Love and Happiness

by Ben Burgess, Jr

  I looked over at Karen. “I don’t have time for this shit right now. Where are the girls? I’m taking them with me to stay at Pops for the week, while we work on getting things started with our divorce.”

  “You’re not taking the kids anywhere. Why are you even here? Leave. She was better off when you were gone,” Chloe said.

  “Mind your business. This doesn’t concern you. Maybe if you worried about your shit and kept yourself out of mine, you could get a better job and find a man to put up with your rude ass.” I turned to Karen. “Where are the kids?” I asked.

  “They’re in their room. Chris, don’t do this. I know I fucked up—”

  “Karen, don’t beg him. He’s the one that fucked up. If he had listened to you and given you what you wanted, you wouldn’t have had to get it from other sources,” Vivian said.

  Unbelievable. They were blaming me for Karen cheating. I was way past being frustrated. I was tired of this double-standard bullshit. If the roles were reversed, and I had cheated on Karen for the same reasons, they would want to massacre me. It was okay for her to have cheated, because I supposedly hadn’t given her what she needed. This was their justification for her infidelity. I ignored them and walked toward the stairs to get the girls.

  “Are you deaf? You’re not taking the kids anywhere,” Chloe growled as she got in front of me and blocked my way to the steps.

  I was done being polite. “Chloe, step aside, or get put aside,” I snarled. “I’m taking my kids, and no one in this room is stopping me, do you understand?”

  Chloe threw a punch at me. I sidestepped her and used her momentum to push her out of the way. She fell to the floor; I ran up the stairs. But then Chloe jumped up and chased after me. The rest of them followed. I stepped inside the girls’ bedroom and locked the door before Chloe managed to reach me.

  “Daddy!” the girls yelled excitedly.

  “Hey!” I hugged and kissed them. Then I heard the handle on the bedroom door twisting. Then there was banging.

  Boom! Boom! Boom!

  “Open up the door, bitch!” Chloe yelled.

  I ignored her. I dug into the girls’ closet, pulled out two gym bags, and started packing the bags for the girls.

  “Daddy, who is Aunt Chloe yelling at?” Jocelyn asked.

  “Yeah. Why is she so mad?” Jaclyn asked.

  “Aunt Chloe is mad at Daddy because I’m taking you guys to stay with me at Poppa’s house for a while.”

  Boom! Boom! Boom!

  “Why is she mad about that?” Jaclyn asked, frowning.

  I didn’t have time to get into it. I packed their bags with enough clothes to last about two weeks. I put the two bags over my shoulders, picked up the girls, and unlocked the door. Chloe opened it, ready to fight. I pushed past her and walked out of the room.

  “Put them down, so I can fuck you up!” Chloe yelled as she punched me on my back.

  When Vivian tried to pry the girls out of my arms, they started to cry.

  “Stop!” Karen yelled. “Just stop, all of you,” she cried, clutching the staircase banister. She collapsed to her knees. Lindsey and Judy consoled her, and Chloe and Vivian stopped hitting me.

  “Chris, I know you need time away from me. I want to work things out. Take the kids, but only if you promise me we’ll talk and try to fix things. I don’t want a divorce. I don’t want to break up our family. I just want things to go back to the way they were.”

  I wanted to ask her why she hadn’t worried about breaking up our family when she was fucking Raheem and Tyrell, but I just nodded.

  “Sis, you don’t have to apologize to him. Fuck—”

  “Stop it, Chloe!” Karen said. “I know you’re trying to help me, but this isn’t helping. I don’t want this. Let him go. Let me handle this. I appreciate you being here for me, but we need to handle this between the two of us.”

  “We’ll be with Pops. I’ll talk to you later in the week,” I said.

  I walked downstairs with the girls and their bags and headed outside. I put them down once we got to my truck. I secured the girls in their car seats, then put their bags in the back of the truck. I was about to climb behind the wheel and leave when Judy called out to me.

  “Chris, can we talk to you for a minute?” She was standing at the door with Lindsey, who couldn’t even look at me. I sighed, closed the door to my truck, and walked over to them. I didn’t want my kids to hear anything from this conversation.

  “What is it? I have nothing more to say.”

  “Chris, Karen loves you. She fucked up, but she never meant for any of it to hurt you,” Lindsey said, finally able to meet my eyes.

  “You’re doing what a good friend does, looking out for her. You were also her alibi when she was fucking around on me. Instead of covering for her, why didn’t you try to convince her to stop? I’m not blaming you. I’m not mad at you. But how would you feel if you were in my place?”

  Lindsey was about to answer when Judy asked, “While we’re switching roles here, have you ever asked yourself how you would feel if you were Karen?”

  I looked at Judy like she was out of her mind. “I wouldn’t want to know what it feels like to lie to the person I’m supposed to love, and to cheat on them with not one, but two people. That’s not something I would want to experience or put someone through.”

  “You’re being a typical guy,” Judy said.

  Her statement pissed me off. I waved them away and turned back to my truck. Lindsey grabbed my arm.

  “Chris, wait. Please hear me out,” she said. “Judy isn’t trying to insult you or upset you, but Karen wanted what pretty much all women want, to feel loved and appreciated. You might be different. It might not matter to you, but you have to put yourself in her place. These were things that were important to her. I’ll be honest. We all knew she was stepping out on you, but she never once considered leaving you for them. She didn’t think they were better than you. It was all emotional for her. She does love you, Chris, but the key to Karen’s heart isn’t through sex or material things. She needs to feel that you appreciate and love her.”

  My first thought was to say I had done everything I possibly could to show her those things, but seeing the honesty in Lindsey’s eyes made me stop and reconsider. Had I really put my all into giving Karen what she needed? I wondered. Could I have done more to prevent this from happening? I didn’t like second-guessing myself.

  “We know it’s hard, Chris, but before you think about getting divorced, think about what we said,” Judy chimed in. “Karen might lose you and her job. Raheem and Tyrell both fucked her over. We all make mistakes. Try to forgive her, so you can both move on.”

  I wanted to say that Karen had brought this shit on herself. Hearing Raheem’s and Tyrell’s names irritated the shit out of me, but rather than make this worse than it was, I nodded and said, “I’ll consider it.”

  “Thanks, Chris,” Lindsey said.

  Judy nodded.

  I returned the nod and walked back to my truck and got in. I drove away, leaving them standing there. Too bad that I couldn’t leave my problems behind with them.

  Karen

  I was sitting in a corner booth at the Friendly’s in Massapequa, eating a large Oreo ice cream sundae. After Chris had taken the kids, I had felt it was best to get out of the house and get some fresh air. My girls had agreed and had wanted to come out with me. I had let them know they could come along as long as our activities didn’t involve anything with alcohol. Alcohol had already made things worse. I wanted something comforting, so I had chosen to come here. I toyed with my sundae and watched a family sitting across from me play with their children and enjoy each other’s company. For the most part, none of my girls had mentioned Chris since we got to Friendly’s, but leave it up to Chloe to address the elephant in the room.

  “K, not for nothing, but if it were me, I would’ve never let Chris take my kids,” Chloe said.

  I assumed that she didn’t mean anything malicious by her
comment and that she was talking this way only because she was concerned, but her words pushed me deeper into a depression.

  “But it’s not you. It’s me. And I felt it was best to let him have the kids, so drop it,” I snapped.

  “Damn. I’m sorry,” Chloe said.

  I shook my head. “No, I’m sorry for being snippy, but with everything that’s been going on, Chris hasn’t spent time with our kids. They miss him, and I know he misses them. They shouldn’t have to suffer because of what’s going on between us.”

  “I know, but if he misses them so much, he should’ve stayed his ass home,” Chloe muttered.

  “No, there’s too much negative energy in the house right now,” Lindsey said. “He needs to be away with the kids to get his head right. I think keeping the kids around him is the best way for him to consider working things out.”

  “Are you ever going to talk to Raheem again?” Vivian asked me.

  “No. I’m done with him. He played me. I wish I had never got involved with him,” I replied.

  Judy rubbed my back. “Everything is going to be okay,” she soothed. I wished it were true.

  My phone vibrated just then. I retrieved it from my pocket and saw I had a text from Tyrell. I put my phone under the table and discreetly read the text.

  So, corporate has been really interrogating me. Have they questioned you yet? I’m kind of worried.

  After reading his text, I went from being sad to being nervous. On top of all the shit I’d gone through today, I now had to worry about what this asshole had told the higher-ups at the company I worked for. I responded to his text.

  No, they haven’t questioned me yet. I think their strategy is to gather as much dirt as they can to make me confess. What did you tell them?

  He texted me back quickly.

  They told me to be truthful, because my answers could lead to me being terminated.

  His reply didn’t answer my damn question. I needed to know his precise words to the investigators.

  Stop dancing around my damn question. What exactly did you tell them?

  A minute later I got my answer.

  I told them nothing happened. I said you were trying to teach me how to do my job more effectively so I wouldn’t be fired.

  It wasn’t the best excuse, but I could work with it.

  What kind of questions did they ask you?

  A minute passed before I got his answer.

  They wanted to know how long you’ve been my supervisor. Have I ever felt taken advantage of? Have we ever engaged in sexual intimacy? Why have I spent so much time in your office? And some other bullshit questions.

  I texted him back quickly.

  What were your answers?

  Another minute went by.

  I told them that you’ve been my supervisor for about a year, that we’ve never been intimate, and that you’ve always been professional. I added that you didn’t want to embarrass me in front of our coworkers, so you gave me additional training in your office to make me more productive.

  His answers sounded decent, but his wife and the rumors were what worried me.

  All right. You need to think about how you’re going to convince your wife to keep her mouth shut.

  He texted back right away.

  I know.

  I fired off an important message.

  When this is over, stay away from me. This situation has the potential to fuck up both our lives.

  He didn’t respond to my last text.

  “Who were you texting?” Chloe asked after I slipped my phone back in my pocket.

  “Just more drama and bullshit,” I answered, rubbing my temples.

  “Care to elaborate?” Vivian asked, not letting me off the hook.

  “It was Tyrell. My job started the investigation on me, and they asked him questions. So far, so good. I told him that when this is over, he has to stay out of my life.”

  I hoped he would listen.

  We talked more about my drama, and my girls helped me to get mentally prepared for a week without my family.

  * * *

  I was at work, sitting at my desk, swamped with reports. Since the investigation into my actions had begun, I’d rarely left my office. It was too uncomfortable. Every time I passed other employees in the hallways, I saw their curious glances and heard their whispers. I felt their eyes on me. Their laughter, rude comments, and gestures tormented and taunted me. I felt like everywhere I went, shame, guilt, and insecurities followed me.

  I finally mustered up the courage to leave my office and walk to the bathroom. I avoided eye contact with the mail carrier, who was awkwardly smiling at me while he pushed the mail cart. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to center myself. I needed to keep my shit together. I couldn’t break down in the hallway, in front of my subordinates and coworkers. To adjust my body language, I fixed my face, making myself appear more confident, and straightened my posture. I couldn’t let anyone in this company see any signs of the turmoil I was going through. That was how it needed to be, that was how it should be, and that was how it was going to be. I handled my business in the bathroom, then swiftly walked back to my office.

  I tried to stay focus on work, but I kept thinking about Chris.

  What I had thought would be only a week of Chris having the kids had turned into a month, and it had felt like an eternity and an ongoing hell. I’d felt that if I played nice and let Chris have the girls a little while longer, he’d be more receptive to working things out. However, my stress from this situation, and the horror show that my job had turned into, had driven me to start smoking again The first week that Chris had the girls, I’d been emotional, scared, depressed, and nothing I said or did had made things better between Chris and me. Our communication had been forced and stilted, and it still was. I stopped by to see my little girls every day, but the fear that this could be our future scared the shit out of me.

  And every day, after being tortured by the whispers and gossip at work, I went home to a quiet and empty house. I frequently looked at our family pictures or our wedding album and reflected painfully on the actions that had led to this sorry state of affairs.

  My depressing thoughts were disrupted when Roger knocked on my office door. I told him to come in.

  “Hello, Karen. I hope I’m not disturbing you,” he said as he closed the door behind him.

  “Of course not, Roger. You are never a bother. How are you?”

  “I’m well. I wanted to let you know that within the next two weeks, the higher-ups will be calling you in to close out their investigation. They haven’t set a date yet, but I was told things should be wrapping up shortly.”

  “Thank you, Roger.”

  “No problem.” He paused for a moment as he stood there. “Karen?”

  “Yes?”

  “When the time comes and they’re questioning you, please don’t lie to them.”

  I nodded.

  “Great. I will let you know if I hear anything else.”

  “Thanks again, Roger.”

  When he left, I put my head in my hands. I just wanted this fucking nightmare to be over.

  Chris

  I pulled up to my father’s driveway and saw Karen sitting in her car across the street from the house. When she saw me, she stepped out of her car and crossed the street, rubbing her hands up and down her arms, looking remorseful. I hated that I still loved her.

  “Hey, Chris,” she called as she approached my truck.

  I nodded as I opened the truck door.

  “Chris . . . can we talk?” she said.

  I sighed. “Sure.”

  When I opened the front door of the house, the girls saw us and ran to us excitedly. They hugged us and told us all about their day at school. Pops was in the living room, working on putting together a new entertainment center he’d bought at IKEA.

  I stepped into the living room. “Pops, I’m ordering dinner. You want anything in particular?” I said.

  “I’m not picky. You
know what I like. I trust your judgment,” he told me.

  “Roger that, Pops.”

  I returned to the foyer and decided to be civil to Karen. “Would you like to have dinner with us?”

  She smiled and nodded excitedly.

  We ordered Chinese food and sat together like a family again. I had missed this feeling so much, but Karen had ruined everything when she decided to fuck those two assholes.

  When we were finished eating, Pops agreed to watch the kids while Karen and I talked in my bedroom.

  “What do you want to talk about, Karen?” I asked once we were alone in my bedroom and the door was shut.

  “I miss you, Chris. I’m sorry I hurt you. I know I fucked up, but I’ll do anything to fix this.”

  “We’re too damaged. I don’t think we can be fixed.”

  “Please . . . please. Let’s at least try.”

  “I don’t know if I can. I don’t think I’ll ever trust you again, and if I can’t trust you, we won’t have a real relationship. We’d just be going through the motions.”

  “In time, maybe I can earn your trust back.”

  I thought then about the video of Raheem fucking her, and the speck of hope I had for our marriage disappeared. “After I saw another man fuck you and cum in your mouth, I don’t know if you could ever earn my trust back. And there wasn’t only one guy you were creeping with behind my back. There were two. That’s too much to forgive.”

  Karen’s face flushed, and she frowned. “Fuck this! The reason all this shit happened in the first place was that I wasn’t getting what I needed from you.”

  “So, what would change, huh? I’m the same person now that I was then, Karen.”

  “Fuck you, Chris!”

  “No thanks. I’m sure you’ll find some other brother to do that.”

  I knew I had struck a nerve and had hurt her, but I didn’t care. Karen gave me a long look, then slapped me hard across the face. My hands trembled; I opened and closed them. It took everything in my soul not to slap her back. We stood there and stared at each other. Karen sucked her teeth and then stormed out of the room. I heard her say good-bye to the girls, and then I heard the front door slam. I looked out the window to see Karen speeding off in her car. Then I heard a loud thud in the living room.