by Jo Lovett
Hi,
You have a LOT on your plate. Sounds as though Liv’s been doing really well and that there’s a really good chance that the scan’s going to deliver good news? I know nothing about medicine BUT intuitively you’d think that if things look so positive in the way she’s walking etc and pain levels (or not) then things inside will be good too? Really sure it will go well.
Xxx
Hey,
You know what, I think you’re right. I think if it were anyone else’s child I’d be pretty sure the scan was going to be okay. Logically, it will be. Thank you.
S x
Look at that. He’d turned into one of those people who added a kiss to emails. Izzy did the occasional one, but until now he’d always been pretty certain that he’d never, under any circumstances, do any virtual kissing of his own, except possibly to Liv, who was a keen double kisser herself, and his daughter. But here he was, kissing away with abandon. Never say never.
‘Luke. Ash.’ Sam went in for big handshakes and then man hugs. ‘It’s been too long.’ It was months since the three of them had been together. Luke was a busy man, and Sam was even busier. Ash didn’t have a family but, as another partner at Sam’s firm, he didn’t have a lot of spare time. ‘What’re you drinking?’
When they were all settled with beers at a table, Sam looked around. ‘This bar’s a lot more down to earth than some I’ve been frequenting recently.’
‘You should stop dating models,’ Luke said.
‘Yeah.’ Sam joined the others in taking long draughts of their drinks. ‘So what’ve you been up to? How are Nadia and the girls?’
As he listened to Luke and then Ash fill him in, Sam reflected that he’d missed this.
In the twenty years since they’d all met at college, Sam and Luke had never gone more than a couple weeks without speaking, by phone if they weren’t living in the same place. This time they’d only exchanged a few texts in the time since they’d last seen each other. Sam had far too much going on in his life but so did Luke, with his three young daughters and house move, and Sam shouldn’t be too busy to make the effort to spend time with close friends. It felt all wrong not speaking to Luke regularly. He missed Ash too, even though they nominally worked together. In reality, their working paths rarely crossed.
Now he thought about it, though, he hadn’t missed either of them as much as he would have done if he hadn’t been emailing Izzy.
‘So now fill us in on you,’ Luke said.
Sam talked them through his family vacation, Liv’s progress and the upcoming scan, Barney’s progress and baking, courtesy of Therapist Thirteen. He barely touched on how busy work was; it went without saying. He also didn’t mention how difficult Liv had become or how silent Barney was becoming, or his ongoing guilt about the accident or his nightmares. And he didn’t mention his emails with Izzy.
Obviously it wasn’t normal for your son’s therapist to have become your penfriend. Also, on his way to the bar this evening, he’d discovered that Izzy’s second ‘new experience’ with Emma was ‘singles climbing’ and he’d realised that he didn’t particularly like the idea of Izzy doing singles activities. Uncomfortable food for thought, which he didn’t really want to talk about.
Three beers and an eight-ounce steak each later, Sam checked his watch with reluctance. ‘I’m going to have to go. I have work to do before bed plus I want to be up in time tomorrow for a run. Let’s do this again a lot sooner.’
‘Love you, man.’ Luke was always emotional after not that much beer. Sam thumped his shoulder in response, while Ash laughed.
His thoughts returned to Izzy on the way home. Should he like her this much? No. Obviously not. She was Barney’s lucky Therapist Thirteen, and Sam’s buddy, and that was it. He wished her the very best of luck with her singles climbing.
Fourteen
Izzy
Izzy thumped down into the car, heart thudding after sprinting back from the school gate. Thank God they’d got to the end of July and the last Monday of the school year. They’d been really late because she’d forgotten until she woke up to a ‘thoughtful reminder’ group message from the class rep that their class were doing ‘Buns and Biscuit Break-time’ today. (‘And no shop-bought buns or biscuits from our class, thank you, ladies!’) Lacking the ability to re-wind the clock and start baking in good time, Izzy had taken a Tupperware cupcake holder from home, done a pitstop cupcake shop in Sainsbury’s on the way to school and made the cupcakes look home-made by squishing them. Any more end of term ‘fun’ and she would kill someone.
And in pinged another WhatsApp. ‘Dear all, I thought it would be a lovely idea if our children all wrote their own lyrics to their favourite song (between twelve and sixteen lines please!) and we videoed them singing (with the backing music so that the song’s recognisable!) as an extra present for Mrs Blake! By Wednesday please! Thank you!’ For goodness’ sake. Izzy hated the class rep.
Not everyone was a two-parent family with one stay-at-home parent and unlimited cash. How did single parents with more than one child manage? Like Sam. Who had Liv’s appointment this morning.
Morning Sam,
Hope the appointment goes well. Thinking of you.
Xxx
His reply didn’t come through until Ruby’s bath time.
Hey Izzy,
Thanks for your email. It helped. I was a wreck this morning.
The appointment was fantastic. Couldn’t have hoped for better. Everything looked good on the scan. No long-term damage. Six months ago, I wouldn’t have dared dream of this.
For the second Monday out of three, I nearly cried like a baby. If I’m honest, I think I did let slip a tear. I’m just so happy for my daughter.
S xx
Izzy took the plug out of the bath and hauled Ruby out of the tub so that she could turn her back on her so Ruby wouldn’t see her damp eyes and she could safely ignore her for a minute to send a ‘So pleased for you’ reply.
And then she hugged Ruby so tightly that Ruby squeaked. How did anyone cope with witnessing their children struggle so much?
A week later, Izzy was already missing term time. There was a lot to be said for the regularity of school hours. Today she was working as fast as she could through her lunch hour so that she’d be able to get away early and pick Ruby and a friend up from their tennis camp, which finished half an hour earlier than school.
She finished writing up some notes on an initial assessment of an anxious little girl with a developmental stammer with five minutes to go before her first afternoon appointment. She shovelled in a duck wrap while she checked her phone.
There was a message from Dominic.
Hi Iz. I was thinking about taking Ruby to a West End matinee a week on Saturday and thought it would be nice if we all went together? Show’s at 2.30. Dom
And also an email from Sam.
Hey,
Good morning I hope?
You free Saturday afternoon next week?? Deal deadline’s changed—we’re coming to London on the red-eye next Thursday night now. Working Friday and Saturday morning. Obviously we’d love to see Ruby too (not expecting you to get babysitter).
Went for a run this morning. Fry-up at desk now.
S x
Woah. They wanted to meet at exactly the same time. Decisions. And no time to think because the receptionist was buzzing Izzy’s next client through.
Her first appointment was with a lovely girl who had had a very serious stammer, and who had made huge progress and wouldn’t need any further speech therapy for now. Izzy was delighted for her and her mother. She felt a warm glow like the one she’d had when Sam and Barney had told her about Barney’s drama presentation. A lot of things were reminding her of Sam at the moment.
That and another appointment finished, and only five minutes late for tennis pickup, Izzy herded Ruby and her friend into the car and started the engine. The girls were giggling together in the back and thankfully had no interest in boring mummy-conversation. F
inally, some time to think.
Izzy really wanted to see Sam. And Barney obviously. But she also wanted to see Dominic. Ruby would enjoy an outing with both her parents together. And Izzy was sure she’d enjoy it too. She’d been appreciating Dominic more each time she saw him recently.
She wanted to see Sam more, though. And Barney, of course.
And Dominic was moving back to London soon and Izzy would be able to see him any time. Whereas she obviously couldn’t see Sam, or Barney, any time. And Ruby always had a lovely time on her own with Dominic.
Yep, she was going to see Sam. And who was she kidding? It was so not about meeting Barney in person. It was all about wanting to see Sam again. It would be interesting to meet his children, but that was all. Whereas meeting Sam again felt like an irresistible temptation. She had actual butterflies now.
What would she tell Dominic? On balance, it would probably be easiest just to tell him that she was seeing a client.
She heard again from Sam that evening, just before she went to bed.
Hey,
Just got a card (an actual card, in the mail) from my mother after their lunch at the apartment on Sunday. My mother adored the chicken cacciatore and (very well zested) lemon drizzle pudding. She’s ecstatic that her son has reached adulthood and learnt to cook by the tender age of nearly forty. Ashamed to say that I didn’t immediately tell her that I’d had a little push on the catering front. Then Liv and Barney told her that the recipes came to Barney from his speech therapist. She asked me to extend a big thank you to you for also being my (in her words) “cooking therapist.”
How’s your day been? Painting good?
Great that you can meet next Saturday.
S x
Izzy smiled all the way through flossing her teeth.
Emma already had three dresses ready for Izzy to try on when she and Ruby met her at the shops after school the following Thursday.
‘Look at these.’ She held them up in turn for Izzy. ‘Gorgeous. Nearly as gorgeous as you. Perfect for you to wear on Saturday.’ They were all gorgeous dresses, but Izzy really wasn’t sure.
‘I don’t know if I want to buy a new dress.’ Izzy checked Ruby was engrossed in her new unicorn book. This was all feeling as though she was preparing for a big date, and it shouldn’t. This was the exact opposite of when Emma had suggested not buying anything new when she met Dominic at the Carter. Even though Dominic was lovely and he was real life, and Sam was not part of her normal life. ‘I think I’m going to wear jeans.’
‘Your navy denim high-waisted wide-leg ones?’
‘Yep.’ So much better for your averagely shaped woman than skinnies. ‘And I’ve got this new emerald green top.’ Which had cost about half her monthly post-bills salary, but she loved it.
‘Sounds perfect. How’re you going to do your hair? As is?’
‘Yep.’
‘You’re going to look lovely. Very girl next door, in a good way.’
‘Middle-aged woman next door.’
‘We aren’t middle-aged.’
‘Emma, we’re bloody thirty-six. We aren’t spring chickens.’
‘But also not old. Our life expectancy’s over ninety. We’re nowhere near middle age. That’s why you shouldn’t settle for a relationship that isn’t real love. Let’s go and get pizza if we aren’t shopping?’
Izzy’s heart was going like the clappers. Honestly, it was surprising that the people closest to her weren’t turning to check what was going on and asking what was wrong with her.
She was standing in the middle of the café, near the escalators, on the top floor of the very nice Peter Jones department store in Chelsea’s Sloane Square, scanning the moderate crowds round the tills for Sam, while trying to look totally chilled. She should probably have gone with her initial instinct, which had been to be a few minutes late. This was exactly what she would have done if this had just been a social meeting, but actually she was meeting a client, so she couldn’t be late. So here she was, like a teenager having arrived far too punctually for a first date.
First date. She should get phrases like that right out of her mind. This was so very much not a date. She was meeting her client, and his father, her friend. It was ridiculous that she was physically jittery with anticipation.
‘Hey, Izzy.’ Sam’s voice came from behind her. ‘It’s good to see you.’ That voice. Izzy’s heart started to thud so loudly that she was almost deafened, and she got very sudden whole-body goose bumps. It was actually him. Sam McCready was here in the flesh, right behind her.
She spun round to say hello, catching an elderly woman’s tray with her elbow as she did so.
‘Oh my goodness,’ Izzy screamed, doing nothing at all to save the tray. It was going. Everything on it was going. The teapot, the cup and saucer, the slice of carrot cake, the fork, the napkins, they were all sliding to one side. The woman wasn’t strong enough to hold the tray now that it had been knocked off balance. There was going to be a huge mess.
Izzy finally unfroze and stuck her hands out just as Sam and Liv dived in together and both caught it. Miraculously, everything stopped sliding.
Izzy couldn’t speak. Literally. It was like her tongue was glued in place. In fact, all of her was stunned at the weirdness, and yet utter rightness, of being in the same place as Sam. Who was so much more in the flesh. In a really good, gut-punchingly sexy, way. His smile. His strong forearms holding the tray. The humour in his eyes. The thick hair that you’d happily plunge your hands straight into.
‘Let me carry that to your table for you.’ Sam smiled at the elderly woman and the woman actually simpered at him; there was no other word for it. Did he have this effect on every woman he met? Izzy smiled at Barney and Liv as Sam escorted the woman over to a table and had a short chat with her, which just increased the simpering. Izzy was still too overcome to be able to produce actual words.
Sam had aged very well, as indicated by his work photo. Same dark-blond hair, with a bit of grey in it now, which just made him look even better. He’d be rocking a silver fox look in a decade’s time. His olive skin was even darker than she remembered, presumably because it was the summer. And his shoulders and chest and thighs were still gorgeously solid-looking. Total housewife’s dream.
Not that Izzy was dreaming about him. Not any more.
‘Sorry about that.’ Sam was back now. The elderly woman was still directing a simpering smile in his direction. Izzy concentrated very hard on not doing any simpering herself. Was she smiling normally? Or did she look as though she was in pain? What was she doing with her face now? Once you started thinking about how you were arranging your face, it was very difficult to behave completely naturally. Now all she could think about was whether her eyes, cheeks, mouth, everything, were normally relaxed. ‘So I should introduce you. This is Barney, who of course you already recognise from your Skype sessions, and this is Liv. And this is Izzy.’
‘Hello.’ This was better. Izzy had regained some basic powers of speech and the ability to smile less self-consciously. ‘I’m so pleased finally to meet you in person, Barney. And you too, Liv. I’ve heard a lot about you from your father and brother.’
‘Hi,’ they said simultaneously.
‘Liv, Barney, why don’t you go over to the counter and choose yourselves some food. I’ll come pay when you’ve decided.’ Sam indicated over to the counter with his head and then turned to Izzy. ‘They’ll take forever to decide on the perfect café snack. Gives us a chance to say hello properly.’
‘The twins are gorgeous!’ This was an excellent topic of conversation, because hellos felt awkward. Izzy felt awkward. And they really were gorgeous. And fascinating to see together. They were both tall and slim, but Liv’s colouring was a surprise. Barney was dark and curly-haired whereas Liv was blonde, straight-haired and fair-skinned.
‘They really are, aren’t they?’ Sam beamed and Izzy felt her heart expand. It was the devoted-father-with-toddler-in-supermarket effect. ‘And I love that the
y’re chalk and cheese when it comes to looks, as well as personality. Lana was mixed race, and I’m one quarter Puerto Rican, one quarter Nigerian, one quarter Irish and one quarter Norwegian. Equals two pretty beautiful kids.’ He glanced over at the twins adoringly. ‘No apologies for the fact that I’m a very proud dad.’ And presumably no regrets whatsoever about the fact that he’d married Lana, because he had his perfect kids. Just like she, Izzy, had no regrets about the fact that she’d married Dominic, because they had Ruby.
‘The best dads are proud ones.’ Bloody hell, she sounded like a Hallmark card. Sappy. Her mind wasn’t working properly. She was too distracted by the fact that Sam was here, in the flesh: tall, broad-shouldered, and even more attractive than she’d remembered. And he was standing right next to her, smiling at her.
‘Yeah, if only pride was all there was to parenting. Right, what can I get you to drink?’
Fifteen
Sam
Sam followed Izzy over to the counter, doing his best not to look at her butt as she walked. It was as if he’d swapped life stages with Barney. Barney was being very relaxed and grown-up, which was fantastic to see, while he, Sam, was behaving like a teenage boy with a crush. For example, he should not have had a physical reaction to the sight of Izzy that went right to his stomach and he should not be thinking about how she filled her jeans out very nicely. He was going to be forty this year and he should therefore be more than capable of focusing on things more highbrow than a person’s figure, not to mention their gorgeous smile. Especially when the person in question was a friend, because you did not think about your friends in that way.
