowed. I hoped he could make it through this episode with Krissy without relapsing. After quick goodbyes, we went our separate ways. I searched for Weston’s dark mass of hair and straight, erect shoulders but didn’t see him. I hoped he and his mom hadn’t gotten into another argument, that he had come to school. Maybe he was already in class . I pulled out my phone and sent him a text: u here? Then I opened my locker and exchanged books.

  “Right here.” Weston’s voice slid into my ear. His strong arms wrapped around me and his chest pressed into my back. “Mmm, you smell good.” His teeth nipped my earlobe and I giggled.

  He turned me, keeping his palms at my waist, and kissed me. “You smell good yourself,” I whispered, breathing in his spicy pine cologne.

  He closed my locker door and kept his arm around me as we strolled through the empty hall toward my first period class.

  “Thanks for coming over this morning. I was angry as hell at her. When I think about it, I want to smash something.” His fierce gaze met mine. “So…

  Brady was really there? You weren’t just saying that to wake me up?”

  “I’d never do that. He was there, and he was going in and out of you.”

  Weston’s eyes left mine. He stared straight ahead, face and neck whitening. His body shuddered. “Why were you late?”

  “Luke was saying goodbye to Krissy.”

  “Goodbye?”

  “She was checked out of PG this morning. I didn’t tell you about what happened after you dropped me off.” I relayed the Krissy drama from Luke walking in with a black eye, to the park, to visiting the hospital for Krissy and seeing her mother walk out in handcuffs.

  Weston whistled. “Wow.”

  “Apparently she’s going to live with her aunt.”

  “At least she has some place to go.”

  “Yeah.”

  Weston’s gaze left mine and for a long moment, he stared off into nowhere. “How do I make sure Brady leaves me alone for good?” Fear flashed in the depths of his eyes.

  The same way I keep Albert away from my family. With every ounce of energy I could muster, every single day. I didn’t want to overwhelm him. Scare him. “Stay as far away from me as you can.”

  He eyed me, as if deciding whether or not I was joking. I shrugged.

  “It’s true. Brady seems to be attached to Albert’s hip. Albert’s set on ruining Matthias, through me, and he’s using practically everyone I know.”

  “Well, forget that.” Weston’s jaw knotted. “I don’t care what the freak does, he’s not getting to me. Period.”

  I smiled, pleased with his determination. But did he have any idea how hard it might get? How ruthless the tactics? How stealthy? “I’m serious, Weston. This will get ugly.”

  “I don’t care.”

  “It’ll be hard.”

  “Don’t care.”

  “Harder than anything you’ve ever been through.”

  “I said I don’t care. I’m not going anywhere.”

  He drew closer. Was he going to kiss me?

  We stopped outside the door of my first class. “I want to ask you something.” His fingers skimmed my cheek and the taut skin over his face relaxed some. My head spun with possibilities.

  I nodded. “Sure.”

  He glanced around at the vacant hall. “This isn’t the right place.

  Lunch?”

  Chapter Sixteen

  ____________________

  Anticipation soared through my blood. I couldn’t sit still through morning classes. I wanted to share the excitement with Britt, like I had so many times. To laugh and gossip, scheme and plan. Now, that was impossible.

  Thinking of her fizzled some of the thrill coursing through me. Oh well.

  She was where she was, and I was here. It had been days since I’d taken her home. How was she? Was she in rehab now? Did she still have her phone?

  I bit my lower lip, made sure the teacher had her back turned and slid out my cell phone, debating texting her. What would communicating accomplish? She probably still wanted me dead. She’d see my efforts at contacting her as rubbing her nose in my relationship with Weston, celebrating her confined existence.

  I slipped my phone back into my pocket.

>   The lunch hour finally came, and my phone vibrated in the depths of my pocket. I pulled it out.

  go 2 ur locker

  I grinned, and practically skipped through the halls to my locker. After turning the knob and unlocking it, I opened the metal door and inside was a bouquet of white orchids.