Wish You Were Mine

by Tara Sivec

  A ding from Everett’s phone has him cutting our celebration short as he sets me back on my feet and pulls it out of his back pocket. The smile on his face quickly drops as he reads a text.

  “What’s wrong?”

  He shakes his head and, with a sigh, shoves his phone back in his pocket.

  “It’s nothing. It’s fine. Just a friend who needs me. I don’t want to leave you right now…” He trails off, cupping my face in his hand as he stares down at me.

  “Is it someone from your meetings?”

  Everett told me that during his recovery, he still attended weekly meetings at the local hospital and he’s left camp a small handful of times since he’s been here to talk to a few people who needed his help when they were having a bad day. I’m so proud of him that he was able to get better, and doesn’t hesitate to drop everything to help someone else who struggled like he did.

  “I swear I won’t be gone that long. This guy has been doing great lately so I’m sure he’ll only need me for a little bit,” Everett reassures me as he drops his hand from my face and starts backing away.

  “It’s fine. Go work your magic and I’ll be here, waiting for you when you get back.”

  As I say the words, Everett pauses on the top step, giving me a wistful smile, I suddenly remember everything he said to Stratford during our first dinner together. How he changed our past and made it into a fairytale of me sticking it out with him during his residency and all his time overseas, and how I forgave him for not being here and we fell in love. As he stands on that top step with his eyes staring into mine, my heart flutters in my chest wondering if everything he said that night wasn’t a fairytale, but was exactly the way he wished things would have gone between us.

  “I’ll be back soon,” Everett says softly, hustling down the stairs as I watch him go, knowing that as soon as he comes back, we’re going to have a serious talk.

  After Everett gets in the truck and takes off down the driveway, I start wandering around the camp, looking at it with new eyes. Everything makes me smile and everything makes me happy again, because of him. I’m finally excited again about what the future will hold, and it feels so good.

  As I make my way along the trail that leads back to my parents’ house, I feel the vibration of my phone in my back pocket. Pulling it out, I groan when I see the name on the display.

  “Grady, hi. I’ve been meaning to call you…” I trail off, wondering what the best way is to tell someone you are no longer in need of their services.

  It sounds so cold, but that’s all he ever was. The way he behaved when he stopped by the camp a few weeks ago only proved that point. He provided a service. A quick, emotionless way for me to stop feeling so alone until the next time I was overwhelmed with misery and loneliness. His possessiveness that day made me realize that all I was doing was hurting him. He agreed to my demands in the beginning, but I should have known it wouldn’t be that easy. There was never another man in my life that threatened what we had together, no matter how little that was. As soon as he heard about Everett, even though Amelia didn’t give him much information other than the fact we used to be friends and now we were playing husband and wife, it was enough for him to forget about our arrangement and turn into a jealous boyfriend.

  Something I didn’t want or need, especially now.

  Especially when everything I’ve ever wanted is right within my grasp, and all I have to do is reach out and take it.

  “I stopped by the camp the other day,” Grady interrupts. “I saw you and your husband and decided it wasn’t the best time for us to talk.”

  I’m shocked that no one noticed Grady had stopped by, or thought to tell me. But I’m more shocked by the way he says the word husband. Full of thinly veiled anger and a whole lot of that jealousy he has no right to feel.

  “Grady, I’m sorry. This just…like I said before, now isn’t a good time. I think it’s best if we both just move on. You deserve so much better.”

  “You’re right, I deserve better than a quick fuck every couple of months,” he barks through the phone.

  I wince at the harshness of his words. I should feel badly that I’ve hurt him, but I don’t. He knew the score; he just chose not to believe it.

  “I know you’re angry, and I’m sorry. I wish things could have been different. You are a wonderful man.”

  “Save it. I didn’t stick around long the other day, but it was long enough to see the way you looked at that guy. Pretending, my ass. I actually thought if I called, if you heard my voice, you’d remember what we had together. You’d invite me to the charity dinner tomorrow night and prove you aren’t as cold as I thought you were. Thanks for ruining my life.”

  He ends the call before I can get another word in. Before I can apologize again, even though he’s clearly delusional and only saw what he wanted to see between us. He saw a future, and all I saw was a way to bide my time until my future finally came home.

  I don’t realize I continued walking during our short phone call, and before I know it, I find myself at the base of our treehouse. I look up at the ten-foot-in-diameter, hexagon-shaped wooden house with faded yellow curtains in the window and suddenly, every memory I’ve ever had in that thing flashes through my mind, as well as every moment I’ve spent with Everett since he came back. I can’t keep holding on to the past if I want to move forward with my future. It’s time for me to let go of Aiden, let go of the pain of losing him, and stop trying to hold on to him so tightly. I can’t pursue something real with Everett until I shed all of the things still holding me back, Aiden being the biggest thing of all right now.

  With a deep breath and a pounding heart, I quickly climb the ladder.

  Grabbing the star-shaped notepad and pen that Everett and I left in the middle of the floor the last time we were here, I sit down cross-legged and close my eyes. I sit in the middle of the small room high up in a tree and let the memories wash over me. I let them fill me with joy that I was able to experience such happiness in my life, instead of the usual heart-breaking feeling that I’ll never have moments with Aiden like that again, finally letting go of the pain of losing him. Opening my eyes, I quickly scribble down the four years of wishes I missed, and I let everything out. All of the tears, all of the sadness and all of the loneliness without him here. I let it all go and finally let myself feel hopeful that what I’ve always wanted might finally be coming true.

  “I miss you so much, Aiden,” I whisper through my tears as I pull my box out of its hiding spot and put my wishes inside with all the others.

  Nestling my box back down next to Aiden’s and Everett’s, I run my palm over the top of Aiden’s box. “I will always miss you, no matter how much time goes by.”

  As I replace the wooden floorboard to hide our boxes, I hope that, wherever he is, he hears me, and he understands that it’s time for me to let him go.

  Chapter 28

  Everett

  I feel like I’m coming outta my skin, man. I need a drink so bad it hurts.”

  I stare at Bobby across the table of the small coffeehouse in town where I met him, wondering where in the hell the guy went that I met at my first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting over six months ago. Out of everyone I’ve met at those meetings, Bobby was the last person I thought would call me needing help.

  At my first meeting, he’d been the leader of the small group since he’d been sober the longest and had been coming to the meetings the longest. He was a natural leader and helpful person with a clear head and mind and a charismatic personality. In those meetings, we learned a lot about one another and our reasons for turning to alcohol to numb the pain, but Bobby was never very forthcoming about his past, always letting others do the talking because he said they needed help more than him.

  I wonder now if there were signs that he was slipping during my last couple of meetings, but I was too wrapped up in Cameron and what was happening at the camp to notice them. I’d never blame her for distracting me. She was the best kind of
distraction there was. It’s my own damn fault for not being able to focus on what I was supposed to at the time.

  “When was the last time you had a drink? Or maybe something stronger?” I ask, taking in his disheveled appearance, unkempt hair, dirty and wrinkled clothes, and the way he keeps scratching at his arms and scrubbing his face with his hands.

  This guy is withdrawing from a lot more than booze.

  “I don’t know. What does it matter? I’m sober now and I called you. I did what I was supposed to. I just can’t take it anymore. I can’t believe Milly did this to us. I can’t believe she fucked me over and took everything from me.”

  I’ve been listening to Bobby talk about his wife for last hour, saying more to me in sixty minutes than he’s said in the six months I’ve known him. His emotions are all over the place. One minute he’s sad and quiet, and the next he’s pissed off and cursing her name.

  “She moved on. She found someone else. It sucks and it hurts, but you can’t change it. You can’t change her. All you can do is worry about yourself and change you. Say it with me.”

  I give him a pointed look and he finally stops maniacally scratching his arms. He drops his hands into his lap as he recites the prayer with me that we start every meeting with.

  “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference,” we say in unison.

  We share a moment of silence and it looks like Bobby has calmed down some. He’s no longer fidgeting in his chair or getting distracted, his eyes shifting and his head jerking all around the coffee shop every time the espresso machine fires up or there’d a loud clanging of coffee cups being dumped into the sink.

  He’s breathing easier and his face is smooth and calm and no longer scrunched up in anger.

  “You good now?” I ask, glancing down at my watch when he brings his folded hands up to the table and stares down at them.

  I don’t want to leave if he still needs me, but I’m anxious to get back to Cameron. As soon as she said she’d be right there, waiting for me when I got back, all I could think about was how many times I wished she’d said those words to me over the years. I need to get back to her. We need to celebrate Camp Rylan and we need to talk. I still don’t know what’s happening between us, but I’m sick and tired of waiting. Exhausted from trying to keep everything buried when it’s screaming to get out.

  “I’m good, man. Thanks for coming and thanks for the talk,” Bobby tells me, reaching across the table with his hand outstretched.

  I shake his hand, squeezing it a little harder before I let it go.

  “You call me anytime you need to talk, okay? You don’t need a crutch to get through this. You’re strong and you’re gonna be fine. Just take it one day at a time.”

  With a promise from Bobby that he’ll call me tomorrow and let me know how he is, I race out of the coffee shop and try not to break any speed limits getting back to the camp.

  * * *

  By the time I finished with Bobby and felt good about leaving him alone, the sun had gone down and most of the staff had gone home for the night. It takes me a while of wandering around the camp before I finally find someone who knows where Cameron is, and I can’t wipe the sappy grin off my face as I race toward our treehouse.

  I can’t stop thinking about the words she whispered in my ear; I can’t stop thinking about the look in her eyes right before my lips touched hers and we got interrupted. I can’t stop thinking about everything I want to say to her that I’ve kept locked up inside for so long. I climb the ladder faster than I ever have before, but my feet turn into blocks of cement when I get to the top and stop in the doorway.

  Cameron’s back is to me as she sits cross-legged on the floor in the middle of the room, but I hear her sniffle and watch her hand come up to wipe the tears off her cheeks. I hear them in her voice when she speaks out loud, telling Aiden she misses him, and will always miss him. The pain in my chest explodes, and I’m surprised I don’t stumble backward and fall off the damn ledge around the edge of the treehouse.

  I should let her know I’m here. I should move into the room and wrap her in my arms and say something to take away her pain, but I can’t. I’m too busy trying to remember how to breathe through my own agony.

  All this time, I thought something was happening between us, but maybe I was just seeing what I wanted to see, instead of what was really there. She’s still hurting, she’s still mourning, and I was a good distraction from all of that. I made her forget about her broken heart. She said my being back here made her happy again, but maybe all it did was make her forget about what she lost.

  Leaving Cameron to be alone with her grief, I back out of the treehouse quietly and take the ladder down slowly, calling myself all kinds of a fool for thinking it was a good idea to dig something up that should have stayed buried.

  Chapter 29

  Cameron

  Wow.”

  Standing at the edge of the tent, I look away from all the people smiling, drinking, eating, and having a good time, when my mom comes up next to me and wraps her arm around my waist.

  “It’s not too much?”

  She shakes her head with wide eyes, searching the room and taking in everything.

  “It’s perfect. Absolutely perfect. I’m so proud of you.”

  I smile wider when her eyes, the same shape and color as mine, turn toward me. When I found out last night that Stratford decided to give us the money, I wanted to call my parents immediately, but I refrained. I waited until she and my dad got back home this morning from Outer Banks to tell them. I wanted to see their faces when I told them their dream and their legacy would continue to go on. I didn’t, however, tell them about what I decided to do for the charity dinner. I wanted to keep that part a secret until they walked under the tent, and I’m glad I did. The look on her face tells me everything I need to know. That I didn’t go overboard changing everything up, and even though it’s shocking, she loves it.

  The giant tent is white, and the tablecloths are white, but that’s where everything we’ve done in years past ends. Red, purple, and green fabrics are draped along the ceiling, meeting in the middle of the tent, where a huge chandelier hangs. Huge clusters of red and purple magnolia blossoms are bunched together in mason jars in the center of each table, with a bright green ribbon tied around the glass holders. All around the giant tent is color. Lots and lots of color, and nothing boring or beige of any kind, exactly what Everett missed while he was deployed.

  As much as it pained me, I placed a call to Guns and Posers, Everett’s favorite 1980s cover band, and they are currently playing a few soft rock ballads on a stage off to the back of the tent, while people finish their dinner. A dinner of the best brisket in town from Lewis Barbecue. I had to give a lot of apologies to our usual caterer who has fed everyone at this charity dinner for over twenty years, promising we would throw another party soon to make up for it, but it was worth it. I know as soon as Everett gets here, he’s going to take one look around and know what I’ve done and why. Not even the light rain that has been falling all night could put a damper on my good mood and my excitement about what’s to come. I know that this charity dinner is for the camp, not for Everett, but I’m killing two birds with one stone. I’m making this camp mine, taking on my parents’ legacy but with my own personal touch instead of theirs. And I’m showing Everett what he means to me and how important it is to me that he’s happy.

  “I’m going to assume these changes have a little something to do with the reappearance of a certain man in your life, that you can’t stop looking around for?” my mom asks, laughing softly when my jaw drops.

  During all of our phone calls the last few weeks, I glossed over the issue of Everett being back home and how I was handling it. I told her I was fine, that it was no big deal, that we were reestablishing our friendship and that was it. I wasn’t ready to open up to one of the most important people in my life, whose opinion
I value above all others, and have her tell me what a fool I was. Whether she thought I was a fool for never saying anything to Everett, or a fool for thinking we could cross this line of friendship and not ruin everything. Either way, I wasn’t ready to hear it, but now I need to hear it. I need to know I’m doing the right thing.

  After what happened here in the tent yesterday, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about what’s going to happen next. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about the way Everett held me, the way he looked at me, and the way I was seconds away from kissing him before we were interrupted. I’d never wanted anything more in my life, and I was scared to death about what he would do after I opened up to him and told him how I couldn’t live without him, and hadn’t been happy here at the camp with him gone.

  I haven’t seen Everett since we parted ways on the porch yesterday, but I finally got a text from him this morning, telling me he had things to take care of and he’d see me at the dinner. I hate that we didn’t get our alone time last night, and I didn’t get to share the excitement of this whole Stratford charade finally being over, but I knew it would all be worth it when he finally gets here.

  “I thought for sure you and Grady would be out on the dance floor, wrapped up in each other by now,” my mother says, pulling me from my thoughts and making me look over at her like she’s crazy.

  “Grady? Why in the hell would Grady be here?”

  “Oh, my bad. I mean, the two of you have been dancing around each other for months. After Aiden died, I just thought…I really liked him from the few times I met him when he stopped by to pick you up, and he comes from a very nice family. I thought you really liked him, too, but you were just afraid to let yourself fall in love again,” she explains.

  “I was afraid to let myself fall in love again, but not with him. With Everett,” I whisper.