Riff Kitchen & Bar, 8pm?
Yes. I can pick you up.
How about you come here and we walk? It's not far.
Done.
Saoirse's been asking me questions…I don't know what to say.
To say I didn't expect that message to follow would be an understatement. What do you want to say?
I don't know. She already knows because of when I passed out.
Mira, you can tell her absolutely anything you want to. She's your friend.
She came over with Maddie and Jenny. I don't know what to say to them.
Do you want to tell them? I asked, gnawing my cheek as the nerves returned to my stomach.
No. It feels like I can't trust them anymore. I want to go back to this weekend and how I felt then with you.
I wrestled with how to say what I wanted to without being overbearing. This weekend, we didn't live in secret.
I liked that…
There's a reason LGBTQ people talk about coming out as a process for them, baby. What you're feeling right now, that you can't trust anyone, and that aloneness, is a result of being in.
Did you feel like this at some point?
All my life. With every new friend, every new job, every new apartment. Everything.
This is how you felt with me all that time before you told me you were gay?
Yes.
I'm sorry you had to feel like that…
It got better because the person I told accepted me. The fear is in the rejection.
A pause followed and I wondered if I'd upset her until she said, Yeah.
This process is yours, Mira. You have to be ready for all of it. Everything on your terms.
There's only one part I've never doubted.
What's that?
My feelings for you, she said, and my heart nearly burst from reading it, bringing a swell of emotion to my throat.
Ditto, baby. Ditto, was all I could manage. Eleanor cocked a brow at me and I winked at her.
I like when you call me baby.
Do you?
Yes.
Well, I like doing it.
What are you doing right now? she asked, turning the conversation.
Watching a movie with Ellie. You?
About to go to bed. Saoirse left. Can I call you for a minute?
Sure, I replied, then patted Eleanor's knee. "Ellie, Mira's going to call me for a second. I'll be right back."
"Oo-La-La." She whistled and that earned her ear a flick when I pried myself from the sofa. I headed to the bedroom, and dropped down on the unmade bed. I smirked as I glanced around my former bedroom that now looked like a teenage haven. Shoes and clothes littered the floor, and textbooks lay strewn across the bed. I dropped down in the pillows after kicking off my shoes, and answered my phone on the first ring.
"Hi, baby."
"Hi." I could almost hear the blush that rushed her cheeks.
"I need to get a bigger apartment. My bedroom looks like a teenage nightmare."
Mira let out a soft chuckle. "Check the apartments closer to the university. They have vacancies."
"I will. Thanks."
She sighed suddenly, feigning theatrics. "One whole day without seeing you is too many."
"I agree. I'm looking forward to tomorrow."
"Me too." She grew quiet and I heard her rustling about.
"You okay?"
"Yeah. My bed is empty and I feel lonely. Saoirse and the girls made me feel like…I don't know."
"I'm sorry, Mira. I want to make that better for you." My breath hitched as I heard the pain in her voice.
"I know. Will I always feel like this?"
"No. You won't. It just takes time."
"I want to just get it over with and tell them all what's been going on," she said, though I heard the volume of her television in the background increase.
"Then do it, baby. Whatever you want to do. What are you watching?"
"This movie that I liked. I want to watch it again…"
A smile curved my lips and I chuckled. "Oh yeah? Does it involve friends becoming lovers?"
"Yes…"
"Thought so. It's one of my favorites, too."
"How do you know which one?"
"I saw it on your queue."
"I have a personal question to ask you," she said.
"Go for it." I turned on my side and tucked one of the pillows against my chest. The emptiness of the bed burst into my awareness now that she mentioned it.
"Is it normal to want sex all the time now?" She laughed as she asked. "I've never felt like this before."
"You mean horny?" I grinned, and just the thought of her awoken sexuality made me squirm.
"Yes." She continued to laugh. "How have I gone all this time not knowing how this felt?"
"Jordan would say that we woke up your yoni. Her friend Scarlett held some sort of yoni workshop at the salon last year. It was amazing. Two hours of talking about vaginas. Best night ever."
"Billie." Mira's laughter continued and she let out a small snort, which only made us both laugh harder. "I don't know what any of that means."
"You have the Google. Look it up before bed." I grinned at the notion of her researching vaginas. "And tomorrow night, I promise to wake up your yoni again."
"Even when you just say it…"
"Don't squeeze those thighs together, Mira. I know you're doing it," I teased, covering my face as I tried not to laugh too loudly.
"Billie! I'm not."
"Yes, you are. Take off your panties and rub one off before bed."
"Oh my God, I couldn't." She groaned, and her voice muffled as I imagined her attempting to smother herself.
"Yes, you can. Then you can tell me all about it tomorrow."
Her laughter continued, more nervously than before. "Oh my God." Her chuckle faded as we settled down again. "What if I try and I can't?" Her question came out more serious sounding than I expected.
"Then you'll just have to wait for me to help out tomorrow night," I said, hoping to add some lightness back to her.
"I always felt like my body was broken or I had some sort of sexual dysfunction…"
"I think your body has proven that you're not broken or dysfunctional, baby. It just needed something more."
"Yeah. You."
Now it was my turn to blush. "You deserve pleasure and happiness, Mira. All of it. On top of your intellect and beauty, pleasure and happiness are a part of you."
"You compliment me too much."
"I tell you how I feel is all."
"Let me tell you about you then. You already know that I think you're beautiful, and casually sexy when you don't even know it. You're smart, and most importantly, kind. So kind, Billie. You wear your heart on your sleeve all the time."
I listened to her, allowing her to say how she felt as well.
"Which is what attracted me to you in the first place. How you felt about Dinah's murder. I could tell it bothered you…"
"It did. They all do."
"And how you care about your siblings. And how you cared about me when you knew I was upset. I was a near stranger. The thing about you, Billie, is you're strong, inside and out," she said, her voice soft, yet firm in its conviction.
"Thank you for saying all that…"
"I mean it. You deserve pleasure and happiness, too."
"I'm glad we agree on that for both of us."
We grew quiet, and the sound of Mira's television played in the background for a minute.
"Did you fall asleep on me?" I asked, yawning after.
"Not yet. Almost."
"Did you ditch those panties to relieve that ache in your belly?" I chuckled when I said it.
"Yes," she admitted, and I could almost see her bottom lip between her teeth.
I glanced to the closed bedroom door, just to make sure, and lowered my voice a notch. "Are you wet?"
I heard her shift around for a second before she answered, "A little bit."
"Start wit
h your clit. Gentle rubbing in circles and imagine my tongue doing it," I told her. Now it was me squeezing my knees together.
"Stay on the phone with me?" she asked, her voice barely a whisper.
"Yes." I dropped my tone, and covered my head with a pillow. "I'll be happy to stay on the phone and listen to you come."
"Billie," she breathed out my name, and I noted the soft puffs against the phone speaker.
My mind went crazy, imagining what she was doing to herself and it drove me wild. I tried not to move, fearing that Eleanor would bust in any second. I reminded myself that she rarely crawled into bed before two in the morning.
Mira's breathing increased in rate and pitch, so I whispered, "Let me hear you come, baby. I can't wait to have you."
That did it and the gasp that left her told me she'd worked herself just right. A soft moan followed when she released her breath and she panted heavily against the phone. I listened to every sound, allowing my mind to run away with the sexy images of her. Fire burned between my thighs, dampening my panties.
"That sounded delicious," I whispered when she calmed down.
"My God," she said, her voice soft. "I've never…"
"And yet you did." A smile broke across my lips and I hugged the pillow to my chest. "Did you come hard?"
"Yes." Her breathing slowed and I heard her rustle the blankets again. "I miss your mouth on me," she whispered and it sent a sharp shiver up my spine.
"Think you can make it through one more day?"
"Only one more," she said, her voice soft.
"I can't wait to taste you…"
"Billie." Her teeth chattered when she said my name. "I can't wait to taste you, too. You're sweet like a ripe mango."
I laughed softly, though I couldn't rid myself of the lasting grin. "Good thing. You're sweet like raspberries dipped in chocolate."
"I'm falling asleep," she said, her voice fading.
"Go to sleep. Because tomorrow night, I'm going to keep you up all night."
I envisioned her smiling, her soft breathing drifting to gentle rhythms. "You make me happy…"
"You make me happy, too. G'night, baby."
She didn't respond, but I listened to her until I was sure she was asleep. It didn't take long, and I heard her phone slide down the pillow, muffling any other sound. When I hung up, the smile plastered on my face never faded, as I tore off to lock myself in the bathroom after a very long shower.
***
Mira and I shared dinner at the trendy, music-themed restaurant. The atmosphere, comfortable and casual, made it easy to settle in. Low lights, stained wood, and great food accompanied the live band playing adjacent to the bar. While we decided on coffee and dessert versus more wine, I caught Mira watching me while I browsed the menu.
"What are you looking at, pretty lady?" I cocked a brow at her.
"You. I can't believe you wore a dress. And makeup." She bit her bottom lip and leaned forward with her elbows on the table. "I really like it."
"Do you?" I laughed and fought the heat in my cheeks. "To be fair, these are Eleanor's clothes."
"Still. It's amazing on you. I like the long-sleeves on a little black dress." She gestured toward me, then crossed her legs, a hint of her bare knee showing as her dress shifted.
"Well, I've been admiring your outfits for months. That royal-blue skirt you're wearing is no exception." I wagged my brows at her and she laughed.
"We're a pair then."
"We are." I set the menu down. "I can't decide if I want anything. Dinner was so yummy."
"It was. I'm going to cave for a cappuccino, but skip the nosh."
"Hmm. I concur," I said, tossing her a grin.
The server returned and took our coffee orders while we turned toward the band when they began playing a Journey song. Half the patrons sang along, but I didn't know the words. I caught Mira mouthing a few of them, and snapped a picture of her when she smiled at me.
"Hey." She reached across the table and swatted my hand. "Naughty."
"It was worth it." I turned my phone around to show her and she smiled. "Told ya."
"I'll take a video of you singing if you aren't careful."
"Good luck." I laughed, jabbing my thumb over my shoulder. "I don't know this song. I just recognize the band."
"You don't?" Mira's brow furrowed. "But it's Journey."
"We weren't allowed to listen to music growing up so my music history starts in my teens. Ask me some early-two-thousands music lyrics and I'm there."
"Uck. I'm glad I don't know your parents. They make me angry," she said.
"Me too. They haven't even bothered to call Eleanor to see how she is. Same thing they did to me and Robbie. Sometimes I wonder if they even care."
"What was it like when you went to pick her up?"
"I didn't see them. She packed her bags and snuck out while they were asleep. They know I took her the same way I did with Robbie."
"I'm sorry, honey. I wish it was easier for you…" She reached across the table and gave my hand a squeeze.
"Thank you." I brushed my thumb over her knuckles.
"Are the three of you having Thanksgiving together this year?"
"We don't really celebrate anything, but I suppose so, yes. Ellie loved Halloween so maybe we'll start new traditions. What do you normally do?"
"Well, everyone's schedules are always so crazy with so many families involved. So, years ago, we started having Thanksgiving at my parents on Friday instead of Thursday. That way, my brother and sister can be with their partners' families," she said, shrugging. "I'm always happy to have the week off. And then winter break is almost a month."
"I have an idea," I said, nodding my gratitude to the server who returned with our cappuccinos.
Mira repeated my gesture then asked, "What's that?"
"Why don't you come to my place for Thanksgiving with Eleanor and Robert? It'll be a first for the three of us to have a holiday together and I'd like for you to be there."
"I'd love that, Billie. Thank you." She gnawed her cheek for a moment then asked, "Would you come with me to my parents'?"
"If you want me to, I will."
"I don't know how anyone will react to you, or me. Or us." She stammered, her hands gripping the coffee mug enough to whiten her knuckles. "It could go bad or fine."
"I'm willing to take the risk if you are." This time I reached across the table and pried her hand away from her mug to hold it. "I'd love to go with you."
The smile returned to her crimson lips and she tightened her hold on my hands.
"Mira," someone called, and we both turned to see a group of three people, one woman and two men, approaching us. All three of them wore friendly smiles and work-appropriate outfits. Mira yanked her hand away from me, and every inch of her furled into tension when they neared.
"Good to see you," the older of the two men said. "Sorry to intrude. We wanted to say hello."
"Good to see you as well, Henry." Her gaze flickered to the others as they greeted her with smiles and small waves. "After work night out?"
"You bet. And fantasizing about Thanksgiving break," answered the woman. She couldn't have been much older than us at all. She glanced to me and smiled. "I recognize you. You interrupted my class."
"Yes." I laughed as the recollection struck me. "Sorry about that. I was looking for Doctor Lewis at the time."
"This is Detective Billie Olsen," said Mira, gesturing to me. "Billie, these are a few of my colleagues. Henry, Joseph, and Nia. They teach different branches of physics as well."
"Nuclear." Joseph raised his hand, a strong grin plastered on his face. "Nice to meet you."
"Good field." I chuckled when he offered me his hand and I shook it.
"Astrophysics for me," continued Nia, also shaking my hand. "We are exceedingly awkward in social situations. Why are we introducing ourselves by concentration?"
"Theoretical." Henry shook my hand after. "Might as well keep it up at this point."
&
nbsp; Mira's tension faded slightly at their silliness and she laughed softly. "I feel like I should reintroduce myself beginning with my field of study as well."
"I mean, at this point no one would bat a lash." Nia lifted her shoulders in a shrug and it made the men chuckle. The older gentleman, Henry, made to sit down at the vacant table beside us, but Nia grabbed his elbow. He looked at her with a confused brow. "We're interrupting, Hank. We're not here to join them on their evening out."
Joseph laughed and tucked his hands into the pockets of his blazer. "It was good seeing you, Mira. We better head off."
"Good to see you all as well." Mira offered them a kind smile as Nia tugged Henry away.
"Bye, Mira. Good to meet you, Billie," she called back while the men waved.
"You, too." I returned their gesture then looked to Mira. The minute they were out of sight, her expression hardened and her lips pursed. "You okay?"
"I didn't expect that."
"I can tell," I said, scooting to the edge of my seat and resting my arms on the table. Mira's gaze wandered over my shoulder the same way it had weeks ago when she wrestled with her feelings. I gave her a moment, before stroking the back of her hand with my index finger. She started at first and tensed, as if she fought the urge to pull away.
"This is hard," she croaked, returning her gaze to me.
"I know." I watched her, and heard Eve's voice threaten me again about losing the straight girl. Mira had no idea what she faced. For some reason, as teenagers when we came out, even though it's terrible, the resilience and effort is different. As adults, I couldn't imagine what it must be like for her, but I could understand why so many run from it. "Tell me what you feel, Mira. Honestly."
"Guilty," she said, sniffling as she turned her gaze to her coffee.
"Guilty why?"
"Because I didn't introduce you as my girlfriend. For pulling away from you." She dropped her head in her hands and they trembled as she fought her emotions. "A part of me is worried that they'll tell everyone that I was out with a woman. Everything, Billie."
There it was, the fear and panic returning to the surface.
"Mira, two women share meals together all the time, firstly. Second, what's the worst that could happen if they tell everyone they suspect you were out on a date with a woman?"
Entanglement Page 24
