Walking The Line (Satan's Knights Prospect Trilogy Book 3)

by Janine Infante Bosco

  Breastfeeding didn’t work out for me.

  Anna wouldn’t latch on even after the specialist came to speak with me. I remember the panic that I felt and how I broke down in a fit of tears. I turned my head, wishing to find Nico there, and instead, I found Frankie scratching his head.

  Can’t you just give her a bottle?

  That’s what he said to me. Months ago, I wouldn’t have thought there was anything wrong with that response. I would’ve taken the shrug of his shoulders as my sweet Frankie making light of a situation, but that was before Nico.

  I craved his response.

  I needed him to assure me it was okay. That it was no big deal that I couldn’t breastfeed my daughter.

  I needed him to tell me she wouldn’t starve.

  That I wasn’t failing.

  “What’s wrong with her?”

  The sound of Frankie’s voice startles me and I turn with a crying Anna in my arms to find him standing in the doorway, wiping the sleep from his eyes. It’s not even eight o’clock at night and he looks ragged. I suppose neither of us got much sleep in the last day, but after everyone left, allowing us to get acquainted as a family of three—their words, not mine—Frankie went and took a nap.

  “I think she’s hungry,” I say hoarsely. “Can you go downstairs and grab a bottle?”

  His red rimmed eyes look at me for a moment, before he gives me a nod.

  There is something off with him, but I can’t place it. To be fair, it might all be in my head. For all I know, I’m looking for something to be wrong…for him not to fit into this equation. For an excuse to ease my conscience.

  He disappears into the hallway and I bring my attention back to Anna.

  “It’s okay, your daddy is going to get you a bottle,” I murmur, touching my lips to the top of her head. Frankie returns a few minutes later with a bottle and instead of giving it to me to give her, he sits in the rocker and holds out his arms. I shouldn’t feel apprehensive in handing her to him, he’s her father. I’ve willingly handed her to Nico, trusting him with absolute certainty.

  “Are you sure?” I ask.

  “Yeah, I mean, how hard can it be?”

  “She’s just a little cranky…”

  “You said she’s hungry, right? Once she has the bottle in her mouth won’t she stop being cranky?”

  There’s something about his words that makes me pause. I haven’t seen him in three months, but we’ve spoken almost every day and he doesn’t usually use that blasé tone with me unless we’re arguing. I realize then the last time we spoke, we fought. He wouldn’t FaceTime me and called me from a party, trying to rush me off the phone. I accused him of drinking and being with another girl. He told me I was acting like a bitch.

  I brushed it off because I had Nico in the next room.

  I had him to make things better.

  To ease the blow.

  I take the bottle out of his hand and gently coax it to Anna’s lips, watching as they part and she latches on. Once she seems settled, I turn my gaze back to Frankie.

  “We need to talk.”

  He raises an eyebrow.

  “You sure you want to do that?”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  He shakes his head and crosses his arms against his chest. Leaning back against the rocker, he sets his eyes on me and I notice how red they are.

  “Go ahead, talk.”

  “What’s wrong with you?” I question. “Are you still mad about the other night?”

  “You mean when you accused me of fucking around with another girl?”

  I flinch at his words. My Frankie would never speak to me like this. The boy I gave my heart to wasn’t this hard when he left me here. I suppose a lot can change in three short months.

  People.

  Hearts.

  Love.

  It can all change.

  Anna loses her grip on the bottle and starts to squirm in my arms, diverting my attention away from Frankie. As I try to get her to take the bottle again, Frankie’s phone rings. He doesn’t move from the rocker as he reaches into his jeans and pulls out his phone.

  “What’s up Maria?” he answers. “Yeah, everything is cool. She’s fine.”

  I don’t know who she’s asking for if it’s me or Anna, but neither of us is fine.

  “Yeah, she’s just hungry,” he continues. “Carina is trying to give her a bottle now. No, need to worry—” His words fade, and I look back at him, watching as his jaw tenses ever so slightly. “Oh, good.” He pauses again, his eyes narrowing on me. “Yeah, I’ll let her know.”

  I can’t get Anna to take the bottle, and I start to go through a mental check list of what might be causing her such discomfort. Frankie disconnects the call as I move towards the changing table, gently setting her down on the mat as I grab a diaper from the basket next to it. I unwrap the blanket from her tiny body and unsnap her onesie as Frankie rises from the rocker.

  “That was Maria,” he says.

  “Can you grab me the wipes?”

  “My dad is on his way to pick Nico up from the station. Your father dropped the charges.”

  My hand stills on the clean diaper and I pull Anna back into my arms. So many emotions flood me as I turn to face Frankie.

  “He’s free?” I croak, my voice cracking.

  Please, God, let that be true.

  “You look happy,” he comments.

  I blink.

  “Aren’t you?”

  He doesn’t respond and I’m not sure what to make of that. Frankie should be just as relieved as I am. Nico is his brother, the man who held his family together when he couldn’t.

  “Yeah,” he finally says, looking from me to Anna. His jaw still tight as he reaches out and gently strokes Ann’s head. “You got this?”

  “Yes,” I murmur as he drops his hand from her head. With another glance in my direction, he turns and heads out of the room. I listen as his footsteps grow further and further away before returning my attention to changing Anna’s diaper. Once she’s all clean, I swaddle her against my chest and grab the bottle. Taking a seat in the rocker, I gently sway with her in my arms and try once more to feed her. Her little lips wrap around the nipple and she closes her eyes. I bend my head to kiss her cheek and nestle my nose in the crook of her neck, breathing in her scent.

  “Did you hear that my sweet girl?” I murmur softly. “Uncle Nico is coming home, and I bet he can’t wait to see you.”

  You.

  My sweet girl.

  His Anna Banana.

  -Twenty-five-

  Nico

  “Scotto,” the guard calls, forcing my chin up. He pulls a key ring from his belt and unlocks my holding cell. “You’re free to go.”

  Unsure I heard him correctly, I rise to my feet and stare at him, waiting for him to slam the cell door in my face, but he doesn’t. He just stares at me with a blank expression marring his features.

  “If you want to stick around, I’m sure we can find something else to charge you with.”

  That quickly snaps me out of it, and I advance towards him.

  “What about my stuff?”

  His eyes rake over me, taking in the sweatpants and the thermal I’m wearing that’s covered in Carrie and Anna’s blood.

  “The scrubs,” I explain.

  “Tossed them,” he replies, looking at me as though I’ve lost my fucking mind. “You know they’re disposable, right? You don’t wash them and wear them again.”

  To him that may be true, they’re disposable.

  To me, they’re all I got left.

  “Right,” I say hoarsely.

  He leads me out of the holding area, up the stairs and trades me off to the discharging officer. Standing with him are my dad and Schwartz. Dad rushes for me, pulling me into a hug.

  “You okay?” he grunts.

  “Yeah, I’m fine,” I rasp. He gives me another squeeze before releasing me and dropping his hands to my shoulders, quietly assessing me. “Let’s g
et you home, yeah?”

  “Wait,” I say. “What about Carrie and Anna? Are they okay?”

  “Yes, they were discharged this morning.”

  I slowly exhale, feeling the tension leave my body. All fucking night they were on my mind. I didn’t give a fuck about the charges or her cunt of a father.

  “I mean with Ritzer…”

  “It’s over. He can’t touch them. He can’t fucking touch anyone in my family.”

  “By the time I’m through with him, the prick will be lucky if he still has a job,” Schwartz mutters from behind my father. I look over my dad’s shoulder at the cocky lawyer, taking in the smug expression fixed to his face.

  “What made him drop the charges?” I ask, looking back towards my dad. I’m no fool, I did a number on that man and when they threw those cuffs around my wrists, I knew I was going to be hit hard. I didn’t care either. I would’ve spent years behind bars so long as he didn’t touch Carrie or Anna.

  Dad looks at Schwartz and back to me.

  “Let’s just say, Davey over here called in a favor and blew his shit wide open. You know all those nights Carrie thought her father left her at home to work case after case? Yeah, well it turns out he was working his dick instead,” Dad reveals, grinding his molars as he releases his grip on me.

  “Guy was wrapped up in one of the largest prostitution rings in New York. If he didn’t drop the charges against you, we were prepared to hold a press conference. In fact, there might be a couple of reporters out there now,” Schwartz adds.

  “You really are a miracle worker, huh?”

  “Yeah, that’s why you people pay me the big bucks.”

  “At this rate, I’m never going to pay that fucking house off,” Dad mumbles before sighing heavily. “It doesn’t matter. This is all over now. Frankie, Carrie, and Anna can be a family, you can go back to the club…we can put this mess behind us and enjoy that little girl. That’s money well spent if you ask me.”

  “Great, now I’m getting the fuck out of here,” Schwartz mutters. “I’ve got to appear in front of the judge on your man Bishop’s behalf tomorrow.”

  We sign off on my discharge papers and once I’m officially released, we go our separate ways.

  “Listen, I don’t know what’s going to be with your brother,” Dad starts once we pull away from the police station. “He wants to go back upstate with them, but I already told him until Carrie turns eighteen, she and Anna are staying put. I know you’re eager to get back to your life, so I’m thinking I’ll move them in with me and Maria.”

  Fuck that.

  Fuck Frankie dragging them upstate and fuck them moving in with him and Maria. Anna’s room is in that house. All her things are there. She’s not going anywhere.

  “Ideally, I think it would be better for them if they stayed at the house, they need to get used to being a family. It takes time to adjust and with Ritzer out of the way, Frankie can finish out the year back in Tottenville.”

  I turn to him, narrowing my eyes.

  “What are you trying to say right now?”

  “Son,” he sighs, coming to a stop at a light. Turning to me, he meets my gaze and without saying the words, his eyes convey my truth.

  I’m in love with my brother’s girlfriend.

  “Dad—”

  “Don’t, okay,” he starts, diverting his eyes to the street in front of him. “It happened and now, it needs to be done.”

  It’s not that simple.

  This isn’t something he can pay someone to fix.

  “I’m taking you home. Get a good night’s sleep—Lord knows you need it. Then we’ll talk tomorrow. We’ll figure it out.”

  There’s nothing to figure out. There’s nothing he can do that’s going to change anything. I’ve tried to stop this train wreck. I’ve done everything in my power to try to turn these feelings off, but now that Anna is here, those feelings are magnified. What felt wrong for so many reasons, doesn’t anymore. The only thing that feels wrong is not being able to take them both in my arms and tell them how I feel.

  It’s a goddamn injustice to my soul is what it is.

  But he doesn’t see it that way.

  And I don’t expect him to either.

  What I expect, what I need from him as his son, is for him to understand there are things out of our control. Things that don’t go according to our plan. Those things aren’t meant to be discarded.

  They need to be accepted.

  People make mistakes.

  They get hurt and they hurt others.

  It’s only a crime if they’re not sorry.

  And I am sorry for the pain I’m sure the truth is going cause my brother, but I’m not sorry for the love I have for Carrie and Anna.

  That’s not something I’ll ever apologize for because it’s the purest form of me.

  It’s the most genuine thing I have to my name.

  Dad pulls up to the house and I spot Frankie’s Maxima in the driveway, right behind the Expedition.

  “Do you think they’ll mind if I sneak another peek at Anna?” he asks nonchalantly. As if he didn’t just tell me he knows I love Carrie. As if he didn’t tell me to bury that love.

  I don’t bother answering him. Instead, I open the door and see myself out of the Charger. I make my way up the walkway with Dad following close behind. He reaches for his keys, but before he can pull them out, the door opens and Frankie stares back at us. Wordlessly, he moves to the side and lets us in.

  “I thought I’d come give my granddaughter a kiss before I took off,” Dad says.

  “She’s upstairs,” Frankie tells him. “Carina is putting her to sleep.”

  Stepping towards him, Dad cups his shoulder and touches a hand to his cheek.

  “How’s she doing?”

  “She cries a lot,” he says, looking at me. “But we’ve got it.”

  Clearing my throat, I shove my hands into my pockets and look towards the living room. Memories of delivering Anna flash before my eyes.

  The fear I felt.

  The love that skyrocketed.

  I had never been so conflicted.

  Nor did I ever feel so full in a single moment.

  So complete.

  I glance down at my shirt, at the dried blood clinging to it. Pinching the material between my fingers, my gaze drifts towards the stairs.

  “Alright, well if she’s sleeping, I’m going to take off. Let that angel get her beauty rest,” Dad says, releasing Frankie as he turns to look at me. “You guys call me if you need me, okay?”

  “Sure, pop.”

  “Enzo’s gonna come by with me tomorrow to see Anna so if there’s anything she needs just let me know beforehand.”

  “We’re good, Dad,” Frankie says.

  “Right,” he says, exhaling sharply. “Then, I’ll just be on my way,” he adds. It’s easy to see how torn he is as he stands there another second, looking between me and Frankie. When he finally turns around and sees himself out, Frankie closes the door. The locks slide into place as I glance at the stairs again.

  They’re up there.

  If I close my eyes, I can picture them together in the nursery I created for Anna. I can see Carrie rocking her to sleep in the chair I spent three days trying to build. The chair I rocked myself to sleep in just so I could be sure it wouldn’t fall apart.

  I can see Anna staring up at the butterflies I hung from the ceiling, trying to make out what they are as her mom rocks her—her eyes slowly closing as sleep takes over her.

  They’re up there.

  When did an ordinary staircase suddenly become the stairway to heaven?

  I’ll tell you when, when I wrapped that baby in my leathers and placed her in her mother’s arms. That’s when they became my heaven.

  Not able to stay away from them a second longer, I turn my head and look at Frankie.

  “I’m going to take a shower,” I say, my voice straining with each word.

  “Did you fuck her?” I should be taken back by
his question. I should feel something in my gut…dread, remorse…something. But I don’t and I’m not sure if that makes me the villain or not.

  The old me, the guy before Carrie, would’ve felt those things. He would’ve reacted. He would’ve thrown his fists around and placed blame on someone else. He would’ve cried woe is me. It’s what I did when Riggs called me out on my feelings for Lacey.

  But something changed.

  I changed.

  Rather than blow smoke up his ass and avoid the inevitable, I stare at my brother. I failed him in ways I’m sure he’ll ever forgive for, the least I can do is give it to him straight. So, that’s what I do.

  I look him right in the eye and tell him the truth.

  “No.”

  “Bullshit,” he spats.

  Yeah, I wouldn’t believe it either, especially with my track record. What my brother doesn’t understand is that if this was about sex, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. I’d never sacrifice my brother’s love for something physical. For something I could get anywhere and at any time.

  “It’s bigger than that,” I admit.

  So much bigger.

  It’s everything I never knew I wanted.

  It’s everything I never wanted to take from you.

  “I saw the way you looked at her in the hospital,” he sneers. “The way she looked at you!” he hollers.

  That’s when I see it.

  The pain.

  The resentment.

  The hate.

  I’m sorry, brother.

  So, fucking sorry.

  -Twenty-six-

  Nico

  “Frank,” I sigh, scrubbing a hand over my face as I take a step forward. My words get lost on my tongue as he braces a hand in front of me, halting me from coming any closer to him.

  “Don’t,” he shouts, his eyes wild with fury.

  I raise my hands and freeze. I wish he’d hit me. One solid punch. But instead of pummeling me with his fists, he beats me with his words.

  “You’re my brother,” he spats, and I flinch. “My blood,” he sneers. “I trusted you more than anyone in this world. For fuck's sake, I chose you to be my daughter’s godfather because if there was anyone in this world who wouldn’t let her down, I knew in my heart that person was you.”