by Dawn, M. K.
“Hi.” Britney smiled at the sight of her three kids: Molly, Blake, and Carson. They sat on a blanket with Makayla’s son, Tyler, and the other five children, under a big oak tree in front of her grandparents’ house, which they converted into a schoolhouse. The kids watched in fascination as Gus demonstrated how to make fire with flint.
“How’s the lesson going today?”
Rainey smiled as she looked over her small class. “It’s their favorite.”
The Council had decided early on that all the younger children—below junior high age—would attend school. They were to learn the basics in the morning: reading, writing, and math. The afternoon was dedicated to survival training. The older kids—eleven-ish to sixteen—had survival training in the morning and learned a trade in the afternoon. Sixteen and older worked and trained with the adults. It was like the world had gone back in time a hundred years. As strange as that was, at times, Britney enjoyed the simplicity of it all. Though there were things she missed. A hot shower being one of them.
“Britney,” Rainey whispered, “can I speak with you?”
“Sure.”
Rainey cocked her head in the direction of the old house. “Inside, maybe?”
“Yeah. Of course.” Britney took one last look at her children. They’d been so caught up in Gus’ presentation, they hadn’t even noticed she had stopped by.
“Brit,” Rainey called out, “it’ll only take a minute.”
Britney followed her into the house, and Rainey closed the door behind them.
“So,” Britney wandered between the three rows of desks, dragging her fingers along worn surfaces, “what did you want to talk about?”
“We haven’t talked much lately. You know, since I moved out of the basement.”
When Rainey and the bikers first arrived, Britney had offered their converted basement to Rainey, as the kids fell in love with her almost instantly. She had lived with them ever since then—nearly two years—until moving out a couple of weeks back with no real explanation.
“We miss having you around.” Britney sighed. “The kids especially. That’s all they talk about.”
Rainey picked lint from her sleeve. “I miss being in the house, too. Even though I see them every day. It’s not the same.”
“You’re always welcomed to stop by.” It wasn’t only the kids who missed her company; Britney did as well. She loved Axel, couldn’t imagine being with anyone else, but having a girlfriend to talk to was irreplaceable.
“Thanks. I’ll have to make it a point to come over more often. I have tons of crafts they would just love. Some science experiments I found in the stack of books brought back on the last supply run.”
“Or you could read them a book,” Britney said with a grin.
Both women laughed. As much as the kids loved the crafts and science experiments Rainey cooked up, the messy aftermath only added to Britney’s anxiety.
“There’s always that. They brought back a lot of fiction books as well.” Rainey took a seat behind her desk. “Speaking of supply runs.”
Britney’s breath hitched. What was the deal with people and supply runs today? “I didn’t realize we were talking about supply runs.”
“No?” Rainey strummed her long fingernails on the top of her desk. “I thought mentioning some of the items brought back was a good segue.”
“I’m goin’ to go out on a limb here and guess you need somethin’.”
Tears welled in Rainey’s eyes. “You could say that.”
Rainey was a tough woman. Britney never expected her to breakdown unless.... “Is something wrong? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine...just sick.”
Britney sank into the nearest chair. “What do you mean, sick?”
“Sloan’s pretty sure the spot I have on my face right here...” Rainey pointed to the mole on her cheek. “She thinks it’s skin cancer.”
“She can’t be sure.” Britney choked on the words. “Sloan’s smart, but she can’t be sure.”
Rainey rolled her office chair next to Britney and took her hands. “She believes that with surgery, she can remove the spot and with a few rounds of chemo I’ll be fine.”
Britney fought back the tears welling in her eyes. “Sloan said that? That you would be fine?”
“Not in so many words, but I think in a roundabout sort of way.”
“This can’t be happenin’.” Britney lost her mother to breast cancer. She didn’t want to see anyone else go through that sort of suffering.
“I know it’s scary, but I have to believe that whatever is meant to be, will be.”
Britney snatched her hands away. “That’s it? This is God’s will and all that bullshit. It that what you really believe?”
“It’s not like I have much of a choice,” Rainey mumbled.
Some of Britney’s anger faded. “I’m sorry. I just...I never thought about what would happen if this came up. I mean, broken bones and colds we can handle. But cancer? Fuck!”
“It’s scary as hell.” Rainey pushed her chair back to her desk. “But I feel fine, which Sloan said was a good thing. For now. But I need surgery and chemo. Sooner, rather than later.”
“And Sloan doesn’t have the supplies.”
Rainey shook her head. “No.”
“Which is why this morning she agreed another supply run was necessary and that she needed to go but didn’t give specifics.”
“I told her not to say anything. That I wanted to tell you.”
“And, of course, she agreed.” Even during the apocalypse, her sister believed in doctor-patient confidentiality.
“Please don’t be mad.” Rainey peeked out the window before turning her attention back to Britney. “There’s something else I wanted to ask you.”
Britney didn’t think she could handle any more, but how could she say no? “What’s that?”
“Are you doing okay?”
“I’m fine.” Britney stood, nearly knocking her chair to the ground by her agitation at the question. “Why? Did Axel say something?”
“He didn’t. But you asking that makes me think I’m not the only one who’s concerned.”
Britney made it a point to sit back down even though she wanted to flee. “Like I said, I’m fine. Why do you ask?”
“Because you’ve been showing up here, at the school, a lot lately.”
“I miss my kids. Is that so bad?”
Rainey leaned against the front of her desk. “Missing your kids isn’t a bad thing, Brit, if that’s what is going on. Is that what’s going on? Or is there more to it?”
“Like what?” Britney tugged at her clothes as her body grew hot. “You think I’m losing it? Becoming some crazy, overprotective parent?”
“Is that what you see yourself becoming?”
Britney threw back her head. “Ugh! This is ridiculous!”
“If you need someone to talk to...” Rainey made a move toward her, but Britney jumped from her seat.
“No. I don’t need to talk to someone.”
Rainey froze. “I just want what’s best for you. I hate seeing you like this.”
“I’m fine.” Britney grasped the handle of the door. “Just...I’ll talk to Axel and Archer. Make sure the supply run is soon. Sloan is going so I’m sure she’ll get everything she needs for you.”
“Please don’t leave, Brit. Stay. We can talk.”
Britney flung open the door. “I have things to do. Come by sometime. See the kids.”
It wasn’t until Britney reached the barn that she burst into tears.
CHAPTER THREE
“That is an excellent suture, Ms. Garcia.” Sloan examined the now closed wound on Jesus’ forearm. “Have you been practicing?”
“Yes.” Maria threw back her shoulders, flipping the loose strands of black hair away from her face. “Angie allows me practice on the oranges and bananas.”
Sloan scrunched her nose, unsure how she felt about that. Most people believed the infested were their most
dangerous enemy in this new world. She would argue germs posed a greater threat. “Though it’s important that each of you practice your suturing skills, the use of produce should be kept to a minimum.”
“Don’t worry, Dr. Egan,” Maria added, “I’ve only practiced on the discarded peel, not the fruit as a whole.”
Sloan removed her gloves and tossed them into the wastebasket. All eight trauma nurses-in-training needed work on their communication skills. “This serves as a reminder that it is vital we clarify our responses and provide as much detail as possible. When speaking with colleagues and patients alike.”
“Speaking of patients.” Jesus wiggled in his chair. “May I be excused?”
Sloan reached for the gauze in her medical supply bag. “After your wound is wrapped. Who would like the practice?” She scanned the dining room at all the hands raised, and spotted Britney, who stood at the door. Her eyes were rimmed in red and cheeks flushed; she appeared upset. “Makayla, can you please see to it that one of our interns completes Jesus’ treatment?”
Makayla took the gauze from Sloan and waved it in the air. “Who would like to do the honor?”
Sloan beckoned Britney to follow her through the kitchen and into the breakfast nook. They took a seat at the small, four-person table.
“Would you like to talk about it?” Sloan asked when Britney didn’t say anything.
Britney sniffled. “How could you?”
“How could I what?” Sloan hadn’t a clue what her sister was talking about.
“Rainey?” Britney pressed her lips together. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
Sloan leaned back in her chair. “Because she asked me not to.”
“But I’m your sister!” Britney snapped.
“And Rainey is my patient.” Sloan tried her best to keep her annoyance in check. “Without the patient’s permission, I can’t speak of their condition to anyone else.”
“Dammit, Sloan!” Britney slammed her fist on the table. “This isn’t a fuckin’ hospital!”
Sloan was taken aback by Britney’s sudden outburst. “I’m well aware of that.”
“Ugh!” Britney jumped from her chair and paced the room. “Why can’t you just be...be...normal for a change.”
“Normal?” Growing up, kids teased Sloan because she was different. But never Britney. She always told Sloan to be proud of who she was and to not listen to the idiots who called her names. “Do you believe I’m acting in a way that would be construed as not normal?”
Britney whirled around. “You’re my sister. And you know how close I am to Rainey. Has Evelyn seen her?”
Evelyn was Sloan’s roommate and best friend from The Bunker. Since arriving at the farm Evelyn had suffered from debilitating depression and at times struggled to get out of bed. “I’ve consulted with her and have come up with a treatment plan.”
“How long have you known that she’s sick and kept it from me? What else are you keeping from me? Something about my kids or Axel or Makayla?”
Sloan took a second to breathe in through her nose and out through her mouth, just as Archer taught her to do before she spoke. “My intention was not to keep secrets from you but to uphold the oath I took when becoming a doctor. It’s not personal, Brit.”
“You should have told me!”
“I couldn’t. You must understand that.”
Britney raked her fingers through her hair. “Don’t you get it? The bikers are my responsibility. I need to know if somethin’ is goin’ on with one of them. Especially if it requires supplies that we don’t have. Which is also an area I’m in charge of!”
“Medical supplies is my department and not your concern.”
“Not my concern! Not my concern! This is my farm! Everythin’ is my concern!”
“Brit.” Sloan patted her sister’s chair. “Why don’t you sit back down and we can talk about what’s really bothering you.”
Britney narrowed her eyes. “This—our lack of communication—is what’s botherin’ me!”
Sloan had promised Axel she would not bring up Britney’s erratic behavior, but she could no longer hold back her worry. “There’s more. I’ve noticed that in the past few months, you’ve been displaying symptoms of PTSD.”
Britney barked out a laugh. “PTSD? Are you fuckin’ kiddin’ me? Did Axel put you up to this?”
“Axel asked me not to say anything.”
“Liar!” Britney spun around and headed for the living room. “He’s a damn liar.”
“Brit, wait!” Sloan called out. “Come back and let’s talk about this.”
“Talk about what?” Britney did an about-face and stormed over. “How you and Axel are conspiring against me?”
“Conspiring?” Sloan chuckled.
“What’s so funny?”
Sloan stared into Britney’s eyes. “I’m sorry. Was that not a joke?”
“No! I’m not jokin’. Why are you talkin’ about me to my boyfriend behind my back?”
“Behind your back implies our conversations were held in secret, which was not the case. We just happened to be talking, and our concerns for you came up.” Sloan hated to see her sister in such a state of distress. “We love you and are worried. Axel’s extremely worried. He says you have nightmares. And migraines and stomach problems and panic attacks. All he noticed on occasion after you returned from the hospital, but in the past few months, they’ve gotten worse.”
“You goin’ to sit there and tell me you never have nightmares? Never relive the time you spent trapped in that bunker, runnin’ for your life? All the death you saw. It doesn’t affect you?”
Sloan pushed away the memories. “I remember every detail of every moment.”
“And how is that any different?”
“Because I can compartmentalize.”
Britney snorted. “Which is a fancy word for denial.”
“Perhaps.”
“I have to go.” Britney turned for the door. “Do me a favor. Don’t talk about me to Axel anymore. And if he comes to you, send him my way, and I’ll set him straight.”
“He loves you, Brit. We both do. Please, don’t be angry.”
Britney let out an exaggerated sigh. “Don’t worry about me. I’m fine. Worry about healin’ Rainey. She’s the one dying. Not me.”
Sloan watched her sister storm out of the room, not an uncommon sight when they were teenagers, but now....
Britney’ needed help, just as much as Rainey did. Even if she couldn’t see it.
***
Sloan fled to her RV to change into running clothes. Her frustration level had peaked for the day, and she needed a release.
Before the world fell, when the stresses of her profession got to be too much, she would take to the sidewalks of the surrounding neighborhood and run until her legs gave out. In The Bunker, there had been a full gym, complete with a track.
Even though the government lied and held them against their will, at times, she missed the days spent in The Bunker. The amenities, especially. Even though they now had a recreational center, the lack of electricity didn’t allow them anything but manual equipment. If she wanted to get a decent run in, she had to head for the open pastures.
She slipped on her running shoes and headed out the door and behind the rows of RVs that lined the open field. This way was longer but almost guaranteed she wouldn’t run into anybody.
With little to do in ways of entertainment, people relied heavily on human interaction. And even though Sloan enjoyed the company of most of the people there, she needed her space. More space than most, which many didn’t understand.
The cold September breeze whipped around her as she headed through the old gate. She picked up speed, veered left, and hugged the fence line. It wasn’t long before her mind cleared and the built-up irritation from her confrontation with Britney melted away.
Out here, she could think. And in this moment, all she could think about was Britney. Her sister had always suffered from a certain amount of anxiety. Even a
s a child, she worried over the silliest of things. But after their mother passed and then their father, her anxiety worsened. The months after she returned home from college were near unbearable. Britney had become the overprotective mother they never had. It wasn’t until she started dating John that she began to relax. He had a calming effect on her, more so than Axel.
But now, with John gone and the outside world full of monsters, her anxiety had flared once again.
The sound of hoofs pounding against the ground drew Sloan out of her thoughts. She slowed her stride and glanced over her shoulder to find Archer riding up behind her.
“Are you planning on stopping?” Archer yelled over the wind. “Or shall I keep chasing you?”
Sloan had found a good groove but slowed anyway. The wrinkle in Archer’s brow told her he had something important to discuss.
He dismounted the newest addition to their growing herd of horses, Dixie, and wrapped the reins around the pole of the high fence.
“How did you know where to find me?” Sloan asked as she approached.
“Heard you had a fight with Britney. Figured you’d need to blow off a little steam.”
Sloan wanted to be surprised but knew how fast gossip traveled. “I’m not sure if I would call it a fight.”
Archer zipped up his jacket. Being from Texas, he had yet to adapt to the cold. “What would you call it?”
“Britney projecting her anger on me.”
“I can see that.” Archer kicked the ground, unable to meet her eyes. “She chewed Axel out not long after going off on you.”
“What?” Sloan’s hand flew to her chest. “Did he tell you or was this in front of everybody?”
“The ten or so people standing around.”
Sloan slumped to the ground and leaned against the fence.
Axel sat down beside her. “Were you and Axel really talking about her behind her back?”
“Not exactly.”
“Want to tell me what happened?”
She closed her eyes for a moment to gather her thoughts before facing Archer. “Axel came to me a month ago concerned about Britney’s unusual behavior.”
