“Tell me exactly what happened. I want to know how you could fuck another man in my bed while my father and our kids were home.”
Karen took a deep breath. She crossed her arms over her chest and looked at the floor. “I was drunk . . . Raheem asked if he could take me home—”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up. Where were you, and why were you with him in the first place?”
“I was at a club in Manhattan. Um . . . Webster Hall. Chloe saw I was upset with all the drama that’s been going on with you and me, and—”
“And she thought it was best to bring the root of the fucking problem out with you guys? Real fucking smart.”
“Chris, please. Chloe sent him a text asking him to meet us at the club. I had way too much to drink. He got our address from my driver’s license and took me here. I honestly didn’t know what was going on. This morning I woke up and realized we were here. Your father helped me out last night and watched the girls, because he knew I was depressed with everything that was going on with you. Don’t be mad at your father. It wasn’t like Pops wasn’t angry too. When he saw Raheem, he was ready to kick his ass this morning.”
I had a knot in my stomach. I couldn’t believe Pops had heard Karen having sex with another man. I tried to think.
“If Chloe and all your friends knew you were that drunk, why did they let you go home with him?” I asked.
Karen was wringing her hands. She stopped, stared at her wedding band, and didn’t answer. Her face was filled with shame. At that moment, I hated her. How could she have cheated on me again? How could she have let this happen?
“I can’t do this shit anymore . . . I’m done. I want a divorce.” I shocked myself when the words left my lips.
Karen stood up and got right in front of me, with tears streaming down her face. When she hugged me, I gently removed her arms from my waist.
“No, Chris, you don’t mean that. We can make this work.”
“No we can’t.”
“Chris, we can. Please don’t do this right now. Give me a chance.”
“I came back here today to give you a fucking chance, and I found out you’re guzzling fucking cum from other men in our bed when our kids are home.”
I walked to the bedroom door with my head down.
“Where are you going?” Karen asked.
“Away from you.”
I opened our bedroom door and ran down the steps. Karen followed after me, crying hysterically.
“Please don’t leave me again, Chris!”
I ignored her and grabbed my duffel bag and backpack. I stomped out of the house and slammed the door behind me. Everything happened for a reason, and this proved what Will and Lou had been telling me all along: Karen and I just weren’t right for each other.
* * *
I sat in my truck, not knowing where to go. After a few minutes, I pulled out my cell phone and dialed a number.
“Pops, I need to talk to you,” I said when he picked up.
“I’m working, boy. If you want to talk to me, you can help me at this job site and talk to me while we work.”
Pops gave me the address where he was working in Queens. When I got there, he looked at my expression, then gave me a sledgehammer to use to break down a wall while he took measurements for the Jacuzzi he was installing.
“Pops, Karen slept—”
He held up a hand to stop me. “We’ll talk about your problems after our job is done. Right now, we work. Focus your energy on that.”
I faced the wall; my head swirled with so many thoughts. How could Karen do this to me again? How could she fuck Raheem in our bed? If Pops knew what was going on, why didn’t he say something or stop them? How could she embarrass me in front of my dad like that? I couldn’t take it anymore. I lashed out, taking all my frustrations and anger out as I swung the sledgehammer as hard as I could against the wall. Plaster and other debris flew across the room.
Bam! Bam! Bam!
The video of Raheem and Karen replayed in my head. I heard her moaning and saw his hands wrapped around her waist.
Bam! Bam! Bam!
I hit the wall harder and harder, until I was covered in sweat. I saw him shove his dick in her mouth. I saw him fucking her raw. I heard him laughing on the phone. It was all too much for me. My chest tightened. I couldn’t breathe. My knees buckled and I sank down.
“Boy, get up,” my father yelled.
“I need to talk to you, Pops. I don’t know what to do. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, and I can’t—”
“Get up off your damn knees! I raised a son, not a daughter. Stop talking soft.”
I couldn’t take it anymore. I needed him, and all he cared about was me talking soft. I turned away from him and punched the wall.
“God damn it. Can you turn it off for one fucking day, Pops? One fucking day? I don’t need a soldier right now. I need my father.”
“Boy, have you lost your damn mind? Don’t you cuss at me! Calm down. I raised you to be tougher than this.”
“I can’t be like you. I can’t be withdrawn and just deal with things. Why can’t you just listen and try to understand what I’m going through? Sometimes you act more like a robot than a person. When Mom passed, you didn’t even shed a tear. You stood up straight and consoled everyone else when it was you who should have mourned the most.”
The expression on his face showed me that my words had hit him.
“When your mother died, I cried more than anyone. I just didn’t do it in front of you. I tried the best I could not to have any outward display of emotions in front of you. You didn’t need to see me when I was weak. I needed to have a level head and be strong for both of us. I needed to show you how a man handles his problems.”
“I needed sympathy and compassion too, Dad.”
“Your mother gave you that.”
“My mother wasn’t alive anymore. When she passed, I needed those things from you too.” I shook my head. My emotions brought me back to my present problems with Karen. “I did everything I was supposed to with Karen, Pops. I was faithful. I was loyal. I was responsible. I gave her everything, and it still wasn’t enough.”
His expression softened. He put down his tape measure and helped me up from the floor. He walked over to his lunch cooler, pulled out a cold soda, and handed it to me.
“Son, I’m going to tell you a story that I hope will help you. There were times when I was deployed and engaged in combat—”
“Pops, please talk to me. No talks of the marines or combat. Just talk to me. Father and son.”
“Chris, this is who I am. I can’t turn it off. This story has a point, so hear me out. When I was in combat, things were chaotic. I didn’t know if that day would be my last. I saw some of my best friends die in front of me. There was nothing I could do. In those moments, I was scared, alone, and angry. I didn’t have time to mourn or get consumed by all the horrors that were around me. The war was still going on. I had to keep fighting, or I wouldn’t make it. My point to you, son, is that right now your life is chaotic. You feel alone and scared about what the future holds. You’re hurting, you’re in pain, but you can’t let it consume you. You have to keep fighting. The war is still going on.”
He hugged me. I could probably count on one hand how many times he’d done that in my lifetime. It felt awkward, but I welcomed the warm embrace.
“I know I’m hard on you, Chris. I’m tough on you and expect so much only because I want you to be a better man than me.”
I sat down on a stepladder. I closed my eyes and rubbed my temples.
“Why didn’t you tell me what happened, Pops? Why didn’t you tell me she brought a guy to the house?”
I reached in my pocket for my phone, scrolled through my messages, and showed him the video Raheem had sent me. Pops grunted and turned his head away. The look of disgust on his face showed me he was upset and understood my pain.
“Son, I try not to get involved in your marriage. This hurts me too.”
&nbs
p; “What happened, Pops? I want to hear it from you. I heard her side of the story, but I don’t know if I can believe anything she says anymore.”
Pops sighed like it hurt him to tell me. He picked up his tape measure and worked while he talked. “Karen told me what happened between you two. While you were gone, she was stressed over taking care of the kids by herself and dealing with work.”
“Work,” I scoffed. “Did she tell you she might lose her job? She was sleeping with another guy there too.”
“No. I didn’t ask, and she didn’t tell. I gave her a break from the kids last night and told her I’d watch them while she spent time with her friends. If I had known she was going to use her free time like this, I wouldn’t have told her to go out with them. When Karen and that man came stumbling into your house last night, drunk, I wanted to kill both of them. I was sitting on the couch, with your daughters asleep next to me, when the man said hello. My first thoughts were to stomp his guts out.
“I stood up, and I looked at your children sleeping peacefully on the sofa. I didn’t want your children to see their mother in that state. I didn’t want them to see me fighting a man in your house. I didn’t know where you were or when you were coming back. I couldn’t risk being arrested and being away from my grandchildren. I took a deep breath and had faith that Karen wouldn’t be crazy enough to disrespect either of us in your house. When she did, it took everything in my being not to go in that bedroom and hurt both of them, but I had to keep myself together for the sake of your kids.”
“Well, this is the straw that broke the camel’s back,” I said. “I’m done with her. We’re getting a divorce.”
“Son, do you want to be a man who has children, or do you want to be a father? They’re not the same.”
I sighed. “Pops, you know I love my kids. I’ll always be a good father to them.”
“Getting a divorce will affect that. Do you want to see your kids whenever you want or when it’s convenient for Karen? Going through a divorce will turn you into a glorified babysitter.”
“Karen is a lot of things, but she wouldn’t use the kids like that.”
“Divorces are never civil. They get ugly. I have seen many of my marine buddies think the same way you do right now, and they got a rude awakening once they went through their divorce. When you’re ‘seeing your children,’ she’ll be out dating other men. Would you be okay with that? Would you like having another man, possibly the same man she brought to the house last night, around your kids more than you are? Do you want to miss out on special occasions and milestones because it’s not your time to see the kids? You need to work things out for the sake of your children and yourself. You don’t want them to grow up in a broken home.”
I thought about what he’d said. While I wouldn’t want any of the things he’d mentioned, I couldn’t see myself forgiving Karen after everything that had happened.
“I love my kids, but I can’t keep them happy if I can’t make myself happy. Karen cheated on me countless times, and I can’t be in a loveless marriage. I’m getting a divorce.”
“You know I’m not a believer in that option, but I’ll support you, son. And after these latest events, that might be for the best.”
“Do you mind if I stay with you for a while?”
“I know you’re in pain, son, but no. You can’t keep leaving your children behind.”
“If I take them with me, can I stay with you?”
Pops looked uncomfortable. “Fine. If you bring them, you can stay for a week, tops. After that, you can work on getting your house in order.”
“No problem. Thanks, Pops.”
We continued to work and talk. After I had finished working with him, I headed home to get my children.
PART THREE
Things Fall Apart
Karen
My daughters were playing with a small blue ball in the living room. Jocelyn kept throwing it against the hallway wall. As I sat on the couch, I held a glass of Hennessy in one hand while I pressed the palm of my other hand against my forehead. My migraine was killing me. I still had a hangover and shouldn’t be drinking, but fuck it. I needed it. Listening to the constant bouncing of the ball only made my headache worse.
“Jocelyn, stop bouncing that damn ball in here before you break something.”
“No!” she said defiantly.
I set my glass down on the coffee table, stood up, and walked over to her. “What did you say, little girl? I know you’re not telling me no.”
Jocelyn kept bouncing the ball, ignoring me. My nostrils flared. I grabbed her by her shirt and pulled her close to me.
“When I tell you to stop doing something once, you stop doing it. I’m not going to repeat myself again. Do you understand me?”
Jocelyn looked away from me and asked, “Where did Daddy go? Why did you make him leave again?”
I didn’t need this right now. Between everything that was going on with Chris and her acting up, I felt like ripping my hair out.
“I want Daddy,” Jaclyn chimed in.
I put my head down and massaged the back of my neck. I had no idea where Chris was.
“Why did Daddy leave again? Why were you yelling at each other this morning?” Jocelyn asked.
They were too young to understand what was going on. I was distraught, ashamed, and I couldn’t hold myself together. I sat back down on the couch and put my head in my hands. “What’s wrong, Mommy?” Jocelyn asked.
“I’m not feeling well, babies. Daddy went to get Mommy some medicine.”
Seeing the tears in my eyes, Jocelyn apologized and hugged me. “I’m sorry, Mommy. I miss Daddy a lot.”
“When will he be back?” Jaclyn asked as she sat next to me on the couch and patted my arm.
Tears filled my eyes. I could only shrug my shoulders. My daughters were young, but they weren’t stupid. I knew they sensed something was wrong. I needed to talk to someone. I had to get things off my chest before I lost it. I sent the girls to their room to play. Then I called Lindsey.
“What’s up, girl?” Lindsey said when she answered the phone.
“I need you right now,” I sobbed.
“Oh my God. What’s wrong?”
I told Lindsey most of what had happened with Chris. Lindsey was hanging out with Judy when I called her. Judy called the rest of the crew, and before I knew it, all my girls were at my house. I told them the full story once everyone had settled in the living room.
“Damn. Raheem sent him a video of you two fucking?” Vivian asked, her eyes wide.
Her bluntness made me cringe. I nodded, feeling ashamed.
Chloe was slouched on the couch, with her arms crossed. She suddenly saw the bruises on my arm. “What happened to your arm?” she asked.
“Chris grabbed me,” I said, looking at the darkening bruises.
“It looks like that motherfucker did more than just grab you!” Chloe said angrily.
I shook my head. “We were both caught up in the bullshit from the video. Chris would never hurt me. He was just—”
“That’s how it all starts. First, they shake you, and then they beat you. There’s no excuse for that shit. I don’t care if you sucked Raheem’s dick in front of him. He should keep his fucking paws to himself,” Chloe asserted, fuming.
I knew there was no talking to her when she got hot like that, so I left her alone.
“Chloe is right. No matter what you did, he had no right to touch you,” Vivian interjected.
I loved Vivian, but I felt like she was excited by all the drama and was saying things to rile Chloe up.
“What are you going to do?” Lindsey asked. She was sitting next to me on the couch.
“I’ll do whatever I have to do to work things out with Chris,” I answered. “I want my kids to see us happy. I want Chris not to hate me. I want everybody at my job to stop fucking talking about me. I want everything to go back to the way it was.”
Lindsey took my hand and held it.
“I
’m not trying to add fuel to the fire, K, but what if, after all this, your relationship is at the point of no return? What if it’s beyond repair? You have to ask yourself if getting a divorce is inevitable at this point,” Judy said.
Divorce. That frightful word had reared its ugly head again. The more I heard it, the more of a reality it became. My eyes were swollen from crying. I hoped the next time Chris looked in them, he’d see I had never meant for any of this to happen.
Just then we heard movement at the front door. A key was inserted in the lock, and then the door opened. Chris walked into the house. I’d never been happy and sad to see someone at the same time. I prepared myself for another emotional experience.
Chris
I put my key in the lock and opened the door. Chloe, Vivian, Judy, and Lindsey were all in my living room, consoling Karen. Everyone turned and looked at me. Their piercing eyes felt like needles on me. Chloe sprang off the couch, charged at me, and shoved me.
“Don’t you ever put your hands on my sister again!”
Karen rushed over to us. “Chloe, please stop!” she yelled.
Chloe stood nose to nose with me. She stood so close to me, I could smell her spearmint gum. Her eyes locked on mine. Vivian came over and stood next to Chloe, with a nasty expression on her face and her arms folded. Then Lindsey and Judy went and stood next to Karen to block Chloe and Vivian from getting any closer to me.
“I don’t care how big you are. If you ever touch my sister again, I’ll fuck you up. I can call some of my guy friends to fuck you up too, since you think it’s cool to grab women,” Chloe snarled.
“Chloe, you’re not helping this situation right now,” Lindsey said, trying to calm her down.
Chloe threw up her hands and said, “Fuck helping the situation.”
Then she plopped back down on the couch and picked up her pack of Newports. She had a smug look on her face as she pulled out a cigarette. She turned to Vivian, who had followed her back to the couch and had sat down, and handed her one. Chloe flicked her lighter, took a long drag, and blew a smoke ring in my direction. She was pushing my buttons. I couldn’t take her blatant disrespect. I walked over to her and snatched the cigarette from her lips and crumpled it in my hand. It burned like hell, but I didn’t care. Chloe and Vivian stood up from the couch, and then Lindsey, Karen, and Judy walked over and pushed the three of us apart.
Love and Happiness Page 15
