Big City Bust-Up

by Gareth P. Jones

  “Land in here, Larry,” shouted the first. “I’m telling this pigeon he can’t fly in here.”

  “Yes, it can be, can’t it?” said Larry, nodding.

  “Can be what?”

  “Flying can be rather dear, can’t it?”

  “No, no, no,” said Jonnie, raising his voice. “I’m talking about him flying … FLYING!” he yelled. “USING YOUR WINGS.”

  “I’m losing my wings?” said the other, looking to check they were still there.

  “Not losing. Using…” bellowed Jonnie. “U-SING!”

  “Oh, if you like.” Larry began to sing. “God save our gracious Queen…”

  “We’re here about the missing orb,” shouted Jet. “DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE MISSING ORB?”

  “There’s no need to shout, old bird. He’s the deaf one,” replied Jonnie. “Yes, that was a terrible business. No one saw a thing, you know.”

  “You didn’t see anything suspicious at all?” asked Jet.

  “See any fishes?” said Larry, who had stopped singing.

  “Larry, leave this to me,” said Jonnie. “No, we have no idea who took the orb.”

  “Oh, the orb,” said Larry. “Of course, it’s what’s kept inside that really matters.”

  “Hush, Larry. We’re not to speak about that,” scolded Jonnie.

  “What is kept inside?” asked Jet.

  “You had better leave now,” said Jonnie abruptly. “We can’t help. And if one of the guards spots a pigeon in here, you’ll be in trouble!”

  The two ravens turned and walked away, talking to each other as they went.

  “I couldn’t hear a word he was saying,” said Larry.

  “That’s pigeon English for you,” replied Jonnie.

  “We should go,” said Chuck, “before we draw too much attention to ourselves.”

  “How are we going to take off with no legs?” said Jet.

  “This situation calls for me to make a stand,” said Chuck. He kicked his legs through the bottom of the disguise and stood up. The odd-shaped pigeon looked even odder with two furry meerkat legs poking out. Chuck started running as fast as he could.

  “That’s it,” said Jet. “Keep up the speed.” He pressed the button marked “fly” and the wings began to flap, sending the bird soaring up into the sky.

  “And please fly more sedately this time!” said Chuck.

  “What does sedately mean?” asked Jet.

  “It means no more loop-the-loooooo—”

  Chuck’s words were lost as Jet executed a spectacular loop-the-loop over Tower Bridge.

  The sun was setting over London as Jet brought the pigeon disguise down in the quiet courtyard off Covent Garden. He gave Chuck just enough warning of when his feet would touch the ground and they managed a clumsy landing. They both squeezed out of the disguise and, as they approached the entrance to the headquarters, the panel slid open automatically. Downstairs, in the control room, they found Donnie frantically pressing buttons and pulling levers on the console, while Bruce lay underneath it, following Donnie’s instructions. Major Works was monitoring the screens.

  “Bruce, connect the red and the blue wires,” shouted Donnie.

  “OK,” said Bruce.

  “How are you doing, Donnie?” asked Chuck.

  “We’re almost there,” replied Donnie. “What did you find out?”

  “Not much,” said Jet, “except that those ravens are stark raven mad.”

  “I did warn you,” said the major, without turning around.

  “Major Works,” said Chuck. “One of the ravens mentioned that there is something inside the orb.”

  The major coughed and said, “Yes, well—”

  “Ah-ha!” exclaimed Donnie, interrupting him. “Got it. Bruce, disconnect the blue wire and reattach the yellow. Major, would you mind bringing up the footage again?”

  Major Works tapped a couple of buttons and several screens showed different views of the Tower of London. “Crystallized conkers!” he exclaimed. “It’s the missing footage.”

  “I knew it,” said Donnie. “They depixelated the network while recoding the system override using a roaming code, making it nearly impossible to unscramble. It looks like there is some kind of localized scrambler.”

  “What’s that in English?” asked the major.

  “Whoever did this knows what they’re doing,” said Donnie. “Look carefully at the picture on this screen and you should be able to see a small flashing light. That’s the device that is sending out the scrambling signal.”

  “There,” said Chuck. “On that statue.”

  Chuck pointed out a statue of a knight in the corner with a flashing light coming from it. They watched as gas spilled out of the air vents and the guards collapsed to the ground.

  “Now the thief will reveal himself,” said the major.

  They kept their eyes on the door, expecting it to open, but the thief was already in the room. What they had taken to be a statue was actually a man, standing still and disguised as a knight. He walked up to the cabinet containing the jewels, cut a hole in the glass, and removed the orb.

  “His helmet must double up as a gas mask,” said Donnie. “This guy is good.”

  “Rollicking radishes!” exclaimed the major. “It must be the Human Statue.”

  “You know this man?” asked Chuck.

  “Yes.” Major Works typed something into the console and brought up various images of a man dressed in different statue disguises. Data about his previous crimes scrolled down the side of the screen. “Real name, Stan Still,” said Major Works. “Known as the Human Statue, he is a former street performer with a grudge against the world. Fed up with being ignored by a public that doesn’t appreciate his skills, he began using his talents for causing havoc. He is a professional thief, an electronics expert, and a pickpocket. He’s also a parkour master.”

  “What? A master of parking cars?” said Bruce.

  “Parkour not parker,” blustered the major. “Free running, the skill of jumping from rooftop to rooftop. I should have guessed he would be behind this. He escaped from prison several months ago.”

  On the screen, the knight marched out of the room carrying the orb.

  Jet said, “So we just need to find this Human Statue character and recover the orb. Simple.”

  “Ye-es,” said Major Works doubtfully.

  “Major, if there’s anything else you should tell us, now’s the time,” said Chuck.

  “Um, well…” A red light on the console started to flash. “I’d better check what this is,” he said.

  He hit a couple of buttons and an image of Piccadilly Circus appeared. The major’s look quickly turned to horror when he saw what was happening at the busy tourist spot. The footage didn’t have sound, but if it had, it would have been the sound of screaming. The winged statue that sat at the top of the fountain had come to life, and terrified people were running everywhere. He was hovering over his pedestal and firing arrows at anyone who came near.

  “Blistering bunions!” exclaimed the major. “He’s using it already!”

  “Using what?” demanded Chuck.

  Before he could explain, the Human Statue appeared on the screen. He was no longer dressed as a knight but wore a flat cap. He slipped through the crowds toward a statue of four horses and tapped them.

  Seconds later, the horses sprang to life. They leaped forward and galloped down the street. People ran to get out of their way as they thundered past.

  “We have to stop him,” said Chuck. “Clan of the Scorpion, let’s go!”

  * * *

  There was no time for clever disguises, so the meerkats relied on their speed and stealth training to avoid being seen as they made their way through the streets.

  As they turned the corner into Trafalgar Square they were confronted by a scene of utter chaos. The winged archer had been joined by the four horses, plus another horse with a regal-looking gentleman on its back, and a man with a bowler hat and long ben
dy cane.

  Sirens could be heard everywhere as riot police piled out of vans and surrounded the square. They rushed forward, clutching their riot shields, but a man and a dolphin were keeping them at bay by firing jets of water from a fountain.

  “Follow me,” urged Chuck, leading the others behind the line of police, along a wall, and then up onto an empty plinth. From there they could see that the Human Statue was standing in front of one of the oversized lions at the base of Nelson’s Column. He touched the lion’s nose and it instantly came to life, stood up, and prowled around the column. The Human Statue did the same to another lion, then began to scale the column with astonishing agility. He was heading toward the statue of Lord Nelson.

  “Major Works,” said Chuck, addressing the camera on Jet’s sunglasses. “How is he doing this?”

  “There’s no time for that!” replied the major. “You need to bring the fellow in. That’s King George the Fourth on the horse, and the chap with the stick is Charlie Chaplin. Stop him before he gets Nelson too!”

  “Right. Let’s go,” said Jet, making a dash for the column.

  “We need a proper pla—” began Chuck.

  But it was too late. The statues had spotted Jet. George the Fourth drew his sword and charged. Jet dodged the attack and landed a powerful double-fist punch on the horse’s head. It staggered back, but quickly rallied.

  “Wow,” said Jet, shaking his hand. “It’s like punching a rock.”

  “Funny that,” said Donnie.

  The king swung his sword again and Jet jumped over it in the nick of time, then spun around and kicked the horse’s legs. It barely registered his attack.

  “Donnie,” said Chuck. “Bruce and I will keep the others busy. You and Jet concentrate on getting the Human Statue down.”

  “OK,” said Donnie.

  “Time for some Bruce Force!” cried Bruce, rolling forward, then springing up into the face of a huge lion and placing an almighty punch between its eyes. The blow would have knocked out an elephant, but it had little effect on the bronze lion.

  Donnie opened his bag and pulled out a grappling hook. Suddenly he heard a THWACK come down beside him and looked up to see the statue of Charlie Chaplin using his cane as a weapon. The statue went to strike again, but this time the cane was blocked by Chuck’s sword. Had it been a normal stick, Chuck’s mighty blade would have cut straight through it, but it did nothing more than CLANK loudly against it. The sword fight that ensued bought Donnie enough time to fire the grappling hook at the Human Statue.

  The hook wrapped around the Human Statue’s feet just as he grabbed the top of the column. Donnie yanked it, but the villain held on tightly. He gave it another tug, but the Human Statue fought back, reached up, and managed to touch the ankle of Lord Nelson. Instantly Nelson came to life, reached down, and sliced through Donnie’s line with his sword, freeing the Human Statue, who pulled himself onto the top of the column.

  Below, the police had fought their way into the square itself.

  “Agent Flashfeet,” Jet heard Major Works say through the speaker on his sunglasses. “As agents of the Secret Secret Service, you must remain unseen. Find a hiding spot for you and your colleagues. The police should be able to handle the situation from here.”

  “What? Give up?” exclaimed Jet.

  “The police have the place surrounded and the Human Statue is stuck at the top of the column. I need you to get your team out of sight, Agent Flashfeet.”

  “My team. I like the sound of that,” said Jet. “Yes, sir.”

  “Donnie,” Jet said, “we’ve been ordered to take cover.”

  “Since when do you take orders?” asked Donnie.

  “Since I became a secret secret agent,” said Jet. “You get Chuck. I’ll get Bruce and meet you in that bin over there.”

  “Yes, sir, Agent Flashfeet,” replied Donnie, with a cheeky wink.

  * * *

  Inside the bin, the meerkats had a good view of the top of the column, where the Human Statue was standing beside Lord Nelson.

  “What’s he doing?” asked Bruce. “He’s got nowhere to go.”

  Suddenly, the Human Statue bent down and touched the top of the column, making it bend like rubber. It bowed low to the ground while the police stood staring in astonishment. Nelson marched off, pointing his sword at the police. Then the column suddenly sprang back up like a giant catapult, firing the Human Statue onto the top of a nearby building, where he made his getaway.

  “Blundering bubblegum!” exclaimed Major Works through the speaker. “He’s getting away with the Stone!”

  “What stone?” demanded Chuck. “I think it’s time you explained what’s going on.”

  There was a pause before the major spoke. “Yes, well, I suppose it is. It’s called the Stone of Life, and it was kept inside the orb at the Tower of London. It’s an ancient artifact that dates all the way back to the time of the Druids. Legend has it that whoever possesses the Stone can bring anything to life. It is said that’s how Stonehenge was created. In the right hands it is a fantastic thing, but in the wrong hands…”

  “A terrible weapon,” said Donnie.

  “Exactly,” said the major.

  “Who else knows about it?” asked Jet.

  “It’s top secret. I only heard of its existence when I began working for the Secret Secret Service,” said the major.

  “It would have been helpful to know about this from the beginning,” said Chuck.

  “Well, I’m sorry, but here at the Secret Secret Service we take our secrecy very seriously.”

  “And we take our lives very seriously,” said Chuck. “Now, if you don’t mind, we’d better get on with our jobs and get that Stone of Life from the Human Statue.”

  “Very well, but you must stay out of sight!” said Major Works.

  “As ninjas trained in the Way of the Scorpion, we know how to shift with the shadows,” said Chuck.

  “Time for another disguise?” asked Donnie.

  “No, but we will need a grappling hook,” said Chuck.

  “Lucky I always carry a spare, then,” replied Donnie.

  “Hold on a minute,” said Bruce. “There’s a pork pie in here with only a couple of bites taken out.”

  “Bruce,” said Chuck. “There is currently a madman terrorizing the streets of London. It’s not the time for a snack.”

  Bruce shoveled the food into his mouth and gulped it down in one. “Ready now.”

  London was in utter chaos. Howling sirens competed with sounds of mass panic. The police had ordered the public to return to their homes and stay inside with the doors locked. Police cars and fire engines filled the streets. In Trafalgar Square, riot police battled to keep the statues at bay. No one noticed the tiny grappling hook fly out of a trash can and attach itself to the top of a church, or the four ninja meerkats quickly scurrying up the line.

  From their position on the roof, the meerkats paused to take in the astonishing scene all around them.

  “I just caught a glimpse of the Human Statue heading down the Strand on the surveillance cameras,” said Major Works through the speakers on Jet’s sunglasses.

  “Clan of the Scorpion, let’s go catch a statue,” said Chuck.

  All four of them ran across the church roof, leaping over the street to the next rooftop.

  “Look at all those statues,” said Jet. “The Human Statue isn’t wasting any time.”

  Strange statues marched along the street below, trampling over anything that got in their way. Armed police shot at them, but the bullets bounced off. The statues barely even registered the attacks.

  “Shouldn’t we help the police?” asked Bruce.

  “We have to get the Stone of Life back,” replied Chuck. “That is our mission.”

  “There’s our man now,” said Jet, spotting the Human Statue standing on top of a magnificent white building with sloping roofs and splendid towers and turrets.

  “Those are the law courts,” said Major Works.
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br />   On top of the building with the Human Statue were three moving statues. Two of them were gargoyles with hideous misshapen bodies. The other was a woman. She was wearing a long flowing stone dress and held a pair of scales in one hand and a huge sword in the other.

  “That’s Lady Justice,” said Major Works. “Those gargoyles must be from the church.”

  “This time we need a proper plan of attack,” said Chuck.

  But Jet wasn’t listening. He was bounding over the rooftops toward the Human Statue.

  “Human Statue,” he shouted. “The name’s Flashfeet. Agent Flashfeet. It’s time to give yourself up.”

  “Do you think I’m afraid of a weedy little rat like you?” he laughed. “I’ve got justice on my side!”

  Lady Justice swung her scales at Jet. He drew his nunchucks and batted them away. She followed up with a sword attack, but Chuck blocked it, clutching his own sword with both paws.

  “Justice is swift, ain’t she?” said the Human Statue. “Gargoyles, get the other two.”

  They charged, but Bruce jumped out of danger and the two gargoyles collided with an earth-shattering CRUNCH!

  Donnie drew a set of throwing stars from his backpack and hurled them in quick succession, before the gargoyles had time to recover. They would have felled most enemies, but they pinged off the stone gargoyles without causing any harm.

  “Agent Flashfeet! Quick! The Human Statue is getting away,” said Major Works.

  Jet turned and saw that the crook was disappearing over the roofs. Seeing that he was distracted, Justice jabbed her sword at him. Jet performed an astounding double backflip to avoid the attack and narrowly missed falling off the roof.

  “That’s some rough justice she’s dealing out,” said Donnie, as he pulled missiles and gadgets from his backpack.

  “How do we hurt these things?” asked Jet.

  “You ground them,” replied Bruce, suddenly rolling backward and flipping a surprised gargoyle over his head and off the edge of the building. The others watched as the statue smashed to the ground.