Yuletide Blend

by Kennedy Layne

  “Santa Claus? You mean, the ol’ jolly man himself?”

  “I was hoping you could tell me what his real name is, along with an address or maybe a number.”

  I’m back, and I just have to say that giving your mother a pair of elbow length gloves was the highlight of my day thus far.

  Liam startled at Leo’s sudden appearance. I could commiserate, because it had taken me quite a long time to get used to those in and out blips myself.

  “Leo, I’ll deal with you later,” I warned, putting a call to my mother at the top of my list of to-do things for the day. I didn’t believe for a second that she would fall for some story that would have her sifting through mounds of doodoo. “Well, what do you say? Do you think you can get me his name and address?”

  Come to think of it, the Mistress of the Dark did seem a little too enthusiastic about sifting through those piles of steaming brownies.

  “The mayor’s assistant would have the information on everyone involved in the town square festivities,” Liam explained, deflating my hope just a bit. “Sheila was the one to do the hiring, but I can try to get you whatever information you might need. I can’t promise you anything, though. Am I missing something? What does St. Nick have to do with the lost reindeer?”

  “Probably nothing, but I had a somewhat disconcerting conversation with him last night. I know this sounds silly, but this Santa Claus made it sound as if he truly believed he was the genuine article.” I shrugged when Liam ran a hand down his face in disbelief. In his defense, his life had been turned upside down recently with the whole supernatural secret thing being exposed. “Plus, Beetle ran into him this morning. Somehow, Santa knew that Beetle worked for me and wanted him to relay a message about this mystery being the distraction I’d been hoping for. I need to find out who he is.”

  You’re making Santa Claus sound like a psycho, which probably isn’t far off the mark.

  “Raven, you do understand that this man sounds—”

  “Santa isn’t a stalker or a psycho, so there’s no need to call the men in the white jackets,” I reassured Liam, realizing that everything I’d just said pointed to a deranged man wearing a red suit. “Kris Kringle did a fantastic job with the children last night. I was just hoping that he had something to do with the petting zoo. You know, maybe part owner or something. He was really concerned that…well, that his lead reindeer had gone missing.”

  Look, there’s nothing wrong with a slightly senile Santa. Maybe I can even convince him that he should leave a few extra packets of premium organic catnip under the tree. Granted, it’s never a good idea to invite someone to come down the chimney who might actually decide to take us up on that offer, but we do have a volunteer fire department for those types of things.

  It was a good thing that Liam couldn’t hear Leo or else I wouldn’t be getting any information pertaining to Santa Claus. It took a few more minutes of finagling, along with a promise to only speak to the jolly man later during tonight’s festivities, but Liam finally promised he’d get me a name. There was no mention of an address or number, but I understood the reason he was so reluctant to do so.

  “I’m going to go home and change,” I told him, lifting myself up on the tips of my toes to steal another kiss. “Wearing a skirt in this weather isn’t such a good idea, and I also want to change into a warmer pair of boots. Heidi bought me a pair of Ugg boots for Christmas last year. No time like the present to wear them.”

  “Eileen gave out hand warmers this morning to the volunteer searchers. Make sure you grab some.” Liam settled his dark gaze on Leo. “Your job is to keep her safe out there.”

  It’s like he doesn’t even know you…

  “See you later,” I called out, not bothering to relay Leo’s message. I could admit to there being a couple of times when I’d gotten us into a pickle, but we always managed to come out the other end in one piece. “I’ll keep in touch.”

  You mean, we’re the end of the pickle that doesn’t get eaten? The part with the stem on it? That’s what you consider in one piece? Wow. Just wow, Raven.

  “Eileen, I was thinking about creating another group.” A quick glance over my shoulder as I left Liam’s office told me that Leo had made himself invisible. “I’m going home to change clothes, but I can convince Ted and my mother to join me. Heidi’s meeting with Cora should be over within the hour, so she can tag along, too.”

  I haven’t mentioned Ted, have I? Where do I even begin?

  At the far-left side of your average Crayola box?

  I wouldn’t describe Ted in those words. He was a gentle giant with a heart of gold, who just so happened to be a wax golem.

  I was there when that candlestick was made. Trust me, his heart isn’t made of gold. As a matter of fact, his heart isn’t even the color of gold.

  “Give me a call when all of you are ready,” Eileen said, already pressing a button to take another call. The office phones had been ringing nonstop with concerned residents. Honestly, it was one of the reasons I loved this town. She gestured toward the boxes of hand warmers that were stacked into a tower before speaking into the receiver. “Paramour Bay Sheriff’s Office. How may I help you?”

  I grabbed the top box, which was still half full, for the group I was about to assemble. I waved goodbye to Eileen, fully expecting to see her later. I was wishing I’d opened a package of them when I stepped outside. The freezing temperature stole my breath and also caused my skin to feel like brittle china. I couldn’t wait to change into multiple layers, tucking some of these hand warmers in a few very discreet places.

  I so didn’t need to see that mental picture.

  I meant my pockets.

  “You’re going to hear a lot more from me if you don’t go and fix what you did,” I muttered from behind my scarf. “Mom must have asked Ted to do her dirty work, if you get my drift. We’ll never get the smell out of him.”

  Leo began to hack, but it wasn’t to throw up a hairball. It was the sound of his belly laugh when he’d caught sight of Ted strolling down the sidewalk with a pair of long yellow rubber gloves.

  “It’s not funny, Leo. And why would Ted agree to such a thing?”

  You see, Ted and my mother weren’t what you would call close. Nan had created Ted around eleven years ago to keep her company, as well as to help her obtain material components for more complicated spells. He lived in—

  Shed, Raven. Tell the truth. It’s a Ted Shed. Now that I think about it, it’s more of a shack, really.

  By this time, I’d made my way across the intersection. I’d quickened my step to make sure I could impede Ted’s access to town square. There was no way I was allowing him to dig through…my gag reflex kicked in.

  Leo started with that hacking laugh of his once again.

  Anyway, Ted lived on the back of my property behind my cottage. Nan had acquired him from the wax museum located at on the front end of town. Technically, he was built to resemble Lurch from “The Addams Family”. He was literally six feet six inches, whitish-blond hair, crooked teeth, and had a penchant for wearing suits styled in the late 1800s. He was unique, and everyone adored him.

  “Ted,” I called out, lifting my chin up so that my lips were no longer covered by my scarf. I wanted him to be able to hear me. “Ted!”

  Ted had stopped in front of the display window of Mindy’s boutique. He was waving, but not to Mindy. There was a mannequin inside that he had fallen head over heels in love with, and I knew there would come a day when he would no longer be satisfied with simple waves or even helping Mindy around the store. She didn’t mind the extra help reaching some of the higher racks, plus she thought it was just a quirk that Ted seemed to adore one specific mannequin over another.

  You’re getting warmer.

  No, I wasn’t, but that was here nor there.

  “Ted, what are you doing with those gloves?” I asked, already knowing the answer. Still, I couldn’t believe my mother could talk him into such a disgusting chore. “Don’t answe
r that. Give me those.”

  “I am helping Ms. Regina.”

  “This is the third or fourth time that you’ve done something my mother has asked of you, Ted.” I set the yellow gloves on top of the box of hand warmers. “Since when have you and my mother ever seen eye to eye?”

  Are your pockets warm yet?

  “I’m not warm, Leo. I’m freezing,” I announced, stomping my knee-high dress boots to keep what heat I had left moving through my body. “I’ll give you a ride back to the house, Ted. I was hoping that you’d join Heidi, Mom, and me in a group to search for the missing reindeer.”

  “I need to go to the town square,” Ted stated matter-of-factly. Since he was a wax golem, he was rather concise with his replies.

  “No, you really don’t,” I stressed, scrunching my nose in disgust. “Mom was going to have you sift through piles of caribou excrement, Ted. She was tricking you, and you somehow fell for it.”

  “It’s okay, Miss Raven. I want to help.”

  Ted gave that eerie smile of his, where his chipped front teeth showed in an uneven display. His gaze of adoration was like a laser beam, focusing on the mannequin wearing the cutest outfit I’d seen this season. I made a mental note to keep track of when Mindy put the pieces on sale. It was in that moment that I realized what I’d been missing these past couple of months.

  Hot dog! Scorching hot, and it only took you two months, one week, and two days to figure it out. I had a bet with your mother. Now she owes me twenty bucks.

  “Ted, please tell me that Mom didn’t promise to bring the mannequin to life if you helped her out,” I pleaded, not able to deal with another golem at the moment. It was bad enough that the town of Paramour Bay had a local grim reaper named Ivan, a werewolf librarian named Harry, Rye, myself, and Ted. I’d known that adding my mother into the mix was like striking a match to see how much powder was left inside the keg, but for her to go so far as to bribe my companion? “Ted, you know that those types of spells could have consequences.”

  “Ms. Regina’s offer was far too tempting.”

  The Mistress of the Dark did sweeten the deal with giving the mannequin dimples. Face it, Raven. Your mother is the queen of manipulating the weak.

  “Not this time,” I muttered, disappointed in all three of them. I ushered Ted to my car before icicles formed on the end of my nose. “Leo, I expected this type of thing from Mom. But you? I can’t believe that you didn’t tell me about this when you figured it out. You even bet on when I’d figure it out on my own!”

  “Leo only found out today,” Ted said, attempting to save my familiar from being thrown under the bus.

  I made the bet in your favor, so that should count for something. And the only one driving a bus around here is your mother. Unfortunately, we’re just the hapless passengers.

  “Not true,” I denied, having made it clear to Mom that she didn’t get to waltz back into town as if she owned the place. “I’m the driver, and you left me blind to what was going on. And Ted, I promise the next time that Mercury goes into retrograde that we’ll cast an animation spell to animate your friend.”

  Uh, Raven? We haven’t covered that particular incantation in our lessons yet.

  “The next time Mercury is in retrograde is in mid-February.” I unlocked my old Corolla after having had to go back for Ted when he’d turned around to wave to his love one more time. “We have time to go over lesson plans. Right now, we need to save a reindeer before he is mistaken by some hunter as a mule deer.”

  Since when did it fall on our shoulders to save Christmas? You realize that Senile Santa isn’t the real deal, right? I’m telling you that he was recruited by Skippy’s agents of evil. Now that your mother has lost our bet, I’m going to call in my favor—a truth spell on Fake Father Christmas himself.

  “We talked about privacy, Leo. We’re not using a truth divination on anyone, especially a man who’s giving his time so that the children in Paramour Bay continue to believe in the spirit of Christmas.”

  I’d already opened the driver’s side door, storing the hand warmers and yellow gloves in the backseat. Ted was busy pushing back the passenger seat to accommodate his long legs, while Leo suddenly appeared on mine behind the steering wheel right when I’d been about to sit. His left eye was focused solely on the windshield. I followed his gaze, which had landed on a red envelope that had been tucked underneath the wiper blade.

  Don’t touch it, Raven. Try to learn from past mistakes.

  “It’s not like I can drive with an envelope stuck to my windshield, Leo,” I muttered through my chattering teeth. I quickly snagged the note and shooed Leo into the backseat. “Let me warm up the car first.”

  It took three attempts, but the engine in my old Corolla finally turned over. Just last month, Newt had worked on the heater to ensure that I could make it through another winter. The best part was that he hadn’t even charged me labor, saying that it was his Christmas gift to me.

  That’s just because the talking lizard wants a discount at the shop.

  “That’s not true,” I argued, managing to open the envelope while my hands shook from the cold. I’d taken my gloves off in the police station and tucked them in my jacket. “Newt doesn’t even drink tea. Now, who would leave us a note?”

  No one, which is why you shouldn’t have touched it…and with your bare hands. What good is it to watch “NCIS” if you don’t pick up on what not to do at a crime scene?

  “My car isn’t a crime scene, Leo,” I said, sliding out what appeared to be a stock card of some sort. The material was thicker than paper, almost like those holiday cards with pictures printed on them. “I think this is just a Christmas card from one of the shop—”

  Keep going. Finish your sentence. Better yet, don’t. Slide whatever it is that you pulled out of that envelope right back in, and we’ll forget this ever happened. Hey, tell Ted to shift one of those vents my way. We wouldn’t want him to melt on the way home, now would we?

  “Leo?”

  Don’t Leo me, unless it’s to tell me that we have the day off and a pile of properly aged Honduran organic catnip ready for my pipe. Then you can Leo me all you want.

  “It’s a message from…Santa Claus.”

  That’s it. I’m returning your present that is already wrapped underneath the Christmas tree and buying you a pair of hearing aids.

  Chapter Four

  “Have you considered that this Santa Claus imposter is working for either the coven’s governing council or possibly even Aunt Rowena’s breakaway faction?”

  Your mother has no idea what she’s talking about. She must be drinking again. We’ve already established that the Santa Claus in town square has been conned to do some job by Skippy’s nefarious minions.

  I was currently in the kitchen, topping off my thermos with some select one hundred percent Columbian coffee that I’d brewed while changing out of my work clothes. Life had its challenges, but there was no need to settle for cheap coffee when I owned the only premium tea and coffee outlet in town.

  Now that I was dressed properly, the multiple layers would keep me warm while out and about today, though I did plan on cruising in the warm car when possible. The roads were clear enough that my old Corolla would do just fine, although there was a stormfront on the horizon for next week. What I really wanted for Christmas was a new Jeep Wrangler, one with a hard top and four-wheel drive. It was hard enough getting around in these cold Northeastern winters without the added heartache of a troublesome vehicle.

  “The two of you always assume the worst,” I said, twisting the cap of the thermos into place. “I had been hoping that the Santa Claus the town council hired was also part owner of the petting zoo. Liam texted me a bit ago, confirming that Barry Mina owns the petting zoo with his cousin. Maybe the cousin took the Santa Claus job, which would explain his initial concern about losing one of the animals from their main attraction.”

  Then Skippy managed to rope in both cousins with the promise of unendin
g acorns, because how else would you explain their knowledge of Crayolahead’s existence?

  “Leo does have a point,” my mother said, laying the envelope and note on the counter. She gestured toward the letter and relayed the message. “Thank you for helping save Christmas. Yours truly, Santa Claus.”

  My mother had shown up to the cottage a few moments ago, decked out in what appeared to be a form-fitting black ski suit and one of those hats that had a hole in the top for a ponytail to stick through. She must have made the opening larger to accommodate the massive pile of black hair she always firmly secured on top of her head. She declared herself ready to join the search for the missing reindeer, though she’d stated her reservations about there even being a mystery to be solved.

  “Then again, Leo always overdramatizes these occasions.”

  Where’s a snowball when I need one? I’d settle for a falling icicle right about now.

  “Barry or his cousin probably saw me go into the police station,” I theorized, not able to bring myself to believe that the man dressed as Santa Claus was anything other than someone who wanted to brighten the season for the children of Paramour Bay. I’m not saying that the note wasn’t unusual, but that was becoming quite the norm here in Paramour Bay. “I’m also usually on the other end of an overactive imagination, though not quite as bad as the two of you. Mom, you’ve been seeing magical conspiracy theories ever since our run-in with Aunt Rowena at the graveyard. And Leo, you’re in a funk all because Skippy and his friends have gone into hibernation. The two of you really need to get a grip on yourselves and start a hobby to occupy your time.”

  What I need is a couple puffs off my pipe before we wander around out there in the frigid outdoors. I read an article in Catnip Aficionado that premium organic catnip helps regulate the body’s temperature more effectively. I hope you don’t mind. I subscribed to another annual subscription. I couldn’t pass up the half-price offer if I renewed it early.