“So, my father is alive. He’s in prison. Have you ever contacted him?”
“No, I haven’t. He’s in jail, but if he weren’t, he’d be dead, Francesca. It’s actually a good thing he’s in there. There are still people out there to this day looking to enact revenge in some way for what Freddie and his partners did.”
“You could’ve told me. I would’ve heeded your advice and stayed away. But I’ve spent my entire life thinking that my father was some standup person who simply wanted nothing to do with me. That’s not exactly the case.”
“I know. And I’ve felt extremely guilty about that. It was always the worst part of keeping this from you. I still feel like it was the only choice I had.”
Feeling utterly floored, I said, “I honestly don’t even know where to go from here. I think I’m just still in shock.”
“I always knew there was a chance that you could find out, but never did I imagine it would happen in such a horrible way. These people should be ashamed of themselves for putting you in this position. Have you talked to Mack? Does he know about this package?”
“I only got this a couple of hours ago. I was supposed to fly to D.C. this weekend. I don’t know exactly what he knows.”
Victor interrupted, “I don’t want you going anywhere near there. Anyone who would put you in this kind of position is pure evil. This woman is blackmailing you and putting everyone else involved in danger.”
I turned to my mother. “Not only am I grappling with the fact that you’ve kept this from me all of these years, but I can’t believe that Mack knew about this and didn’t tell me.”
“Well, I’m sure he probably didn’t know how to go about it.”
“I really think you should consider cancelling your trip,” Victor said.
Looking down at one of the newspaper articles, I allowed myself to see what he looked like for the first time. Although the ink was black and white, I could tell he had red hair like me. We had the same small pudgy nose and bone structure. There was no doubt.
“I do look like him.”
“That part was never a lie,” my mother admitted.
“I need some time alone. I’m gonna take all of this upstairs and read every word in private.”
“Please promise me you’ll call me when you’re ready to talk about it again. I need you to work on forgiving me.”
It hurt my brain to even think about how to go about doing that. “I understand why you thought you were doing the right thing. It’s just going to take me a lot of time to absorb this.”
“Okay.” My mother wiped tears from her eyes. “I understand. I love you, honey. Take all the time you need.”
After an hour alone sifting through all of the contents of that envelope, I decided that I couldn’t face Mack this weekend. I couldn’t bear to see him, knowing that he knew about this and didn’t tell me. At the same time, a part of me felt like it needed him more than ever.
When my phone rang and I saw that it was him, I debated whether or not to even pick up before I finally answered.
“Mack…”
“I’ve called you twice.” He sounded upset. “How come you didn’t call me back?”
“I’m sorry. I haven’t been feeling well.”
“No need to apologize. I just wanted to hear your voice, make sure everything was okay.”
“I don’t think I’m going to be able to come this weekend.”
“Are you serious? I really needed to see you.”
“I’m sorry.” I kept my words to a minimum because I didn’t know how to hide how upset I was.
Simply unable to pretend that I wasn’t devastated, I ended up cutting the phone call short. I couldn’t get over the fact that—at least according to Torrie—he knew about my father and still hadn’t mentioned anything.
The rest of that week had flown by in a fog. I’d gone through the motions at school, barely getting by.
Still unable to deal with talking to my mother, I’d spent most of my time in my room at Victor’s. He was being a true friend, joining me for dinners and offering his ear but not forcing me to talk about it, either. He’d also rounded me up the names of some therapists in the event I needed to see someone. Talking to a professional about my daddy issues was long overdue, but now the need seemed urgent.
Saturday afternoon, I remained holed up in my bedroom when the phone rang. It was Mack.
I picked up. “Hi.”
“I’m outside. Can you come down, or are you too sick to be out in the cold?”
“You’re here?”
“Yes. I just flew in.”
He was here?
“How come you didn’t tell me you were coming?”
“I didn’t want to hear you tell me not to come. I’m getting a vibe from you, and I haven’t been able to sleep. I needed to see you. I’m here until tomorrow night. Jonah’s with my sister.”
“Where are you staying?”
I couldn’t go back to my house because the realtor is showing it this weekend. So, I rented a room at the Beacon Hill Hotel around the corner from here. Grab a bag of your things and meet me out front.”
Hesitating for a moment, I realized there was really no way out of dealing with this. “Okay…I’ll be right down.”
I’d nearly forgotten how much I missed him. Mack was leaning against a car that was parked out front. He was wearing a navy wool coat and rugged boots under his jeans. His hair had grown out a bit longer, and his stubble was more shadowy than usual.
His warm kiss was a welcome contrast to the cold air. It was desperate and forceful. He took my hand as we walked in silence to the hotel just a few blocks away.
The room at the historic hotel was small but comfortable with windows that let in a lot of light. Mack sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled me close, resting his head on my stomach as I stood before him.
Immediately, I started to cry. It was impossible to hide anything from him.
He looked up at me, and his eyes slowly widened. “You know?”
I nodded, unable to form the words.
“I knew it.” He stood up and pulled me into him.
As much as it had been comforting to have Victor’s support this past week, nothing felt better than being in Mack’s arms, even if I still didn’t understand why he’d kept the news about my father from me.
He whispered into my hair, “I know you, Frankie. You’re inside my fucking heart, and when something’s bothering you, I can literally feel it. Tell me how it happened. How did you find out?” He pulled back so he could look at me.
Wiping my nose with my arm, I said, “It was Torrie. She sent me a package with a letter and all of the articles.”
He froze for a moment and just blinked repeatedly to let that sink in. “Fuck. What?”
“Yes. It was a horrible way to find out.”
“I suspected she was in on it, but I just can’t believe she would do that and that he let her do the dirty work.”
“Mack, how could you have known about this and not told me the second you found out?”
“I’ve been sick over it,” he pleaded. “I’ve only known for a few days. I was trying to figure out how to do it in a way that would hurt you the least…if that was even possible. I’d planned to tell you this weekend when you came to visit. Then you canceled, so I had to come here. I would’ve never kept this from you, Frankie. You have to know that.”
“I know this isn’t your fault. I just don’t know how to handle it.”
“This is typical of my father. This is the type of shit I’ve seen him do to people my entire life. Back when you and I first met, I’d always feared that something like this might happen someday, that if I loved you openly, somehow my father would do something to hurt you. More recently, I had myself convinced that I could protect you from anything even if that did happen. This time around with you, I’d stopped obsessing about it, choosing to just enjoy life. I let my guard down. I wanted to just love you without worrying about all of that. But ou
t of all the possible things he could’ve done, I never could’ve predicted this scenario.”
“My mother confirmed everything. She never planned to tell me, but it’s all true. Freddie Higgins is my father.”
“Are you okay?” He rested his forehead against mine. “I know that seems like a dumb question.”
“I’m just in shock. This feels like a dream. I can’t even explain what I’m feeling because it hasn’t sunk in yet.”
“I hate that I caused this.”
“You didn’t cause it.”
“Not directly. But if I hadn’t come back into your life, this never would’ve happened. I’d never forgive myself if I ever put you in any kind of danger. What did Torrie say to you?”
I reached into my bag and took out the folded piece of paper. “I have the letter here.”
Mack’s ears were turning red as he read it. He looked like he was burning up in anger. “I can’t believe this. I just can’t believe she would threaten you like that. This is the fucking mother of my child acting like this.” Running his hand through his hair in frustration, he looked down at the floor and then up at me. “I swear to God, if it weren’t for my son, I’d take you away and hope we never came back. I just wish I knew the best way to handle this. I truly feel helpless.”
“I don’t think the answer is going to come overnight.”
“What do we do in the meantime?”
“Honestly? I just want you to hold me tonight. That’s all. I don’t want to think. I just want to be with you.”
“I can do that.”
Mack closed the curtains, shutting out most of the light. He rolled down the bedding before taking off his shirt. As he enveloped me in his arms, I curled into his warm body. For a few moments, I was able to forget the past week.
His heart was thumping against my back. I knew his mind was racing.
He finally spoke. “All these years, you thought your father didn’t want you. He was just fucked-up.”
“I’m glad I know the truth. I just wish I knew what to do with it.”
“Do you think you’ll ever contact him?”
“I honestly don’t know.”
“I think it’s better if you don’t. It’s not worth the risk.”
“Do you really think someone would come after me after all this time?”
“I don’t want to find out, Frankie. The thought of something happening to you because of what my father pulled is unfathomable.”
He held me tighter. I felt tiny in Mack’s big arms.
We eventually both drifted off to sleep. It was the first good sleep either of us had gotten in days.
After he returned to Virginia, during the days that followed, things would change again and not for the better.
This time period reminded me so much of how it felt years ago when he’d left our apartment in Boston and went home for the summer only to come back and break my heart.
Mack was once again distancing himself much like he’d done back then. Whenever I questioned him, he’d tell me he was trying to figure out what the best step was moving forward.
I couldn’t help but worry that he’d come to the conclusion that it was safer for everyone if we went our separate ways.
For the first time, I doubted whether we would be able to recover.
As I waited in front of Mrs. Migillicutty’s, the sight of Mack’s empty house next door made me melancholy. The windows were dark, and the for sale sign still sat out front on the dried-up, ice-coated grass. It was a terrible time to have a house on the market in the middle of winter, so he hadn’t gotten any bites on the property.
I longed to be back inside the warmth of that house with him. More than that, I missed that time when things seemed complicated, but in retrospect weren’t complicated at all compared to the present.
She opened the door. “I got the water boiling for the hot chocolate, Frankie Jane. I’m gonna spike it real good.”
“Thank you. That sounds like exactly what I need.” Kicking the snow off my boots, I asked, “Have you heard from Mack?”
“No, honey. But I sure do miss him.”
“Me too.”
“Why do you ask? Is something wrong?”
“I’m getting concerned because he hasn’t called me in a couple of days. That’s really unlike him. His texts have been short and vague, too. I’m really scared I’m losing him.”
“What in the hell?” She poured the hot water into two mugs.
Mrs. Migillicutty didn’t know anything about the blackmail or my father. I felt like I needed to tell her everything. In fact, I was bursting at the seams to get her opinion because, not only was she straightforward, but she always seemed to make a lot of sense.
“Can you keep a secret? It’s kind of a long story, but I really need to get it off my chest.”
She pointed to her round stomach. “See this belly? I’m pretty sure it’s full of secrets. Well, maybe it’s full of Tim Tam cookies, but in any case, keeping secrets is what I’m best at.”
I trusted her. Since I hadn’t been to see a professional, she was probably the next best thing. I needed someone unbiased to talk to who was far removed from the equation. Over the next forty minutes, I recounted everything that had happened since Mack moved back to Virginia.
“Wow, what a guttersnipe,” she said, referring to Torrie. “I’d like to snap her neck.”
I sighed. “Yeah.”
“Don’t worry. Karma is a bigger bitch than that cunt ever could be.”
Her dirty mouth always made me laugh.
She noticed my amusement. “What?”
“Nothing. Your looks don’t always match your mouth. I just don’t expect you to say certain things, but I should know better by now.”
“Mack used to say the same thing. What’s up with you people?”
“Thank you for making me laugh.”
She sighed, and her expression turned serious. “Okay. Let’s try to work this out. What’s at the root of your fears now?”
I stopped to really think for a moment, swirling my hot chocolate around. “Honestly, I don’t even care about that bitch or anything she or his father have done to try to hurt me. I’m concerned about Mack and Jonah. I’m also worried that he’s decided that it’s safer for him to distance himself from me, even if that’s not what his heart wants. But more than anything, what’s bothering me is my own doubt, that inner voice that’s telling me that they would be better off without me.”
“Bullshit. Mack wasn’t living until you came back into his life. I refuse to accept the two of you letting fear rule your worlds.” She added a bit more peppermint Schnapps to my hot cocoa. “What was the last thing he said to you?”
“He said he needed some time to figure out a solution.”
She blew on her drink before taking a sip. “Okay. You have to trust that he knows what he’s doing. I don’t see how he could possibly be considering a life apart from you. He will figure it out.”
“Well, Jonah really has to be his top priority. What if he feels that being with me could potentially put his son in danger?”
“Do you really think that senator is going to do anything to endanger the life of his grandchild? He won’t go public with this, Frankie.”
“But like Torrie’s letter stated, what if someone else, like a political rival, uncovers my background?”
“People only go after people who give them a reason to. If you don’t want to have to worry about that, then you may have to keep things under the radar until this blows over.”
“You mean pretend not to be with Mack? Sneak around?”
“Whatever it takes. But I will say this. I do not believe that dirty politician or that nasty witch would ever do anything to put that little boy in harm’s way. If you and Mack are together, that means you’ll be around Jonah, and they know that. They are trying to scare you away from him.”
“I hope it’s just that. I really hope you’re right.”
“Like I used to say to Mack�
�I am always right.”
While my evening with Mrs. M. had served to reassure me a bit, doubt would always set in most when I was alone at night. The physical and now emotional distance from Mack was taking its toll. Something had changed since his return to Virginia, and I was afraid to push him for answers. I was afraid of the truth. More and more, it was feeling like he’d decided that our being together was just not worth the risk. It seemed like he was pushing me away with actions because he didn’t have the guts to say what he was thinking.
I’d signed a lease on a new apartment in Brookline but couldn’t move in for another few weeks. Victor never made me feel like I was overstaying my welcome. A part of me felt that he was secretly hoping my relationship with Mack wouldn’t recover from this.
Whenever I thought about keeping Vic around as a safety net, I had to remind myself how unfair it was to even think like that. But with Mack keeping his distance, it was easy to see why my mind was veering in that direction. I was at a crossroads with no sense of direction.
My state of confusion was disrupted in a big way one afternoon after school when I received a knock on the door of my classroom. I’d been correcting papers but got up to answer, expecting to see that Lorelai had returned because she’d forgotten something.
Instead, two very well-dressed women stood before me. One looked about thirty years older than the other, but she was nonetheless striking. I didn’t recognize them as being related to any of my students.
“Can I help you?”
“Are you Francesca O’Hara?” the younger woman said.
“Yes.”
“I’m Michaela Morrison, Mackenzie’s sister. And this is my mother, Vivienne.”
Mack Daddy Page 20
