The Arcanum of Beth

by Mary Jane Russell

  Janet pushed the wine coolers into the ice, keeping one to nurse as she made the first round of guests. She and Beth knew a lot of the same people from the business groups that met courtesy of the chamber of commerce. They had begun occasional lunches and dinners about six months before when they discovered that they liked to be irreverent about many of the same things and people.

  Janet tugged at her dress to keep her breasts from popping out.

  “Need any help with that?” Beth’s boss eased up beside her, enjoying the vantage that his height allowed.

  Janet rolled her eyes. “Jerry, you had your chance years ago and didn’t take it. I don’t revisit missed opportunities, and I’ve changed teams.”

  He laughed. The feather sticking straight up from his head was firmly held in place by the sweatband around his forehead. He seemed comfortable without a shirt, wearing extremely tight jeans with a loincloth hanging over the crotch and butt. “It pays to have a pool in the backyard. My tan doesn’t stop.” He laughed again as he caught Janet studying his body.

  “I’m just wondering if my friends will still respect me after this display.” She tugged at the bodice again, gaining no material to move upward.

  “As long as you don’t flop one of those free at the wrong time and put someone’s eye out.” Beth put her arm around Janet’s shoulders and hugged the woman. She was several inches taller than Janet and several dress sizes smaller. Janet loved to tease her friend about who had the grayest hair; Beth refused coloring and had inherited her father’s premature salt and pepper.

  “And just what are you supposed to be?” Janet raised her eyebrows at Beth just as one of the long lashes decided to dangle instead of stick. She squinted as Beth reapplied the lash for her.

  “I’m a nerd accountant, buddy.” Beth pointed to her outfit as she explained. “Hair in a ponytail, which is actually very comfortable and the way I really do like to wear it, just not slightly sideways. No makeup, which is also a preference. Big glasses from several years ago. Can you believe that I actually thought these looked good? Plus the tape around one earpiece, which needs no explanation. My shirt is a little too tight, but I thought wearing it with the buttons pulling away from the buttonholes, like a lot of the men I work with, has a certain amount of warped humor to it. You’ll notice the dollar bill pinned to my sleeve that’s for the vending machine. I really like these pants, but either they shrank or I’m a little taller than when I bought them, however, it does help to accentuate my white socks very nicely. And the loafers, what can I say, high school. Voilà. Geek accountant extraordinaire, have to perpetuate the myth.”

  “Or mythter.” Jerry laughed at his own bad joke and finished off the can of beer with a belch. Both women rolled their eyes.

  Janet looked at Beth and laughed as she thought about holding onto Jerry Mitchell just for the fun of it. It was Ellen’s own fault. She’d been invited and declined. Jerry was safe enough; he had known Janet with Edward and now with Ellen.

  “Come on, I want to introduce you.” Beth took Janet’s arm and nodded toward the far corner of the room. She led Janet to a couple who seemed to be the only ones not in costume. “Janet Evans, this is my brother, Will, and his wife, Patti.”

  Each held a drink they had not touched and looked too pained to speak.

  Janet clapped her hands. “How nice. Are you fans of mine?”

  Beth chuckled as Will and Patti gave Janet blank stares.

  “I’m sorry?,” Will said and raised his eyebrows. He was a taller, ganglier version of Beth with curly black hair and wearing a three-piece suit.

  “She means Dolly Parton.” Patti was obviously bored and clearly felt none of the partiers was in her league. She dressed high-dollar and had the makeup and hair styling of a woman used to being around money.

  “Well, I don’t listen to country music.” Will stared at his wife.

  “For God’s sake, you two, lighten up.” Beth looked at Janet. “They just drove in from Knoxville to spend the weekend and obviously didn’t pay attention to the e-mail that I was having a costume Halloween party tonight.” She rolled her eyes.

  “This is what we always wear to instill confidence in clients. I’m a stock broker,” Will said.

  “Antiques broker, always working, until he starts making more money.” Patti looked about as though all the people together couldn’t afford one of the pieces she routinely bought and sold at enormous profit.

  “Ah, costumes after all.” Janet glanced across the room that was filling behind her. “Well, I know your mother will appreciate that you made the trip.”

  “Oh, we won’t see her on this trip. It’s the only way Patti would come with me.” Will’s words stopped abruptly as Patti elbowed him in the ribs.

  Beth glared at Patti. Janet idly wondered what would be said after a few more drinks.

  “Oh, Lord, who and what are they?” Patti’s eyes were on the front door as a pair of under-dressed prostitutes complete with beehives, heavy makeup, and long feather boas gyrated into the living room.

  “Good heavens, those guys…engineers by day, queens by night. My nephew, Greg, who’s now partners with Beth’s ex,” Janet said. “Andy Reynolds is the taller one,” she said over her shoulder for Will’s benefit.

  “I didn’t realize this was a coming-out party or I would have dressed better.” Beth moved toward the front door and hugged the men. “Greg, you have the best legs I’ve seen on anyone in ages. Andy, you’ve been holding out on me. Where’d you find that bustier?” She pushed her dollar down his cleavage as he smacked her hand away. “Why didn’t you wear this when we were dating?” She watched his face take on a faint red tint to match his normal hair color.

  “You could at the very least have worn something different than your usual outfit for your own party.” Andy made a face at Beth reminiscent of when they were preteens.

  “Auntie!” Greg clapped his hands together and leaned within a few inches of Janet in a mock hug.

  “You look beautiful.” Andy grinned at Janet. “I bet Ellen can’t wait for you to get home.”

  Janet glanced at Beth and saw no confusion. “She’ll be sound asleep and snoring.”

  Beth led the boys toward the table of food while asking what they wanted to drink.

  “I wouldn’t have put Beth with a crowd like this,” Jerry whispered in Janet’s ear.

  “Oh, it’s the quiet ones you have to watch.” Janet kept Jerry in tow as she worked the room. She watched Will and Patti set their drinks on the radiator cover and ease up the stairs. She wondered if they would use one or both of the guest rooms.

  The costumes were indeed wonderful revelations of personalities. The attorney, who had the look of a 1920s flapper as she wore a vintage cream silk dress and Shirley Temple wig. The police officer, who had the perfect Sherlock Holmes outfit, including the Inverness cape, Calabash pipe, plaid Deerstalker hat, and oversized magnifying glass that he used to check out Janet’s breasts. The prostitutes, who were a delightful couple at work and at home, and did dress better than most women, herself included. At least Janet could console herself that Greg inherited his sense of style from her. Her sister disowned Greg when he came out, the same as she’d done Janet. The building inspector, who wore his turnout gear to be the firefighter he gladly volunteered his time away from the office for, particularly when sequestered in the corner with Cher in a skintight black leotard and baggy leather jacket. Lara Croft stood in the kitchen doorway with a shot glass and bottle.

  “I thought I had nerve.” Janet eased over to Marie, who wore her long black hair in a single braid down her back and skintight wife beater tucked into extremely short shorts.

  “And I thought I had dropped a few pounds over the summer.” She looked down at the outfit. “Evidently not.” She set the glass and bottle on the counter for safe keeping before she mingled.

  “Baloney. You have all the men in here drooling over you. I had a figure like that before childbirth.” Janet shook her head. “Who am I
trying to kid? I never had a figure like yours.”

  Marie punched Janet on the arm. “Watch, I’m going to have a little fun. I’m going to do the cat thing. I know who in this crowd I can make the most uncomfortable. Have your camera ready.” She adjusted the twin pistols she had borrowed from her son.

  Marie worked her way across the room toward the half-circle of split bottom chairs. Beth was seated between Andy and Greg, equally fascinated by their outfits and willingness to be so openly gay.

  “This isn’t the first time we’ve done this. Most people love it. We’re just at the point that we figure what the hell.” Greg touched Andy’s cheek affectionately. “I knew Auntie would need us more outrageous than her outfit.”

  Beth shrugged. “To think everyone believed Andy and I were the perfect couple all through high school and college. You two are the ones who are perfect together. I’m just glad hardhead,” Beth hugged Andy, “listened to me when I told him I knew the perfect blind date for him.”

  Janet trailed along so she could listen. Marie could sense a weakness and enjoyed toying with it.

  “So is this the dyke accountant keeping company with two over-the-hill ladies of the evening?” Marie made the most of there being no empty chair and sat on Beth’s lap uninvited.

  “Damn it, Marie.” Beth’s face immediately flushed. “You interrupted just as I was beginning to understand layering makeup. Now I’ll never get it.”

  “Oh, you’ll get it all right.” Marie squirmed closer. “Is that your slide rule, or are you happy to see me?”

  “Jesus, Marie, how much have you had to drink?” Greg leaned over and slapped her with the end of his boa. “Give the kid a break. It’s her first big grownup party. Take it slow with her.”

  “All the more reason to make it one she’ll remember.” Marie looked over her shoulder. “Ready, Janet?”

  Janet looked at the camera in her hand and nodded—she wasn’t sure for what.

  “Holy crap.” Jerry nudged Janet so the camera came up just as Marie took Beth’s face in her hands and kissed her full on the lips, and not as a female friend or family member. What made Marie slip off Beth’s lap and onto the floor with a thump was that Beth kissed her back.

  Janet snapped the look on Marie’s face as her tailbone cracked against the hardwood floor and all she felt was the kiss. It was a photograph that made the round of friends like lightning. The smile on Beth’s face in the next frame as she held her hand out to Marie to help her up was captivating. There was so much offered in one simple gesture. Marie clearly enjoyed being bested.

  Jerry leaned down to Janet. “I didn’t know she was bi.”

  “That’s all right, dear. I don’t think she knew, either.” Janet laughed as she had when she first saw her costume on herself.

  The party was an instant classic that Beth was begged to repeat the next year.

  Chapter Two

  “You have to explain this to me again.” Janet sat before the computer in her office and stared at the brief she’d brought home to work on rather than stay late at the office again. She actually liked working directly on the computer when doing a final edit—it eliminated the need of finding one of the many pairs of inexpensive reading glasses scattered about the house.

  Ellen looked into the room. She did not cross the threshold unless invited. She’d decided long ago that the secret to a long-term relationship was privacy. Janet’s office with rolltop desk, computer, and case files was her sanctuary. The den with the big-screen television, laptop, bookcase full of mysteries, and recliners was Ellen’s. They shared equally the bedroom and seldom used the living room. The kitchen went to whoever gave in to hunger soonest. Yard work and laundry were Ellen’s responsibilities; housework and grocery shopping were Janet’s.

  “Microsoft Office? You’ve been using that for years.” Ellen stood in the doorway. She didn’t want to see any of the names on the documents or in the files and waited as Janet covered or turned over papers.

  “No, silly. The bonfire next weekend. Just what is it about burning wood in a hole in the ground and sitting around freezing your ass off while your front cooks that lesbians love so?” Janet did not break her line of sight from the monitor.

  “Turd.” Ellen laughed. “I’m just ready for spring. I don’t care if it’s early. We haven’t seen most of the girls since all of the Christmas parties. Besides, it’s easy to host a bonfire. Everyone stays outside…most of them even pee in the bushes…and brings their own coolers of beer. It’s that whole outdoor howl-at-the-moon thing.”

  Janet glanced over her shoulder. “Thank you for that image.”

  “You won’t have to do any of the work. I’ll take care of everything.” Ellen eased into the room and rubbed Janet’s shoulders. “Bless your heart, lots of knots.”

  Janet took deep breaths to help the knots release. “Okay, you win. It will be good to see everyone. I’ll invite Beth.”

  Ellen continued kneading. “Do you think she’s ready for an all girl party?”

  “Seems to be. I haven’t talked to her since middle of the month. She was working late on Valentine’s Day. I think she needs one of our gatherings.”

  “You know the single ones, and some of the committed ones, will be standing in line to hit on her. Fresh meat, not to mention pretty, drama-free, and financially solvent.”

  “You know who I’m concerned about.”

  Ellen sighed. “Lou.”

  Janet turned and frowned.

  “Lou is with Stephanie. Last time I stopped by campus, Lou said they were thinking about a child.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  Ellen exerted a little more pressure.

  “Ouch! Okay, okay. I know you two are buddies. I just don’t like her reputation.”

  “Just because you and I had the longest and most chaste courtship on record doesn’t mean everyone else should.”

  “You just keep an eye on Lou, please.”

  Ellen leaned down to whisper in Janet’s ear. “Beth can take care of herself. She’s not Melody nor your responsibility.”

  Janet stiffened. “I know that. Could I talk you into bringing me a Diet Coke?”

  “You bet. I’ll do anything for you that I can.”

  Ellen was as good as her word. As the weekend approached, she cleaned the house and stacked the dry wood next to the fire pit in the backyard. She brought all of their lawn chairs out and hosed them off. She went to Sam’s Club and stocked up on party appetizers.

  Janet was pleasantly surprised to arrive home Friday afternoon and find everything ready. There was even a tomato stake in the ground near the heaviest shrubbery ready for a roll of toilet paper. Saturday morning was relaxed with a late breakfast and midday shower. Ellen strung the stereo speakers outside just before the first couple arrived at 4:15. The other dozen women drove in two or four to a car within the next hour and parked at angles to the driveway.

  Janet watched the crowd gather. Ages ranged from late fifties to early twenties. Most of the women were in couples, whether casually dating or committed.

  Beth arrived among the last. She was dressed in tight dark jeans and a medium blue cowl neck sweater. She made her way directly to Janet.

  “I almost changed my mind and didn’t come.” She touched the neck of her sweater. “It’s a bit of a throwback, but it’s warm with two shirts underneath. We’ll be outside the entire time?”

  Janet chuckled. “Lord, you sound like me when I went to my first of these twenty-five years ago. I was twenty-nine and a senior at the women’s college that Ellen worked at. She’d organized the gay students and staff for a party. No one would dare do that these days, having faculty and students drinking beer at the same place.”

  “I have to tell you.” Beth looked around at the group of women openly in couples. “This strikes me as very cool.”

  Janet hugged her. “Just remember all wolves don’t have penises.”

  Beth laughed.

  Janet waved Ellen over. “My partner of twe
nty-one years, Ellen Harris. Beth Candler.”

  “Just call me R-E-T-I-R-E-D.” Ellen ducked the backhand thrown by Janet and hugged the young woman. “I feel as though I already know you. Come on, let me introduce you around. This is a good group.”

  Janet kept the food flowing from kitchen to picnic table while watching over Beth. Beth met all the women and easily engaged each of the groups in conversation before finding an empty chair and sitting down to watch the fire.

  A short version of Amelia Earhart dressed in faded jeans and a suede bomber jacket walked over to Beth and handed her a Sam Adams. Beth smiled and thanked her, then listened intently. Without warning, the woman leaned down and kissed her on the lips.

  Janet crossed the yard to her friend as the woman walked away.

  “You saw?”

  Janet nodded.

  “She didn’t tell me her name, only that she didn’t want to miss the opportunity of being the first woman here to kiss me.” Beth’s cheeks were pink from more than the bonfire.

  Janet watched the woman saunter back to two chairs pulled side by side, motioning another woman to bring her cooler over.

  “That’s Lou Stephens, a friend of Ellen’s from the college. The woman beside her is her girlfriend of two years, Stephanie.”

  Beth nodded. “I hear what you’re saying.” She grinned. “But that was a good kiss.”

  Janet shook her head and looked across the fire to see Ellen shrug her shoulders.

  Chapter Three

  Janet glanced about the Japanese restaurant as she waited for the hostess to return from seating the couple before her. She didn’t see Beth anywhere. The restaurant was locally owned and authentically operated by a Taiwanese immigrant and her two daughters who had the patience to teach local girls the intricacies of the menu. The room was equally divided between traditional tatami floor booths and Western tables with chairs separated by bamboo screens. Prints that looked as though taken from ancient Chinese mah-jongg tiles lined the walls.