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From Mum With Love

Page 23

by Louise Emma Clarke


  ‘They really are the best group of girls, aren’t they?’ Chris said, pulling his wallet from his back pocket.

  ‘The best,’ Jessica replied. ‘The absolute best.’

  They had arrived. As Chris paid for the journey, Jessica took a deep breath and tried to climb out of the cab as gracefully as possible. There were people in dresses and tuxedos all around them, chatting in groups on the pavement, and gathering in the entrance to Old Billingsgate. Jessica clung to Chris’ arm tightly as he slammed the cab door and they turned to walk inside. Her legs wobbled with a sudden attack of nerves and she leaned into him to steady herself as they strolled.

  Reaching the entrance, a lady in a long, green cocktail dress and a clipboard under her arm greeted them. ‘Welcome to the Blog Network Awards!’ she said with a big smile. ‘Can I take your names, please?’

  ‘Oh, it’s Jessica Holmes from “Letters to my Daughter.”’ Jessica swallowed her nerves. ‘And my husband, Christopher Holmes.’ What if they didn’t have them on the list, just like the baby food launch? What if she had to endure the humiliation of standing at the door as they called someone more senior to come and check the list again? What if Tiggy started queuing behind her, sniggering at the fact Jessica was stood like a nobody at the door, begging to be let in?

  ‘Ah yes, of course! Welcome Jessica! It’s nice to meet you! You’re one of our VIPs tonight, so I’ve got six tokens here for drinks at the bar,’ she said, handing them over. ‘You’ll be on Table 17, so make your way straight there when it’s time for dinner at exactly 8 p.m. Congratulations on making the shortlist and very best of luck!’

  Jessica thanked her and walked ahead, the grandeur of the place taking her breath away. Old Billingsgate was quite simply gigantic. Once a large fish market, it had a sky-high vaulted ceiling and pillars running down each side of the hall. It was still light outside at 7.30 p.m., but there was no natural light inside at all. Instead, the place was lit by a striking rose-pink light, with four giant crystal chandeliers hanging from the ceiling and bouncing the light. There were tables as far as Jessica could see, closely packed together, with the large vases in the centre of each table, filled with arrangements of exotic lilies. And to their left was a stage, with a screen behind it reading ‘BLOG NETWORK AWARDS’ in giant letters and a microphone rigged up.

  All the arriving guests seemed to be walking through the giant pillars on the right-hand side of the hall and towards the bar for a pre-ceremony drink, so after one last quick gaze around with open-mouthed amazement, Chris and Jessica followed them. As they got closer, the echoey sound of people chatting, laughing, and clinking glasses got louder and louder.

  ‘You OK, honey?’ Chris asked, squeezing her hand. ‘This place is amazing, isn’t it? I’ve been here for a few events with clients.’

  ‘It’s amazing,’ Jessica said. ‘But also pretty overwhelming. There are just so many tables and that means this giant place is going to be totally filled with people…’

  Chris laughed and turned to kiss her quickly. ‘You’ll be fine. Honestly, you’ll be fine. Just try and enjoy it. It’s going to be a good night.’

  Jessica smiled, wishing she could believe him.

  The bar area was small in comparison to the main hall and people were packed in, standing around in groups or sat at low tables on sofas chatting. After queuing at the bar for a while to be served, they wound their way back through the crowds and found a tall table to stand by near the back of the bar. Jessica was holding a large fish-bowl style glass of gin and tonic, complete with a slice of red grapefruit. As she sipped, she took the opportunity to people watch for a while.

  The thing that really struck her was that most of the crowd seemed to know each other, enthusiastically greeting each other and standing around in groups. In fact, so many people were kissing, hugging and calling names across the room that Jessica realised they stood out as a couple on their own.

  ‘I feel like a bit of a loner!’ she shouted across to Chris, but he couldn’t hear her above the noise.

  Jessica was sipping her drink slowly, but it wasn’t going down well. And as she looked down and stirred it with the straw, a voice rang out on overhead speakers: ‘Good evening everyone! There are just five minutes until dinner will be served, so please drink up and make your way through to the main hall! The show is about to start!’

  ‘Shall we take our drinks to the table?’ Chris shouted above the din.

  Jessica sighed and shouted back: ‘I guess so…. Let’s do that’. She took his hand as they strolled out of the bar, looking down at her feet.

  The main hall was getting busy now, with people trying to find their seats and milling about the tables. Table 17 was positioned right in the centre, nearly the closest they could be to the stage. As they approached, Jessica was relieved to see Wendy already sitting at the table with her husband.

  ‘Jessica!’ she called out as they arrived at their seats, standing up to reveal a floor-length red jumpsuit, white heels, and matching red lipstick. ‘Babe! It’s so nice to see you! Swit-Swoo! Look at you! You are looking seriously amazing!’

  ‘Ah, hi Wendy, I am so pleased to see you,’ she said, hugging her warmly. ‘And check you out! Your jumpsuit is incredible! You look gorgeous!’

  ‘Nah, thank you! Nothing like an excuse to get dressed up! And sorry, I’m being really rude. Is this your husband?’ she asked, holding out her hand.

  ‘Yes hi, Wendy, I’m Chris,’ he said, shaking it and following with a quick kiss on the cheek. ‘Lovely to meet you, I’ve heard lots about you! And this must be…?’

  ‘Jason!’ Wendy’s husband replied, shaking his hand. ‘Great to meet you! Is your wife as nervous about tonight as mine is?’

  ‘Ha ha, you could say that!’ Chris replied, stroking his eyebrow and looking down at the floor. Jessica shot him a look and then followed with a laugh.

  As the men chatted, Wendy turned to Jessica. ‘How are you doing? Honestly?’

  ‘Bricking it!’ Jessica laughed. ‘You?’

  ‘I’m OK,’ Wendy replied. ‘I know I’m not going to win it, so I’m just here for the drinks!’

  ‘Ah, don’t say that. Your blog is amazing! I bet you win it, Wendy! Honestly!’

  ‘Thanks babe,’ Wendy replied. ‘I just have a feeling it’s not my year. But I’m totally game for a big night, anyway! Shall we sit down? Your place name was over there on the other side of the table, so I moved it. Couldn’t have you sat next to Tiggy, could we?’ She laughed and winked.

  ‘Oh, thank fuck! Seriously! I was literally dreading…’ But she stopped mid-sentence as she saw Jackson from ‘And Then Came The Kids’ arriving at the table and experienced a fresh wave of nerves.

  ‘Jackson!’ Wendy said, jumping up again. Saying hello, Jackson hugged and kissed her, before Wendy turned to Jessica and said: ‘Come, meet Jessica from “Letters from my Daughter”!’

  Jessica had been reading Jackson’s blog and watching his video diaries since the first awards list was published, so she felt starstruck to see him in the flesh. He was shorter than she imagined, probably around 5ft 8, with tattoos just visible on his wrists and above the collar of his shirt. She knew from posts online that he loved heading to the gym – and he had the bulk to prove it. He was quite a striking man; definitely good-looking, and despite a tuxedo not being his usual attire, it suited him.

  Feeling like she already knew his family, she felt a pang of disappointment that his wife wasn’t with him (she’d become mildly obsessed with her wardrobe over the past few weeks). Instead, Jackson had an equally dashing suited-and-booted friend alongside him.

  ‘Jessica, it’s great to meet you. Good luck tonight!’ Jackson said in a thick Yorkshire accent, as he shook her hand.

  ‘Thank you,’ Jessica replied. ‘And the same to you!’

  As Jackson and his friend introduced themselves to Chris and Jason, Wendy and Jessica sat back down at the table. Filled with adrenaline, she sighed loudly and glanced over to Tiggy’s
empty place. She knew it was only a matter of time before she arrived.

  With the men chatting away behind them, Jessica wondered if she should take the opportunity to chat to Wendy about the interview in The Daily Gossip. She wondered if she’d already seen it, keeping it from Jessica to save her embarrassment. She closed her eyes for a second and rubbed her forehead in thought. Her own voice in the cab played in her head. I’m not going to make a scene tonight. And she knew that she should take her own advice. So instead of bringing it up, she asked Wendy about Adeline and Dylan, and she concentrated on calming her breathing as she listened to stories about cuddly toys diving into (unflushed) toilets and a trip to A&E when a marble needed to be extracted from a nostril.

  At exactly 8 p.m., the lights dimmed, music started playing, and those standing around tables started to take their seats. ‘Here we go, babe!’ Wendy shouted above the music, before gritting her teeth and laughing. ‘They usually do the parenting award close to the end, so let’s get stuck into the wine! White or red for you?’

  ‘I’m don’t think I’m going to drink much,’ Jessica shouted back. ‘It’s making me feel a bit sick with nerves!’

  ‘Sorry babe?’ Wendy shouted back, trying to be heard. ‘Did you say white or red?’

  ‘I guess, well, maybe, OK, pour me a white,’ Jessica said, pointing at the bottle of white in her left hand. Wendy sloshed it into her glass, and behind the bottle, Jessica noticed that Tiggy’s seat was still empty.

  As Chris sat down, Jessica turned to him and smiled but she was so nervous, the edge of her mouth twitched.

  ‘You OK, honey?’ he asked, and Jessica nodded.

  Suddenly a voice rang out loudly across the hall. ‘Ladies and Gentlemen! Bloggers and Guests! Agencies and Brand Partners! We are delighted to welcome you to the Blog Network Awards 2018! Please do take your seats if you haven’t already! Our host Ricardo Mendez is about to take to the stage!’

  ‘Shit! Ricardo Mendez?’ she said out loud.

  Wendy laughed. ‘Yeah, they always find a Z-Lister! Are you a fan?’

  ‘Ha ha, well no I wouldn’t say that…’ she said, blushing. Glancing to her left, Chris took the opportunity to wink at her, fully aware of her crush on the Late Night Natter presenter.

  And as she looked back to the stage, there he was strutting across it with a microphone. Dressed in a slim-fit grey metallic suit, which shone shades of purple under the light, he was everything Jessica had imagined and more. ‘Good evening, ladies and gentlemen!’ he said loudly. ‘It is my pleasure to be joining you this evening to present these awards! And let me just take the opportunity to congratulate each and every one of the shortlisted bloggers tonight for making it this far! You are all winners! All of you! But I am told we have so many awards tonight that we need to push on quickly before I get a slap on the wrist! So, without further ado, here are the shortlisted bloggers in the “Best Technology Blog” category for 2018!’

  Jessica watched as the faces of each of the four bloggers in the category were flashed up on the giant screen, and Ricardo read a brief introduction to each of their blogs. A drumroll then filled the hall, before the winner was announced to rapturous cheering and clapping from a table behind them. The sound system burst into music as a man, probably still in his early twenties, made his way to the stage. After much congratulating and shaking of hands, Ricardo handed over a gold trophy to the winner, who smiled and posed for photos, before being chaperoned off the stage and out of the hall by a glamorous lady in a purple dress.

  Jessica stared at her wine glass in front of her, wondering if she should down it quickly for a little Dutch courage. As she stared through that wine glass, she suddenly saw a flash of white. She looked up, and there she was. Dressed in a body-hugging, floor-length, jaw-droppingly beautiful white dress, with perfectly blow-dried hair, and an equally head-turning husband on her arm.

  Tiggy.

  Ricardo was already announcing the next award for ‘Best Travel Blogger’, so Tiggy and her husband rushed to sit down in their seats. Jessica didn’t know where to look when Wendy mouthed ‘Hi! How are you?’ across the table, while Jackson turned to kiss her on the cheek from his seat next to her. Tiggy smiled and mouthed ‘Hi!’ at everyone around the table, stopping at Jessica and giving her the smallest nod of recognition. Jessica allowed her lips to curl slightly, just for a second, in acknowledgement.

  Under the table, Chris squeezed Jessica’s knee in support.

  There was no doubt that Tiggy was prepared to win that night. Jessica wouldn’t have been surprised if she’d spent the whole day in a salon chair being beautified, with perfect hair, flawless makeup, and a dress that looked like it had been made for her. She would fit in perfectly on a Hollywood red carpet and Jessica suddenly felt embarrassingly frumpy, glancing down at her mid-calf length dress and black velvet heels.

  Reading her mind, Chris put his mouth to her ear and said: ‘You look amazing! Keep smiling!’ Jessica turned and smiled back at him.

  It was far too loud for the table to have a conversation, which made things easier for Jessica as the awards continued. She could happily watch the stage and avoid making eye contact across the table. Before long, a line of waiters appeared carrying plates and they were each handed a starter of tomato soup and fresh bread rolls, but Jessica felt far too nervous to eat it. A main course of salmon, new potatoes, and fancy vegetables followed, but she could hardly touch that either, picking at it occasionally with her fork. The awards carried on, through travel bloggers, and fashion bloggers, beauty bloggers, and political bloggers – she knew that their turn was edging ever closer.

  And she was right. Just as a line of plated chocolate soufflés arrived at their table, Ricardo Mendez announced the next award was the Parenting Blogger category. ‘Sorry, ladies and gents on that table! You’ve probably got the earliest wake-up call tomorrow morning and for some reason, the organisers of these awards thought it would be a brilliant idea to leave you until nearly the end! How inspired! Good luck with the headaches tomorrow morning, guys!’ to which laughter rippled around the hall.

  Jessica’s nerves were out of control now and she was pretty sure she was going to be sick. ‘Oh God,’ she muttered under her breath, trying to swallow the nausea down.

  ‘You OK?’ Chris asked, but she could only nod in reply.

  Ricardo’s voice rang out loudly. ‘So, the four nominees in the “Best Parenting Blog of 2018” category are as follows… TIGGY BLENHEIM, who writes the brilliant blog TIGGY DOES MOTHERHOOD!’ As applause rippled through the hall, pictures of Tiggy flashed on the screen. Jessica snatched a glimpse at her across the table. She was watching the screen with a small smile on her face, while her husband alongside her gazed at her adoringly.

  She doesn’t feel any nerves, Jessica thought to herself. It’s like she already knows she’s won it!

  Ricardo continued. ‘JESSICA HOLMES, who writes the popular blog LETTERS TO MY DAUGHTER!’ Jessica blushed and smiled shyly at Chris, as pictures of her and Bella were projected on the big screen.

  As Ricardo continued onto Jackson and then Wendy’s blog, it occurred to Jessica that Tiggy had to acknowledge her now. Even if Tiggy won this award, as everyone expected, she had seen Jessica sitting at that table. She had seen her picture flash up on the screen. She couldn’t pretend she was a nobody any more. She couldn’t pretend she had no idea who she was.

  Ricardo’s voice rang out. ‘And now to announce the winner!’

  Jessica could hear the drumroll thumping around the hall, but her mind was focused on breathing through the nausea. Don’t be sick, she thought to herself. Don’t be sick! Just smile when the winner is announced and be gracious! You can say congratulations, then make your excuses and go home! Then you get to hug Bella! You just have to get through the next few minutes! Breathe! Breathe!

  The drumroll stopped and silence fell amongst the tables.

  And after clearing his throat with a quick cough, Ricardo continued: ‘I’m delighted to an
nounce that the winner is…’

  Jessica held her breath, Tiggy smiled at the stage, Wendy pursed her lips, and Jackson’s friend slapped him across the back for support.

  And that was the moment that everything changed.

  ‘JESSICA HOLMES OF LETTERS TO MY DAUGHTER!’

  20

  Blog Subscribers – 61,888

  Emails in inbox – 299

  Event invitations – 65

  Award nominations – 1

  Award shortlists – 1

  Blogger Enemies – 1

  Blogger Friends – 1

  Newspaper Features – 1

  Spotted by followers – 2

  Award wins – 1

  Dear Bella,

  I heard my name called out on the stage – but I couldn’t move. I was frozen to the spot. ‘Oh my God,’ I finally said, as applause rippled through the hall and Wendy leant in to kiss me. ‘Congratulations, babe!’ she said warmly! ‘Get up! Go! Go get your award!’ I turned to Daddy, who was beaming warmly at me. ‘I knew you’d do it! I am so proud of you!’ he said, kissing me on the lips.

  I scraped my chair back and walked to the steps up to the stage in a daze. ‘This is nuts,’ I muttered to myself under my breath. ‘This is totally nuts.’

  I walked towards Ricardo Mendez on the stage, and I had a moment where I felt like I’d stepped outside my own body. I kept thinking: ‘How can this be happening?’ and ‘How could I have won?’ I reached him and he took both of my hands and smiled at me, before dropping one and kissing me on the cheek. ‘Well done Jessica Holmes of Letters to my Daughter! Well done to you!’

  Here was a man that I’d watched so many times on television saying my name. MY name, Bella! And then he passed me a gold award, which was far heavier than I had imagined, and there I was, standing on a stage, with hundreds of eyes on me and cameras flashing in my face. And no sooner had I got up there, than I was being led off the stage again by a lady in a purple dress, following her through the hall and out towards the bar.

 

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