The Trustworthy One

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  Turning her face away from him, she ran a finger along the countertop. “There’s a lot of Troyers around. I’m surprised you thought of me.”

  He laughed. “Jah, there are a lot of Troyers, for sure. There’s not a lot of pretty ones, though.”

  The comment was so irreverent and surprising, she looked back at him.

  Meeting her gaze, his grin deepened.

  What could she do? She smiled back in spite of her better judgment. “I suppose there’s a compliment in there somewhere.”

  “Come now, Kendra. We both know it’s not hidden. I put that out there as bold as brass.” He walked closer, reminding her just how good he looked in his dark pants, boots, and white shirt. Yes, he was wearing the same clothes most any Amish man in the county wore. But somehow, he managed to wear them better.

  He was practically daring her to look anywhere but into his eyes, and realizing that it was getting harder and harder not to let her eyes stray, Kendra coughed, then looked back down at her list. She reckoned it was an almost believable stance. Well, it might have been, if there were more than two items on the list.

  Nate shifted. “Kendra, Clyde also told me something else that I found interesting.”

  She picked up a pencil. “And what is that?”

  “That you’ve been visiting this shopping center for a while now. Several weeks, in fact.”

  Her chin popped back up. “It’s no secret that I moved back to Walnut Creek.” She’d been all over the area with her friends.

  “What I’m getting at is that my hardware store is just two doors down. And since Walnut Creek Hardware was started by my grandfather and we have a lot of the same friends, you had to have known that I was running it now. Didn’t you?”

  “I did.” She looked at him curiously.

  “I thought you would’ve stopped by.”

  “There was no reason for me to.” She picked up a hammer from a counter. “I already have enough tools.”

  “Come on. You still could’ve come in to say hello. I mean, we’re friends, right?”

  Suddenly, all of his words just made her feel awkward. He was acting too sure of himself. Too slick. “Nate, though we’ve known each other for a long time now, we’ve never really been friends.”

  “Are you serious?”

  As much as she wanted to act like nothing he ever said about her had bothered her, she couldn’t do it. “I wouldn’t lie about our past.”

  All the humor faded from his expression. “Maybe we should talk about that,” he said slowly.

  There he went again. Looking at her too intently. Seeing too much.

  Feeling trapped, she stepped away from the countertop and stuffed her notebook back in her purse. “I don’t think so. I mean, there’s nothing to say that hasn’t been said before. Now, I think I’d better get on my way home.”

  “Hold on a sec, wouldja?” Looking troubled, he spoke again. “Kendra, I’m sorry, but I think there might be some things that need to be said.” He stepped closer, bringing with him the scent of soap and peppermints. “For years, you’ve acted like you want nothing to do with me, even though we have all the same friends. Every time you’ve come back to town, you’ve hardly ever said a word to me—even when I’ve tried to ask about your job or how your family was.”

  “Nate, I’d rather not talk about you and me.”

  “I really wish you would, though.” Looking at her directly in the eye, he said, “What did I ever do to ya?”

  He’d embarrassed her. Made her feel like she was less than everyone else. And that had hurt so bad that she’d tried to avoid him at all costs. In short, Nate Miller was a constant reminder of how badly she’d wanted to fit in and how impossible that goal had seemed back when she was fourteen.

  But to dwell on that made her feel churlish and petty. They’d all moved on. “I don’t think there’s any reason for us to start rehashing things that happened ten years ago.”

  His eyes lit up with triumph. “So, I did do something. When? Ten years ago?”

  Ugh. The conversation was not only awkward, but she was also somehow making things even worse. “Don’t worry about it. It’s not important anymore.”

  He stepped closer. “Sure it is.” He lowered his voice. “Kendra, what exactly did I do? I honestly can’t recall when I hurt you so bad.”

  “Nate, you used to laugh about me to your friends. You put me down. You would point out how I wasn’t smart and had to go to special classes.” When he opened his mouth, she talked over him. She couldn’t help herself. “You used to remind everyone that I didn’t have any money. That my family was poor. That I had to go to the food bank while you did your volunteer service there.” Though she knew she should simply shut up, she added in a choked voice, “Nate, I heard you make fun of… of my whole situation.” That was as much as she could say about her abusive father and her in-denial mother.

  All the color had washed out from his face. “I… I don’t know what to say other than that I’m sorry.”

  She felt herself breathing hard. All of her hard-earned poise had just disintegrated in a flat thirty seconds. Good job, Kendra. Now she was just a couple more seconds away from showing Nate that she was still awkward and unpolished. Just seconds away from losing everything she’d ever hoped to attain. “Look, I know it was a long time ago. I’m surely being too hard on you. Let’s just forget about it.”

  “Kendra, I remember a lot of what you are talking about. I was a jerk and I really am sorry.” He waved a hand. “But you can’t seriously hold me to task for that now, can you? I mean, I was just a kid when I acted like that.”

  She didn’t want to hold a grudge, but that explanation felt like a sharp jab into her side, because he was neglecting a very important point. He might have been just a kid when he’d done all of those things, but she’d been just a kid, too.

  Just a fourteen-year-old abused girl with four younger siblings and not a lot of hope.

  “I know, Nate,” she said. “But see, you acted for the world like you were better than me. You volunteered. You helped the poor and needy. You acted like you were friends with just about everyone, but it was all for show. Inside, you weren’t all that nice at all.” Though it was hard, she continued to look at him in the eye. “I’m sorry, Nate. I know you were just a kid and everyone makes mistakes. But as much as I try to give you excuses, there’s a part of me that thinks you were old enough to know better.”

  A muscle worked in his jaw. “You’re right. I really am sorry.”

  His easy agreement took her by surprise. “All right.”

  “So, do you forgive me?”

  She nodded. “I forgive you.”

  “So, maybe we can be friends now?”

  She hadn’t expected that. Caught off guard by the confusion she was feeling, she gripped a fold of her dress. “Let’s take things one step at a time, jah?”

  “I hope you’ll at least try. I mean, every moment counts, true? Especially after Andy died.”

  “This isn’t about Andy.”

  “Of course it is. It’s about friendships and hurting and not doing enough to make things right. It’s about missing opportunities.”

  His voice sounded brittle. Hurt. She exhaled, hating how upset she was by his words. How confused they made her feel.

  “Nate, I… I don’t know what to say.”

  “How about you say that you’ll try? Just say that you’ll try to trust me again. I promise, I’m worth it.”

  While she gaped at him, he paused, looking like he was going to make a speech, but he seemed to reconsider. Seconds later, the door closed behind him with a satisfying click, leaving her alone again.

  Standing there in the silence, Kendra thought about his words, about his promise that he could be trustworthy again. However, she knew that wasn’t going to be the problem.

  The problem was that she’d never trusted Nate Miller. And how did one repair a relationship that hadn’t actually been there in the first place? She wasn’t sure if th
at was possible.

  Of course, whenever she thought about her late teens in Columbus, she shivered. Kendra knew what it was like to be alone, and it was hard. There was also the memory of Andy. She’d always liked him and thought she’d have her whole life to one day renew their friendship.

  But he was gone now, and she’d have to live with that. Regrets always tasted bitter, and she didn’t want to have any more of them if she could help it.

  As if the Lord was nudging her forward, Kendra knew she had to discard her hurt where Nate was concerned. Though they might never patch things up completely, she owed it to herself, Nate, and maybe even Andy’s memory to try.

  TWO

  “I feel the same way, Kendra,” Katie continued. “But I have to admit that I was relieved to know we were going to talk about Andy tonight. So often I hate to bring him up. I’m ashamed to admit it, but I feel if I mention Andy, I’ll make everyone depressed.”

  “I’ve done the same thing,” Will said. “My only saving grace is that I think Andy would have completely agreed.”

  “Well, yeah,” John said. “Andy used to place a lot of importance on a good time.”

  TWO DAYS LATER

  SATURDAY

  “Are you ever going to stop glaring, Nate Miller?” his assistant, Benjamin, asked.

  As Nate blinked, he realized that he’d been lost in thought, no doubt staring blankly at a display of batteries they’d just placed on sale. “I haven’t been glaring.”

  “Sure you have. All day long, too.” With a grunt, Benjamin started sorting a new shipment of electrical supplies. “And just for the record, yesterday wasn’t any better.”

  “Did you know that I didn’t hire you to comment on my disposition?”

  “This here is a bonus. And believe me, you need all the help you can get. You’re practically scaring young children.”

  Benjamin was fifty years old, knew more about hardware and building materials than most anyone in town, and was a little too free with sharing his opinions.

  Nate picked up the assortment of cleaning supplies he was about to display and started to walk away. “Exaggerate much?”

  Benjamin picked up two brooms and followed him to the showroom. “All I want to know is how I can help you. What’s wrong? What’s gotten you so irritated?”

  He was going to keep his thoughts to himself but decided to share. Benjamin knew so much. Maybe he could help Nate figure out how to patch things up with Kendra. “Kendra Troyer is opening a shop two doors down.”

  Ben nodded. “Jah. It’s a knickknack and decorating shop.”

  “I think she calls it a design studio.”

  “Hmm. All I know is that it’s sure to be full of girly items. Which is a good thing, but not my cup of tea, jah? Is it not yours, either?”

  “Not really, but that’s not the problem.”

  Benjamin gazed at him seriously. “So what is?”

  Nate put the box on the floor by his feet and straightened. “I offended her back when we were teenagers, and she hasn’t forgiven me.” Looking at Benjamin in the eye, he added, “See what I mean? It’s been ten years. Don’t you think that’s a little long to hold a grudge?”

  “I suppose. What did she say all those years ago when you apologized?”

  That caught him off guard. “I never apologized back then.”

  Benjamin recoiled like Nate had announced he was going to close up the shop and move to New York City. “Say again?”

  “Come on. You heard me.” And yes, he was embarrassed about it.

  “I heard that you know you were wrong, but you never had the guts to apologize for it.”

  He hadn’t had the guts. That had a ring of truth to it that didn’t sit especially well with him. “I always kind of thought it was better to let sleeping dogs lie.”

  “Son, sometimes even sleeping dogs need to get up and stretch their legs every now and then. You need to apologize.”

  “I did yesterday.”

  “Ah.”

  Little by little, all his righteousness slowly evaporated. “I think I’ve always known that I shouldn’t have made fun of Kendra,” he said at last.

  “I should hope so.”

  “I’m not proud of myself, Ben. It hasn’t been easy to admit that I hurt her and never apologized.”

  “You don’t have to answer this, but what did you say that was so terrible? I mean, in general?”

  Nate figured that since he was in for a penny, he might as well go in for a pound. “I used to make fun of her for not being smart… and for being poor.”

  Benjamin, who Nate was fairly sure had mastered the art of the poker face around the age of eight, stared at him without a single bit of recrimination or surprise in his features. “Ah,” he said again.

  Nate hung his head. “I know. I knew better then, and I certainly know better now.”

  Benjamin pulled out a stack of gardening gloves and started arranging them in the center of a table, fanning them out in such a way that it looked like they were standing in the middle of a fancy clothing store. “Nate, I’ve never been the man my father was. But if he was still with us on Earth, I know he’d encourage you to rectify this situation as soon as possible. I think that’s what you should do.”

  “I will. I promise.”

  “Gut.”

  The ringer at the door sounded, bringing in a group of five people, three men and two women. Nate turned on his heel, took a deep breath, and approached them with a smile. “Hiya. Let me know if you need any help.”

  One of the women smiled up at him. She was pretty, with dark hair and light blue eyes. “Thank you so much! We heard a lot about this store, so we thought we’d look around.”

  “I’m glad you did. Take your time.”

  She smiled at him again, this time a little warmer and brighter. After her gaze lingered on him another long second more, she turned away. For a moment, Nate was about to follow her—she was the type of woman he would usually want to get to know better—but now he realized that despite her pleasing looks, he was hoping only that she’d buy something.

  He realized that his priorities had changed. He’d finally grown up. He no longer put much emphasis on either a woman’s outward appearance or her social standing in the community. Thanks to Kendra, all that mattered were the things that couldn’t be seen. It was humbling to realize that he was finally doing what he should have been doing all along.

  * * *

  On Monday morning, Nate was still stewing about his need for that apology. So much so, he knew what had to be done. After telling Benjamin that he would be back shortly, he walked down the row of storefronts until he stood in front of Kendra’s.

  The door was locked. But there was a light on, and he could see Kendra sitting on a white ladder-back chair scooted up to a small side table with ornately carved legs that someone had stained light blue.

  She was wearing a simple long dress in a rich shade of plum. The sleeves were short, displaying tan arms, and on her feet were a pair of leather Birkenstocks. Her long brown hair was neatly plaited under a white kapp.

  She looked fresh and pretty.

  He rapped on the door lightly, hoping and praying that she’d consent to give him the time of day.

  Immediately, her head popped up. Her eyes widened when she looked at him, and he could tell she was trying to force herself to walk over to him.

  How had that happened?

  No, Nate, his conscience corrected. It should be how come it was still happening? They were both carrying the load of what had happened a decade ago. It was up to him to try to rectify things.

  He stood still as she unlocked the door. “Nate?”

  “Hey. I know you don’t want to talk to me, but will you give me ten minutes?”

  She tensed. “Why? What do you need?”

  “I don’t need anything. But I do have something I need to talk to you about.”

  “Now’s not really a good time.”

  “Please?”

 
She looked shocked that he’d said please, which embarrassed him all the more. After another few seconds, she stepped backward. “Come on, then.”

  “Thanks.” He closed the door behind him.

  She was now standing a few feet farther away, almost leaning against the wall, like she needed distance from him in order to feel safe. The sight made him feel even worse. Boy, what kind of person had he been?

  He now realized that she wasn’t going to say another word, wasn’t going to offer to let him sit down or make small talk. He needed to speak his piece.

  “Kendra, I came over here to apologize for the way I behaved back when we were teenagers.”

  She blinked. “You’ve already done so.”

  “I realize that, but I don’t think I said enough to convey how ashamed I’ve felt about my behavior.”

  “Oh.”

  Oh? What did that even mean? Maybe she was waiting for him to say something better. Though it hurt to do it, he forced himself to be more specific. “To tell you the truth, I’m not even sure why I used to think you weren’t very smart. And I know that I had no business saying things about your living situation.”

  “My living situation.” Her voice sounded hoarse. Or maybe it was more hollow? “Um, yes. It was really bad of me. I still feel bad to this day for talking about you the way I did.”

  She studied him, seemed to weigh her words, then, to his surprise, she walked over to the door and opened it again. “Now that you’ve said your piece, you can go.”

  “Wait a minute. Don’t you have anything to say to me?”

  “Nate, the truth is that I wasn’t very smart. I had a learning disability, and it was really hard for me to learn to read. Even now, I have to read things slowly and sometimes twice to make sure I understand something. So, you weren’t wrong. I wasn’t very smart.”

  He hadn’t thought he could feel worse, but he did. “I was way out of line. I’m so sorry.”

  But it was like he hadn’t said a word and everything she was saying pained her. Kendra continued, “As far as my living situation… you were right. We were poor, I can’t deny that.” Her voice lowered. “I was always hungry, and my father beat me. Often.” She met his gaze. “So, it was a real bad living situation. You didn’t lie.”