Ropes

by Jack Davenport

  THE MOMENT I hung up the phone, I felt like an idiot.

  “Why did I call him?” I questioned out loud to no one.

  “Because he’s your boyfriend,” no one replied.

  “He’s not my boyfriend,” I argued.

  “Then what is he? He told you he loves you, and it temporarily freaked you out?”

  “First of all, he didn’t say he loved me. He said he’s falling in love with me.”

  “Same thing.”

  “No, it’s not. And secondly, I clearly am losing it, because I’m arguing out loud to absolutely no one!”

  I violently shook my fists to the sky and the movement caused pain to shoot up my leg. I covered my mouth to muffle a scream of agony. I’d endured hours of tattoo work, all over different parts of my body, but had never felt physical pain like this before. I needed ice, or better yet something to pour over ice. I stood up slowly and carefully, using the back of a suspect looking Ikea dining room chair to keep the weight off my leg. I then scooted the chair with me as I moved, using it as a giant crutch. It was slow going, and I probably looked like an insane person, but I had a stocked liquor cabinet, and something in there was gonna take the edge off this mortal injury.

  I was almost to the far side of the kitchen when I heard three loud thumps on my front door, followed by Ropes’s booming voice in the distance. “Devlin, open up, it’s me!”

  “Hold on!” I called out, but he obviously couldn’t hear me, not to mention the act of yelling caused my foot to burn as if it were being stabbed with a hot fireplace poker.

  “Devlin, can you hear me? The door’s locked.”

  I scooted my chair/crutch around and tried to make my way to the door as quickly as possible.

  I could hear the anxiety in Ropes’s voice rise as I hobbled and moaned. “Devlin, baby! Are you okay? You’re scaring me now. I’m gonna break the door down if you don’t answer.”

  “Ropes, don’t you dare!” I cried as I scooted as fast as my busted-ass little piggy could wee wee wee.

  Just then, my door splintered into a million pieces and Ropes rushed in to find me in the middle of my living room, in my bathrobe, being supported by a Jokkmokk chair.

  “What the hell happened? Why didn’t you answer me?” he demanded, looking about as stunned as I was.

  The only reply I could muster was, “My door…my toe…ow,” and then burst into tears. Ropes scooped me up in his arms and spoke to Sweet Pea, a Saint I recognized from the bar.

  “I’m gonna take her to Eldie’s clinic. You stay here and watch the place. I’ll call you in a little while and let you know what’s going on.”

  “What the hell am I supposed to say to Wolf?” Sweet Pea asked.

  “Dammit, Wolf,” Ropes hissed. “Call a recruit to come fix this door and then you go pick up the keg from Sally Anne’s and take it to the frat party.”

  “Sally Anne’s!” I hissed. “Shit, I forgot to call her and tell her I’m gonna be late.”

  “Late nothing, you’re gonna be off this foot for the rest of the day at least. Come on, you can call her from the car. We need to take your Thing.”

  “No one drives Ben but me,” I protested.

  “Okay, we’ll wait for an Uber then. One should be here in no less than ten minutes this time of day. Shall I set you down here or outside on the curb?”

  “Fine, the keys are in my purse,” I said, motioning to my bag.

  The other man handed it to me with a smile and Ropes said, “Devlin, you know my little brother, Sweet Pea, right?”

  I craned my neck up… and up some more. “Little brother?”

  “Yeah, yeah, I know. He takes after our mother’s side of the family. Apparently, they were all giant Vikings or something.”

  “It’s very nice to meet you, Sweet Pea,” I said with a slight wave. “If you’ll excuse me, I need morphine now.”

  Sweet Pea gave me a tight-lipped smile and a nod and Ropes carried me down to Ben, and carefully placed me inside.

  “Where are we going?” I asked as Ropes buckled me in.

  “I’m taking you to Eldie’s clinic.”

  “Who’s Eldie?”

  “She was our club’s official/unofficial doctor for years. Someone we could always go to if we needed patching up, no questions asked, but now she’s that and a lot more.”

  “How so?”

  “She’s also Clutch’s old lady.”

  “Is she the gorgeous brunette I see him with at the bar sometimes?”

  “No,” Ropes said with a whisper. “That’s Yolanda, one of his mistresses.”

  “What?” I gasped, shocked at what I was hearing. “Seriously?”

  Ropes burst into laughter, “No, I’m totally kidding.”

  “You jerk,” I said, slapping his arm, causing another twinge of pain. “Ow, my toe.”

  “Sorry, baby. Try to stay still.”

  “Please don’t tell me Clutch is a dog. I’ve always gotten a good vibe from him when he’s been in Sally Anne’s.”

  “Been in Sally Anne’s what?”

  “Ow!” I howled in laughter and pain simultaneously.

  “I’m sorry, I can’t help myself,” Ropes said, biting his knuckles.

  “I set myself up for that one,” I said wincing through the pain.

  “I won’t tease you anymore, I promise. And you can rest assured that Clutch’s loyalty knows no bounds, especially when it comes to Eldie.”

  As Ropes drove us toward the clinic, despite the pain I was in, I was oddly at peace. In fact, it occurred to me that I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt a peace quite like this.

  I called Sally Anne and let her know what was going on, and she assured me not to worry and that she’d find someone to cover any shifts necessary. After a big sigh of relief that my job was secure, and a short drive, we reached the clinic and Ropes carried me inside.

  The receptionist smirked, raised an eyebrow at Ropes and simply said, “Exam room in the back. Katie’s helping.” Ropes nodded and took me through the waiting area, to the end of a hallway. I had no idea who Katie was, but if she gave me morphine, she’d be my best friend. Ropes carefully opened a plain, white door and carried me over the threshold like a bride.

  Our eyes met as we stepped inside, and my insides turned to goo. Straight up girlie goo. Purple with flecks of glitter in it. I hated myself for falling for this guy, but that was exactly what was happening. There was no way I could get away with lying to myself, so why spend energy I didn’t have trying?

  “There’s a lamp. Watch your head,” he said sweetly as he set me on the paper-clad exam table.

  “I think I’m falling in love with you,” I blurted out. Before I could even think about regretting it, Ropes’s lips were on mine, tenderly but intensely. My head rested back against the small pillow and his hands went to the side of my face. I moaned in delight, momentarily forgetting about the pain in my foot, until the exam room door opened.

  “Oh,” a female voice said as she entered. “Sorry.”

  Ropes chuckled. “It’s all good. Katie, this is Devlin.”

  Katie shook my hand with a sweet smile.

  “Katie’s brother, Flea, is a brother with the Dogs of Fire. She’s helpin’ Eldie out for a few months.”

  Katie nodded. “I’m a glutton for punishment and thought, ‘hey, Katie, you don’t have enough on your plate, how about you go back to school and be a nurse practioner?’ You know, because RN just wasn’t enough for me.”

  “I think it’s admirable,” I said, even though my foot felt like it was going to explode.

  She grabbed a blood pressure cuff and secured it to my arm. “I’m just lucky to know a lot of rough and ready bikers who tend to get hurt so much, my friend offered me an intern position of sorts. Eldie’s amazing.”

  The subject of our conversation stepped into the room just as Ropes kissed me again.

  “So, this is happening, then?” She pointed quickly back and forth between the two of us.

/>   “Hey, Eldie. How are you?” Ropes said sheepishly, now standing up straight. I think he was even blushing. “Devlin and I were just… this is all pretty new… and no one in the club…”

  “Your secret’s safe with me,” Eldie said with a smile as she mimed zipping her lips and tossing the key over her shoulder.

  Eldie turned her attention to me. “Hi, I’m Doctor Gardner,” she said extending a hand. “You can call me Gina… or Eldie. That’s what all the club guys call me.”

  From my current position, I could now see she was pregnant.

  “Nice to meet you, I’m Devlin.”

  “You work at Sally Anne’s place, right?”

  I furrowed my brow as I nodded. “I’m supposed to be there right now.”

  “So, what, besides an obvious case of love sickness, brings you to my clinic today?”

  Now I was blushing. Big time. “I stubbed my toe on my dresser and I think it’s broken,” I said, and Ropes stepped out of the way to reveal the carnage.

  “Oh my,” she replied at the sight of my left foot, which had now swollen to Mickey Mouse proportions, not to mention the toe looked like it was trying to escape from my foot. “We don’t need an x-ray to see that’s a broken toe. Let me get you a wheelchair and Katie and I’ll take you back to the x-ray machine. Ropes, why don’t you make yourself a cup of coffee and say hi to Maggie? I’m sure she has some paperwork that she’d appreciate being distracted from.”

  Ropes gave Doctor Garner a smile and tipped an imaginary hat to the two of us before backing out of the room.

  “You all set on birth control?” she asked as soon as Ropes was gone. “Because I’m betting that boy could get a woman pregnant just by looking at her.”

  “I’m good, Doc… ah, Eldie,” I said with a nervous laugh. “How did you get your name?”

  “L.D. is short for lady doctor,” she said raising an eyebrow.

  “And the man that called you that is still alive?”

  “Warthog is only part man, and mostly beast,” Eldie said. “But he’s all heart once you get to know him.”

  I filled out some insurance paperwork and was administered valium and Vicodin.

  “So, you and Ropes, huh?” Eldie asked as we finished up.

  I giggled. “Do we share doctor/patient privilege here?”

  “Better,” she said in a more serious tone. “We share club chick privilege. Devlin, if you’re with a Saint, nothing you say will ever leave Katie’s or my confidence, or anyone else’s within the club. That’s a promise.”

  “Thank you. That’s the thing, though. I’m not sure I’m with Ropes. I barely know him really. He’s handsome, and sexy, and he makes me laugh, and feel beautiful, but…”

  “But, what? He sounds great. He sounds like the guy I’d always pegged him as. I’ve always been so surprised that he didn’t have women falling all over him. I thought maybe he was gay, but Clutch said he wasn’t.”

  “Really? He’s not a player? But he’s so smooth and put together, I really would have thought he’d have a different girl every night.”

  “Not from what I’ve seen, so if you’ve caught his eye, I’m thinking you must be pretty special. You’re obviously gorgeous, but the look in his eyes is more than attraction Devlin.”

  I swallowed nervously.

  “Okay, twinkle toes, let’s get you off the table in into this wheelchair before that Valium kicks in.”

  As I navigated into my temporary mode of transportation, the room began to pulse along to the sound of my suddenly very present heartbeat.

  “Oooh,” I exclaimed and placed my hands on the arms of the chair to get my bearings.

  “It’s kicking in fast, huh?” Eldie asked as she wheeled me back towards the exam room.

  “I’d say.”

  I was a total lightweight when it came to anything stronger than a baby aspirin. The next few minutes were a bit hazy in my mind, but my memory involved something to do with penguins and a failed attempt at consuming a fruit cup.

  “Devlin, sweetie, are you with me? This question is very important, so I need you to think long and hard before answering,” Eldie said, as the effects of the meds she’d administered stepped into overdrive.

  “Roger!” I said, with what was meant as a salute but ended up as a backhand to my own forehead.

  “Okay, so the meds are doing their job,” Katie said to Ropes as swirls of orange and blue light surrounded her like a halo of love and tranquility.

  “Devlin, sweetie?” Eldie said.

  “Uh huh.”

  “Here’s the question… and remember it’s important.”

  “I’m ready Doctor. Doctor… Dok-Tor, dahkter, you can say that a lot of different ways.” The words trailed out of my mouth like cartoon balloon letters and then floated up to the ceiling.

  “That’s right, you sure can,” Eldie said in a supportive tone. “Okay, here’s the question. Are you ready?”

  I tried to focus on what was sure to be a query of great medical importance.

  “Which ice cream flavor do you like better? Chocolate or vanilla?”

  I tried to fight through the ever-increasing Valium high and focus on the meaning of her question.

  “Chocolate or vani—"

  Pop.

  The state of medicated bliss I was currently in was momentarily interrupted by the resetting of my broken toe. On a scale from one to ten, the pain was a seven, shoved up my ass sideways.

  As it turns out, this seemingly sweet doctor, that had plied me with drugs and the sense that she took the Hippocratic oath very seriously, was nothing more than a barbaric war criminal who should probably have her baby taken away from her the minute it was born.

  “Sorry, sweetie,” I heard Dr. Evil say as I drifted into darkness.

  Devlin

  REENTERING CONSCIOUSNESS, I could hear Ropes and Eldie speaking in hushed tones. I couldn’t make out much of what they were saying, but did manage to hear Ropes say, “She’s really special,” and, “Okay, but would that restrict her from going on a boat?”

  This second piece of dialogue hastened my return from the spirit world.

  “Why would I be on a boat?” I slurred.

  “Good morning, sunshine,” Ropes said sweetly as he stroked my hair.

  “That Valium knocked you out. You must have really needed a nap,” Eldie added.

  “I’m a total wuss, I probably should have warned you.”

  “Probably for the best. Resetting that toe was no fun.”

  “Tell me about it,” I scowled.

  “Sorry about that,” Eldie said. “The ice cream question is a dirty trick, but it always distracts the patient long enough for me to do what I need to do.”

  “How about waiting until I’m knocked out next time, huh?” I said, only half-jokingly.

  “Whenever possible, we like patients to be alert when resetting small bone fractures. It sounds cruel, but it helps us to know when the bone is properly back in place if you’re awake and your muscles aren’t entirely relaxed. Trust me, it would have been a lot worse without the Valium or the local anesthetic.”

  “You gave me a local?”

  “When I was examining you. Never felt it, did you?” Eldie smiled.

  “You sneaky bitch,” I hissed.

  “That’s Dr. Sneaky Bitch to you, Twinkle Toes,” Eldie said, as she removed her medical gloves and disposed of them.

  “Where’s Katie?” I asked.

  “Club get-together, so she headed out early. She said she’s going to organize a girls’ night out and you’re required to go.”

  I chuckled. “Okay.” I lifted my head from my pillow to make eye contact with Ropes. “Did I hear you say something about a boat?”

  “You heard that, huh?” he asked sheepishly.

  “Sort of. I was still waking up. What’s going on?”

  “It’s the craziest thing,” Ropes said, grinning like a little kid.

  “Oh?”

  “While you were in here w
ith Eldie, I got an email from Olivia Stark and Ali Forrester,” he said, still looking down at his phone.

  “Are they a law firm or international jewel thieves?”

  He raised an eyebrow. “They’re romance writers. Really good, very popular romance writers. Poised to be the next D.W. Foxblood.”

  “The author whose face you want to slice off and wear as your own?”

  Ropes scowled, then whipped his head back and forth. “Where’s Eldie? I need to know exactly when the effects of whatever the fuck she gave you are supposed to wear off.”

  “Oh, no sweetie. I’m sober as a judge, this is just me and my sick sense of humor.”

  “Once again, I must explain. I don’t want to be D.W. Foxblood. I want to be like her.”

  I shrugged. “Tomato… Face Off, either way.”

  Ropes continued, “Anyway. Every year, Olivia and Ali host an event called the Books and Booze Cruise. It’s a three-day weekend at sea where authors and readers mingle. The events are always legendary, and a ton of great authors attend. This year D.W. Foxblood will be attending.”

  “Sounds like fun. Was the email about tickets still being available or something?”

  “More like or something, it’s always sold-out.” Ropes’s expression changed from delight to panic.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “They’ve invited me to be a signing author on this year’s cruise.”

  “What? You’re kidding me? That’s great news… isn’t it?” I wasn’t sure, by the look on Ropes’s face if this was in fact good news.

  “I don’t know what to tell them.”

  “Tell them yes, dummy!” I yelled.

  “But they’re like big-time, legit authors and I’m an absolute zero.”

  I was a little shocked to hear Ropes, who’d always carried himself as the picture of confidence, say this. I didn’t get the impression that this was false modesty in any form either. He truly felt like he was somehow “less than” these other authors.

  “Look,” I said sternly. “I’ve never read a romance book in my life. Hell, I’m not sure I’ve finished any book since school, so I don’t know who any of these people are, but I know for a fact, they all started somewhere… at the start.”

  “Yeah, but they’re all established now, as are most of the other authors on the cruise.”