Entanglement

by Max Ellendale

  "When you knew her as Pig Girl. Yup. I remember that story." I smiled while Dax reminisced about her love. "She makes you so happy."

  "You have no idea…" Dax glanced back toward the living room before holding my gaze again.

  "Yeah. I think I do."

  After showers and dressing for the day, the four of us piled into Dax's souped up SUV and headed somewhere. The two of them decided to join Mira and me on our excursion to some secret place. Mira packed a small duffle bag, and refused to let me look in it.

  "So…none of you are telling me where we're going?"

  "Nope," all three of them said at once and I laughed.

  "Meanies." I slouched in the back seat. Mira leaned over and kissed my cheek. I pulled her into a hug and she snuck her fingers up the front of her pink jersey that I stole and continued to wear.

  "Christmas is in a few days," said Willa while she drove. "Do either of you celebrate?"

  "I don't, but this year we're going to for Robert and Eleanor. It'll be a first for them here," I said.

  "I usually do with my family. Not this year though." Mira rested her head on my shoulder then placed her palm flat against my stomach. I shivered under her touch and she kissed my chin.

  "Why not?" asked Dax, turning around to face us.

  "There's been tension so I'd rather just stay with Billie," said Mira, simply. "My sister and I aren't on the best terms."

  "Understandable." Dax nodded then smirked. "If you sneak any lower, Mira, you're gonna find her clit poking out of her pants."

  Willa laughed and smacked Dax's knee. "What is going on back there?"

  Mira chuckled and returned to hugging me around the waist instead of caressing my stomach. "She doesn't miss a trick, that redneck in a cowboy hat."

  "She doesn't." I nearly cracked up and gave her a hug.

  "I'm no redneck." Dax scowled and Willa cracked up.

  "You are, honey. A sexy, well-muscled one, but a redneck."

  "Prove it."

  "You pluck grass out of the ground and eat it," I said.

  "A herd of goats follow you everywhere," added Mira.

  "When you're seeding the fields and have to pee, you cop a squat in the middle of the bushes." Willa's laughter continued while Dax pinched her thigh. "Ouch!"

  "You all suck. None of that is true." Dax waved us off.

  "All of it is true!" said Willa, cracking up now. "Don't make me crash." She swatted Dax's hand.

  "Let me drive then."

  "No way." I pointed at her while meeting Willa's gaze in the rearview. "She'll kill us. She drives like a maniac."

  "Billie Jean, you're about to die for teasing me." Dax pretended to lunge over the back seat. Mira's laughter escalated and she squeaked when Dax grabbed at us.

  "Uck, that name, Dakota." I smacked Dax's hands. "Get off me," I said, laughing so hard at that point that my stomach hurt.

  Our silliness continued for half an hour at least while Willa drove us to the heck knows where. All I could tell was that we drove away from Sequim into a more wooded area with the long road carved out. After an hour and a half, Mira reached in the back seat to pull something out of her purse.

  "Okay, love. Now you have to really trust me…" She held up a purple bandana to show me. "Do you?"

  "Of course I do. What's that?"

  "Blind fold. Promise not to peek?"

  "Yes, but don't go far from me. I don't like not being able to see if I can't feel you," I said, smoothing out my hair before turning my back to her so she could tie it on.

  "I promise to stay beside you." She kissed my cheek before rolling the bandana into the perfect blindfold, then tying it off. I reached for her hand and she gripped mine.

  "Don't trick me or put things on me, Dax."

  "I won't."

  "I mean it." I squeezed Mira's hand and she kissed my cheek again, pulling me into a hug.

  "I won't, Beej. I swear," said Dax and I nodded.

  "There won't be any tricks or teasing," said Mira, and I trusted her statement. "Just a blindfold for about fifteen minutes. Okay?"

  "Okay." I smiled when she brushed her lips over my cheek. "It'll be dark by the time you take it off me."

  "Not quite." Mira pulled me to lie against her between her knees while she leaned against the door. I smiled as I snuggled into our cozy position and let her engulf me in her warmth.

  Everyone fell into quiet and it unnerved me. The lull in conversation and my sudden darkness had my thoughts rolling to uncomfortable places. I knew I needed to talk to Mira about everything with the FBI, but putting it off kept getting easier with time.

  The car slowed to a roll and gravel crunched under the tires until we stopped. I heard Willa shift the car into park and doors began to open. I sat up, holding on to Mira's hand tightly when I heard her open the door.

  "I have you," she said, kissing my hand as she led me out. "Ready?"

  "Yes. Don't let go." I kept as close to her as possible until my feet hit the ground. She held me around the middle, and I walked with her a few paces. When my nerves calmed down, the call of seagulls overhead drew my attention. The cool, damp air around me smelled different. Crisp and humid at the same time.

  Mira kissed my neck as she turned me to face something, then reached up to grip the blindfold. "Ready?"

  "Yes." My affirmation sounded more breathless than I intended.

  Mira removed the blindfold, and I blinked a few times to adjust to the light. The second my eyes focused on the scene ahead, my breath hitched. I stood facing the expanse of the ocean. Waves crashed against the sandy beach. Rocks in various forms poked out of the water in the distance, and the orange, yellow, pink, and purple of the setting sun cast long, delicious strokes on the surface. A tear streamed down my cheek, and my jaw hung slack.

  "Welcome to the Pacific Ocean, love," Mira whispered against my ear, her arms around my waist. "And the very edge of the U.S. Canada is there." She pointed to our right.

  I couldn't speak as shock tore through me. I turned in her arms, placing my palm against her cheek. Dax and Willa both wore broad smiles as they watched us, before taking their leave from the parking space and heading off in the sand while holding hands.

  "Will you watch the sunset with me?" Mira asked me, drawing my attention back to her beautiful face.

  "Yes." I choked on the emotions in my throat and nodded. "Yes, baby."

  Mira smiled, taking my hand and leading me into the sand after she grabbed her bag from the car. My sneakers sunk into the soft, damp beach and the sense of awe captured me in its grip. As we grew closer to the water, the sounds of the waves lapped at the shore in rhythmic pentameter. Seagulls flew overhead, diving toward the ocean on and off. Mira shifted to hold me from behind again after setting the bag in the sand, her chin resting on my shoulder as we watched the sun sink together. I reached back to caress her face, and she kissed my fingers.

  "It's amazing," I said. Emotions slammed around inside me, twisting my stomach, and speeding up my pulse.

  "Like you."

  "No, baby." I turned in her arms, lacing my fingers behind her neck. "Like you." I caught her in a kiss, holding her to me as the sun's final rays heated our opposing cheeks. Mira's hands slid around my waist and we melted together, seared by the fire between us and around us.

  "Thank you for taking me here," I said, when we ended our connection. "It's so beautiful."

  "In December, when it gets colder, the sky has a way of shining brighter without clouds. Will you stay and watch the stars with me, too?"

  "Mira, I'd stay and watch paint dry with you." I tapped her bottom lip. "But I will always watch the stars with you. Every night. If you promise to tell me all about each constellation."

  "I promise." A smile curved her crimson lips, and we watched the sun fade away together.

  In the semi-darkness of an indigo sky, Mira opened her bag to pull out several blankets. The first, big and thick, she set out across the sand. We sat together on it, and she draped a
second blanket over us before we lay down together to watch the night sky. I urged Mira closer to me and she rested her head on my shoulder while I draped my arm around her.

  "This is very special, Mira." I pulled her hand to my lips and kissed it.

  "I saw how you watched the planetarium sky and thought you'd appreciate a real one."

  We spent the next half an hour watching stars appear as the sky darkened, and the crescent moon dangled over the ocean. It cast a silvery glow over the surface of the glass-like water. The sound of the waves and fragrance of the salty ocean air calmed the deepest recesses of my psyche. Mira's fingers tangled with mine while we lay together. Despite our quiet, there was more communication between us than ever.

  "There's something I wanted to ask you," said Mira, after we spent some time identifying planets.

  "What's that?" I met her gaze as she turned over, leaning on her elbows. I toyed with a strand of her hair, and she smiled.

  "I've been thinking about something pretty seriously for awhile," she said, taking a deep breath before she rolled up to sit cross-legged on the blanket. My brow furrowed and I sat up, mirroring her position to sit across from her. Our knees touched and she held her hands to me.

  "What's the matter, baby?" I lay my hands on top of hers and she laced her fingers with mine.

  "Our journey hasn't been easy, Billie." She took a deep breath. "Especially with me upset all the time at first. Then my sister's behavior. But despite all that, my feelings for you only grew. I know you've been scared of me changing my mind…"

  "Not as much now. But I was… I know it's been hard, Mira. Every minute with you has been worth it." I sniffled as my heart thundered in my chest.

  "You know what's been the hardest thing lately?" A soft smile lingered on her lips and the moonlight shimmered in her eyes.

  "No." I stroked her knuckles with my thumbs. "You're making me a little nervous…"

  She chuckled softly, then lifted my hands to kiss them. "The hardest has been our time apart. I love spending the weekends with you. Every Sunday, when you leave, my heart breaks a little. And then, a few days later, we talk on the phone and I hear the sadness in your voice. I know it's hard for you watching Robert and Eleanor become independent adults, Billie. And after you spend the evening with them, then go to bed alone, it breaks your heart."

  I closed my eyes for a moment. "They don't need me like they used to. I'm happy for them. I am. It just leaves me out in the cold, you know?"

  "I do. And Ellie leaves for the dorms in a few weeks." She gave my hands a tug. "You helped them become successful, independent adults, Billie. And now you're like a mom fearing an empty nest."

  "Yeah." I laughed softly at the notion. "A bit."

  "So…" She took a deep breath, biting her bottom lip for a moment. "I know we've only known each other for half a year, but Billie, I would really love if you would move in with me. Robert, Daniel, and Eleanor can keep your apartment and you can move in with me full-time. Would you consider that?"

  To say I didn't expect that wouldn't do it justice. The notion overwhelmed me and I choked on a sob. I wanted to say yes right away, to commit myself to her and spend every night in her bed for the rest of my life.

  It didn't seem right to agree to that, without sharing the rest of my worries.

  "I would love that more than anything." My breath hitched. "I need to talk to you about something before I say yes."

  Mira's brow wrinkled with concern. "About what's been bothering you this week?"

  "Yes." I sniffled and her grip tightened on my hands. I returned the gesture before tugging my phone from my pocket. She watched me as I pulled up the pictures I'd sent to Dax of the FBI recruitment letter and showed her. "On Saturday, when Agent Donovan called me away from Saoirse's party, it was to give me this."

  Mira took my phone, and I watched as her eyes scanned the screen while she read the letter. Her mouth fell open, and she lowered the phone when she was done. "The FBI?"

  "Yeah." I cleared my throat before wiping my face on my sleeves. "I haven't given them an answer yet."

  "What are your reservations?" She set my phone beside us and took my hands again.

  "The Behavioral Analysis Unit deals with serious cases. Sometimes they travel. Donovan said they could put limits on some of the travel, but I just… I need to be close for my siblings and I don't want to lose you because of it." A sob left me and I choked the second one down. "I'll have to go to Quantico for five months, Mira. I just don't think I'm cut out for it. The only reason they're recruiting me is because of that dumb article and how the press portrayed me catching that serial killer."

  "Slow down, honey." Mira cupped my face in her hands, brushing my tears away with her thumbs. "Is this something you want to do?"

  "Leave you and my siblings for training? Quit a job that's secure and local?" I shook my head, choking on the emotions that I couldn't keep a cap on any longer.

  "If you don't want to, then how come you're so upset by it, love?" Mira's soft smile calmed me slightly while she doted on me.

  "I don't know…"

  "I think you do. I think you want to do this, but you're scared of what it will cost you."

  "Yeah." I sniffled and nearly launched myself into her arms. "I want to move in with you. I want to see us get older together. See Robert graduate with his Master's. Watch Eleanor grow up. I want all of it."

  "I hear that, love. But you also want to be an FBI Agent…" She brushed her thumb over my bottom lip and I met her gaze in time to see a tiny tear trickle down over her smiling cheek. "No one says you can't have all of that, Billie."

  "It's not possible to have all of that."

  "It is." She gave me a tug, then unfolded her legs to scoot closer to me. Mira wrapped me in a hug and I buried my face against her neck. "Hear me out?"

  "Okay." I drew in a deep breath, hoping to calm myself down enough to focus.

  "Eleanor moves into the dorms in a few weeks. Robert doesn't graduate for another six months. I've already applied for sabbatical. I just need to choose my time. You go to Quantico, and I'll go with you. I can write my paper from anywhere. The research part is done." She leaned me back to meet her gaze.

  "I think I'll have to live on campus for the most part."

  "I'm sure there are weekends and evenings you can get away. Ask all these questions to Agent Donovan, baby. But if you go, I'm coming with you," she declared, cupping my face in her hands again.

  "I'll be called away so much. I'll miss things in our life. Law enforcement relationships are difficult sometimes. I just don't want you hurting and alone." I choked on a sob while stroking her arms.

  "We will figure it out, honey. This is a chance of a lifetime or otherwise you wouldn't be upset." Mira pressed her forehead against mine. "I'm here to support you and celebrate you, Billie. You deserve happiness and success for yourself."

  I couldn't tolerate talking about it much longer and just shook my head. "Yes, I want to move in with you. I need to talk to Ellie and Robert about it."

  "We can do it together if you like." Mira's steadfast smile soothed me almost as much as her gentle touches.

  "The idea of sleeping next to you every night feels so comforting right now," I said, taking a few deep breaths after.

  Mira urged me to lie down beside her again, and I rested my head on her shoulder. She ran her fingers through my hair, and we watched the stars brighten in the dark sky. She whispered against my ear, "You'll be okay," a few times and I reveled in her doting.

  A band of stars with soft blues and pinks stretched from sky to horizon as the sun's light fully faded. The sight stole my breath and I pointed toward it.

  "What is that?"

  "Our galaxy. It'll get clearer as it gets darker," Mira said, tickling her nails up and down my forearm. "Beautiful, isn't it?"

  "Wow." I nodded, pressing my lips to the exposed skin on her chest. "In all the years I lived in Montana, I don't remember seeing a clear night sky."

&nbs
p; "It's hard to see beauty when you're in pain," she said, meeting my gaze again. "I haven't sat under the stars like this in years. The planetarium is different."

  "It is." I traced her lips before kissing her softly. "I love you, Mira."

  "I love you, too." She smiled and tucked my hair behind my ear. "You make my life beautiful."

  "If I could give you anything in this life, I'm glad it's that." I kissed her again, allowing my lips to linger against hers before declaring, "You've made me want something more out of my life. No one else could've done that. And what I want right now, is you."

  Mira urged me onto my back, capturing me in a heated kiss while pulling the blanket over our heads.

  We made love in the sand, only mildly aware that our friends could return and that we were in public, and our tears mingled like our fears and happiness. I wanted everything with Mira. To live with her, to grow with her, to never let her go. Mira was the first thing I'd wanted for myself, perhaps ever. Maybe wanting opened me up to desire more. It wasn't something that I was used to and not being alone, the prospect of it, offered me a different kind of confidence. It felt like trust. In both myself and in Mira.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  "Why did you become a cop?" Angelina asked me as we combed a recent crime scene. Unlike many of our scenes, this one wasn't waiting for us long. Sweat beaded my brow as I breathed through my mouth to avoid the foul odors. Whatever happened here, didn't happen all that long ago. On the fringes of the city, in a residential neighborhood, family scenes weren't common.

  Whenever a crime scene held difficult content, Angelina and I would talk to distract ourselves, and ask each other questions.

  "At first, it was a practical decision. Something secure I could do right out of school. I could essentially work anywhere with good benefits, adjust the times I worked, while looking after Robert," I said, crouching beside the body of one of the decedents. The contents of her skull spread across a foot of carpet. "I could protect myself and him."